The Young Widow - Perspective
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Those of us who grieve and mourn have been given a new sight. I was blessed to have taken advantage of the time I had with my Prince. As I grieve and mourn for my sweet husband, I am not burdened with grieving all the wasted moments and harsh words. This truth releases me of the guilt and anguish so many people face in hind sight. Even still, there are things that I would have done with him had I only known. There are things that torment me because I would love to change the last day. The day was loving but not enough to be the last.
Why can't we be taught about this new found perspective early on? Why do I see so many people wasting their efforts on meaningless and fruitless endeavors everyday of their limited lives. Happily married couples fear making me sad. They do not want to risk reminding me of my prince. They do not know that there is never a need to remind me, the memory of my prince is ALWAYS with me. My smile is not a reflection of my having forgotten for a moment. My smile is a tribute to the love that I was so grateful to have shared with him. I am having trouble dealing with the people who are not happily married. People who are wasting their lives. Those who insist on bitterness and spitefulness. Those who are collecting reason upon reason to regret their own choices.
So I sit here and I think, and I write. With Christmas around the corner, the Birth of Jesus and the trials of his mother Mary come to mind. My church put on a gorgeous play complete with live animals. Gorgeousness! She was given a gift that would not last long. She knew, and she accepted. She was not forced. Like all of us, we are given the gifts of companionship and children that are not made to last forever. Either we leave them or they leave us. There are no other choices. So, I think of my Prince. Had God sent an angel to tell me about the gift he had for me in this man complete with the time limit, would I have said no thanks, the pain is too great? Would you? Not me. I can imagine being told that this love would be powerful and unique and that there would be some limitations. From start to finish, I would only be getting 4 1/2 years before he was to be called back. Will I have him?
To me he was worth more than all that I am going thru now without him. What if the same offer was made for a child? There is a knock on the door. A man stands there with a beautiful baby. They say 'this child is a joy. It is sweet and loving. It needs someone to love and care for it for the 2 years that it will have on earth. Could you do this?' Will you step up?
We can't help but ask Why. We personalize things. Why is this horrible life sparred to see 90 years and this innocent life taken as a child? Why is this murderous man allowed to grow old and this loving angle of a man taken in his thirties? God, why do you do this? Yet when I think of my Prince as a gift, all these questions melt away. God is responsible for the gift. Life is responsible for the limitations. It takes a lifetime for some to learn, while the innocent have not yet lost their knowledge. What seems unfair and punishing to my flesh makes perfect sense to my spirit. I am left feeling proud of my Prince thru the sadness.
Why do we have to know the time limits in order to make the best of our time together? So you are not talking to a loved one. They were rude and offensive. You have a point, you may be right, but if one of you died tomorrow would it even matter? I say get angry, battle it out, then get over it and move forward.
Why are we so consumed with things that don't really matter? How much stuff are you going to buy for Christmas? How much of that will be important to you 2 years from now? How much stuff must you accumulate in your lifetime before your life has meaning? How big of a house do you need? How much space is yours and how much space belongs to things you have not seen this year? And what about time? Why must we find the time for the meaningful and devote most our time to the rest? Most things are a means to an end, yet most the time we are given is spent on the means and not enough time is devoted to the ends.
I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, now I know that it never mattered. They should have asked me and focused on who I wanted to be when I grew up. The kind of person I wanted to be and the Legacy that I wanted to leave.
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