This I want if I get sick

I had a stroke five month ago. The treatment at the hospital is finished. There is nothing else they can do for me. I can hear. I can understand and remember the verdict. However, I cannot talk or communicate at all. Everything is taking place in my brains only. The stroke does this to humans. Force them to stop living a normal life. Part of my brain is so damaged it will never heal again.


The thinking, hearing and emotional part are still working. My eyes can convey a message to my family, and they try so hard to understand. I am so grateful to all my children because now when I need them so, I am glad we had a really good relationship between us. They can figure out what I need and want because they know me so well.

My bed room

My lovely bedroom with flower curtains
My lovely bedroom with flower curtains
Over the Bed Computer Table Cart
Over the Bed Computer Table Cart

An over the bed table for the pc

 

Sometimes, for fun and just for conversation, I said to my family, that when I am old, all I need are my computer and the TV. They smiled but realized that there was a drop of seriousness in the statement. Even if I am an old woman now, I love the internet and to build homepages and blogs. More than other Grandmothers, I know about html, GIF and photo shop. Unfortunately, my hands are not cooperating wo well any more because of the stroke. However, I have got a new monitor that reacts to my fingers, and it works ok. I have no other options, do I?

Start to talk about it while you can

Tell your family what you need
Even if it is hard say it now
Assure them you love them
Talk about hobbies
Funeral wishes
Tell them wile you can that you love them
Tell what you would like to do every day
Talk about ensurances and budget
Statement weither you want to stay in a home
Clear instructions about what is important to you
If possible, inform about the will
You do/do not mind to stay at a nursing home
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Mitsubishi Diamond Series WD-82838 82-Inch 3D DLP HDTV

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The TV is sending a lot of garbage these days. Some of those soap operas are so silly. I cannot believe people want them at all. All the violence in movies, series and even the news are affecting my mood too. Since my collection of movies on DVD is big and full of variation, I have something to watch now and then. Some of the music programs are also worth my time and eyes. There are funny conquests and games with music that I just love to invite into my bedroom.

Did you already think about this?

If the day comes when you cannot commutnicate clearly

  • All children know exactly what I want
  • One child only know what I want
  • I have written down my will about this
  • Hospice is ok
  • They dont know anything about me
  • I will worry about that when or if that day comes
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The social welfare nurses come to visit me. These lovely ladies help me with washing my body and hair. They take care of teeth and feet. I have never got so much attention in my whole life! They are efficient and kind too. The painting that has been my favorite hobby is out of the question now. I cannot paint my own roses any more. Nevertheless, I still love flowers and my room is full of them. My daughters have bought flower curtains, a flower tray for my food and every week they put fresh flowers on my desk. I love that so much. My eyes are saying: I love you! to both the flowers and the girls.

Every morning after feeding my breakfast, I sit up in my bed with the help of a foldable back support. Then I get the PC in front of me on a bed side table that fit nicely over my lap. On the wall is the TV, so I can see the news and weather for cast. That is my habit since years back.


When you are sick and stuck in bed like this, it is inevitable to become sad now and then. In spite of all the loving care, I cry and feel like a burden. The family immediately comes to me and assures me that it is their privilege to help me now when I need them. So many times I have been there for them, they say.

O OK – I will let them!

Comments and thoughts about this subject 5 comments

irenemaria profile image

irenemaria 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Thank you Polly for your touching story. I know that feeling and we are not the only ones either.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

That sounds like what happened to my dad and people in the family and a therapist worked with him, he couldn't walk and barely mumbled but I took over and before my brother decided things were not to suit him, although he was the only one above doing such things, Dad talked well but weakly and with a walker he took himself with me walking behind him until he got in and turned around to sit down. I had tried a few times just holding his arm to walk but I think because it was just something new it didn't work but we were so close. When I left the next person would not get him up or let him use his wheel for his feet exerciser and he developed a blood clot which we had been warned about if those legs were not moved around some every day. If he could get as far as he did though I don't see why you can't too and even better having the intelligence I can see that you have. Don't let a day go by without circulation, that is so important. I wish you the best and especially a will to improve, but this is a great place for friends and I will be glad to talk to you at any time. Polly


poddys profile image

poddys 5 years ago from Southampton

I didn't realise that you had a stroke, I am so sorry :(

I think that most of us don't understand the need to write down what we want to happen in the event that we die, or if we become ill or handicapped as we grow older.

With my wife having been diagnosed with a brain tumor in January after being sick and unable to leave the house for 6 months. Fortunately they were able to remove the tumor and she is now fully recovering thankfully.

It has made us sit up and think, and right now we are looking at documenting what we want to happen when we finally pass on, looking to pay for everything in advance so our children don't have to worry, and also making financial plans for when one of us goes and the other is left.

It's not easy to do, but good to do in advance definitely.


fucsia profile image

fucsia 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope that the place like this community can help you to overcome the sadness. You maybe can not heal, but you can find a new balance. I wish you a happy life, despite the sickness.


The Dirt Farmer profile image

The Dirt Farmer 5 years ago from Maryland

Like you, my grandmother had a stroke, and like your children, I could never have done as much for her as she had done for me. Listen to your children. Taking care of the one you love really is a privilege. (:

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