The Young Widow - Perspective


Do you ever think about this?

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Have you ever made any changes to your life because of these thoughts?

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Those of us who grieve and mourn have been given a new sight. I was blessed to have taken advantage of the time I had with my Prince. As I grieve and mourn for my sweet husband, I am not burdened with grieving all the wasted moments and harsh words. This truth releases me of the guilt and anguish so many people face in hind sight. Even still, there are things that I would have done with him had I only known. There are things that torment me because I would love to change the last day. The day was loving but not enough to be the last.

Why can't we be taught about this new found perspective early on? Why do I see so many people wasting their efforts on meaningless and fruitless endeavors everyday of their limited lives. Happily married couples fear making me sad. They do not want to risk reminding me of my prince. They do not know that there is never a need to remind me, the memory of my prince is ALWAYS with me. My smile is not a reflection of my having forgotten for a moment. My smile is a tribute to the love that I was so grateful to have shared with him. I am having trouble dealing with the people who are not happily married. People who are wasting their lives. Those who insist on bitterness and spitefulness. Those who are collecting reason upon reason to regret their own choices.

So I sit here and I think, and I write. With Christmas around the corner, the Birth of Jesus and the trials of his mother Mary come to mind. My church put on a gorgeous play complete with live animals. Gorgeousness! She was given a gift that would not last long. She knew, and she accepted. She was not forced. Like all of us, we are given the gifts of companionship and children that are not made to last forever. Either we leave them or they leave us. There are no other choices. So, I think of my Prince. Had God sent an angel to tell me about the gift he had for me in this man complete with the time limit, would I have said no thanks, the pain is too great? Would you? Not me. I can imagine being told that this love would be powerful and unique and that there would be some limitations. From start to finish, I would only be getting 4 1/2 years before he was to be called back. Will I have him?
To me he was worth more than all that I am going thru now without him. What if the same offer was made for a child? There is a knock on the door. A man stands there with a beautiful baby. They say 'this child is a joy. It is sweet and loving. It needs someone to love and care for it for the 2 years that it will have on earth. Could you do this?' Will you step up?

We can't help but ask Why. We personalize things. Why is this horrible life sparred to see 90 years and this innocent life taken as a child? Why is this murderous man allowed to grow old and this loving angle of a man taken in his thirties? God, why do you do this? Yet when I think of my Prince as a gift, all these questions melt away. God is responsible for the gift. Life is responsible for the limitations. It takes a lifetime for some to learn, while the innocent have not yet lost their knowledge. What seems unfair and punishing to my flesh makes perfect sense to my spirit. I am left feeling proud of my Prince thru the sadness.

Why do we have to know the time limits in order to make the best of our time together? So you are not talking to a loved one. They were rude and offensive. You have a point, you may be right, but if one of you died tomorrow would it even matter? I say get angry, battle it out, then get over it and move forward.
Why are we so consumed with things that don't really matter? How much stuff are you going to buy for Christmas? How much of that will be important to you 2 years from now? How much stuff must you accumulate in your lifetime before your life has meaning? How big of a house do you need? How much space is yours and how much space belongs to things you have not seen this year? And what about time? Why must we find the time for the meaningful and devote most our time to the rest? Most things are a means to an end, yet most the time we are given is spent on the means and not enough time is devoted to the ends.

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, now I know that it never mattered. They should have asked me and focused on who I wanted to be when I grew up. The kind of person I wanted to be and the Legacy that I wanted to leave.

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Comments 15 comments

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Beautifully written. I'm so sorry for your tragic loss so early in life, but I'm glad that you have writing for an outlet and can share your feelings with others. In turn, your thoughts may make others think about what they have or what they are wasting. And I am touched by your positive attitude about the gift that your husband was, no matter how short the time he was here with you. Your article definitely makes one think about things. Voted up, useful, interesting, awesome, and beautiful, Keep writing! I'm sharing with followers for more to read....

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you Victoria for constantly supporting my outlet. I spent some time yesterday with a friend of mine who has lost. I believe I am finally ready to meet others like us in person. You were a big part of that step so I have to thank you. I am planning for it in January.

I just really hope that someone is helped thru this.

homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 5 years ago from Texas

Like Victoria Lynn stated, this is beautifully written, and the attitude that you have is truly inspiring. I can only imagine your loss. You are living proof that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I pray that you will find peace and comfort, healing and love, as you move on with your life. Blessings to you.

Deni Edwards profile image

Deni Edwards 5 years ago from california

Your struggle is very evident with every word you write. You are not only still grieving (which I think is a life-long process, just not front and center every day of your life), but anger is beginning to peek its head out, too. This isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing--part of the process--unless it becomes destructive and consuming.

It seems you have a very wide circle of electronic friends who are going through this process with you and sharing some of your pain. I find it difficult, too, because the death of my father, although over 20 years ago (and nearing 30), can feel very fresh, at times.

Your perspective is, I think, right...just don't take the ones you love for granted. Ever! There isn't a time when my husband and I part that I don't kiss him goodbye and say I love you to him. It's something I learned when my father died so unexpectedly.

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Homesteadbound - thank you so much for your prayers. I wrote somewhere that time does not heal and I still believe that it is true simply because I can't be healed from his death, but some of the after effects of his death can be. It is a roller coaster filled with peaks and valleys, but I see something healing.

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Deni Edwards - nice to see you again. They say that mourning is grief made public. You are right, there is anger and frustration. I have found a positive way to channel it besides writing. I am sure I will write about it soon. I see the path of destruction. I dance around the entrance sometimes when the valley is lower than expected, but I do not cross into it. I am consumed but not by anger.

I have made some wonderful friends here. That was an unexpected blessing. I am trying to help my daughter with what you are going thru but it is hard. I am sure you go thru something at every meaningful time in your life. You can give me some insight on how to best help her.

I am so happy to hear that you do these things with your husband. I did that too. I am happy that you never forgot your own perspective. Many Blessings.

sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago

Thought provoking and poignant piece... How I wish more people read this hub of yours and understood how important it is to live each moment. So much time is wasted in strife and anger, if only we could love instead... what a paradise the earth would be... ((((hugs))))) to you and keep doing the good work,

Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

This is terrific writing.

I agree with sofs, I hope people will read and learn from your words.

Well done, best wishes and hugs MM

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hi Sofs. It would seem only a few of us here would have the capacity to accept paradise. Thank you for the wonderful compliments. I love your outlook.

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hello Movie Master

To make a difference...the ultimate goal in my life. I hope your hopes are answered :)

Thank you for reading and commenting. Hugs back at you.

msannec profile image

msannec 5 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

This is so beautiful. You captured the feelings of loss and coping so well, thank you for sharing your story.

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

It is so nice to meet you msannec. Like I said, I wish we didn't have these things in common. I am hoping that my story helps others.

msannec profile image

msannec 5 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

Same here, I hope that by sharing our story, someone can be helped. It is a pleasure to meet you, I look forward to hearing more from you. Take care!

desert bunny 4 years ago

I really found your story helpfull. My husband passed away 8 months ago and I am not sure if I am healing as I still feel so shattered and broken. I have learned though to keep my pose on the outside - but inside it is still so fragile - it feels as if my heart is constantly crying. Maybe one day I will be able to put my feelings - like you - into words. I am sure that will help but right now I cannot tell anybody what I have been going through. Keep up your writing - it is very good.

Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

I understand. I don't know if it ever goes away. I think it is more about balancing good things/memories with this new side of you. I hope you do get to write one day. I know for me there was relief in letting it out. Odds are that you will still carry it with you but somehow the load was lighter. Writing for me came easily because when you talk to people, many do not understand. The feedback from someone who doesn't understand can really affect you.

Thank you so much for commenting desert bunny. I wish you well.

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