The Myth of Beauty

Source

I wanted to write this because I was inspired by an article I read today about an 18 year old girl who posted a picture of herself with no makeup and her bangs pinned back on her tumblr page. This girl has a disease called Pfeiffer syndrome which deforms the facial features. She was brave enough to post this photo of herself showing her natural self without the bangs that covered her forehead deformity. This is the screengrab of the post.

She received over a thousand messages in her inbox, tens of thousands of reblogs, and countless new followers the next morning. She was called an inspiration. People loved how she came out showing who she really is.

She is a beautiful and brave young woman.

I got inspired. This made me think about how society is. We are told what it is to be beautiful. Supermodels and celebrities are considered something to be looked upon as what "beautiful" is. This always disturbed me ever since I was a little girl. I strived to be what society calls beautiful. I have done countless crazy diets, obsessive exercising, diet pills, hair extensions, makeup, hair dyeing, and buying the clothes that are form fitting and stylish. It has been a struggle to be that type of beautiful. I know I get compliments on my photo, but let me tell you that was done at a good angle, with good makeup that day and was photo enhanced a little. It doesn't show my imperfections - and there are many just as we all have.

I've had an obsession with beauty since I was young. I did the whole "girl dream" thing. I wanted to be a model, but because of fear I never tried. I always had something to criticize about myself.

In my twenties I was really into looking good all the time, sometimes though circumstances got in the way. I then started wondering why. Why did I feel my value was based so much on being pretty? I knew I was smart and talented too, but that seemed like a huge priority to me. I was also obsessed with love and relationships and had a few long term relationships that didn't work out and made me question myself and my beauty as a person due to the mental abuse of those I dated who said nasty things to make me feel less than beautiful.

My weight has shifted up and down over the years by about 20 lbs here and there depending on how I felt in my life. That doesn't seem like much and I was never really overweight, but since I was around such materialistic and narcissistic people it mattered a lot to them and they let me know to again make me feel less than perfect. In their minds everyone has to have a perfectly toned body all the time. Which, unless you are working out all the time and on a crazy diet you can't be. I had a normal body.

Being a pretty girl, you sometimes attract the lowest of the low guys when you are young and not smart enough to know better. And if you don't know about people like that then they think they can take advantage of you. That is where I think the curse of beauty comes in. You start feeling like you're a piece of meat. And if you aren't "perfect" all the time, they let you know it. I gained five pounds and a guy I was dating told me "take care of it before it becomes a problem" and some real jerks I met like a photographer / artist who tried to sleep with every young attractive girl in her twenties (he being in his late forties) thought he could tell me I should get this and that done. I was compared to other women which drove me crazy too. I started getting very angry inside. I asked myself who do these "players" think they are? It's funny because that same guy said that when women turn 30 they become "ball busters". I think we just get smarter and men like that can't handle a smart woman.

I always saw myself as attractive and cared about myself and these people I seemed to be attracting were breaking down my spirit. The funny thing was that these people were nothing close to perfect themselves. My self esteem started lowering and I started feeling worse about parts of myself. It became a struggle to like myself. Mental abuse can be a really nasty thing to heal. And then I let go of all those negative thoughts that came with what other people had to say and that was when I set myself free.

I slowly learned how to take care of me and not pay attention to what others thought. I also stopped looking to relationships to make me feel better. Because, in the long run, most of them disappointed me. My first serious boyfriend at 17, I thought I was going to marry. That didn't happen. Neither did the one after that, or the one after that. Being such a romantic at heart, all of those relationships started to break down my romantic spirit.

Now, I am 31 and getting older brought a lot of other new problems to me. It also has brought a lot of strength to me and wisdom. I am still learning though. I don't know if I have found the right guy to start a family with or have accepted everything about myself yet. Getting older is also tough on women with the stigma attached to "losing their beauty" as they get older. I don't know about that one though. I believe that beauty really is in the mind. I am really loving that idea. It doesn't matter if you are tall, short, thin, overweight, or disabled. I know that when I make my day beautiful each day, I feel more beautiful.

And in the love department...

To find someone to love who can see your insides - your soul and think of you as the most beautiful woman on earth is what I am striving for. To have someone that even though we are both eighty to still see each other as beautiful as when we were young. That would be a perfect relationship to me. I've had it with the smooth talkers, the cheaters, the abusers, the liars and the losers. There are too many of them out there and I have learned to train myself well to see through them and keep at a distance no matter how physically attractive or persuasive they can be. That was a lesson in itself. A very good lesson. In that way, I am thankful none of those relationships worked out. I see it as weeding out of the bad ones, and waiting for the best to come.

I think everyone of us should love ourselves that much to give ourselves that.

This is a comment of the article page that I loved and thought I would share with you. I think it's beautiful.

josmiles6 FansBecome a fan16 minutes ago (12:01 PM)My children were born with facial anomalies... they are each gorgeous people. When they were babies I wrote the following poem for them. It's called Perfect Beauty

The great Sphinx of Egypt has,
Over the years,
Lost her nose.
Venus DiMilo has no arms
And the Liberty Bell Sports a big, wide crack.
Yet, each of these is a thing of beauty,
A symbol of perfection.
So it may be that, as it seems,
We do not look a perfection to see beauty,
But rather, we look at beauty,
And thereby see perfection.

Comments 21 comments

cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

There is nothing more beautiful than a intelligent,strong, woman who understands life and it's imperfections,and how to deal with them. I must admit it now that I would marry you for your mind. Because I know that you are a beautiful Human Being. thanks for sharing.

With much RESPECT and Love.

Michael


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven Author

Thanks Michael for your constant support. You're a great inspiration and friend.


SubRon7 profile image

SubRon7 4 years ago from eastern North Dakota

Caroline, this may be your most beautiful hub yet (that I have read.) Just to let you know about one aspect of what you wrote about: Weight. I have two sisters and they both had five kids, so I now have ten neices and nephews and their spouses, of who I love just as much as the blood-relations. One of my nieces by marriage evidently thought she was too heavy and had that surgical weight reduction. Yes, she lost weight. But here's the thing. Yes, I could see that she was "heavy" but I never thought that distracted from her beauty. I always thought she was "very" pretty. I never told her that. She and I never got "that" "close" that I would just say such a thing to her. Anyway, now I think she looks unhealthy, but of course I would never tell her that, either, and now she and my nephew have divorced. And of course there's much I don't know about their relationship, except that the two of them produced a really beautiful great-niece for me. How my great-niece feels about herself I don't know...? I have so many that I really can't keep track of all of them anymore. Great ones, great-great ones, and now even great-great-great ones! Argh!


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

This is beautiful and very well done and I feel you in this hub , it's up there in the top three. But I went straight to the one that I thought bought you the most knowledge and enlightenment and that was, after having can't remember if it was you first breakup and , you had loved him so much , confused and all, and after that trip to Hawaii wonders in my head.

This is a beautiful hup Caroline,

It shall be well stay strong and give thanks.

BLESS.


YogaKat profile image

YogaKat 4 years ago from Oahu Hawaii

"Now, I am 31 and getting older brought a lot of other new problems to me. It also has brought a lot of strength to me and wisdom. I am still learning though."

31 is young to my mind. It's great that you have the beauty myth figured out at such a young age. Like you, I find the girl with Pfeiffer syndrome brave and beautiful. I was quite attractive in my 30s, concerned about having a relationship when not in one . . . and the raging hormones. Now that the hormones have declined I find romance is something I can take or leave. I only wear makeup at work or for special occasions. There is a real freedom in just not caring what people think. Up and awesome!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

AHHHH talking about beauty this HUB IS BEAUTIFUL....and so are you my friend.

You write so beautiful I am so glad you shared your information on this brave young lady.

I voted way up

debbie


ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 4 years ago from Chennai, India

You did it again! Another awe-inspiring hub from you! I heard that many girls and young ladies face such issues like you but I don't think most of them are courageous or smart like you to realise the value of inner beauty and life! I am glad that you moved on and lived your life the way you wanted. You definitely get your Mr.Right who appreciates both the outer and inner beauty of you and loves to be with you throughout your life. All the best. Thank u for sharing. Awesome. Vote up.


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven Author

@ SubRon thank you for the comment. That is awesome that you have a beautiful niece. I believe anyone can see the beauty in the other if you look past the outside anterior.

@ Sky thank you for your support. Yes, belief in yourself and help with spirituality can give you great strength. :)

@ YogaKat thank you for the comment! Good for you I'm glad you found that happiness. I hope to feel the same way one day.

@ Hi Debbie, thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I always love to see you here! You are very passionate and talented.

@ Ishwaryaa thank you! I was also inspired by your hub that I read about beauty. It is a big part of society and wanted to share this woman with the world.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

I think concept of beauty is a relative idea. There are norms for beautiful body and face. Today the society is constantly feed with the idea of plastic beauty. In order to look beautiful girls are doing very painful things.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

Hmmm... Beauty is truly only skin deep dear heart. I have known some stunning woman who were as selfish as can be so there ya go. Skin deep is skin deep but what lies in a woman's heart is what I seek to see.

The Frog


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I think you learned that you can be a gorgeos beauty outside, but on the inside, when there is turmoil, doubt and confusion, you never see yourself as you really are, always striving for perfection. Beauty fades. A loving heart grows stronger. Thank you..Wonderful message..Cheers


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 4 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

Hi Caroline; wonderful hub and very well expressed. I'm always interested to hear the insider view of what life is like through the eyes of a pretty woman. I learned a lot reading this.

My ex-girlfriend was so obsessed with her weight that it really sabotaged our life together. She had what I'd call a 'classic Hollywood' body, as opposed to a modern Hollywood body. (If you look at the old starlets like Mae West, Jane Russel or Mariyln Monroe, they were all built heavier than the thinner celebrities of today) And I thought she looked amazing. But sadly, so many people told her she'd look better if she lost weight and she became obsessed with it. No matter how many times I told her I loved the way she looked, she kept saying she was fat and it made her very bitter.

It's funny and sad regarding what we choose to place value on. Men focus on female beauty, while women focus on a male's status and accomplishments. Men want the 'hot chick' and women want 'the alpha male'.

Thanks for a very intelligent and insightful hub.

Rob


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven Author

@ Vinaya I'm glad you read my article. Yes, that is so true. The idea of what beauty is has always changed over the years. Thank you for your comment!

@ The Fianance thank you for your comment and reading.

@ The Frog Prince thank you for reading and your comment. :)

@ Thank you Always. You're comments are always so enlightening. :)

@ Robwrite thank you for the compliment. It's very sad about your ex girlfriend. Yes, it is funny what we place such value on.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Caroline

True beauty is so much more than a pretty face.

You have a pretty face but through your writing, I see that you have a beautiful heart and soul.

I like the Dove commercials because they promote that beauty comes in all different sizes and shapes.

Voted up and away!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 4 years ago from home

C21,

i have to say this...beauty i in the eye of the beholder.

there are some "hotties" that i find repugnant based on their actions and attitudesI also tend to go more for a plain type girl, admittidly because i they are plain in everyday I know when they dress up its like wow!!! this is my wife for sure she will say i have to put "some" makeup on before i go out- i always say no you look great... but women will be women...

ive dated the painted put my face on before i eat breakfast girl- they seemed to turn into vapid self centered users/demanding types...that is the problem with som hot chics -(author-c21 i'm sure not included as one of these users)... they use their beauty and "charms" to get what they want or to get out of doing work-they "prey" upon nice guys and the lower self esteemed types to get what they want with a smile,a giggle and a "please-with curled down lip"batting of the eyes...yes I fall for it because I'm a sucker-and allegedly a "nice guy"-aka sucker.. but likewise I try to helpthe more plain gals at work And WELL -still a sucker Its sad but true BUT I see the same thing ladies do for the good looking guys at work as well...it is human nature and you know this the good looking people get a better shake on things...those thar outside the "normal" we're treated like outcasts....

TH


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven Author

@ Sueswan thank you for reading and commenting on my hub. Those dove commercials are great.

@ Tom you're comment is so true. Some people take advantage of people with their looks and it is so sad. That I guess can be said with people with money or something else to give away too. Too bad everyone can't just be real. Funny that you fall for it... or maybe you want to fall for it? LOL. Thank you for the comment!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 4 years ago from home

C21,

I used to fall for it-hook line n sinker but now-I know better and now and don't fall for some of the things i used to yes if I dont want to but yes I have "let it go that i knew what was "really " going on-its easier to be "stronger "now that I am married too-the head on my shoulders is in control.

TH


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven Author

Tom that is the best line, " I'm married to the head on my shoulders." Take Care.


Jhangora profile image

Jhangora 4 years ago from Dehradun

Yet, each of these is a thing of beauty,

A symbol of perfection.

Beauty need not be perfect, in fact more often than not - imperfections make human being and objects more beautiful. Just my two cents :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

damn what a helluva Hub.. but we are so trained to think of beauty as well take your photo here -- looks hot.. now picture an overwieght, clinging to life by a hamburger photo situated where you are.. I wouldn't of said Hot.. yeah .. maybe its just how we all are expected to follow the trends... I don't know what the hell Im talking about the hub should be a must read and lets leave it at that..LOL Frank


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven Author

@ Jhangora thank you for your comment! What a beautiful statement. I totally agree with you. :)

@ LOL Frank I guess that wouldn't be considered hot. But I have to say that nothing lasts forever - beauty included so we all need to find something deeper in a person than just the outside is the way to go to be happy in life. Thanks for the compliment it made me smile.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working