The Young Widow - Friendships

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Lunch with a great friend!
Lunch with a great friend!
My first pedicure  :)
My first pedicure :)
Floaty feet...
Floaty feet...

Honestly, I am not a very good friend. I am distant and I don't particularly like the phone. At the same time, I am a great friend to a few people. They accept me for my distance and they know that I am here if they need me. I have friends, good friends, and great friends.

I know a lot of people can relate because some are just too swamped to be great friends. They are genuine in their caring but there is work, there are kids, obligations, and so many other things. Technology was supposed to make things easier. It was supposed to have this colossal freeing affect. I don't see that at all. If anything, I notice that people are busier now than they have ever been before. It doesn't seem to matter what you do for a living or even if you work at all. There is always something on the agenda that often does not involve friends. I admire those that are deliberate in their time with friends. I am not sure that I will ever be. I am so unplanned. If I were to plan something, my memory issues would make it so that I would not remember to make it anyway.

Being the way that I am, a bit of a loner, I never looked to the healing power of friendship. I don't mean the poisonous friends that distract you and lead you down roads that ultimately do not help. I mean the friend that offers to come to you at your smelliest, messiest, most broken time and just pulls up a chair. I never considered myself a prideful person but the fact is that I would not allow anyone to see me like that. I would not even allow myself to. Pride and resilience must be closely related. I would like to believe that I am dancing on the side of resilience. I don't know if it is the truth, after all I am biased. I have a great friend. I have no idea how to thank her for what she has done and what she is doing. We talk on the phone at least 3 times a month and see each other monthly. She mentioned wishing she had more time but I have no complaints at all. She doesn't need me to 'talk' but she is their to listen if I choose to. She does not offer to drown things out in a glass of alcohol. She takes me out into nature. She embraces both my daughter and I and makes it a point to make herself available at the toughest times. She is amazing. How do you say thank you?

This hub has been done and nestled in my account for more than a month. I love my friend and her husband so much. They are amazing in their caring for me and my daughter. When you encounter loss, you start to wish for the impossible, at least I do. I keep saying that i do not wish this on anyone. I don't want anyone to fully understand my grief because it would mean that they have lost. I am just a small woman tho. I can not protect anyone from the inevitable. Now it is time for me to use all the strength that this couple has helped me to achieve and use it to help them achieve strength thru the loss of their mother... Love repaid.


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Comments 12 comments

Family Black profile image

Family Black 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Hi Moms-Secret! Wow, tough for us to admit when we're not mainstream. Your friend sounds wonderful and I know she's grateful for your presence in her life. Best wishes! Karen


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you so much for commenting Family Black. I am happy to meet you. :)

She didn't expect me to be there for her at the funeral because I am 'fragile'. I was so happy to be there for them today. More than worth the struggle.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

aaawww.. this was remarkable.. you are remarkable.. period :)


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

You are awesome. Your comments are always awesome to read. I am a mess and you see abstract art, that makes me smile and wonder at the same time.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

It's more important to be a friend to a few than to spread yourself thin. I love the way your friend takes you out to nature. Going out to nature helps with all sorts of ills. Glad you are there for your friend.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Nature is amazing and peaceful. Thanks for the comment tireless.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Wow. We'd be pretty good friends. I'm actually kind of distant myself. Those I would consider "friends" are very distant and I hardly ever speak to them in person or only see them a few times a week in class.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I believe we probably would be.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Is that based on what I said here or on our other conversations?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

:) Both actually


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

You express yourself very well. Thank you for sharing your story. There's nothing wrong with being distant and not liking to talk on the phone. That's actually a very good thing because most men are distancers themselves. They get to miss you more when you're not around. It's good to be selective when choosing your friends. In the online world, you do come across a lot of cool people too with the exception of a few crazies every once in a while. lol.

I'm sure that your friends understand that you are a busy woman. It becomes even harder when you are raising children of your own. voted up.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you lovedoctor... I keep myself busy but I am not really busy. I am just distant and you are right, children can add to it.

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