The Fast, Easy, and FREE Ways To Lose Weight

Dieting Does Not Have To Be Tough

(WRITER’S NOTE: normally, I try to set up my stories with a brief explanation as to what or whom my story is about. Not this time. I’m giving my readers credit for being intelligent.--Kenneth Avery)

I hate dieting. And if hard-pressed, threatened, or hooked up to a lie detector, most dieters would agree with me that they also hate dieting. I don’t know of any sane reason why anyone would willfully go on a diet--unless for life or death reasons and a licensed doctor said to diet off some unwanted pounds. Other than this reason, dieting to me is a cruel form of self-punishment and not really enjoyed by anyone truth be told.

Diets and every form of diets has been around since pop-top beer cans. We had the Beverly Hills Diet, The Pickle Only Diet; The Liquid Protein Diet (Oprah made famous), and the bummer of all bummer diets, The Eat Just Popcorn Diet. Rabbits everywhere cheered when this one came onto the scene.

The first diet I went on was in 1979. It was the “All Liquid Diet” that a coworker suggested. The diet was simple. Instead of eating when I got hungry, I was go drink liquids--water, iced tea, or processed water…any liquid that would spurn the hunger pangs. It worked fine for a week. I lost six pounds, and my respect for “that” coworkers was supposed to be on the diet with me, but was secretly eating like there was no tomorrow. She laughed at me when I told her about my success with the “All Liquid Diet” and I never trusted her anymore.

The second, and last diet I can remember was in 1981. I lost over 100 pounds over a year’s time, but I had help. I used Extra Strength Dexatrim with a full glass of water each morning and only eat raw veggies, baked meat and stayed clear of all junk food. My homemade diet worked. But the downside was my nerves were shattered and even today in 2011, I have flash backs from that time in my life when I was prone to making foolish decisions.

To be honest. Some people love to diet. Both men and women. But I have to lean mostly toward women who are more careful about their health and body structure than guys. Let’s be real honest. I admire any woman whose weight is just right--not too much or not too thin. And men, well, I could care less how much or little they weigh. I give the ladies a ton of credit for always taking time to check their scales to see if they have gained weight and to instantly take care of that with a tough workout that will get them back down to their ideal size.

Men are totally different. If a man gains some weight, big deal. He really doesn't spend a lot of time looking into a full-length mirror. And for a man to set foot on a set of scales, well, it would take an act of Congress and a lot of nagging by his wife to get him to weigh. I cannot deny that I am like this as well. I have a set of digital scales in my kitchen. Guess where they are? Next to my refrigerator. I call this a ‘natural paradox.’ I throw my scales a kiss each time I get a soda from my refrigerator.

I could elaborate on and on about diets and dieting, but that’s not what I want to do right now. And if you have read any of my stories, you will see that I am into Self-Help Tips that are FREE to the reader to use at their leisure in order to make them better, or in this case, thinner people. My FREE and EASY dieting tips in this story are unilaterally for men and women alike. This way, no one can accuse me of playing favorites.

The easy way to determine if you need to lose weight is . . .

1. If you have to have help buckling our belt

2. If you have to pay someone to put your shoes on your feet

3. You are the number one customer in your local Men’s Big And Tall Fashion store

4. (to the ladies) if your husband or boyfriend says to you, “There’s just more of you to love”

5. People stand in your shadow to keep out of the sun

6. The sidewalk quakes when you walk

7. When you enter a restaurant the waiter asks, “Table for two?”

8. You wheeze when you walk from one side of the room to the other and require oxygen.


You get my drift. These are for the most part, exaggerated tips to tell if you need to go on a diet or not. You don’t need to spend your hard-earned money to have a college-trained doctor to say, “Mr. (or Ms.) Jones, you’re 55 pounds overweight. Time to diet. That will be $400.00, please.” See? I have already saved you some money. And you haven’t read any of my dieting tips.

Dieting, my way, is easy and sometimes fun. It’s all how you look at it. The main reason most people fail at dieting is that they are suddenly falling into a ‘valley of depression’ at the mere thought of having to say good-bye to their dear friend: FOOD. And that’s a natural reflex. Nothing strange about this, but when we learn to first cope with the initial stage of cutting-back on food or cutting-out some dangerous foods completely, then we can move into the next level of losing weight that will not be as painful. A key piece of information is this: Dieting starts in the mind, not the stomach.

If you are in love with your food, I suggest that you find a low-calorie substitute for the duration of your diet until you reach your goal of weight you want to lose. But do NOT make the mistake of suddenly saying farewell to your delicious food. Example: When dining out, and you have your low-calorie, healthy food substitute, have your waiter to bring you a large chocolate milkshake and just set it on your table. Then you can spend time looking at your friend the chocolate milkshake and it will be like old times except you won’t guzzle it down like a Hoover vacuum cleaner. Psychologically, you will be a stronger dieter with a super-strong willpower if you learn to just spend time with your favorite foods and not totally deny yourself the presence of the foods. A good example I use is a heavy-smoker who wants to quit smoking can reach his or her level of quitting smoking if he or she keeps a full-pack of cigarettes in plain-sight in the house. This is a safety net in case weakness sets in. And the same principle applies to food.

When dining with your husband, or wife, and they eat only half their plate of food and then lovingly say, “Honey, would you be a doll and finish this for me?” Simply be tough as nails, but gentle-spoken and reply, “No, thank you. I am going to reach my ideal weight!” Finishing others’ plates of food was what got you to wearing 3X size clothes to begin with. Food for thought. (Sorry for that pun).

Do not take the sign, “All You Can Eat Buffet” literally. Why not set a new, totally-radical trend of just eating ONE plate of food and in small portions? What is wrong with this? You still get to see the buffet, but you don’t plant your chair next to the serving area as in the old days when the restaurant manager would call the help from the kitchen to see how you earned your nickname, “Mr. Super Gut” One time through the buffet line will be plenty.

Watch birds eat. Honest. Buy some pet parakeets or songbirds and watch them eat. Spend lots of time studying how they can eat such small bites and still be satisfied. It was said of famous movie actress, Audrey Hepburn, that she ate like a bird which explained how she easily-maintained her hourglass figure the year around. Take a valuable lesson from our friends, the birds. They get by with little bites. So can you. But don’t be like a hungry vulture and devour your food. You want to be able to fit into your normal-size underwear, so discipline yourself, harshly if necessary, to only eat small bites. Soon your close friends will be calling you, “Blue Bird,” or “Miss Peacock,” or something else complimentary.

This tip is nothing but pure fun. Before each meal, eat an entire large size Butterfinger candy bar slowly. I promise you that you will NOT eat as much when you sit down at the dining table as you did before. Keep this practice up for a few weeks and watch the pounds melt off of you like hot butter off of a furnace. And the self-gratification of eating a real sweet before a meal is so satisfying that you will want to diet for a long time, but I caution you to use common sense and stop your diet, including eating the Butterfinger, when you lose the required weight.

Or use this old tried-and-true dieting tip that for some reason has slipped through the cracks. Take some fruit-flavored water that has zero calories and sugars, and drink a couple of glassfuls before each meal. Like the Butterfinger principle, you will not eat like Mr. Ed as in the days when you were so overweight that when you walked up to friends in a cafe, one would say, “Drag up a couple of chairs and sit down.” No. You are a winner. A successful dieter who has reached his or her goal and all without the painful self-punishment of regular diets.

Everyday, eat all you want to eat until 2 p.m. then do NOT eat again until breakfast the next day. Most of the weight we gain is from the supper or dinner meal that our bodies has to digest while we sleep. This way, the body is almost finished with its work of digesting the food you have put inside your stomach until 2 p.m. each day and you will see a dramatic weight loss begin to take place in your body size. If you must put anything in your body after 2 p.m., drink water. Or go for a leisurely walk. You will get the satisfaction of eating food, but the benefits of dieting at 2 p.m. each day. I would, as a precaution, tell all my friends that I am on the “2 p.m. Diet,” and cannot go out with them to eat after 2 p.m. for you want to stick to the course and be a slimmer you.

Since we were on birds and how they eat, look at our friends, the horses and how they consume food. They are regular ‘eating machines,’ in how they munch away at oats, hay and grain that is fed to them, but also look at how they exercise along with their hefty meals. Yes, they work like horses--running, pulling, using the muscles that God gave them and it’s no wonder why most horses are in terrific shape. Have you ever seen a fat horse? No. Take a good lesson from the horses if you want to be successful on your weight loss plans and keep the weight off after it’s gone.

Did you know that we can talk ourselves into and out of anything we want or don’t want? I am correct in this assumption. How many times, ladies, have you picked up a dress at your favorite store and suddenly had to debate with yourself to buy the dress or not because the price was too much? Well, try this method the next time you are tempted to eat the foods that are NOT on your diet. Talk to the food out loud. No matter if people are around or not--it’s your body that you are taking care of, not theirs. So say something like, “Hey, apple pie. You look great today and I know that you taste scrumptious, but know this: I am an empowered woman who is stronger, wiser and more intelligent than you or your sweet friends might think. Stay in the bakery section where you belong. I am going home. Nice try, though.” And when you say this out loud, talk about feeling powerful! You might even want to take on a gang of Hell’s Angels, but I jest. Do not do that. Diet and let live can be your motto and you will be thinner and much happier.

You will love this diet tip that I lovingly-call, “Be Good To Yourself First,” and it works like this. Stay disciplined as you diet each week. And I mean do your 110 percent, the “old college try,” win one for the Gipper-type of willpower, but at the end of each week, say on Friday, reward YOURSELF for being so strong. Eat a moderate feast of the foods that you have denied yourself during the week including a favorite sweet, but do not go ‘hog wild,’ just enough to satisfy yourself. The psychological benefits are astronomical. You will feel like you are cheating, but really you are loving yourself for doing such a great job.

That about covers the entire Free and Easy Dieting Tip(s) Spectrum that I am giving you to try the next time you decide that you need to diet. And with these tips, and any magazine diet, consult your doctor before you start down that road to being a “lesser you.”

I just hope that this story has made a believer of a few of you who, until now, has believed that dieting is a dark cloud that is floating over you each day. It’s all in the way you view dieting.

Maybe my dieting tips will give you the body that you are looking for and you will have a great time along the way to finding it.




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Comments 5 comments

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

You are one of the funniest writers I have come across. The scale next to the refrigerator--priceless! Also, have you seriously tried the 2 p.m. diet? What a concept. Great hub! Voted up, funny, and awesome!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

You are too kind to me, Victoria! I am going to read more of your hubs maybe tomorrow, so look for my remarks that will hopefully build you up to higher levels of creativity. Again, I sincerely Thank YOU!


RNMSN profile image

RNMSN 5 years ago from Tucson, Az

my favorite diet was I baked and invite my sons friends over...then everything goes, now though I bake and then watch hubby eat :)

I have to walk really fast to get out of earshot though :) even with food in his mouth his complaints are blistering!! naw, just kiddin :


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

RNMSN, Thank YOU for this great idea. I need to lose a few pounds, but I hate to start a diet this close to the holiday season as it is already Sept. 23, but on Jan. 1, 2012, I will get someone to do this for me. Thanks for YOUR lovely comment.


starstream profile image

starstream 4 years ago from Northern California

I think the best one is the candy bar before dinner plan. Can't say as I have ever tried it. The sun is surly shinning now. Thanks, I voted your hub up.

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