Verbal Abuse, A Supposed Expression of Love that Cuts Ones Psychological Throat!
Verbal abuse is one of the most vicious forms of abuse that you can imagine. Why? Because it is often committed by one who poses as a friend, confidant, or loved one. It's frequently delivered by those you'd think could be counted upon to look after your best interest. It's a boyfriend, girlfriend, a father, a mother, etc. It's often the product of a supposed a trusted one.
Unlike physical abuse, whose scars tend to go away with the passage of time, verbal abuse is a brutal battering of mind, soul, and spirit that can remain with its victim a life time. He's made to feel that he is the worst thing that ever stepped foot on God's earth. He or she is made to feel a deep sense of shame, worthlessness, and utter self disgust. In short, he's completely demoralized and eventually comes to believe the propaganda fed to him by his abusers.
Children are one of the biggest recipients of this type of abuse. They are intellectually and psychologically immature and in many instances dependent upon the abuser in one way or another. Regrettably, children routinely experience verbal abuse from often well meaning parents on a regular basis. In the normal process of disciplining their children, parents often say things to them which are abusive and in time take their toll. For instance, statements such as: you're rotten to the core; or your just like your no good father are abusive whether the parent realizes it or not. They don't speak to correcting the child's ill behavior but instead harshly attacks the very essence of the child him or herself. The above criticisms are the same as saying that your no good, bad, unworthy, etc. These types of statements tend to have long lasting effects, none of them good.
Be Clear, the above is not meant as an indictment of parents as being the worlds abusers. Rather, it's meant to illustrate how easy it is to verbally abuse one without even knowing that this is indeed what you've done. It's sometimes hard for human beings to control the words that come out of their mouths, especially in fits of anger. However, those words nevertheless have their effects whether intended to do harm or not.
The words "darling I love you" have often set the stage for untold abuse carried out by one lover upon another. Although women tend to suffer more verbal abuse in a relationship than men, the male of a relationship also finds himself routinely brutalized by abuse of a verbal nature as well. Lets take a closer look at this. In an attempt to both punish and control their partners, men as well as women often make them subject to verbal abuse. From a woman telling a man that he's a bum and lack luster lover to a man calling his woman friend a bitch or whore, this type of verbal abuse is typical in far too many relationships. For many men such is seen as an ideal way of making sure that their female partner does not leave them, at least while they are still interested in them. Therefore, in an attempt to make her feel that he's the only one who'll have anything to do with her, some men resort to tearing their female mates down by telling them how stupid, ugly and unattractive they are. The intimate secrets that they share with each other are heavily used to support the supposed legitimacy of their criticism. Regrettably, this tactic is used by both men and women alike.
The truly terrible thing about this type of abuse is that its victims often begin to believe the things that are said about them. There is a tendency for some to accept the criticism leveled against them as the truth regarding who they truly are. It's not unusual for the abused person to eventually agree that he or she is as ugly and undesirable as their mate constantly tell them they are. Likewise, it's not uncommon for them to accept the blame for anything that goes wrong in their relationship, even up to outright physical abuse. The reasoning is simple: if you're bad enough to deserve constant ridicule then you're bad enough to have the stuffing's knocked out of you.
The same as it is emotionally damaging, verbal abuse can be rather vicious in nature. Abusers often go to all time lows never imagined by their victims. It's not at all uncommon for an abuser to resort to talking about their victim in the most disgusting terms. From calling them whores, making highly insulting remarks regarding their personal hygiene to making inappropriate remarks about their sexual practices, abusers will drag their victims through the gutter. They also resort to making these types of comments to their victims directly in front of family, the victims coworkers, close friends, etc. It's absolutely nothing for them to paint a picture of their victims as being the scum of the earth, while they (the victim) watch on in horror accompanied by feelings of massive embarrassment and shame.
Keep in mind that the major goal of most abusers in this instance, is that of control. One of the major ways they do this is by belittling their victim to the point where they loose self esteem, give up and simply accept the lies and distortions said about them. Abusers fight to make the victim feel that they are lucky that they have any dealing with them at all. In short, the victim is made to feel that he/she should be grateful to have the abuser in his/her life and in gratitude, hand the control of their life to him.
As alluded to above, the danger of physical abuse on the part of the abuser against the victim, is very real. There is a short step between verbally abusing someone and actual physical assault of them. This is one reason why it's highly important for anyone trapped in this type or relationship to remove themselves from it as quickly as possible, particularly if the verbal abuse continues to escalate unabated. It's important to understand that if a person is thoughtless enough to verbally abuse you, the likelihood is great that they are callous enough to physically abuse you as well. Again, there exists a very short distance between verbal and physical abuse. In fact, they tend to go hand and hand.
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