The Loss of a Child. Losing a Baby.

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I am hoping that this story about the loss of my child, specifically losing a baby, can help others know that they are not alone if they have had a loss as well. My child was born prematurely when I was just 25 weeks pregnant. My water broke and I went to the hospital where I stayed for 1 week while the doctors tried to delay the birth of my son. Unfortunately nothing worked and through emergency c-section my baby boy Cole Matthew was born weighing just 1 lb 10 oz. Through two weeks of a rollercoaster ride of emotions my husband and I worried, watched, and held this tiny tiny angel. In the end his lungs just were not mature enough to handle life and he passed away at 2 weeks old.

We held a memorial and grave side service for our baby. Although the thought of this earlier on had horrified me it turned out that in the end it was an important part of the grieving process. The outpouring of support engulfed me like a giant bear hug - strong but gentle. Once the service was over and I had the weeks at home to recover from the emergency c- section and loss of the baby, the cards and flowers continued to meet me at the door everyday and I looked forward to the mailman arriving. Eventually the hard part came - moving on with life as normal. The cards and letters slowed down and eventually stopped and I returned to work. I remember trying to put everyone at ease that looked at me with sadness and pity. I put on a strong brave front and jumped back into my life only looking back occasionally.

Ten years and two healthy boys later, I know that that wasn't the best thing to do. I should not have been afraid to grieve longer and to let the feelings be there and pass in their own time. Instead I pushed them away, never letting myself complete the grieving process. My advice to anyone who has recently been through a tragedy such as this is to let yourself feel the sadness, the loss and that it is ok and will be ok. Whether you felt your baby inside you for just a short time or lost your child after they were born try to be thankful for any amount of time you had with your baby. Seek help with a support group in your area, write a journal. Talking and writing about how you are feeling is one type of medicine that you will need to get through this and as with any loss only time will really heal you. Don't be afraid to admit to depression that may come from your loss, both hormonal and emotional. I found that counseling and taking medication if needed, is all part of an important healing process.

Another way to help with the healing process is to create a meaningful keepsake of some sort, such as a piece of jewelry, a picture, or tattoo. Something to remember your baby by. Although I know the memory of my baby willl always be inside me, it was important to me to have a meaningful reminder too. I have a picture, the baby's father has a tattoo. We also visit the baby's grave every year to pay tribute to his memory. Our two sons know that they have a special brother up in heaven that serves as their angel looking out for them from above.

I hope this story has helped in some way. Although stories may differ the feelings that one experiences through a tragedy such as this are the same. I found that it was easier to make it through with the knowledge that others had been through similar situations, I wasn't alone, and I found comfort in telling my story to others. Thanks for listening... If you have been through a similar situation please share the story of your angel in the comment section.

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Comments 15 comments

Esmeowl12 profile image

Esmeowl12 5 years ago from Sevierville, TN

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. I know that this will help someone in the same situation. God bless you.


britbilbo profile image

britbilbo 5 years ago from Moultrie, GA

I, too, delayed grief--mine was over the death of my father. I acted out and rebelled and was so angry with God. 15 years later I had to deal with all of those feelings plus the newly acquired baggage obtained during the years of rebellion. It took a lot longer to get through it than it would have if I had taken the time to mourn. I really enjoyed this hub. Thanks for sharing. :)


Keeley Shea profile image

Keeley Shea 5 years ago from Norwich, CT Author

Thank you for commenting on my hub and for sharing the obstacles with your grief. This was a tough hub to write but I am so glad I did. I too was very angry with God at the time, now I have faith again and am able to put a different perspective on it but the loss will always be there. My hope is that things are better for you now. Thanks again!


Charlotte B Plum profile image

Charlotte B Plum 5 years ago

Thank you for writing this, and for being so honest too. I'm sorry this happened to you. You are really strong, and I am sure this brings comfort and hope to many out there who have lost a child.


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 5 years ago from Texas

I too lost a child the one and only time I was able to get pregnant. It was a difficult time, but the time I spent with morning sickness most of the day was some of the happiest. I was thrilled to finally be pregnant after 13 years of marriage. That was 18 years ago, but I can still be sad, but I allowed myself to grieve. Great hub!


Keeley Shea profile image

Keeley Shea 5 years ago from Norwich, CT Author

Dear homesteadbound,

Thank you for sharing your story. I will always wonder why things happen but take comfort in the faith that things happen for a reason. It is definitely ok to be sad, in fact it is best to allow yourself to feel this. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you again for telling your story.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 5 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee

Keely,

I believe that your advice could very easily work for any kind of emotional trauma and too often our feelings are pushed aside as we tend to think of them as a weakness, when they are actually a strength.

It is especially true with men whom have a difficult time even recognizing their emotions and when they do often do not let them out!

My heart wants to give you a hug for having the courage to write about a sensitive subject and I hope more people will read this article.

If you give me permission I will link it to a hub of mine that I contemplating writing (getting the courage up) about holding on to resentment and not learning from and recognizing our emotional mistakes!

Well done, bravo!


Keeley Shea profile image

Keeley Shea 5 years ago from Norwich, CT Author

Somethgblue - Thank you so much for your very nice, very thoughtful comment. Please do link to my hub. I am honored that you even asked. I look forward to reading your article!


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 4 years ago from hub

I understand that anyone who has lost a child...never gets over the loss of that special loved one. It is nice that we have the faith to be re-united with them once and forever again:) So sorry for your loss, I am sure this writing will help relate to others who have grief and sorrow in their hearts. Many Blessings To You and Your Boys!


TajmaHill profile image

TajmaHill 4 years ago from Schwenksville, PA

Keeley, I am sorry for your loss and I am able to empathize your sentiments about the loss of an infant, the healing process, and the faith-based hope!

I too loss my son at 24 weeks, after being on bedrest for 2 months. Same as your story, tried lung-enhancement steroids (not my first choice, but opted into it out of desperation), tried everything else, and after a c-section, I too had to have a private family memorial service for my son, Shakir.

I am a new hubber, and I just recently posted a similar hub about this experience (Childless Mothers: The Grief and Bereavement from Child Loss). I posted it because this is a topic very dear to my heart, and because back in 1995, I felt all alone. I wish I had sincere and helpful articles like yours to let me know that I WAS NOT alone; this would have possibly aided me in my healing process. It would have been much smoother, more productive and even faster.

I hope this article has and will continue to help other women heal.

I have to commend you on the raw honesty, and usefulness of your article on such a sensitive, and overlooked topic. Definately voted up!! I also look forward to reading some of your other hubs. God bless :)


unitify profile image

unitify 4 years ago from San Antonio, Texas

God Bless You


leahlefler profile image

leahlefler 4 years ago from Western New York

Oh, Keeley, I can't imagine the pain of losing your precious son. I recently had a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks pregnancy. It is sad, but I can't imagine your grief at losing your beautiful son at 25 weeks. I am glad his memory lives on and your other boys have an angel brother to watch over them.


Keeley Shea profile image

Keeley Shea 4 years ago from Norwich, CT Author

Thank you leahlefler for your kind words. We love it that we have an angel brother watching over us. :)


KoraleeP profile image

KoraleeP 3 years ago from Vernon British Columbia Canada

Thanks so much for sharing your personal story, and offering advice for others on how to cope with the tragedy and loss of losing a baby. In October of 2012 our family lost my grandson at 14 months old.


Keeley Shea profile image

Keeley Shea 3 years ago from Norwich, CT Author

I am so sorry for your loss. It is a very difficult thing to go through. The bond must have been even stronger after having 14 months to get to know him.

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