The Young Widow - Anxiety

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Some lyrics

I feel a little shaky
I can't control my nerves....

Anxiety has got me on the run
Anxiety because I need someone

Anxiety can't get nothing done
Anxiety spoils all the fun

Original version

Anxiety is a natural part of grief. It is not partial to who you lost. I thought that the worst of it was over, but apparently I was wrong. I had not felt this in a long while, not like this anyway. It keeps you up all night. Chest tightens. Before I knew why it had come. Last night made no sense to me and it is still here all this morning without a clear reason.

The thing with anxiety is that until it leaves you, you really can't get anything done. I no longer want to surrender anymore time to this. Thus begins the vicious cycle, ha ha ha! I am now anxious to get rid of my anxiety. What is that?
There are pills for this and so many people want to volunteer you for these when you are grieving. I don't like pills. I prefer to handle things at their source. I didn't want to take pills to dull the pain and live my life in a fog only to wake up to the truth later. I may have been able to get more done but how important are all of the things that fill our day anyway? I did what I needed to do: feed the family, clean clothes for us, etc. So what if it took me 6 months to start tackling the chores and obligations?

There are other ways to get rid of anxiety. Today, I could use a very vigorous work out. Writing is a great therapy for me. You can tell when I am writing away my anxiety because the writing is more like fluid thought verses organized, planned works. You get a true picture of my mind at the moment. Anxiety feels like a fat man sitting on your chest. For me, I can't sit still. I type standing or sit and do that weird crossed leg kick thing. It makes you want to grab your head to keep it still. It feels like thoughts are bouncing off the walls of your skull but for the life of me, I can't figure out why. I don't know what the thoughts are. It is funny to me and pretty annoying. So, where did this come from? Last night I went to a widow's group. I was the youngest woman there. We are talking about at least a 30 year difference here. I, of coarse, stood out. The woman looked at me with such sadness. I don't like to be pitied. It is not my style. We all lost our husband's, I don't deserve to stand out. I sat and listened to their stories. They all were prepared to lose their husband's. They were not all given tons of time, but they were able to know that it was coming. I didn't choose to share my husband's story simply because it would bring more attention to me. I was never attention starved. Being the way I am, not so open or talkative about deep seeded emotions and such, leaves some feeling alone at times. There is concern for me feeling lonely. I am not lonely. I have had 2 love stories in my life and that is plenty. My problem is that I made them my confidants, my best friends. They were the ones that can get me talking freely and comfortably. One retired years ago and the other is now completely gone. In a sense, I feel alone. Naturally. I am not bottled up or suffering over it though so no need to worry. I am peaceful, not today but that is an oddity. This was prevalent in my first 2 months. Afterwards, I only felt it when angered (which by the way has also ceased).

I love spending time with older people. I really did enjoy it but after, I don't know what happened. I can't figure out why I am anxious. I am still trying to find the source. I didn't have many expectations of the group. I knew that I would be one of the youngest. I don't think it was that because I knew it could happen. I didn't expect to feel like I belonged there. I am not sure that being right didn't affect me or maybe its just a culmination of everything. Maybe it is all the small things piling up. Maybe it is a whole lot of little nothings coming together for one day only. Maybe this was just the excuse my body needed to puke out things I didn't know it was harboring.
Anyway, I am a very controlled person but I can see where people do weird things under anxiety like shave their hair off or something. I can see why they would ransack their homes. I am sure my home could use a good ransacking but I am already overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that I have to do that I am not doing. I don't need to loose the adrenaline of anxiety in the midst of ransacking and end up left with a disaster. The group thing was to talk and share time together with other. These women are going thru something completely different and I worry for them. They have grown children and have been left completely alone. I want to continue going just to be a comfort to them. I want to be there to break there quietness. I just don't know if it will work for me, personally. I am not a talker. I am a writer. I get more healing out of this writing out there alone in the wilderness, even if it is not read than of talking.
I am very grateful to have so much in my life. I always knew this, but hearing the women speak about not having the drive to do things for themselves reminded me that my daughter, my mother, the 3 good doggies, and the 2 monster doggies give me plenty to keep me busy. While sometimes I want to escape for a day, they are a huge blessing that I can't be thankful enough for. They are helping me more than they know. Just last night, I was able to finally get to sleep because my daughter, who has taken a liking to sleeping with me know, put her hand on my heart in her sleep. It was as if she made it be still. Of coarse, after thankful tears, I was out cold.

If you know someone who is grieving and lets you know that they are feeling anxiety, before you pull out the bottle of pills, here are somethings that you can try...

- Take them to the gym
- A zumba class
- or something that involves punching (boxing and such)
- Maybe go for a run. (I am going to do that in a minute)
- Get them out in nature (A nature walk)

Do not give them caffeine!!! Try not to feed the flames. Go with the flow and don't push too hard. I know that anxiety is like a gateway for some people. It really worries people to see their friends and loved ones anxious. Try not to project your fear that they may be 'slipping' into something worse. It can become a self fulfilling prophecy. For those who read this who know me (especially Mom, I love you!) I am okay. Anxiety is a part of everyone's life. Taxes, homes stuff, chores, etc. Now that this writing is ending, I am sure it is the culmination of the little nothings that had their day of fun in my head. The circumstances merit this. This will pass soon and I will be fine. I can feel it dying out. A little run, scratch that idea, I can't get my sneakers on today thanks to Mincha (one of the monsters). She decided my toe was a toy and drew blood. I will have to walk in flip-flops.

At least I got to put on a hello kitty band-aid. Sigh... :)


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Comments 16 comments

Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

This anxiety was probably brought out by going to the widow's group last night combined with all the little things. It should pass soon. I like your way of dealing with it. Good, physical activity to work it out. Writing to work it out is good. Just keep working it out. Someone will read it. You have several friends on here now. We care.

Hope your toe heals quickly. My dog used to chew on my feet too but he grew out of it.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hi Becky. I know you care and I love my little cyber family. I am done with my 'episode' of anxiety today. Now for the aftermath. Tired and nausea, muscles hurts from tension but at peace and happy. The group only meets once a month so I guess I will have to see then if I react the same way.

My freakin toe is killing me, lol. I was happy to see that I didn't take it out on the little monster puppy. Maybe she thought I needed a distraction. It didn't work. I hear I have another year before puppy days are officially done. I have to protect my 9 other toes...


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I do not wear shoes most of the time but I wore them constantly when Rufus was going through his chewing stage. He also chewed up bra straps and underwear. Thank God he quit because that was expensive. My daughter would not keep them picked up.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

Woah!!! Moms-secret, I can feel your anxiety you sound like your mind is going at a million miles an hour!!! I went to a bereavement group in the early days. Like you, I am not a talker. The emotions I felt while in that group really weighed me down and I didn't feel inspired to talk there. The woman assigned to help me (as she had lost her son also, just 10 years earlier) was very distant from the whole grieving thing, was very matter of fact and lacked the spiritual connection that I was craving. I never went back again. I am glad you were able to release all that confused energy. I relate to your words and hear what you are saying.

I am surprised to hear you have two monsters as I thought there was only one. Don’t tell me the original monster has monsterfied the new boy???


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Becky - No shoes! I am a sneakers kinda girl unless its summer. The one day I try a morning flip flop, I get injured. Thankfully my monsters do not know the joys of raiding the laundry because they are too small to reach into the hamper that I have. Ah ha! Point for mommy!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Oh Fennelseed - I have 5 doggies. The joys and trials of having a herd may make a good hub. 2 are monsters to me and each other. They just turned one. The others are good boys. The new guy is a little angel and has yet to be contaminated by my monster's virus.

I am going to give it another shot just to see if the group is what caused the whirlwind. Like I said, I would like to be there for the ladies but I don't think it will be my helpful thing. I think writing is enough, which makes me happy to be able to say.


Sad Susan 4 years ago from Wisconsin

Well, you sure pegged ME today! I have been going along pretty well (7 months in on this strange journey) until last Friday night when anxiety simply seized me to the core. It lasted all weekend. My kids are grown and gone, so I live with Rosie, my one year old golden retriever who is my bestie and constant companion. She is an angel and a monster all at once...but I am grateful that her youth demands the walks and the hard play time and that keeps me moving. My loss was sudden and unexpected - my sister is dealing with the slow death of her husband as he was just released to hospice yesterday. Even though our situations are so different, his impending death is dragging up all sorts of awful feelings for me. Probably that is what got all the anxiety started. Fortunately getting back to the swing of things this work week snapped me out of it.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Susan, I am sorry to hear how much we have in common. You are only one month older than me. The death of my husband was a huge shock to me, my daughter, and his family. It was very sudden. In the beginning, the dog angels and monsters were difficult for me. I really wanted to be left completely alone. I doubted my ability to take care of them. How grateful I am for the nuisances that kept me from becoming a sad pulp in bed or on the couch and for my precious angel daughter. I am happy that while your kids are grown you had Rosie.

I think I react the way you do to all death now. All the circumstances are different, but the feeling is the same. It is still a loss. I would expect that you will go through more as your sisters grief journey unfolds. I wish you strength and peace through it. I am happy to meet you and hope to hear more from you.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

You know what I really like about the young widow collection including this.. first when I rpinted them out the font was 14 Ha! You take emotions feelings up and downs and put them into a maze.. but with a way out.. like here you say you feel it getting better dying out.. you lock it in when you start off by telling us that you thought grief was over.. and it got worse... then you show a sign of hope, light... glimmer.. Bless you sweetie


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hi Frank. Thank you so much for liking my writing so much to actually print it. I think that is an awesome compliment. I also am grateful that you appreciate my weird way of thinking and expressing. I had not realized that I had a trend until I read it from you. I think it is awesome to learn about myself through others. A maze, wow, I had no idea.

Hope , faith, love, and laughter are my favorite things in life besides my daughter, of coarse. I think they are really my only goals. I am happy to say that I get bursts of those gifts from my cyber friends all the time. They (you included) have no idea what a huge gift it is and how many times it has lifted me. So, so much gratitude...


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Very touching Hub and it's so true that Writing is therapeutic. I hope you find comfort in it. I did at a very bad time in life.

I totally admire the strength of your spirit and your attitude of gratitude. I hope with all my heart that you find comfort and definitely find Joy and happiness again.

Thanks for the advice you gave about going with the flow. Take Care...

Ps. If ever you have time listen to some audio's of Louise Hay... That woman is a calming Angel. They're on Youtube.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

I am very excited to meet you. Your comments went straight to the heart and I have to thank you for them. I will have to type the name into you tube to check out your recommendation.

I look forward to reading more of you and your comments. Thank you so much.


Tami Fite profile image

Tami Fite 4 years ago

Bless you -- your honesty ministers to my soul. Tami


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Your comment filled my spirit... Thank you so much....


PHILLYDREAMER profile image

PHILLYDREAMER 3 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

You do have an incredible spirit. I imagine I would be completely shut down if I lost my wife. I think I will enjoy a nice day with the family today, you've helped remind me that my busy world shouldn't be so bust to spend time with them.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I am really happy to hear that you took action because of it. I think its the best outcome that can come from the writing. Thanks for the smile.

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