Daughters Memories Of Mom

My Mother

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My Mom Had A Tough Life

©LaDena Campbell aka justateacher 2012

My mother was born in 1946 to parents who thought they were done having children. They were in their upper 40's and had five children before her. A daughter had died at the age of two from a fever and a son had become mentally challenged from the same fever. There were four boys, two of whom were old enough to have children of their own. Then there was the one with mental challenges who was eighteen years older than Mom was. The youngest boy, Jerry Wayne, was four years older than Mom.

Hope To Heck There Ain't No More!

My mom was a surprise for her parents. Surprise enough that when she was born, her father said, when asked what to name her, said "Joy Hope - Joy that she was a girl and Hope to heck there ain't no more!" (Luckily, her mother, my grandmother, won the fight of the middle name, which became Alice.)

The Beginnings

My mother and her brothers had a decent childhood to a point. They were farmers and made a farmer's living. They had enough to eat and decent clothes to wear to school. And had two parents who loved them and doted over them. Mom's oldest brothers joined the military when they were 18 and joined World War II. They were an all-American family.

Times Get Tough

Then, when Mom was six, her wonderful father passed away. He had been out in the fields doing what needed to be done and had a heart attack. He was in his mid fifties. When he died there was still a cotton crop in the fields, and it was left up to my grandmother to find a way to get it harvested. She finally hired some local men with what was left in her savings and they harvested it.

The money that she got from the crop was not enough for my grandmother to feel that she was able to care for her children. She placed the oldest one at home in a facility for the mentally ill, and sent my mother and Jerry Wayne to live with her sister and brother-in-law. My grandmother felt this was a good choice because they were quite wealthy compared to her and she thought that her precious children would be better off living with them.
From outward appearances, things were good for the two youngsters. They had new clothes, plenty of food and an aunt and uncle who loved them as if they were their own children. But appearances can be deceiving, and in this case they were.

From the time my mother moved in with them until she moved out five years later, my mother was molested by her uncle. When she tried to tell other adults about it, they accused her of lying. They assumed that she was making things up so that she would be sent back home to her mother. They did not know the very real horror that she was living through. She always said that if the same thing ever happened to her kids or grandkids... She would kill the SOB that did it... And that's putting it nicely! She also said that she would put the victim's word above anyone else's... She didn't like it that she wasn't believed and didn't want anyone else to have to live through that..

The Move to Kansas

he abuse only ended when her mother decided that it was time for them to move to Kansas. The oldest son was now living there with his family and had asked his mom to bring his youngest brother and sister to live with him. He had converted the garage out back of his home into a small apartment that was big enough for the three of them. My grandmother worked odd jobs, doing other people's laundry and babysitting, and some sewing. This brought in enough money to provide for her two children, and when times were tougher, her oldest son helped out.

They lived in that small apartment for years. Jerry Wayne turned 18 and joined the Army. He was sent to Vietnam almost immediately. He served four tours there and went through some pretty awful times. Some of the horror stories he told were just plain awful.

In between his second and third tours, Jerry Wayne came back home. He met another military man, also named Jerry Wayne. They found they had a lot in common and became fast friends. They did everything together for many months, their favorite thing was to work on their cars. During one of the times they were working on my uncle's car, my mother walked out. With her attitude and good looks, the other Jerry Wayne fell for her...hard. When my mother turned sixteen, they were married.

Mom and Dad Get Married

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The Adventures Begin

My mother was kicked out of school when she got married. The principal told her that because she was married she would be a bad influence on the other girls at the school. That was okay with my mother, and she settled down to become the wife that everyone expected her to be. Or at least, that was what she tried to do.

My dad loved adventure. He never wanted to stay in one place for very long. He was always on the lookout for the next big thing. He was a mechanic, a welder, a truck driver...and more...He would work for a few months, a year...and then he would get bored and hear of another, more exciting job somewhere across the country. My mom lovingly followed him everywhere he went.

My dad also loved smoking. He had started when he was a boy and by the time he met my mother he was a two pack a day smoker. He encouraged my mom to start smoking, as well. She smoked nearly as much as my dad.

My oldest sister was born when they had been married for a little more than two years. I was born a year later and in the next seven years, four more children were born. Three of them passed away as babies due to a genetic brain disorder. We ended up being a family of five - mom, dad, and three little girls. We girls loved traveling around the country. We thought we had a great life.

Cancer

In 1975 my father found out he had non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. He was 35 years old. I was eight. My mother was only 28. Too young to have three young girls and a critically ill husband.

We moved back to Kansas to be around my dad's family. My dad bought his first home. He wanted to make sure "his girls" would be okay after he passed. He also furnished the home and bought a good used car for my mom. He worked as a truck driver during this time. My mom went to work in one of the airplane plants to make extra money and to get the insurance for my dad.

We lost my dad in May of 1977. He was 37. Mom was 30.

Mom On Her Own

My mom had never been on her own. She married my dad at 16. Now she was on her own with three young girls. She didn't know how to handle it. She had just lost her one true love after taking care of him and watching him slowly die. She had to take care of us and try to keep our spirits up while we watched our father die. She lost it for awhile. We didn't see her to much that summer...she began to drink to forget. Her smoking increased from that one and a half packs per day to two or three packs a day.

After a while, she tried to do better. She thought that if we left Kansas it might be easier for her to deal with things. A friend from her childhood had moved to Florida. He told us that we could stay with him for a little while. So off to Florida we flew. I honestly don't remember much about the trip except that the band Van Halen was on the plane with us for the first leg of the trip. We got autographs and bumper stickers and even sat close to them for a little bit. Too bad that back then I didn't really know who they were and later threw away all of those autographs...

We stayed in Florida for about three or four months. I loved it there. It was beautiful. My mom was back to being herself again. She took walks with us, and sunbathed with us, and took us swimming. We went on a drive to see the ocean and I was surprised to see how huge the ships were...Things were good.

Mom worked as a waitress while we were in Florida. She wasn't making enough money so that we could live on our own. Her friend was helping us, and he didn't mind us living with him. He was a truck driver and was gone a lot, so we had it pretty good.

Until he was pulled over by the police. He had an outstanding warrant for his arrest because he failed to pay child support to his ex-wife.They had to take him back to Kansas to face the charges. We were left alone in the house and soon didn't have the money to stay. Somehow my mom got the money to get us back to Kansas. We were going back to the house my dad had bought for us.


My grandparents - my dads parents - had other ideas. While we were gone they had sold the house. My grandfather's name had somehow been attached to the house deed and they had decided that my mom didn't deserve the house. They didn't think about us girls - we were now homeless, too. They sold the house for more than three times what we had bought it for. We never did see any of the money from that sale...

That put my mom back in the same place she was in before we went to Florida. She was waitressing at a bar and went back to drinking. She got in with a rough crowd. We lived with some of her friends until we eventually got a place of our own. The first place was fairly nice. Plenty of bedrooms, big kitchen, big yard. Decent rent. Then the bank next door bought the property and we were looking for another place.

The next place wasn't so nice. It was a small trailer house...about the size of a large RV. It was one of the dirtiest places I had ever seen. Filled with mice and roaches...it was disgusting. We stayed there for a little bit, til we found a cleaner trailer in another small town. It kept going like this for a few years. Moving from one dump to the next. First, my older sister got married and moved out (she was also 16 when she got married.) Then I got married and moved out. It was just mom and my little sister for a few years. I am sad to say I wasn't around much during the next few years. I know my little sister went through a lot in those few years.

Mom and Ron

hen mom met Ron. Ron had three kids too...two boys and a girl. They met at a bar. Both drank way too much then. But when they met, they both stopped drinking...I don't think they drank anything at all after they met. The soon got married, and I inherited two brothers and a sister.

My mom and Ron had a good life together. Mom put herself through school and became a nurse. Ron had many jobs and then put himself through school and became a HVAC specialist. They bought some land from a friend my mom took care of. The put a double wide mobile home on it and took care of the original friend, plus her mother and Ron's mother. My uncle Jerry Wayne moved in to help care for everyone, but soon Mom was taking care of him, too.

For the next many years things were good. Grandbabies came for Mom and Ron. Things were just good. Of course, with my mother's luck, things didn't stay that way...

Ron found out he had cancer after they had been married many years. It was throat cancer. I was scared...we had all grown to love Ron and didn't want to lose him. But I also didn't want my mom to spiral down into the place she was before. One surgeon told Ron that they would have to cut away the tumor and also part of his neck...then sew his shoulder to his neck to grow some extra skin. Then cut things away and do plastic surgery to make things look decent again. Luckily, another surgeon told him not to do that. This doctor said to just take chemotherapy and radiation treatments and see how they went and then go from there. Ron listened to the second doctor, and it is now seven years later and things are fine. He never did have to have surgery.

Mom struggled through this, of course. She had already lost one husband to cancer and wasn't going to lose another one. I think it was her determination, along with Ron's, that helped him survive. In the middle of this, my grandmother passed away..She was old...99 years old...and was just ready to go, so she did. Like I said, Mom struggled. But she never did go to that deep dark place again.

She Never Gave Up Smoking

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Mom and COPD

All of this put extra stress on Mom and it caused her smoke even more than she ever had before. She would light another cigarette as soon as the one before was put out. It was starting to put a toll on her body. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored. She developed asthma. She had chronic bronchitis...she was finally diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder, COPD. She also had a pain in her lower abdomen. She went to doctor after doctor after doctor to find out what was going on. No one could tell her. Some doctors even told her it was all in her head. This drove my mom crazy and she began to lose trust in doctors. That caused her to stop going to the doctors. Which caused her health to get worse and worse.

Mom passed away July 20, 2010....It was the hardest time in my life...since I am a teacher, I had the summer off and was at her house daily taking care of her. Watching her die. Watching one day where she was laughing and telling stories of when she was growing up...playing with the kids, grandkids and great grandkids...having a "normal" day...and the next day not even able to sit up in bed...not even able to open her eyes...but still asking for a cigarette....

Smoking caused my mother's death. A few months later, it also took Jerry Wayne. Ron has COPD and is getting worse by the day.

Smoking is an addiction that is as bad as addictions to stronger drugs...maybe even worse in some ways because it is acceptable...I wish my mom had never started smoking...I wish that she would have quit on any one of the hundreds of times she tried and didn't...

I wish she was still here....she had just retired...Ron was going to retire soon...they had some money so that they could live decently and not have to stretch the money too far...but she isn't.

I miss her...I don't smoke...I smoked one or two cigarettes as a teenager...thought it made me cool.

Smoking doesn't make you cool....it makes you dead...don't start...if you smoke - quit...think about the family you WILL leave behind...

Rest in peace, Mom....you can finally relax...

UPDATE

Things got worse again...in 2013 my stepfather - the man I had come to know as my father - was caught molesting my daughter and my nieces. There was a trial in 2014 and he was convicted and sentenced to three years in federal prison. This is something that no one in our family wanted to believe and even I would have had trouble believing if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Of course, this has torn our family apart...i don't know that we will ever be the same...I am so glad my mom was gone and did not have to live through this.....

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Comments 27 comments

Francesca27 profile image

Francesca27 5 years ago from Hub Page

Very heartwarming story. I lost my mother in Feb. 2011.


lydocia profile image

lydocia 5 years ago from Belgium

Heartwarming story, and I love how you can take the miserable facts and turn them into good advice for everyone to read. It makes me wonder, it challenges me to do the same: stay positive and learn from others' mistakes.


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

francesca27 thanks for the kind comments - sorry about the loss of your mother. It's been the hardest thing I have had to go through..You always expect your mom to be there..

lydocia - growing up the way I did, we had to stay positive...it was what kept us going...I am glad that I could learn from the mistakes my mother made and hope that I raised my children a little better because of it...and she was the best grandmother that my children could ever have had...thanks for your comments!


seicheprey profile image

seicheprey 5 years ago

Well done, thanks for writing it.


jami l. pereira 5 years ago

A beautifully written, poignantly heartwrenching and extremely sad story , but you wrote it with such poise and grace , your mom would be soo proud of you! I voted up ,awesome,and beautiful , because it is . Thank you for sharing.


pedrn44 profile image

pedrn44 5 years ago from New Berlin Wisconsin

very heartwarming story. You seem to remember the details so clearly...as if they have been etched in your mind and in your heart. I hate to think about losing my Mom...dread the day. Thanks for sharing these memories, all the ups and downs. You are a good writer,justateacher:)


Nelly A. profile image

Nelly A. 5 years ago

Truly heartwarming. I know you shed a tear as you wrote this. Thank you for sharing.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

....I am so sorry for you precious loss my friend - my mum was my best friend you know as was my dad - I was lucky to have two best friends in one family and being the only child had a lot to do with it - I just discovered you at the divine Jami's hub and so glad to meet you because even though the circumstances and memories are tough when putting together this hub (I would imagine) you are just one heck of a writer !!!!!

lake erie time 4:09am ontario canada


sonia05 profile image

sonia05 5 years ago from india

Justateacher, I must say I am quite moved by your hub. Its a very touching and heart wrenching hub. Mothers are precious beings and although it is impossible, I feel that they should not die. Dying due to smoking is sad for smoking is a terrible habbit,easy to acquire but very difficult to quit. Your mother's journey of life has been written beautifully and speaks of your love for her.

Thank you for sharing.


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. My mom wasn't perfect but she was the best for us! It was hard to write this, but it helped to put things down on paper.


Sneha Sunny profile image

Sneha Sunny 5 years ago from India

It's a very touching story.... Your mom really had a hard life.... Cigarette is killing thousands of people every year. I believe it is one of those things which should be banned forever..!!


missingyou profile image

missingyou 5 years ago from Canada

This story is so well written. That is a lot of history to tell and you didn't skip over anything, but it was so easy to follow and really interesting. And of course it was sad in many places, but so hopefull too, and even fun much of the time despite many obstacles. I am so sorry you lost your mom so young. Your story is a good warning to people who still smoke. Smokers just need to keep hearing this over and over and over again until it finally sinks in and they quit or die. Your story should have a higher profile so it can be read by many more people, are you getting it out there? I hope you are because the way you have presented it, this is one of the best stop smoking articles I've read, ever.


Leaderofmany profile image

Leaderofmany 5 years ago from Back Home in Indiana

I am touched by this story in so many ways. I know what picking up that cigarette can do..


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

It is a horrible habit that starts out so innocently...and takes too long to break...


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

I lost my mom in June 2010 so I know your loss and am sorry for it. I still think of Mom ever day, sometimes all day. I have COPD that I got from an allergic reaction to Endless Summer tanning lotion so I know the scariness of that but I am managing to handle it without medications that cause so many horrible side effects but it is horrible never knowing when the least thing like people burning trash or loud perfume can make you feel like suffocating to death. I know she must have suffered horribly and this government should outlaw cigarettes! But they are getting rich from it...too bad we all aren't. Thanks for sharing.


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

I think it is too late to outlaw cigarettes. Too many people are too addicted, and as you said, the government is profiting from them. My sisters and brothers still smoke after watching not only my mother, but our grandparents and an uncle all die from COPD - and my brother-in-law is having heart and lung problems due to cigarettes, as well, and refuses to quit. When it was still early enough in my mom's illness for her to quit and have some benefit, her response was "the only pleasure's I have any more are cigarettes and Pepsi" and she had both 'til her dying day. (She was buried with a pack of cigarettes and a Pepsi...just in case she needed them...it was one of her final wishes...)


Gail Meyers profile image

Gail Meyers 5 years ago from United States

I enjoyed reading your hub. I'm sorry for your loss. My mother died of lung cancer, too.


hush4444 profile image

hush4444 5 years ago from Hawaii

This is such a moving and powerful hub. Your mom sounds like a very strong and resourceful woman. Thank you so much for sharing your story.


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

She was a very strong woman...it took me years to notice how strong and resourceful she really was..especially when things got particularly stressful...I think it took me being a parent to really understand how hard it was for her...and she came through it with tremendous lessons for her children...


Scott Solt profile image

Scott Solt 5 years ago from California

My Various friend which are used to smoke. I will tell that story which is very painfull.i think that story relize them how painfull to used smoke. And how it affects your generation.


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

Scott - that is the one thing that I think people forget about when they choose to smoke - they forget that however it affects the smoker, it also affects those who love the smoker...


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

My prayers to you and her memories Justateacher..


justateacher profile image

justateacher 4 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

Frank - sorry it took me this long to comment back to you -thank you for your prayers! And I do have some great memories!


alwaysamber 3 years ago

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it must feel. my mother has COPD and has been a smoker since a very young age. I have begged her to quit, but she never has and honestly, I don't think that she ever will. my father was a smoker for over 30 years and smoked about 3 packs a day. He eventually quit and hasn't picked up a cigarette in over 15 years. I am thankful that I never picked up the habit.


justateacher profile image

justateacher 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

Alwaysamber..thanks for reading...I'm glad I didn't pick up the habit either....it's horrible and addictive...


KevinC9998 profile image

KevinC9998 3 years ago

Justateacher, "Wow". I wanted to leave this one word comment since it sums it up nicely however the "comments" require you leave more than that. Therefore, nicely done and I am sorry for your loss. Hopefully others will learn about the mistakes of cigarette snoking as we have. Voted Up and Awesome. Thank you, Kevin


justateacher profile image

justateacher 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... Author

Kevin..thanks for reading...I hope people learn that smoking can and will die from smoking...

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