Thinking during a Manic Episode!!
I'd like to mention that this experience happened while I was on the wrong medication. I believe the medication caused it.
When I think (while experiencing symptoms of bipolar such as Mania) I try and focus and deal with the matter at hand, while trying to solve my problems. You see, I am like a scientist studying my own brain, because no one, not even the psychiatrist can "go in there" and "see what's really going on". So, when I see my doctor, psychiatrist, counselor, I describe to the best of my ability, in detail, how I feel, and I've even suggested medicines I should take with the doctor's guidance.
In mental health, you have to "help yourself" alot, I think it's difficult for doctors to help you if you don't express how you feel....we feel what we're going thru, and no one else can help us sometimes for mental illness is an invisible disease in that you don't see the suffering like you would blood and broken bones.
Lately, I've been becoming aware of many things. I call it what my friend said "When you're 30 you no longer feel like when you were 25" --your interests and priortites change. I feel I have progressed. I now understand many more things about people in my life--I used to take alot of people seriously when they were joking. Having a change of perspective can be really good. Mental Illness tends to twist or trick a person's mind at times, which can break down their enjoyment in life, some people for instance, can't relax around people without alcohol.
You've come a long way baby :-)
I like this saying because I have. We all come a long way over time, perhaps because that is the nature of life. Learning is inevitalbe to some degree, depending how much you want to learn of course.
But back to my paper, Learning is often painful, isn't it? For example if you're 5 and you touch a hot stove, learning not to do that hurts! So can learning anything~we often need experience and that is the best teacher but is a tough one !
It seems like it takes a long time, years, a lifetime really, to learn what you need to know or want to know.
Have you ever taken "notes" when you were high?
You who have smoked weed, have you ever recorded yourself or written down your thoughts thinking they were "like wow" and later when you were sober, they were just a little loopy?
Well, being manic is sorta like being on drugs though you're not, it's a brain teaser twist thingie. So, last time I got manic which lasted I don't know 5-7 hours.....I at first (as always) thought because I was happy, I was being "cured". About an hour or two later I realized I was manic and (I get low doses of mania btw) was not being cured, what a bummer. I thought since I was on a new medicine and felt great at that moment, it would 'cure' me. So... I record or write sometimes when manic and I wrote:
Question: I was manic hours ago and feeling happy (now I'm feeling sorta crappy) will my mind be as clear as it is now when I awake from sleeping later? You see I've obsessively overanalyzed to see reality as non-reality and then I've become aware I'm obsessing and feel "dumb". I often hurt others and myself with false accusations when obsessing. My thoughts and view get distorted.
(You see the above, was written while manic, and I was aware of the way my mind works, and it bothered me. Does anyone else feel aware when manic? I've seen friends go "crazy" and say off the wall stuff about hallucinations and stuff--but they weren't smart enough to call crisis or help before they got worse--though some people I know do call for help , maybe the ones that don't are more sick and fall into their mania or psychosis very hard...?
Mania is like getting high without a drug. So, will my view remain clear? I wish! I wish I always felt clear and happy. (I started feeling good the other day, I was driving home and I noticed all the details around me of nature and felt Good. Normally when driving I don't notice everything and just can't wait to get to my destination). But from experience, I will feel sad, and confused angry depressed and twisted all over again. Such is the cycle of bipolar/manic-depression, yeah?
IN MY REALITY OF THOUGHT COMES: DISCOVERY
During these periods when my mind is "super clear" I have mindblowing or at least enlightening self discoveries, or at least they seem that way! Tonight I realized things about myself. (But I know at some point I will dwell on those facts and twist the crap out of them. I sometimes can't tell if I'm having instinctive gut feelings or just obsessive twisting thoughts.) These things can improve over time and there are just some people, like detectives, who by nature are very analytical, and sometimes their hunches are right on, or way off. We just need to remind ourselves that we may be dead wrong, and not assume!
As to these conclusions-
- Honestly I'm dissappointed
- I hope my new medicine helps my mind
- The brain is a complex and amazing organ
What is chemical imbalance or mental pain?? you ask???
The term chemiclal imbalance is for "a lack of serotonin in the brain" Serotonin is a chemical now put in pills to help people with this problem. I have that problem. It makes me no less normal and smart (just occassionally, manic, or depressed!)
IF YOU DON'T SUFFER YOU'RE LUCKY! (This when I was writing while manic!)
But I know there are many many many physical illnesses that I probably wouldn't trade this for.
Note-- No one has the right to judge anyone-- until they study it themselves. Would you judge me if you had not read this? Do you judge me now?
Thoughts about God
I've received much comfort by believing in God and 'feeling His presence' and knowing He is always there for me. In fact I believe He has helped me get better, for the more I focus on His help, the better I feel.
HUMANS DON'T LIKE PAIN
I hate pain. I don't want it. Have you seen the video on youtube of the guy born without arms or legs? He overcame being depressed at his situation and eventually became accepting and happy and is now a motivational speaker, traveling all over the world, being hugged by teenagers who he speaks to about how their life isn't so bad! Awesome. I say we all need to accept what we get, what else can we do? We just inspire each other and that's a core human value.
This helps me to put my life into perspective and be thankful for what I do have
DIFFERENT REASONS FOR DEPRESSION
Situational and Chemical
Some depression and illness results from trauma or abuse or unhappiness about life (situational)
others can't think of a reason, it just happens to them (chemical)
Mental Illness is a physical lack of serotonin in the brain
Likewise, people who have experienced deterioration of inner organs........became mentally sick or had dementia The body if sick can cause the mind to get sick and vice versa. The body is a whole unit, combination of ALL PARTS, Dentists will tell you if you're teeth are infected, it will affect the body. Oral health affects overall health too.
WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER~ WE NEED EACH OTHER
FARMERS NEED DOCTORS
DOCTORS NEED OPTHAMALOGISTS
NEED MASSAGE THERAPISTS
NEED SMILES :)
GOD OR NO GOD, GET ALONG!! RESPECT LIFE--Why? Because we need each other
We are here people to inspire each other, we are all blessed in our own ways and have a human makeup to share Love, Experience, Feelings
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