The Abused Anonymous Hub
This is not my usual happy go lucky hub. It about the abused for the abused. You may continue to read at your own risk. This is not entertaining in any way, it may help someone and that is why it is here.
You know me, always wanting to help others.
Lots of Love to you all.
A little girl from a large family goes next door to play house with her friend. There are three siblings there. The oldest and youngest are girls, the middle one is a boy. His parents are not home.
The little girl I will call April, is chosen to be the mother. The boy I will call Larry, plays the father, his older sibling is the babysitter and his younger gets to be the baby.
Mommy and Daddy go to the movies which involves going in the house to watch television, while the other two girls stay outside. He closes the door because they are at the movies. After conditioning April for days into believing that they are playing house the way it is supposed to be played he tells her they are going to make a baby. "Wouldn't you like a real baby, all your own to play with?"
The abuse continues for an undetermined length of time, as she thought it would just be one time and complains, he explains she must let him put all the pieces of the baby together.
It is a long time before he gets caught, but no one knows what he really did, the child is not checked for physical or mental or emotional damage.
Later, when the girl is older her sister marries and becomes pregnant. April knows that she is pregnant herself, she has been waiting, but has no idea how long it takes for the baby to come out. She has never seen a pregnant person, as she is the youngest in her family.
Seeing her sister is getting fat, April tells her. I'm supposed to be fat, I'm pregnant. April now begins to gain weight. The psychological imprint is there, she is pregnant.
Time goes by and her sister brings home a baby. April does not understand, she has been pregnant for years. The baby must have died in there. April morns the baby, hugging her swollen stomach, even as she plays with her nephew. She had wanted the baby. What little girl wouldn't want a real live baby all her own to play with. And no one would tell her what to do because she would be the mommy.
When April is ten and in fifth grade, her father dies, shortly after Thanksgiving. In the New Year, a film is shown to the girls in her class about how babies are made. Her hands clench as she watches the cartoon play out on the screen. No one ever told her this. She has been picked on for being fat, and took it because she knew there was a baby in there. She found out it was dead, mourned for it and she figured she would get that taken out when she grew up. Now she is finding out there is no baby, never was, never could be. She is fat because she thought there was.
Worse yet, visibly shaken, she goes back to her classroom. One of the boys (she did not know there was a film for boys too) Touches her and she jumps. "It's okay," he says, "I know. They showed us a film too. About babies."
Now the real truth is out. Larry knew, he was older and had seen the film, he knew, he was lying!
The girl goes home and tells her mother about the film, "Oh," her mother says, "I didn't know how I was going to tell you, with your father dead, I just didn't know what to say."
"You should have told me," April cries, her eyes filling with tears. She runs to her room screaming "You should have told me a long time ago."
Later in life Larry shows up infrequently whenever he is in town. He goes to the Navy, goes on leave. Finds a girlfriend, probably marries and has children. He is friends with April's brother. She does not know that the discovery was thought to be a case of "You show me yours, I'll show you mine." playing doctor, they used to call that.
When she is sixteen, her best friend sets her up on a date. April is different, she thinks it is because she goes to church and is still a virgin, she tells the guy to make sure April is no longer a virgin by the time she gets home. Now they call it date rape. Back then they called it her fault, she didn't say no hard enough or fight hard enough. April noticed early on that it was the fighting it that he enjoyed. He complained about that. The fact that she stopped fighting.
When they dropped her off her friend told her it was better getting it out of the way, April asked "What out of the way?"
"Your virginity. It always hurts the first time, you'll like it next time." Was the reply.
"He raped me, " April said, "You like that?"
"No, it's just now you can have fun, like me. Since you're not a virgin anymore."
"I wasn't a virgin before!" April said, and slammed the car door.
Later, when she finally asks how her family can be so nice to Larry after what he did when they were kids and they want to know why she is all upset, the story comes tumbling out.
By this time April has married a man her father would not have approved of. When she gave herself to him she prayed she would get pregnant so he would marry her and she would never have to worry about this virginity business again. All of the good guys want a virgin. Who is going to believe a teenage girl if she tells them she was "never a virgin".
This story is true. I am April.
Are we in the Middle of the Road?
Talk about it, report it, Get Help
- National 1-800 Crisis Hotlines
National Crisis Hotline listing on ALL ABOUT COUNSELING.COM Easy to use discussions, information on counseling and social issues, directory of counseling professionals.
Why am I telling You this?
This Hub is for any hubbers who have been abused.
It has come to my attention that my story might help someone else. If this hub helps one person then the writing of it, the walk down memory lane that I usually make for no one, is worth it. You will notice no ads on this hub. It is not for money.
If you wish to leave an anonymous comment, abuses you've suffered that may help someone else in the telling, or you in confessing, the comments section is here for you. Log out, come back and put in a fictitious name. I will not approve any abuse of me, or you. Only those who have been abused may leave their story, not those who just want to intimidate us for being different.
If you need the coping mechanisms I used to get past all of it, or ways to prevent it happening to someone you love, feel free to e-mail me or ask in the comments section. I will answer those requests. I have no need of sympathy, I have had a good life so far.
If you are hurting, sometimes, it is comforting to know someone else is hurting too. I do not need therapy, I have forgiven "Larry" (not his real name). I have forgiven everyone for not knowing the right questions to ask, or the right information to give a little girl, or when it would be appropriate to tell her, preferably before the abuse happens.
Please fell free to shed your burdens here, anonymously. Just because you know it's me, don't be so bold as to set yourselves in the frying pan and light the fire yourself, as I have.
I have written to the powers that be, HubPages, and they have given their permission.
More by this Author
Lying flat on your back,on a freshly cut lawn,on a warm spring day; cloud gazing. Watching as the stratus and cumulus clouds drift slowly across the blue sky...
I have a rule I like to call The Ten Minute Rule. It's about taking ten minutes to make a conscious decision, rather than doing something rash, or reactive.
I am sure that each of us has a memorable teacher. Some we remember because they were the best, and others because they were the worst. I remember them myself. I can still feel the tears welling in my eyes when I think...