The Power of the Light

CJ Stone tries an alternative therapy that is set to cleanse his soul and aura. The question is: is he evolved enough to step into the light...?

A Holy Cornflower?

Glastonbury Abbey

Soul Therapy

I'm fairly uncertain about most things. I mean, I'd be an agnostic, only I can never quite make up my mind.

At the same time, I'm always willing to give things a go. As they say, you never know until you've tried. Consequently I've had extensive dealings with a variety of alternative remedies in the past. I've tried a lot of things. I've had hypnosis on a number of occasions. I've had herbal remedies, homeopathic remedies, Bach flower remedies and spiritual healing. I've tried Chinese medicine, acupuncture, acupressure, Indian head massage and reflexology. I've had aromatherapy and crystal therapy; Jungian therapy, Freudian therapy, co-counselling and transactional analysis. In fact, you name me some practice, and I'll see if I haven't engaged with it yet.

I can't say that I've ever been cured of anything. Then again, I was never very clear what the disease was in the first place.

I was going to say that I've never been harmed by alternative therapies either: but that's not quite true. There was one occasion when I had to have therapy in order to get over another therapy.

This all took place in Glastonbury in Somerset. It's a very strange place. It has all of these peculiar shops. There's one called Archangel Michael's Soul Therapy Centre: Providing Tools For Personal And Planetary Ascension. Yes, that's really it's name. It's run by some sort of a weird Buddhist sect. The shop assistants dress like Buddhist monks, with those wine-coloured robes that Buddhists wear and their heads shaved, with the words "Be Harmless" in yellow stitching on their backs. I quite liked that. "Be Harmless" seems like a good enough philosophy to me.

I was doing some research while I was there, so I decided that I would have to try it out. I wanted to find out what, exactly, the tools for personal and planetary ascension could be. It turns out they are these geometric structures made of copper piping which you lie inside of and which, then, help you and your planet to ascend. The question has to be, ascend to where? Are they referring to levitation? Of course, if both the planet and I had levitated at the same time, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference, would I? So we'll never know.

As for the "Soul Therapy", that involved listening to a tape through headphones while lying inside one of the geometric structures, holding crystals in both hands. The tapes are made by Archangel Michael himself. Archangel Michael is some bloke who - apparently - has already begun his ascent. He also calls himself Jesus, and the Maitreya. ("Maitreya" is the name of the second coming of the Buddha). Not a modest man.

I read all of this in the gumph on the shop window. I decided to go in and give it a try.

I was greeted by one of the shop assistants, Colin. "Can I help?" he asked.

"You most certainly can," I answered. "What's it all about?”

Well he tried to tell me. He mentioned the realignment of subtle energies and about the fact that I have five bodies (as opposed to the one I'm used to thinking about). He talked about Auric Something-or-others, and a lot of other strange stuff that doesn't bear thinking about. I was having trouble following him. "What was that again? Did you say 'Auric'?" I was becoming very confused. I also asked him about the Archangel Michael, who is also Jesus, who is also the Buddha. "Do you believe him?" I asked. "I mean, it would worry me, saying all those things about himself. He's a bit vain, isn't he? No. He's monumentally vain."

But Colin assured me that he was all he said he was. Which makes Colin a bit vague, I thought. No. Monumentally vague.

I asked Colin how much it would cost. "We ask for a minimum donation of ten pounds," he told me. "But we'll take less if you're really poor."

"I'll give you what I've got in my pocket," I suggested. "£8.73. Will £8.73 do?" And so £8.73 it was.

So there I was, inside of a geometric construction made of copper piping, on a bed interwoven with crystals, holding two crystal-tipped, wand-like objects in my hands (called Vajras) listening to a tape through headphones, which on first hearing sounded like Buddhist chanting - with cymbals and gongs, bells and chimes and long-drawn-out nasal moans - and only later turned out to be something else.

Maybe my auric something-or-others needed realigning, who knows? Maybe that was the disease I'd never been quite able to put my finger on.

I said that the tape sounded like Buddhist chanting. Well it was, in a sense. Only instead of the usual patient and precise delivery of original Buddhist Sutras in Pali or Japanese, these turned out to be entirely new formulations in modern American English. This was quite disconcerting. I was just lying there on that lumpy mattress (crystals aren't soft) only half-listening to the chimes and the chants and the moaning incantations, when, all of a sudden I could make out the words.

"Holy cornflower," the voice was saying in my ear. Only not like that. Not just the words in normal English: but drawn-out like an Om, grinding on like the moan of a jack-hammer through solid concrete, straining like the sound of a vacuum cleaner with something stuck in its nozzle.

"Hooooooooooo..... llllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy..... coooooooorrrrrrrrrn- flooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr...."

Like that. On and on and on.

It kind of takes the mystery out of a Buddhist chant when you know what the words mean.

Well after that I was alert, as it were, listening to the words. And there were all sorts of words. Words about invoking the seven rays of the Universe, in a looping, repetitive mantra. Each ray was directed to some centre on my body, apparently. And then, words about the power of the light....

"The power of the light… will banish… the glamour of personal possession. The power of the light will banish the glamour of material things. The power of the light will banish the glamour of...." Over and over, the power of the light banishing the glamour of a variety of relatively harmless things. It went on for about five minutes.

Well that was all well and good. Unfortunately I have an argumentative mind. I kept disagreeing with what the voice was telling me. I couldn't see why the power of the light would want to banish the glamour of some of the things it evidently did want to banish the glamour of. For instance, the power of the light wanted to banish the glamour of this world. Why would it want to do that? Why on earth would the power of the light want to banish the glamour of this world, when it's a perfectly good world, I was thinking? And what about the birds and the trees and the animals: would it want to banish them as well? I mean, where would they go once the world had been banished? The only thing I could see that might be worth banishing was what us human beings have done to it. So maybe I could have agreed with the power of the light had it wanted to banish the cock-ups of humanity.

I'd been lying there for about ten minutes now, listening to this groaning, nasal voice invoking, banishing, calling on holy cornflowers and the rest, and I was beginning to get seriously annoyed with it. I mean, who was this person, regaling me with such patent absurdities? Were my auric something-or-others really being realigned or was I just listening to the clap-trap rigmarole of some professional monomaniac bent on showing off how elevated he had become?

There's a certain kind of mysticism whose sole purpose is to mystify. That's what I took "the power of the light" to be. Mystification to cover up the mundane workings of an otherwise shallow mind.

It was when the power of the light decided it wanted to banish the glamour of my ego that I finally found I'd had enough.

"Oh go and banish the glamour of your own ego," I thought, and leapt up from the mattress.

That's when I discovered I'd done my back in.

I'm sure there some of you who will think that I probably deserved it. Maybe my realignment was only half-done. Maybe I should have been more respectful of whoever it was on the tape. Maybe he really was a higher spiritual being with a message of fulfillment I was too undeveloped to hear yet. Or maybe it was just the lumpy crystals in that mattress, plus an excess of tension from having to listen to so much gobbledegook.

We'll never know....

A markerGlastonbury Somerset -
Glastonbury, Somerset BA6, UK
[get directions]

More by this Author


Comments 54 comments

marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

hahahahahahaha   CJ, you made me laugh and smile and My cheeks hurt.  LOL  You are an adventorous man --  but one who has fun....how's the back????   hahaha  too funny and I applaud your objectivity, until the argument began, with which I can so relate!!

ohmmmmmmmmm


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

That was quick marisue. You were in there like a shot. Glad you liked it. And remember: the power of the light will banish the glamour of your ego. Ommmmm


pgrundy 8 years ago

This made me laugh out loud! Thank you! My son-in-law's mother is a New Age healer who has a reflexology practice and is quite a pistol. She wanted to accompany my daughter to the hospital a few years back for a minor surgery my daughter was having, because she said it would help to have her healing energy present. She drives my daughter bats so my daughter said no thank you eight different ways, and finally, in exasperation, her mother-in-law/healer shouted "God Damn it Jessi! I said I have #%?!*# healing energy goddamn it!"

That's pretty much been my experience with this sort of thing, but I know it seems to go well for others. Apparently you didn't finish getting your #%?!*# subtle energies aligned and so, goddam it, you screwed yerself Chris!


Ananta65 8 years ago

More therapy, CJ. It is soooo obvious you're not even halfway ready for enlightenment. Frankly, there's only one proper comment on this hub:

Thuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmbs uuuup :)


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I'm chuckling, very amusing story, C.J. Sorry about your back. If you were only halfway done, then you'd either have had a perfectly healthy back, or a completely buggered one by the time it was over. Wait, can I say buggered??

The good news is that you're 50% enlightened. I'd be interested to read how you achieve the other half, as I must say that this sounds like a most unusual way of going about it. If you manage to top this method, you may end up infirmed, but what a story it'd make!

Great hub, C.J. Really enjoyed it.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Hi Pam, yes, and my auric energies are still unaligned to this day, so it's my own damn fault. No wonder my life is such a mess.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

God everyone is very quick today. I've only finished replying to one comment when I get two more. But thanks Ananta65 and Shirley, and you're both right, I'm nowhere near enlightened yet. Not even 50% I'm afraid, though a few more thumbs up would help!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Okay everybody, sympathy thumbs-up for C.J.! Think of it as a fund-raiser with the proceeds going towards his eventual enlightment and chiropractic bill.


Ananta65 8 years ago

In order to replenish my karma I had already raised my thumb. May the power of light banish the gkamour of the dark. Or something like that.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

So does craven sycophancy count as enlightenment then, me going for the sympathy vote in an effort to reach Nirvana? If you ask me it's sickeningly pathetic. More thumbs up please. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

See, it's working already!


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Hey you're right Shirley: I can already feel the power of the light suffusing my auric chakras with powerful psychic energies. Or is that indigestion, I can never tell the difference?


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Hmm, hard to say. Let's do a test to see to rule out psychic energies (since I sense that you're a doubter).

What am I thinking?


Bard of Ely profile image

Bard of Ely 8 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

Well, I've hear the story before, Chris, but it had me laughing a lot again! I think I told you I actually know an ex-member of the followers of the Archangel Michael who is Jesus and Buddha. She still talks about ascending whatever that is. I am glad she is ex because otherwise she might have tried to get me to have a go at all that and my back gets bad enough sat in front of this thing! lol


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 8 years ago from Oregon, USA

OMG they don't know you and for $8.75 (wrong currency I know but you get the piture) they can fix everything that's wrong with your life by spouting rubbish about aruric chakras and holeee cornflowers by hooking you up in a bed of copper tubing and putting crystals in your hands. Some day I'll hub about the "laser doctor" we were dumb enough to go to. This was too funny! If things were truly driven by cosmic rightness and not by base money, google ads on all those websites where they pimp this stuff would go to THIS HUB!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

The power of the light didn't say anything about jackalopes, did it? I seem to get banished a LOT.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Let's see Shirley (fingers to temples, closes eyes): ommmmmmmmmm. Yes, I can see it now, you're thinking, you're thinking... well I know what you're thinking but it would be impolite to repeat it here.

Steve, you should try saying Holy Cornflower more often, that always helps with a bad back.

Hey hot dorkage, I definitely want to hear about the lasar doctor. Meanwhile, yes, let's get all that cosmic rightness (and money) directed to this hub. hat way wouldn't have to work any more.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

No BT, no jackalopes I'm afraid, but then I'm glad we didn't go round banishing jackalopes, that wuld have been too unkind.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Hi CJStone: This is my first visit to one of your hubs and I am impressed. You tell a good and humorous story.

I know the chant well. In a 5th floor walk-up in N.Y.C., my downstairs neighbor was a buddist and often had meetings in her apartment. You'd hear the Ona-Manay Padmay-Ohmmm of a large group - along with an occaisional gong as you passed by on the stairs. She was a nice girl and we were friendly. One day, there was a knock on my door. It was her along with another stunningly attractive woman. They asked me if I wanted to come downstairs to party. I assured them I would be right there. My ship had come in! I slapped on some cologne and off I went. On my way down the stairs, I heard it:  the group chant with the occasional GONG. I new I was in trouble. It would have been rude not to show up, so I knocked. I was immediately ushered into the "chant" room with the Onay-Manay-Padmay-Hummers, pushed down into the Lotus position, where upon they attempted their gang conversion of me to Buddisim. It did not end well.

Now, I simply put on the CD "Chant", where Monks do nothing but chant in Latin. It works great! I fall asleep immediately and get some rest!

Thanks for the great hub!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

CJ, I know a little about phrenology, if you want to toss £8.73 at me I can tell you what it probably meant to you but that you missed, or else I can tell you why you missed it LOL.

A delightful read, as I expected. Nice to see a hub from you again. Been awhile, or else I just been missing them somehow.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Christoph, sounds like a case of flirty fishing to me. As far as I know it's against the rules of Buddhism, who don't normally go in for enforced conversion of any kind. But I might be wrong...


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

No Shadesbreath, I've been off the radar for a while doing other things. But I'd be glad to pay you for some phrenology if it could sort out this damn whatever-it-is of mine that keeps on needing the be healed. Can you do it psychically?


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 8 years ago from West Virginia

I laughed so hard--almost fell off my seat!! I have been wating for something else form you. Yes ---I do read your stuff!!I wish I could write funny stuff. I can talk it, but sarcasm hasn't come out in my writing just yet! lol I have to get rid of this typing dyslexia first!! lol


Chef Jeff profile image

Chef Jeff 8 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

Here's my chant - definitely not Bhuddist, though!

Wheeerree'ss theeee beeefff?


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

I love this hub CJStone! :) I believe an enlightened soul (in whatever percentage) is one who can see the funny perspective to things! LOL

--Michelle Simtoco


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

I'm still stuck on that Holy Cornflower thing and I keep envisioning Beavis and Butthead chanting "Hoooolyyyy Cornnnnn Hoooolio" and laughing in that twisted annoying laugh.

Forget about that ArchAngel/Jesus/Buddha guy. If you seriously want an alignment you could just make an appointment at your nearest automotive service center. That's where I always go for mine.

Seriously though...well as serious as you can get with this sort of tale...I have to commend you on being brave enough to try new things. I would have taken one look inside that shop and backed out very slowly...

I knew this woman who was into crystals and whatnot. She was constantly torturing me with herbal remedies and voodoo mysticism. When none of it worked, she promptly told me that I simply wasn't ready to be healed...

Perhaps that is the reason you only managed about 50% of your alignment. You were content to just hover, rather than truly ascend. Perhaps someday....mebbe...


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 8 years ago from West Virginia

Hey Spryte! I forgot about Beevis and Butthead!! Waaaay tooo funny!!!


viralprospector profile image

viralprospector 8 years ago from DFW Texas

My Bubbhism understanding is that it is more about pure mind control. It is very comforting, not at all weird or certainly not pushy. There is sure a lot of fake religion all over the place I guess. Buddhism is not the easiest religion to study since it is transmitted so much orally. Maybe that is how some weird stuff gets started.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Hello Lady G, well I read your stuff too.

Chef Jeff: iiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt'sssssssss iiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn theeeeeeeeeee ovvvvvveeennnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Hello Michelle, well unfortunately I'm not in the slightest bit enlightened and can't see the funny side of anything. What'e everyone laughing at?

Hello Spryte, me I'm a member of Beevis and Butthead's religious order.

Hi viral, well I don't think this was anything you could call Buddhism.


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 8 years ago from West Virginia

CJ, Maybe they forgot to turn on that light........


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Ok CJ, I tried to do a psychic phrenological reading, but all I got back is that you have a lumpy head. I'm going to let you off for only £3.00 for that (just drop it in the mail is fine), and next time you're in northern CA, I'll give you a real reading.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

Laughed so much had to go pee it was that good. Holy Cornflower. That's actually embarrassing, and I don't know why I'm embarrassed.

Very entertaining. still chuckling.


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

Holy Cornflower indeed! I was in Glastonbury over the holidays, and you're right. What a whacky place! It's full of people who look like extras from a Harry Potter film. Great hub as usual.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Shadesbreath, well you are wrong: actually my head is shaped like a breeze block and is perfectly flat, so you owe ME £3.00 for your attempt to falsly extort money out of me.

Hey Jewels, that is embarrassing. It's not often I can say I made someone pee.

Amanda, Glastonbury is a great place: the world capitol of everything New Age plus lots of spiritual healing.


Lifebydesign profile image

Lifebydesign 8 years ago from Australia

Hilarious CJ! Sounds like these guys covered all the technical and the mumbo jumbo at the same time. I love your curiosity, and ability to report back!


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Glad you liked it Lifeby. Personally I would always recommend going where your curiosity takes you. It may not always be enlightening, but it can sure be funny at times.


Lifebydesign profile image

Lifebydesign 8 years ago from Australia

Right- lol!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Excellent story, CJ. I used to seek out and study all that stuff, too... until I could no longer deny to myself how dumb I thought it all was. But I have to admit, it's fun to check out.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Hi Constant: I try to walk a line between open mindedness and scepticism. I'll try anything once (and will believe all sorts of strange things) but always keep a little scepticism back for my own protection.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Good attitude. I think the coolest things I ever studied were the Wiccan and Buddhist religions.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Sorry CJ, no refunds on psychic phrenology, much less ... counter suits?


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Shadesbreath: I just sent it psychically. I expect a psychic recieipt.


Pam Pounds profile image

Pam Pounds 8 years ago from So Cal Girl in the Midwest!

Very funny and amusing hub, CJ...thumbs up from me too!


willow Raven 8 years ago

That made me titter CJ.. reminds me of my own Glasto visits and my search for enlightenment and a cure for my pesky backache. holy corn flower batman, I'd better not chant to my corn flowers in the garden, you never know what might transpire = while on subject. My cousin has a bnb ib Blackpool, and has a woman staying there who swears black is white that she is from andromeda and is the female Maitraya...


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Ah Glastonbury, Willow Raven. The best description I ever heard is that it is the world's first experimental open air lunatic asylum. I'd like to meet your cousin's Andromedan tenant sometime. It sounds like she would like Glastonbury too.

Thanks for the thumbs up Pam.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

Cj-- You seem far to sensible have spent so much time in exploring all of these hoodwinks( >winks<) maybe you just need to surrender yourself to the Great Emptiness. Let your mind flow -- Oh, [never-mind] I guess you have already done that one.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Yes Rochelle, I let my mind flow when I wrote this story. I wouldn't call myself sensible though. I'm often hoodwinked by all sorts of strange belief systems. It keeps my mind exercised.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

LOL!!!! I was chuckling throughout the story, especially with the "holy cornflower" chant.  Not very mystical. LOL! I too subscribe to a lot of strange beliefs, and if it makes me nuts, then I am a happy nut!

Hope your back is better by now.


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Much better VioletSun, thank you.


StayingAlive profile image

StayingAlive 8 years ago from Around the World

This was a funny read. I am enjoying several hubbers as I travel the Hub Pages. So far, you are added to my list of great writers, along with pgrundy, marisuewrites, ananta65, sixtyorso, dayzeebee, the list is growing! I'm new, but I'll be back!


CJStone profile image

CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK Author

Glad you liked it StayingAlive, and I agree with your list so far, but there's plenty more to discover.


StayingAlive profile image

StayingAlive 8 years ago from Around the World

I am a diligent hunter. and the Glamor of my ego, has done been de-glammed. But I'm coming back, Baby! :)


Chef Jeff profile image

Chef Jeff 8 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

Thnaks, CJ - I loved the hub! I found the beef! No I just need to find some time to relax!


Gail Jewel 8 years ago

You should have asked for a ReeeeeeeeFuuuuuuuunD! lol CJ love your huuuuuubs!!!!!!!!!!!! Im going to go and levitate oops I mean meditate...no I mean contemplate, the mysterys of the universe.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working