VT Willi's Loneliness
My Secret Heartache
To desperately need companionship; to wander around in your own mind lost and confused. I offer question my existence and I want wait an answer to appear. My worth is not defined by my talent-in my heart I treasure less than the world. A warm touch, a smile, a comforting suggestion- this is my plea for my life. Loneliness has defined my motives and out of my loneliness my creativity was born. To write without reason with eloquence; each line is my soul crying out for love. I feel as if have been banished from the world. In the solitude of my bedroom I cry daily- yet I feel nothing. I judge consistently and I see everybody’s flaws; although I am a mess all within myself-I am lonely. The visage is getting harder to maintain. I feel my worth dwindling as my emotions begin to surface on my face. My back is strong but my legs are weak. I am a child trapped in womanhood; I don’t think that anyone has ever truly loved me. Rejection my one true adversary; fear leads me to run away from the kind. They are all monsters and I know that they approach to seek me out. I keep my doors closed so that I am not ever tempted to venture out. Where is my equal? Where is my companion that is worth my worth? Where is my joy and why do I still hurt? Loneliness declines my encouragement to leave. I fear my path and I have been forced to grieve. I wonder what end this will have. I am sure that I will break one day. There are no longer enough tasks to keep me busy so that I won’t think. Life is an equation and I solve my dilemmas in parts. X the unknown is always a negative integer. I divide my life with precision and I choose to abandon color, I live in black and white. Up and down- left and right, there is no middle; no gray. I drop tears from eyes when I see people in love and watch children play. I cannot remember happiness in my childhood and I can’t remember my parents ever hugging or kissing me. See I was damaged early on.
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