WELCOME to TWILIGHT LAWNS plc
Twilight Lawns plc - the Original Building
Dear Friends, Hubbers and Prospective Residents,
To appreciate the forthcoming Story ‘Josie goes to Twilight Lawns’ you would need to understand a few details. Twilight Lawns is a Residential Home for Distressed Gentlefolk, situated very near the lovely little village of Norbury-sur-Mer.
This charming Olde Worlde village is located in the lovely county of Surrey, in the United Kingdom.
Perhaps you have visited Twilight Lawns in the Winter when a hub appeared entitled ‘Coping with the Snow’. Some of the characters in that mini saga are also represented in 'Whatever happened to Lettice Rogers-Allbody?'. Let me hasten to add that neither this, nor the previous tale, is a work of fiction, but a true and verified history of events that have taken place at the Home.
Just a Few of the Basic Rules
A few details, in case you are considering whacking your aged relative into the Home for us to take care of her or him. Or indeed, if you yourselves are aware that Time is not on your side and that you will all be as feeble, needy and pathetic as some of our present Residents, much sooner than you anticipate.
We have certain criteria, and we must insist that prospective Residents meet with all of our requirements.
- We definitely prefer our Residents to be of a decent class,
- We like our Residents to be rich, if possible, and by that, we mean, “Old Money” but if they are nouveau riche (but VERY riche) we will make concessions.
- Manners are essential, and there will be no use of words such as toilet, serviette, perfume, pardon or settee for example. We insist that Residents use the correct words…lavatory, napkin, scent, what, sofa.
- It must be clear already that this is an establishment which has standards, and that the old standards of taste, good class, family and breeding are paramount.
Our Rules are based on Good Taste and Common Sense
Some of our Residents have been with us for so long that we can’t even remember where they came from or who they are. But they are treated fairly and so long as they abide by the few simple rules, they will be happy here. And as most of them can’t remember who they are or where they come from either, it balances out quite well.
Most of the rules are self evidently beneficial to the community at large, so there are seldom times when a Resident needs to be punished.
For example, one of Old Dears forgot to wear a hat recently and she was only barred from one meal, so she soon learned not to make that mistake again. It should have been obvious; even to the simplest soul, that it was just not right to go to the bathroom without wearing a hat. It’s all a matter of standards.
A Gentle Warning, to be Ignored at Your Peril
If you are in the area, and would like to visit the Home to discover what sort of amenities on offer, please don’t just barge in and think you are going to be treated with any civility. We insist that prospective Residents and their Families contact us by letter or by telephone, first.
One of the reasons, apart from good manners on your behalf, is that some of the Residents are allowed to walk around the grounds at times, unattended, and several uninvited “trespassers” have been severely mauled by some of the Old Dears who think that they are being invaded,
One of our Residents, Mrs Orme-Wilde has a very nasty bite and she has been known to inflict some very severe wounds if crossed.
Twilight Lawns plc Retirement Home for Persons of Decent Class
However, if you are permitted to come, and if your credentials are up to scratch, it would still be unwise to just come to the main gate, in case, for example, Eulalia Hawkins (Mrs) is out and about, She doesn’t take prisoners (as they say).,
The house stands in pleasant grounds, and anyone driving by (one assumes that you would be driven, by a chauffeur, if possible), will immediately recognise the large iron gates and driveway, as in the picture.
Do not be confused about our large signpost that some local wags has painted over and re-written the legend:
WRINKLY GREENS, TERMINAL HOME FOR OLD FARTS AND CRAZY OLD BIRDS.
Your most obedient servant,
Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh (Matron)
Dear Friends, Hubbers and Prospective Residents
Now that you have read the introduction to Twilight Lawns plc, perhaps you will be ready to delve into a saga that is as distressing as it is uplifting.
It is a tale of intrigue and of hope. A tale of an intelligent woman who pursues an ideal. A tale of a pure soul, drawn to a glittering and sometimes elusive dream..
Then again; perhaps it’s not.
But sadly enough for those of you have a thirst for literature of the highest order, I have removed the tale mentioned from HubPages, to "publish it on Amazon.
The URL for this splendid piece of writing is:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whatever-Happened-Lettice-rogers-Allbody-Twilight-ebook/dp/B00JHRIAG8 for those fortunate to be living in the UK
http://www.amazon.com/Whatever-Happened-Lettice-rogers-Allbody-Twilight-ebook/dp/B00JHRIAG8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400599917&sr=8-1&keywords=whatever+happened+to+lettice+rogers+allbody for those of you living across The Pond.
More by this Author
Attempt to gently take the piss out of the rabid Little Englanders who think that the United Kingdom is so much better than any amount of "Dreadful Foereigners". Be Loyal; be Patriotic... but Grow Up
India, 1946. Independence looms. Day in the life of a Chota Sahib. But this young boy doesn’t realise that he is the baby who will be thrown out with the bathwater. He’s Indian, but the wrong colour.
A somewhat less than learned attempt to explain Restless Legs Syndrome and possible ways of diminishing its effects. The writer is a sufferer, yet can describe the condition with some little humour.