The Best Way to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

How does it make you feel when you start comparing yourself to others?

A friend of mine recalls how looking at women magazines made her feel, “I saw all these beautiful women, glamorous, sexy, seemingly having it all...I don’t know how it happened but one day, I just found myself hating them. But even then, I couldn’t seem to keep myself from buying these magazines. It was only later that I found the courage to admit there was a large chunk of myself that longed to have what they had. That I actually felt I was inadequate, that I wasn’t enough.”

A deep and long conversation ensured after that confession. We discovered that as a little girl, she had always been compared to her three sisters and coming out not as beautiful, not as fair skinned, not as confident and the list goes on. And so she compensated by trying to excel in her studies.

Who is more beautiful?
Who is more beautiful? | Source

Was it enough? Apparently not. Admittedly, there were moments of triumph and feeling good about the self. But there were moments too when the scars of the past are triggered and the pain of being not good enough would arise. The scars are still there years after even with all the medals, ribbons and certificates.

Maybe your story is similar. Maybe it is different. If you find yourself comparing yourself to others in an effort to feel good, you will soon discover this truth:

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

-Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

We have become a society of comparisons. We even teach the proper words to use in our grammar class.

  • Good, better, best.
  • Bad, worse, worst.
  • Big, bigger, biggest.

So what then is the best way to stop comparing yourself to others?

Which statement do you often say to yourself?

  • I am not good enough.
  • I am unlovable.
  • I am flawed.
  • I am not capable.
  • I am stupid and dumb.
  • I am worthless.
  • I am bad.
See results without voting

Change Your Thought Patterns

It is clear that our negative thought patterns must be changed. It is important to identify which statements have caused you pain. Travel back in time and recall the unhealthy belief systems you have held about yourself or others have imposed on you. How did the statement made you feel?

Find a quiet place where you will be uninterrupted. Breathe deeply and slowly. Place your hand in your chest where you can feel your heartbeat. Hold in your mind a picture the memory of what happened. Was it when you were a child? If it will help you, get a photo when you were a little girl or boy. Talk to the child in you. Comfort, console, soothe, and reassure the child.

Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design.-Oprah
Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design.-Oprah | Source

Heal the Painful Memory

Here is a sample to get you started.

I know you have felt that you were not beautiful enough, not good enough. I understand you feel the pain of being compared to others. But know and believe that you are lovable. You are good enough. You are beautiful! You can love and accept and honor who you are. You can enjoy life. You can be happy. You can be whole. I'm sorry. Please forgive me for not believing in you and for not seeing your beauty. I love you. I thank you.

Note: Make this part of your daily routine. Consistency is the key. Do this for a month and you will see that your thought patterns will have changed. Get a calendar and everyday place a check mark every time you have accomplished the task.

Know and believe you are a person in process. Changing your negative patterns into positive ones will prove to be beneficial. Changing the image of yourself will be worthwhile. For what you dwell on is who you will become. Dwell on what is good and beautiful and wonderful.

Ego vs. Self Esteem

Am I lacking in self esteem?

When I always compare myself to others, am I lacking in self esteem?

Eckhart Tolle talks about self esteem: “...deep down inside the shy person or this person who is suffering from this sense of inferiority, there's the desire, the unexpressed desire to be superior.

And inside the person who acts superior who seems to have a big confident ego, is always the hidden fear that he might be inferior. And his whole acting out is to compensate for that hidden fear of being inferior.

True self-esteem goes much deeper. It's finding the source of power and aliveness deep inside...Realizing that within the depth of your being, there is that continuous source of intense aliveness and power, which is the stillness out of which everything comes."

Listen and watch the video as Mr. Eckhart Tolle explains beautifully about self esteem.

Appreciate Yourself Into Sleep

I Give Myself Permission to Celebrate Me

My friend sees me after a few days. She shares that she has shed many tears and is feeling quite vulnerable. "But somehow I feel lighter. I realized that I have never given myself permission to celebrate me."

"Wow, that's an awesome realization! Beautiful!" I hugged her tight.

This is a new belief system that we ought to have. Say these words to yourself daily.

Today I declare unto the world and to you that I will give myself permission to celebrate me! I will rejoice in the little steps I am taking. I look at the face in the mirror and smile. I will feel good! I will rejoice in who I am. I am whole. I am loved. I am valuable. Yes, I am giving myself permission to celebrate the beauty in me. I know that I am imperfect but I know I am enough.

I am enough.

You are as I am.

BY: MICHELLE SIMTOCO

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Comments 27 comments

jainismus profile image

jainismus 4 years ago from Pune, India

Well written Hub. It can help those who are suffering from inferiority complex. Voted up.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Thanks jainismus. Blessings :)


wildrosebush profile image

wildrosebush 4 years ago from Kissimmee, Florida

very nice, i'm like you, i love to help people. this is a great hub. I really enjoyed it.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Fantastic! Great message that everyone needs to read and absorb!


thebookmom profile image

thebookmom 4 years ago from Nebraska

Great hub. Really detailed and practical help for a really hard situation women find themselves in. Well done!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

wildrosebush: It's nice to meet a kindred spirit. I am honored to have you visit my hub. Love and light. :)


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

billybuc: Hi Billy! Thanks for dropping by as your passionate spirit is contagious! Loved it :)


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

thebookmom: Hope this could be of help somehow...thank you very much! :)


Maddie Ruud profile image

Maddie Ruud 4 years ago from Oakland, CA

Beautiful Hub, with such an important message for all of us. Thank you for writing it!


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 4 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

Michelle, To think that it's needless suffering to compare to another. We are all unique creations, each with our talents and purpose in this world. Wonderful article that will help others!


KrystalD profile image

KrystalD 4 years ago from Los Angeles

RippleMaker, I am reading books right now on this topic of healing our past in order to change the negative messages on my mind. I know that it is a real but important work in my own life. Your hub was simply beautiful. I am inspired :)


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

As part of my growth process, i'm turning off the stations outside, and started to listen to my heart...this is a great advice for people...


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 4 years ago from San Francisco

The best advice I've read in years is: Never compare your insides to someone else's outsides. Just remembering that there is much more than what meets the eye helps me not compare myself to other people. Why bother comparing when we never have enough info to make a proper comparison?


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 4 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

This was GREAT...but seems no matter what I have done throughout my life...my Mother has never been happy with me.

Long story, but it does go back to her childhood I believe...I take care of her all the time as she is 93 now and has dementia and is in a facility, which I go to, to feed her...Her smiles make me feel better as she no longer speaks and this has now been for 6 years...each day when I return though I feel loved I must admit...:O)

I know the Lord is in charge and I accept the road he has me on, but it seems I may never feel I am good enough.

Sorry didn't mean to rant, 'you just made me do it'...LOL :O) Hugs G-Ma


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Beautiful and Inspiring read. I will share it with some Teens. They always want to be like the celeb in the magazine. :)

Thanks.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

Comparison starts at an early age. Young girls tend to compare themselves more often than boys and this leads to insecurity if they are not coached at home. "To thy ownself be true" is a saying that speaks to us on knowing who we are, accepting our imperfections and face each day with a positive outlook. If we can't love ourselves we will fail to relate to others. Great hub!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Maddie: Thank you for reading this one... blessings!

Violetsun: Marie, I agree. To rejoice in our uniqueness, in our beauty will be a wonderful gift we can give our maker. :)

Krystal, you are not alone. Many of us, including me, have walked this path too...sending you love and light in your healing journey. A big hug...


wba108@yahoo.com profile image

wba108@yahoo.com 4 years ago from upstate, NY

Its really true, as the Bible says,

"As a man thinks in his heart so he is".

We act out the kind of person we believe ourselves to be in our innermost thoughts. God's thoughts about us are always positive, confessing these truths will change us as they become a reality in our lives.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

raciniwa: Turn off the stations outside and listen to one's heart, what a beautiful thing to do! Thank you! :)

Simone: Yes it can be exhausting. But I guess if we feel insecure, we can't seem to help but compare. To get out of this cycle would truly be freeing. :)

G-Ma: I completely understand more than you will ever know. Maybe you will know...after I finish my book. hehe G-Ma, you are more than enough. You are absolutely wonderful and beautiful with such a lovely heart. And it's good to hear from you so 'rant away' anytime. Okay, I don't even consider it ranting...but sharing of yourself..and it is a precious gift one can give to another. Sending you lotsa hugs and kisses. :)


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

LadyE, thank you for intending to share this to the teens...I truly appreciate it. :)

teaches12345, I agree about this starting in the younger years. That is why we take our responsibilities seriously in the preschool that I am in. :0

wba, I smiled when you wrote "God's thoughts about us are always positive" I say yes to that statement!! Amen. :)


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

A very motivational hub, Ripplemaker

Self-esteem is the key to be satisfied in whatever we are at present and to remember that this planet is full of unique people so, we can't be alike and thus, the thought of comparison should not come!

voted up and useful


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

I guess comparisons are inevitable. How we process these comparisons makes a huge impact.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Ruchira, indeed our satisfaction and joy comes from celebrating our uniqueness...truly something we can focus on. Thanks for dropping by. :)

jpcmc, very true :)


mikeq107 4 years ago

You know Michelle ;0)

one of the most attractive things in this world is a smiling person and not just the facial smile...but the smile that comes from the depths of a healed soul and exits though that wonderful face God gifted us with... it does not mater if the person is 85lbs or 300lbs...people are attracted to that smiling soul and it can light a whole forrest ablaze!!!!!!

Boy as I read your wonderful words ...I realized how much of the past I have truly left behind me...at one time actully for a long time I could trully relate to G-ma and so many others...Now if somone cuts me down I know its their crap not mine :))))

Boy its Good to be the King of me..LOL..and loved best of all by the true King from above!!!!! and yes it took a lot of time honesty and pain to get to this place...but it was so worth it!!!!!!! of course I did a lot of kicking and screaming ...anyway you know what I mean LOL!!!!!Boy you are special...I have not read a hub in a long time My dear friend...your good ...dragged this Irish guy out of the forrest!!!!

Until we meet and read again...your nutty Irish Bro!!!!

Micheal:0))) OOOOOO

Ps, Hugs to the flower side Kick!!!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Mike! Your comment made me really smile...I hope this smile is lighting up the whole place :) :) :) LOL Your love for God, your passion for life is very contagious! Smiling with joy and gratitude for your presence in my life!!! And will send hugs and love to the flower side kick, Daisy! Hahahahah so cute of you to coin that term.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

A great hub which I am sure will benefit many readers on here.

Thank you for sharing;and I vote up.

I wish you a great weekend.

Eddy.


silverstararrow profile image

silverstararrow 4 years ago from India

Beautiful and thought provoking. A really interesting read. :)

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