The Road To Depression Is Paved With Good Intentions
Well it happened again. The weekend had such great promise. The weather was going to be great and I was going to accomplish so much. I was going to change the clothes in the closet to the appropriate season, I was going to get outside and just be outside in the glorious weather, I was going to add a couple of chapters to that book I’m writing, the list goes on and on. What got done you ask? Absolutely nothing. So as Sunday evening approached and the work week ahead of me loomed I could only become more and more depressed that I had accomplished none of the things that seemed so possible a mere forty eight hours prior. That’s when it hit me, it isn’t the road to hell that’s paved with good intentions, the road to depression is paved with good intentions – Don’t Get Me Started!
When I was doing theatre full time (for eleven years) I had my days to sleep late, have lunch with friends, choreograph a number for the next show or whatever. My time was really more my own than I realized at the time. That was before I joined the corporate America culture where you’re in an office Monday through Friday from 8am until 5pm or 6pm and need to be “available” by cell phone, email, etc. 24/7. Back when I was doing theatre I didn’t even have a cell phone so there was no sitting at lunch with someone and when I felt something vibrate between my legs I would have to fight to stay listening to the person telling me all about their most recent heartbreak when what I really wanted to do was look at the phone that was in my crotch to see who was emailing or texting me. No, if my crotch was vibrating back then it was for a different and much better reason.
The other thing that happened was that when I was doing theatre I had Mondays and Tuesdays off so going to any store or whatever was great because everyone else was working. Now I have try to time things perfectly so that I’m at the least crowded time to get my car washed on a Saturday morning, to go to Wal-Mart before it’s a complete zoo, etc.
All of the above I think makes me less motivated to do anything on the weekends. Now I have a therapist friend who tells me that I’m just “recharging” from a stressful week so that’s the reason for lying on the couch all weekend watching Cary Grant movies wishing I was as handsome, funny and famous as he was instead of accomplishing anything but I really think that I’ve reached that point that most electronics get to where they can only be charged so much anymore. Have you ever had a cell phone or other electronic device that when you first get it you charge the battery and it lasts for something like twenty hours but after a year of charging it you discover that you’re charging it for the same time that you always have but instead of getting twenty hours it only gives you twenty minutes or battery life? That’s where I am, no matter how much sleeping or whatever I don’t do on the weekends so that I can “recharge” my battery by Monday at 10am I’m feeling like it’s Friday at 6pm and I need another weekend. Perhaps this is what the celebrities talk about as complete exhaustion?
But I refuse to take this without kvetching or fixing it. I’m someone who has always been known as “Mr. Energy” when I choreographed at Disneyland they nicknamed me “Peter Pan” (and not just because I had some lost boys following me and looked great in tights). So today I begin anew. Today I begin to change the battery that is inside me to one that runs a little “greener” – that’s right, it’s healthier eating for me and a commitment to not lay on the couch every night when I get home but to do some sort of exercise. I firmly believe that my lack of doing things is making me feel worse. When you have nothing to focus on but everything you haven’t accomplished then Satan’s helper, “Depression” is waiting around every corner for you. So the next time someone tells you about hell and the road to it, I ask you to think about all those things on all those lists (in your head and written down) that you have yet to accomplish and tell yourself that hell is going to be like a nice sauna compared to what you’ve created for yourself mentally because you haven’t accomplished anything on your list. For me I know I have to get rid of this gut and start refueling myself properly (translation – eating properly) so that when the next weekend comes I’ll feel like getting some of that stuff knocked off my list but for you it may be something different. Whatever it is, don’t worry about some mysterious hell that no one knows for sure what it’s going to be like, worry about the hell you create in your own mind and realize that the road to depression is paved with good intentions – Don’t Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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