There's No Business Like Showoff Business: Why we must change

The Voice of Steven Urkel

First Things First

The hub you are about to read was inspired by and is the result of and response to (of sorts) a truly fabulous work by one of Hubpages really creative grandmothers. Oops, did I say that? (said in the voice of Steve Erkl)

I'm referring to "What is, "None of Our Business?" by fpherj48 found here on Hubpages. It addresses quite forcefully the topic "What happened to Manners, social graces and PRIVACY?"

As you, the reader, can see by the volume of comments received here, Paula, also known as Effer, struck a nerve with many of her followers (like me) and some other Hubpage hero's who just happened to be pulled in by curiosity connected with the title! In either case, after reading this emotionally packed piece of potential power, I presumed to offer my own presumptuous postulation of poorly performing punks and other unpalatable persons who could give a rat's rear end about this planet or the people placed here to inhabit it!

That said...this is just the opinion of one man, grateful for all that is, especially this family of Hubbers!!!

Answering the Big Question

"Is nothing sacred any longer?"

Let's begin with the Definition of Sacred according to Dictionary.com:

  1. devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose; consecrated.
  2. entitled to veneration or religious respect by association with divinity or divine things
  3. pertaining to or connected with religion ( opposed to secular or profane)
  4. reverently dedicated to some person, purpose, or object
  5. regarded with reverence

For the purpose of this hub I am using the 5th definition only to avoid possible misunderstandings based on religious affiliation.

"Being polite and using manners, extending a common courtesy" will only be replaced when when we abandon them in our personal use and fail to teach future generations the value of consideration and care for each other. I have an old saying that may be hard to stomach but in my humble opinion, applies to the majority of our society. That is; when I point a finger at you (judgment) I have 3 fingers pointing back at me. (I see your guilt because I know it exists within me. How else would I know it existed?) I'm not saying we are guilty of impoliteness, bad manners or a lack of courtesy, but I am saying we all contribute to it when we accept it by turning our heads the other way or defending the blatant actions of those who commit them thinking they will somehow miraculously disappear without realizing any consequence. Unlike Paula, many are afraid to confront the conflict head on.

That's not me you say, I don't do that, I haven't contributed to today's dilemma's. Really? Have you ever gone 65 MPH in 55 MPH, Thrown your trash out the window while passing a No Littering sign, lied to get out of jury duty, fudged on your tax return, called in well to your employer, tried to have a traffic ticket fixed when you knew you were speeding or any of the other somewhat acceptable little transgressions of today? Be honest!

I admit there is a great difference between what I've described here and what Paula is questioning in her hub, but my point is this stuff begins inside of us and what we see in the behavior of others began with what we disliked in ourselves. The little transgressions grew and are now growing into bigger ones.

Another Example

This is a photo of my 7th grade class. See anyone with pants around their butts with their drawers hanging out? Or girls without dresses? Of course not! Ok, so how did we get where we are today from there? It didn't happen overnight. First, the jackets came off, then the ties came off, the girls wore pants, then jeans, then wholly jeans then...you get the idea.

Please understand, this is not intended to be a judgment, but an indication of the evolutionary process of change that we condone and how our acceptance leads to the next level of infraction. If you need a different yet more relevant example, go to any courtroom in the country, sit down for a day and watch to your dismay how our system of jurisprudence permits convicted criminals to walk free because our laws have slowly evolved to now reflect more of a concern for the accused than for the victim.

Turning This Around

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I recognize there are other arguments that could be made in support of either side of this case and I have to say that I agree with the majority on this one, especially since I have lived through it, as many of you have. Yet, Corporate America, Public Administrations and governmental bodies today spend little, if any, "soft money" for training to prevent hard problems stemming from character issues because it is often more palatable and or profitable to pay the fine associated with any discretion. This, again in my humble opinion leads to mediocrity in the same way that not holding someone accountable for their public display of profanity leads to the denigration of our society as a whole. I realize we cannot legislate morality, nor do I want to. However, When we choose to take our hands off of the wheel, we couldn't possibly know where the vehicle will wind up.

Attitude Equals Altitude

I have been fortunate enough to coach, mentor and guide young men for almost 30 years now in multiple environments ranging from schools and churches to maximum security juvenile facilities and detention centers as well as managing and coaching people to perform their best in school and career. In that time I have learned a few things that I encourage parents, public safety and educational officials, business leaders and clients to consider regarding the development of our youth and up and coming junior executives. I will leave two of them here with you as a recommendation to help prevent the backward slide of behavior that Paula encountered in her hub. They are:

  1. From Earl Nightingales "The Strangest Secret" - His definition of success is "progressively realizing a worthy ideal." (If you discover who you are, what gifts you possess and develop and apply them to a set of worthy ideals or goals you can live your life with purpose and passion.) How much time would you have to throw trash on somebody's lawn?
  2. From Don Miguel Ruiz's "Four Agreements" - a) Keep your word impeccable (This reminds me of an old adage that a man's word is his bond. Who then needs a contract or a court system?) b) Always do your best. It's not rocket science, it's commitment to yourself, for yourself and for everyone around you. It's pursuing your highest good and the highest good of everyone around you.

There is so much more! However, Paula's work inspired the writing of this hub because standing on the sidelines doing nothing is not my style of participation in life. The video below is one of the most inspiring clips depicting what we can accomplish when someone believes in us and we believe in ourselves, giving our very best.

So, "Is nothing sacred any longer?" Life is sacred and we preserve it by living it fully, to the best of our ability, with love and forgiveness and focusing our efforts on improving ourselves and helping our brothers and sisters when necessary and possible.

In the meantime, let's spread the word that peace is possible and it starts with me!

I am truly grateful for the opportunity to participate with people who care!

Peace be with you all.

Always Do Your Best

Is Anything Sacred

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Comments Please 13 comments

Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

Wow! Bruce, I almost don't know what to say because this is a very powerful piece of writing. I so much agree with what you have said here and I am never one to keep quiet. I too have spoken out when it is necessary and proper to do so. My grandson was taught by both his dad and his grandfather to remove his hat when sitting in a resturant, etc. and to open the door for the ladies, to stand when a female enters the room or approach the table, etc.. He is 12 now and still get smiles from people and one woman said to him...."I am 40 years old and never been treated with this kind of respect". I just hope it stick and stay.

Now that said, as much as I hate what is happening there is a fine line between being able to move forward with progress and standing still. I think the two resouces you offer is a great first step. I particularly like the book the Four Agreements and have given that book as gifts to many people. When those who read it finally get it I see a shift in the way they behave, talk and interact with others.

You work with young boy and men and I have, for many years, worked with young girls/women and I have found that many of them want to look and act differently but no one has (1) given them permission (2) shown them how (3) let them know it is really, really, OK to not follow the crowd.

Great job Bruce.....you really are born-to-care.


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you Nonna!

I really like the response that it is ok not to follow the crowd. We must know ourselves and thus take the road less traveled.

Thank you for your continued support and keep on working with our younger generations. It is imperative that we demonstrate that we are all one and therefore connected!

It matters,

Gratefully,

Bruce


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Born2care.....fpherj48? That's me.?! I guess my hub struck a nerve, huh, Bruce? Your hub here is a winner.....I'm impressed with your fervor. So often, we need to get angry and upset.....to light our fire!

It is too easy to sit back and "accept." When it comes to what's blatantly WRONG, I simply can't accept silently. I may not get very far, but I'm gonna try like hell.

Thanks, Bruce. I love you hub......You are a Hub Treasure! ...UP++


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

We are brothers in spirit, Bruce! It starts with me! Let me say that again....it starts with me! I cannot preach that which I am unwilling to do. I cannot complain if I plan on standing on the sidelines. It is my responsibility to step up to the plate in life. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse sometimes. Change must happen and we can't expect the other guy to begin that change.

Bravo my friend and bravo to Paula; she is a warrior of the highest order, and so are you.

peace and happiness always,

bill


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

To Paula and Bill,

Thank you my friends. Both of you are shining examples of what we can do when we work together. Granted, nothing is perfect. On the other hand when I think of both of you and what you are accomplishing on this site, and in life, it makes me feel like we're winning and life ain't so bad. As a matter of fact, it's...it's...it's...well, worth living!

Spread the word, peace is possible!

Gratefully yours!

Bruce

PS

Paula, since you asked , my first meeting with men in the Asheville area for WNC Men: Building A Life That Matters is off to a great start. 11 men have signed on to begin to communicate about discovering a new life. WhoooooooHooooooo! I'm excited!


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

A good read to reflect off of the hub you refer to By fpherj48

http://fpherj48.hubpages.com/hub/What-is-None-of-O...

I found much to be the reasons I dropped out of the world, seems that beginning life post the Great Depression and WWII, I started out as the first of two boys that were raised by a single father. Manners were taught regardless of where I was, at home with Dad or if he was working the wife of a Mexican Bracero tended me and I taught her English and she taught me Sonoran Spanish along with how to cook Sonoran style food. It was a fun time for me and I don't know the pressure it put on my Dad but he seemed to hold his own in the process, and we all made it to new houses and a better company owned town that was self sufficient and at midnight it was a 3,500 population. I saw life start to crumble when the racial division and the cultural divisions of the late 50s and 60s begin to grow. We were split into "taco Benders" or "Beaners" and the big belt buckle brigade that wore a cowboy suit and never even sat a horse, so we called them Rexall-Rangers. I got flack from them both as a guy who didn't fit in, and actually never tried. I had a stall south of the RR tracks with an old mine mule that were abandoned when the mine went above ground to strip mining. So the cowboys didn't like the fact that n week ends the old mule and me would go out and search the desert around us.

There was no peace in that town ever. When I left I left for good. My Dad stayed on and finally left after I bought him a house in a larger town that was at the borderline snow/desert.

He lived out his days where a few knew him and he kept it to a few and had peace doing his thing and he came out to my place to visit now and again, I offered him quarters and a complete wood working shop like the one he used as his hobby of making wood art. There are 1,000s of dollars worth hanging in this room, I call my stuff room, and I'd not part with it even knowing the next owner may give it to a second hand or thrift shop, and that worries folks, I know it used to worry me, but I overcame the issue of stuff.

So I don't keep up with the jones and don't worry with it, I do try to always be kind and courteous to others all the time and if discontent brews I just extract myself from the area, and so far so good.

I don't know what day it is or the numerical date and don't know what time it is any given day of the year. No phone, no TV, just the radio in the back ground that occasionally will catch my ear about something and I listen to see if it effects me and if not I just go on about my doing. I went to town for supplies in October of 01 and that is the first I heard of the 9/11 towers. I got this internet thing in 2008 from my little brother so he could mail me every few days to check on me, he finally believed me when I told him I'll never come back to any town marking this as my check out point or in some part of the state. He came to stay a week his wife got claustrophobic just thinking she was under ground and he took her to town dropped her at motel 6 and stayed another day trying to get me to move into their house and sell out here, but it was a no go.

The reason is people just ain't nice or trustworthy anymore and most men?s words are not worth spit, they say they'll do something and don't show up.

I agree we have lost so much in integrity, offers of help and with a huge load of concrete turning in a truck the 4 who promised to help only 1 showed up, and we worked til we dropped to get it done and we did get it done, but it is just many failures like this that America has come to, no regard for others and I learned fast to hire people to work the hard part of building a hole in the ground and when it got liveable I popped a couple kegs of beer and pit BBQ'd a big chunk of beef and venison, and hog shoulders fr all the folks who worked on getting the concrete work done and other things, and I'll be darned if the no show promise, breaking guys, showed up for free beer and food. I wanted so bad to throw them out, but with out a spectacle being made of a few ruining the thanks to the others, when I tipped a glass to all who helped and to all who failed themselves with untruths I offered forgiveness.

We need to learn better or spread the word better toward a better day for those coming to what we leave behind.

'Nuff Said,

May the Blessings Be,

50


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Oh my gosh 50,

You're my hero! I'm not sure I could've done what you did, but I admire you for it! I used to wish that my Daddy would've taught me better until I realized he couldn't because he didn't know how. Now, I can't fix the world, but I can help with my little corner of it.

I did learn that we may not have all come over on the same ship but we are definitely in the same boat!

Thank you my friend! I greatly appreciate knowing you and equally as grateful for your support by reading and commenting here.

Sincerely,

Bruce


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

You should be excited. There is no limit to how big this can grow and how far you can go!! I'll be expecting to see you and some members one day on The Dr.Drew show or on Anderson Cooper!! Go MEN!! Bless you all.


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thanks Paula!


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Bruce - An excellent and much needed Hub. I couldn't agree with you more. Everything you wrote is write on track/ Please do keep writing and thank you for the heads-up about fpherj's hub. Going there now. :) Sharing, of course! ~~ Theresa


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you Theresa!

I know you are fighting the good fight every day and I truly appreciate the efforts and I know your students do too, if not today, they will!

Blessings to you,

Bruce


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Bruce - Just had a few moments to Hub Wander (way too tired too hop). Two months later, this essay holds up very well. It deserves a much larger readership. Hope you are well. Sharing. Theresa


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank You Theresa!

It really touches me that when a busy professor who has only a few minutes to peruse would think to stop by one of my hubs...well, I'm just very grateful.

I am well and even though life is as it is, I am grateful for each moment as each one is a lesson I hold in the greatest regard. Thanks for visiting and when I get back into the swing of things I'll return the favor!

Sincerely,

Bruce

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