The Best Way to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
How does it make you feel when you start comparing yourself to others?
A friend of mine recalls how looking at women magazines made her feel, “I saw all these beautiful women, glamorous, sexy, seemingly having it all...I don’t know how it happened but one day, I just found myself hating them. But even then, I couldn’t seem to keep myself from buying these magazines. It was only later that I found the courage to admit there was a large chunk of myself that longed to have what they had. That I actually felt I was inadequate, that I wasn’t enough.”
A deep and long conversation ensured after that confession. We discovered that as a little girl, she had always been compared to her three sisters and coming out not as beautiful, not as fair skinned, not as confident and the list goes on. And so she compensated by trying to excel in her studies.
Was it enough? Apparently not. Admittedly, there were moments of triumph and feeling good about the self. But there were moments too when the scars of the past are triggered and the pain of being not good enough would arise. The scars are still there years after even with all the medals, ribbons and certificates.
Maybe your story is similar. Maybe it is different. If you find yourself comparing yourself to others in an effort to feel good, you will soon discover this truth:
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
-Max Ehrmann, Desiderata
We have become a society of comparisons. We even teach the proper words to use in our grammar class.
- Good, better, best.
- Bad, worse, worst.
- Big, bigger, biggest.
So what then is the best way to stop comparing yourself to others?
Change Your Thought Patterns
It is clear that our negative thought patterns must be changed. It is important to identify which statements have caused you pain. Travel back in time and recall the unhealthy belief systems you have held about yourself or others have imposed on you. How did the statement made you feel?
Find a quiet place where you will be uninterrupted. Breathe deeply and slowly. Place your hand in your chest where you can feel your heartbeat. Hold in your mind a picture the memory of what happened. Was it when you were a child? If it will help you, get a photo when you were a little girl or boy. Talk to the child in you. Comfort, console, soothe, and reassure the child.
Heal the Painful Memory
Here is a sample to get you started.
I know you have felt that you were not beautiful enough, not good enough. I understand you feel the pain of being compared to others. But know and believe that you are lovable. You are good enough. You are beautiful! You can love and accept and honor who you are. You can enjoy life. You can be happy. You can be whole. I'm sorry. Please forgive me for not believing in you and for not seeing your beauty. I love you. I thank you.
Note: Make this part of your daily routine. Consistency is the key. Do this for a month and you will see that your thought patterns will have changed. Get a calendar and everyday place a check mark every time you have accomplished the task.
Know and believe you are a person in process. Changing your negative patterns into positive ones will prove to be beneficial. Changing the image of yourself will be worthwhile. For what you dwell on is who you will become. Dwell on what is good and beautiful and wonderful.
Ego vs. Self Esteem
Am I lacking in self esteem?
When I always compare myself to others, am I lacking in self esteem?
Eckhart Tolle talks about self esteem: “...deep down inside the shy person or this person who is suffering from this sense of inferiority, there's the desire, the unexpressed desire to be superior.
And inside the person who acts superior who seems to have a big confident ego, is always the hidden fear that he might be inferior. And his whole acting out is to compensate for that hidden fear of being inferior.
True self-esteem goes much deeper. It's finding the source of power and aliveness deep inside...Realizing that within the depth of your being, there is that continuous source of intense aliveness and power, which is the stillness out of which everything comes."
Listen and watch the video as Mr. Eckhart Tolle explains beautifully about self esteem.
Appreciate Yourself Into Sleep
I Give Myself Permission to Celebrate Me
My friend sees me after a few days. She shares that she has shed many tears and is feeling quite vulnerable. "But somehow I feel lighter. I realized that I have never given myself permission to celebrate me."
"Wow, that's an awesome realization! Beautiful!" I hugged her tight.
This is a new belief system that we ought to have. Say these words to yourself daily.
Today I declare unto the world and to you that I will give myself permission to celebrate me! I will rejoice in the little steps I am taking. I look at the face in the mirror and smile. I will feel good! I will rejoice in who I am. I am whole. I am loved. I am valuable. Yes, I am giving myself permission to celebrate the beauty in me. I know that I am imperfect but I know I am enough.
I am enough.
You are as I am.
BY: MICHELLE SIMTOCO
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