The Hardest Thing I've Ever Had to Do
Read Psalm 91
The hardest thing that I ever had to do was to wait on my second miscarriage. Although I have had a miscarriage before, this time was different because my husband and I knew that it was going to happen.
I remember this event in our lives very clearly . We were at church one Sunday morning when I began to have some spotting. An usher had assisted me in getting my husband and family, and he helped me get into the car when my husband drove up.
When we returned home I called the doctor who told me to come in to his office the next day for an ultrasound.
My husband accompanied me to the office and was with me during the ultrasound. When the ultrasound technician left the room to consult with the doctor, I knew something was wrong. I remember looking at my husband and all I could do was shake my head and mouth "Why?".
The doctor came in the room and informed us that they were unable to detect a heart beat and suggested a D&C. Without even discussing it, my husband said no because of our beliefs and convictions. I agreed. Although we both knew in the backs of our minds that the baby was no longer alive, we still had hope and wanted to give this precious baby every last chance he or she had. We also didn't want to feel as if we were just giving up.
The doctor sent me home with instructions to go to the emergency room if and when my symptoms worsened.
The next evening I began cramping and bleeding more so I called the doctor and proceeded to go to the emergency room where I lost our baby.
As the doctor was examining me, I prayed. I prayed for strength. I read and re-read Psalm 91. I held on to those verses during this whole ordeal while praying not only for strength but for healing.
The doctor kept saying that I was doing very good as if it were by my own strength but I knew that it wasn't and I even told the doctor this. I knew that God was with me, holding me, and giving me not only the physical strength, but the mental and spiritual strength as well.
After the doctor had finished examining me and I had been cleaned up, I was sent home to recover. I would like to say that I recovered very quickly and in some ways, I believe that I did. But, I could not have recovered like I did if it were not for God being with me every step of the way.
I held on to the fact that these things happen for reasons that cannot always be explained or understood. These things happen for the greater glory of God. Maybe telling my story will be of help or encouragement to a woman who has, is, or will go through this very thing.
The hardest thing that I ever had to do was to stand up for my beliefs and convictions even if that meant waiting in pain and anguish.
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