The Ego Diet
My highly specialized and custom diet plan
Now before we begin here you’re not gonna’ get just tips, you’re gonna’ get honesty. Real insight into the mind of someone who is able to be disciplined year in and year out. That sounds egotistical but unfortunately that is part of the plan and that’s part of dealing with old Markie….
1) It is very important to me not to lose a woman or miss the chance to be with a woman because another man is better looking than me. Yeah… that’s a big first opening salvo. It’s full of pride and ego. I’m not saying I’m the best looking guy; I’m saying I’m gonna’ be the best I can look. It annoys me when I hear a girl talking about a good looking guy so I get power from that.
2) I want to be athletic so I can ski if I want, hike if I want, play ball with my kids if I want and be active.
3) I want to be strong as I age. I want my muscles to hold my bones in place. I don’t want to sag (see #1). I don’t want to fall down and break a hip because I’ve let my muscles atrophy. Not gonna’ happen.
4) In case you haven’t already noticed, vanity is a huge part of my diet plan. Notice we haven’t even discussed food yet. It’s because the power of the mind must be harnessed first. And if I’ve mastered anything it’s the art of being vain. Now if you are throwing up at this point that’s to be expected. Please note that throwing up is not a part of my diet plan but I understand the need to rid oneself of the harmful effects of the ego-trip you are currently reading. But I told you it would be an egotistical diet plan. The thing is you MUST want this and it’s hard to be disciplined over your diet just because of health reasons. Think about cigarette smoking; in reality people do live a long time even if they smoke. It’s hard for a 30-year old to worry about how things will be when they are 65. So you have to find something that is a powerful motivator TODAY! And that mirror and the looks you get from guys and gals mean a lot. So sue me. And believe me, no matter how old you are it feels good to be attractive to other people.
5) Any major change that involves denial of the things that makes you happy must be done gradually. It is a lifestyle change not a crash course. But as they say about eating a whale, you have to do it one bite at a time. So let’s crunch some numbers. Basically we all eat three meals a day so that’s 1,095 meals. Let’s assume you eat poorly (meaning every meal is your party) 1,095 times a year. We’re talking not only the fat content but also the portion size. You’re just going for it (not to mention snacks – you’re on your own there but I’d say stop snacking or at least nibble on something healthy to kill the appetite until one of those 1,095 meals comes around). Ok, consider this; make one meal per day a healthy meal. You know, fruit and vegetables (do you realize it took me three times to spell that right?) and water. One meal per day. Then just blow it out for the other two. You just improved your situation by one third. I mean you can do that for starter’s right? One good meal; two bad meals. Do that for a while… however many weeks. The point is you’re easing into it and even if a month or two passes you are already living in your new lifestyle. Just not all the way.
6) Ok, let’s start a new number because it just feels right. Now… what you ought to try to do is throw in a GOOD DAY! Just every now and then. Make it a vegetarian day! Find a great smoothie and juice bar. Eat a big salad. Remember portions of vegetables are not a problem. LOAD UP! Remember, it’s just one day.
7) So, now you’re on the one good meal per day and one good day every now and then lifestyle. If you are like me (but how could you be? I’m the most vain person in the world), ok, if you want to sort of be like me, you’re realizing that you’ve been making an investment. An investment in yourself. It’s like putting one hundred dollars in the bank. It’s not much (maybe it is for some and I hear you). You could blow it all easily. But then you start adding $10 per week or even per month. One day you look up and you like what you see. That account is growing and it’s become important to you. It just sort of happens. It’s gonna’ be the same with your new lifestyle. You’re gonna’ like the results even if they are small. But something else is happening too. Your taste buds are changing AND you are now feeling healthy on your good meal/good day and unhealthy on the other meals that are your old life. You have to trust me on this because it’s true. It will happen. But remember we’re easing into this and we won’t make any sudden moves.
8) I’m gonna’ stop here to discuss something. I understand that our meals can be a sanctuary if your personal life is difficult and nothing is going right. Some food is almost as good as sex and without all the complications. So eating poorly is your drug. And I know that. I’m not a shrink but that is a big problem for many people; so that is why it is important to ease into it. A crash diet is for extremists. You can’t live a life of total denial. If you are sad and miserable AND not able to eat the way you prefer (things that make you feel good) then it won’t work. It just won’t. And I think we all know this. So while you may have problems you still need to try to take care of yourself; because the stress of your problems will be compounded by a poor diet that won’t allow your body to heal itself.
9) Ok… you know where I’m going with this; there will be a day when you take the next step which is to eat TWO good meals per day and one bad meal. You see how that works? You can still have a party but it’s once a day now and not three times a day. And you still have that one good meal day that you throw in there every now and then to see how it feels. At this point I’m hoping your ego is kicking in because you realize that you have taken control of your life and you know that you are in charge. Your emotions have been dealt with a bit in all of this too. You are feeling better about yourself. I think an inferiority complex or lack of self-confidence makes us all give up in a sense and say, “What’s the use?” But don’t think like that. You have to believe in yourself. You have to want that strut in your step. You want people to wonder, “What’s up with her?” Well what’s up is that you have power now. And it is because you tricked yourself slowly over time to change your habits and more importantly, YOUR DESIRES! That is what matters. Your desires are what need re-arranging. But it can’t happen in one day, one week or one month. It has to happen over the course of the rest of your life. If you’re an adult, you, like me, are shocked at how much time has passed. Think about five years ago and where you would be today if you had this information. Well it’s today and five years will be here quicker than another helping of mashed potatoes and gravy.
What do you want to do?
You can probably guess what to do with the diet from here on out. But you also need to move around. Find excuses to walk. You don’t necessarily have to join a gym. Walking in your neighborhood is free and you don’t have to drive anywhere to do it. Walking is considered very good for you. You don’t have to buy into the notion of “no pain no gain.” You aren’t thinking about the Olympics here or being a Super Model. You are talking about being healthy and attractive enough. So you have to help yourself to being in motion every day. But again, ease into it. Look ahead for opportunities to walk around. You have to plan a bit.
You can do this.
Finally and believe me I could say a lot more, but what you have to decide is that you want something that is good for you. You have kids. And a spouse too. They need you. But you have to be there and be healthy. They need to let you do this. I have evolved so far into this that I’m probably not the best person to eat with anymore. I am becoming very picky and uncompromising. I’ve been diagnosed with cancer twice and I’m 56 years old. I’ve never had a weight problem and I think genetics has played a role but I can tell as I age that it’s very difficult to even maintain the same weight year after year. As my mother used to say, “All you have to do is gain one pound per year and in twenty years you’ve gained twenty pounds!” Well, duh you say, but it’s true and I’ve gained those twenty pounds. I weighed around 145 my senior year in high school and I’m at 190 now. OH NO! I’ve gained forty-five pounds! Well, [EGO APPROACHING ALERT] most of that is in the form of muscle with some love handles thrown in for dessert but it has happened. I don’t want any more weight. And I don’t want high cholesterol. And I don’t want cancer again. And I want to turn heads. And my ego is so damn big but thank god for it because for me personally it gives me the power to do what I need to do; and now, it’s no longer what I need to do… it’s what I want to do and that is because my old desires have been removed from my mind.
You can do it!
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