What it feels like to lose your soul mate

Twin Flames
Twin Flames
Soul Mates
Soul Mates

What is a soul mate?

Many people have different thoughts on soul mates. To me a soul mate is part destiny and part decision. Paths are crossed, but the choices you have made and will make change things for you. A soul mate dives into you and loves you completely and unconditionally as you are. There is no compromising yourself. That love then becomes the fuel that causes evolution in you both. The best in you comes out naturally and together you reach greatness. The good times are amazing and the tough times are small and worthwhile obstacles. You both make an active choice to become one, come what may. My husband was my soul mate. He was a man that I could see myself spending multiple lifetimes with, given the opportunity. He gave me a love that I feel can transcend thru space and time, Heaven and Earth. I saw myself being a happy old lady next to him. I wanted to receive all of my good news and my bad news in the security of his strong supportive arms. We could be poor or have it all and it would not alter the strength of our love. He introduced me to a whole new level of love and life. He took me as I was, for who I was, without expecting me to compromise at all. He laughed at all of my tantrums and never got upset. He was my strength, my stability, my voice of reason, and so much more. I in turn gave him all I could of me and made a daily effort to reach agape love with him knowing that agape love is considered to great to be achieved by humans.

Before I met him, I needed or wanted for nothing. Now that he has gone to heaven everything here seems pointless and worthless. I have more now than I did before him and it means nothing with him gone. They are just things. I have a great need that nothing here can fill. I want for something that can't be given to me and that does not even exist on this Earth anymore. We glided thru life despite the obstacles. We floated, happily and peacefully thru our days completely satisfied with our little life. Our love cultivated us and we both flourished under it. We began to see more clearly what mattered most in life and were making plans to distance ourselves from the traps. Having been rewarded with each other, all days were happy...


Without you my love...
Without you my love...

Loosing my soul mate

The morning of your death, I was ripped violently away from you. The blow almost ripped off my wings. Not just a fall, I was slammed down into the earth where I have been unable to move for now 36 days. The pain encompassed my entire body as if I were being torn directly in the center. I felt and still feel incomplete. I am not whole. I was left bleeding out and in pain. I am bleeding still. Consumed by pain and emptiness, I walk an unfamiliar path thru a world that seems more fierce, empty, pointless, wasteful, and foreign to me. Nothing makes sense. I feel alone everywhere, lost in confusion. Doubt and confusion are the demons that attack the most. They grab hold by my hair and send me into rage.

Having chosen to become one, we were like siamese twins. Born together. 2 people sharing one body. Separating them requires time, careful planning, a team of highly skilled doctors, recovery measures, and prayer. With all of these things, the odds are still against them. We had no such careful measures. I woke up one morning having been carelessly cut from you, left behind to survive now half of what I once was. My life is one breath at a time. I bandage myself and drag myself forward. The life that I can see painted so beautifully before me is now a dark veil. What once can go on forever now ends at the end of my nose. I don't know time, I can't feel you, I can't feel me, I can't feel God.

I am so proud of the man you are and the love we have. I am proud to be your wife. You deserve the best of heaven. I do not blame or hate God. I celebrate your life and our love. I continue by faith. None of this dries the endless tears or dulls the bottomless pain. It does not provide light in my darkness. It does not fill the void. What was once a star within me shining so bright is now a supernova. The black hole within me threatens daily to pull me in. It is a daily struggle to try to learn how to keep from losing myself and all the things that you love in me. Thank the Lord for the light that compels me to move, the 8 yr old angel that is left in my care. She is being used to save me everyday.

More by this Author


Comments 28 comments

Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 5 years ago from Australia

This is beautifully expressed. I also feel incomplete following the loss of one I love dearly. I mention this only because I feel the depth of your words and the pain you speak of can only be understood by those who also live with the pain of loss. Your union as one with your beautiful husband is very special and unique, it will live on forever in you and your dear little angel. My heart is with you.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you so much Fennelseed. Nothing could prepare us for this or these feelings or emotions. It is an unwelcome and very unappreciated learning experience for me.

It is hard to sit back and wait for the powers of time to heal that so many tell me will come eventually.


Chatkath profile image

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

Thinking of you often Moms-Secret, your writing is so beautiful and your pain so real, it is a reflection of your frightening struggle to make it through each day without your soul mate by your side. He is with you though, if that's all you have to grasp right now, so be it. Feel his essence in the miraculous daughter that you created and in everything you do. In your writing, he is with you, and it is clear that you both had a bond that many will never know. That will never leave, it will live forever in your heart!

It will get better, hang in there!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Chat - it is a daily struggle to carry all the pieces of my broken self into the next day. Seeing your faithful comments always help a little. I so appreciate you and your words of friendship.


TheTruthasIseeit profile image

TheTruthasIseeit 5 years ago from Virginia

I understand completely. It's so hard to relate to the world. Important things to others (like losing their jobs, or homes) seems so petty and ridiculous. I'm sorry for your loss. Nothing anyone could say could ease your pain. Know that you are not alone.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Truth - That part is enough to drive us crazy. How much we put off to achieve useless and meaningless goals...

Robert and I used our short time well and still put to much off for later.


Marjatta profile image

Marjatta 5 years ago

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. It comforts me to know that I am not alone in my grief and my heart aches for you.

Shaun and I found love later in life, but it felt like perfect destiny. We couldn't explain it. We just knew each other's souls so completely.

Shaun died suddenly last week. Like you, I am grateful that we lived life to the fullest every day, never taking for granted the blessing of finding each other. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, as I'm sure would you.

Please know that through your writing, you are helping others enormously, including me. Thank you so very much and God bless.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Marjatta, I am so sorry for the things we have in common but feel free to get as much as you need out of my writing and out of me. I am an email away. There are things that will happen from here on that will surprise you and test your heart, but like all things they too will pass.

I send blessings for you in your new journey.


MFB III profile image

MFB III 4 years ago from United States

This is a great heart rending hub, about the pain experienced when a spouse dies. I am sorry for your loss, even though there are no words to comfort such

absence. I wrote about the loss of a spouse and will leave a portion here for you.

Acceptance.

When your life partner has

breathed their last

leaving you behind.... aghast,

there's no other place

to run to but the past...

the present holds

no place for them,

and tommorrow your alone again,

but they'll always be there

just for you.....

in your remember whens.....

Bridge-

When they're gone

we can't go with them

and they won't return again,

that's why memories

are precious sanctuaries

where we will often spend,

all the years we'll face without them

till it's time for our own journey,

round that long, dark, final bend,

till we reach the end,

where they wait eternally....

eternally..........

Chorus-

When our life finds its conclusion

we'll share joy and sweet reunions,

grand rejoinings in

sweet fusions of lost loves

God put us all here for a reason,

like the changing of the season,

and our Wintering of death brings

endless Summers up above.......

.....up above.................

http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_10973256

ArtWhimsically Yours Studio

MFB III Productions-(c)-2011


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you. I loved reading your poem and am so happy that you took the time to read about my Prince. I found that there weren't songs that could represent this, I am glad you chose to write one.


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 4 years ago

My lady, let me tell you, this hub is written perfectly! You gave me a nice image of love, ecstacy and romance and then suddenly, you expressed your sorrow of losing that nice and wonderful guy. I am sure he was lucky to have for you sound like a good natured lady. I am sorry for your loss, deeply sorry.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment. Now almost 6 months later, I am finally learning how to function despite the whole. I really appreciate you taking the time to read part of our love story.

Blessings


Bharathi B M 4 years ago

I feel I am not alone after reading the beautiful words. Living and waiting for death is my everyday life. I feel When I myself experience all the pain that 'my love' experienced I may be bit relieved of my pain. It's more than a year and time does not seem to heal anything.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

It is nice to meet you Bharathi. When waiting for something time seems to stand still. Everyone has a time. I hope that you will consider finding something to help pass the time while you wait. Perhaps helping others in need can distract you while you wait. Time does not heal but it does dull the pain. Healing and understanding are not as vital as I once thought. Many Blessings. Thank you for reading and commenting.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 4 years ago

I can't imagine what you are going through.My heart feels your sorrow.My mother has lost her husband over twenty years and there is not a day she feels the pain of life without him.I try to tell her think of the years that you turned your tears to smiles together.Those are the times people live their whole life to experience the joy,passion and love.You were blessed.Then maybe in some way you can put the pain to rest.A hub that makes me appreciate every day.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Welcome Dream On. One of the best compliments I could ever receive is the one you gave. That somehow something from me can cause another to appreciate their own is priceless. Thank you.


LeeYoungAe 4 years ago

Oh my god... awww... :'( this is what i exactly feel when i am away from him ... even when i get the thought that '' its impossible that he and me will be together in life '' i feel so empty ... and i feel like i am torn apart brutally ... but its the bitter truth .. we both cant be together in life.. bcoz fate separated us mercilessly ...... you should cherish those moments you spent with your soulmate.. and live in those memories bcoz they will give you strength to live and move forward in life.... and also never forget that he is a part of you and still he is within you... in every action of yours , in every thought of yours.. and with the each breath of yours he is breathing with in you, living with in you. and when ever you feel the cool wind striking you feel that he is trying to touch you and caress you ... it may sound foolish but these are the little , silly things that give us hope and strength in life to move forward in life otherwise we feel that our life is so empty and numb though we have every thing in life... i cant explain how bad and worse it feels when i am going away from him after meeting.. it feels like a part of my body is taken away forcefully as if like some one is cutting a part of mine away from me.. that kind of pain can not be explained in words ... it can be only felt.. only few people understand this fact .. I can understand what you be feeling at that time your soulmate was taken away from you forever.... its the worst feeling in the life.. its like a never ending pain, and never ending emptiness ... but you have to live your life for your sweet daughter.. she is a part of you and him.. that means she is the most precious gift given to you by him... she is a reflection of you and your husband .... and the proof that he is still with you .. bcoz you can feel his presence when she is with you ... just cherish her and cherish all those memories.. or write every single memory of yours in a book so that you can never loose those precious memories so that you can always live with those sweet moments and sweet thoughts forever ^_^ may god bless you ...


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Lee, so nice to meet you. I am flattered to have had my work inspire so many words from you. Your idea for journaling memories is great except that my memory has been a fatal flaw of mine. The memories are in me and I know how good they are even tho I can not recall them at will. My daughter is a precious gift that he and I shared tho not in the way that you think.

I hope that you only ever are able to relate to this temporarily. Thank you for the comment. I really appreciate it.


HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 3 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

Very nice! :)


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thanks Hattie... All my work is personal but this one... Lets just say some of them I can't re-read too often. I remember the feeling, that's more than enough.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 2 years ago from Taos, NM

I don't know what to say to you. I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. I don't know why God took him at the time He did. That you have a daughter together I hope helps and you can see him in her. I guess faith is what you lean on until that hole and dreadful chasm in your heart closes a bit. I wish you all the best from here on in!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

I am so sorry for your great loss, your Prince. I cannot imagine losing my soul mate at such a young age and after just a short time together really. You pour out your soul here and it is indeed heartrending. I am glad you have your beautiful daughter.

I see this was written two years ago, but I know the pain of that great loss really never goes away.

Up and more and sharing

Hugs and blessings,

Faith Reaper


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Nice to meet you Suzettenaples. With the passing of years, I am able to see a bit more clearly. I do not believe that God took him from me. I don't think that is the way this all works. I would like to think that we come here for a certain amount of time. For him it was about 37 years, that I didn't meet him until the last 5 or so is not God's doing. Neither one of us was ready for the other before then. As far as my daughter, I had her before I met him. She was a part of me that I shared with him. His love for me spilled onto her as he accepted her as his own. She had the amazing father that made her and the amazing one that chose to love her. Thank you so much for your comment.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Oh Faith... my heart be still... I am still replying to all the love that you sent in my direction. You are right. 2 years have passed and I am still and will always be his widow but I have had a lot of healing and much has changed. Your hugs wrap around me and I am warmed. :) I am so blessed to have come across your spirit.


Jazz 2 years ago

I'm so sorry for your loss! Losing your soulmate is a tragedy, it's always painful and it hurte so bad. However I believe that your soulmate will always live on in your heart, even though he isn't there for you physical a soulmate bond lives on forever. I know that this won't lessen the pain but please know that many people have never or will never experience a soulmate bond, what you have found is so rare and special! Even though you had a short time with him on earth, you experienced heaven on earth and those memories and feelings will never go away.

I will pray for you and thank you for sharing your touching story with us.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Pain is something that dulls through time. Enough time has passed. I am at peace. The kind thoughts from others, both known and unknown has helped. So, I thank you.


Monica 15 months ago

This was beautifully written. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you, as I know the pain and sorrow of losing your soulmate will stay with you the rest of your life. My soulmate died suddenly when I was 20 years old, before we had the chance to be married. We spent one year together, and it will never be enough. I will forever mourn the life we could have spent together. Your words about envisioning yourself as a happy old woman with your love really spoke to me, as I felt the same way. It has been nearly 10 years now, and I still miss him every day. People don't seem to understand, but I will carry him with me and grieve this loss the rest of my life.


Leigh 10 months ago

I am only 11 days into the grieving process... still smelling his clothes, feeling ripped in half, suffering because the silence deafening. Everything is a reminder. Sometimes I think he'll walk in the door. He died in his sleep suddenly next to me, just 42. At this moment, life seems so pointless. Seems so lonely. Seems impossible.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working