The love affair with my addiction.
Conversations with my addiction.
When I am alone, I am not. Because you are there to console me. I can sit quietly in your presence without you asking why am I being so quiet. You need no reassurance that everything is going to be alright; while at the same time make me think everything is going to be alright.
Like a love sick puppy I find, in your absence, a sense of loss. And like an abusive relationship, that you can't let go of, I know deep down you are very bad for me as a whole person. But can I be whole without you? I know in my heart the answer is yes but deep in the trenches of my soul I resist letting you go. You are much easier on the heart than the realities of life., loss and relationships. If I stay wrapped in the soft, warm comfort of your arms life is palatable. But alone I am totally vulnerable, what is your power hold?
I need a new addiction, but I am afraid. I don't want to hurt anyone I love. This is an oxymoron because continuing on this path I will hurt everyone I love. But I will not have to live the hurt in the end. SELFISH! So dear Lord I obviously need help and obviously don't want it. Where do I go from here?
It does not matter what you are addicted to; drugs and alcohol have bad social implications, but addiction to anything is destructive. It could be exercise, religion, food, sex or gambling. They all have the same hold on our lives. They limit.
I want to live without limits!
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