When your Wife is Fat
Turning BBW After Marriage
The Hefty Housewife
- Is the woman in your life hefty?
- Do you love the way she looks no matter what?
- Is it safe to say that you are not head-over-heals in love, with her new low self-esteem from being overweight?
(Be honest with yourself, it will make a difference on how you read this hub.)
I decided to write this hub, because I know all to well how it feels to be a hot momma, gone fat. I have intimate first hand knowledge, how to help your plus size wife get passed her fat issues. In keeping that in mind, this article is not a promise to be a new cure all fix. It is not a self promotional hub, nor is it an advertisement to sell fat-buster products. I am a hefty housewife, who got tired of being ashamed of her new plump figure. Consider this article a jump start to the path of happiness.
"In Sickness and In Health" Wedding Vow Lesson
- When my husband and I said the wedding vow, "In sickness and in health”, we unknowingly included any and all, mental or physical, illnesses and ailments.
What I mean by that is; it took me a long while to realize that maybe, my new found low self-esteem was something my husband, did not anticipate me having, when he said that vow to me. After all I was an extremely confident woman, steeping with self-confidence over my former size and beauty. Me, come down with low-esteem...? NEVER! Not even I, could have ever anticipated that to be in my unseen future. Even though the "I do’s" were said, some things are not better left unsaid. Presumptions are a person's way of avoiding contact. Do not be lazy or afraid when a marriage is on the line.
- Try asking your spouse what they were thinking, when the two of you said that vow. Do not be surprise when she/he says that they were thinking more along the lines of cancer. Self esteem issues or depression are seldom a consideration. Nevertheless, this might just be the catalyst the marriage was needing, to reopen the lines of communication between the two of you again. I have yet to come across a man who said to me, “Yes, Julie I was thinking of her weight gain and self-esteem issues.”
- Do not be argumentative. For once in the marriage just listen. Criticism is very difficult to take in at times, especially coming from a spouse. However, if you can simply listen and agree, you might just fine it to be a very rewarding experience.
Understanding the Dynamics Involved
- Change is a double edge sword. Women need to realize that most men, find it extremely difficult to deal with change.
It is generally hard and somewhat upsetting for men, to deal with the fact that their lover has become a bouncy, plump, BBW, or vice versa. I have a dear friend name Danny, who has not had intimate relations with his girlfriend, since she has lost fifty pounds. As he states, "She took all my cushion away." With that said, it is perfectly natural for men to feel this way, when faced with changes.
On the flip side, women are conditioned to embrace change. It starts the moment women blossom out of their childhood and into puberty, with the start of their menstrual cycle. That hormonal shift causes huge changes in a young girl's life. The way she eats, feels, looks, and behaves can be affected during a woman's menstrual cycle. Girls also forced to change their hygiene habits, and essentially grow up and become more responsible, regardless of their age at the time. I was eleven when I started my period. I grew huge boobs overnight, and became extremely moody. At times I felt overwhelmed, with all the changes going on inside, my little body. The fact that maybe neither party (in the marriage) thoroughly understands the dynamics of how change, might ultimately be affecting one another, can be the root cause of every thing. It could very well be the cause for a woman's low self-esteem, or why the man is being stand offish in bed.
- Feeling sexy is a state of mind.
Women have a tendency to become preoccupied with weight gain, and forget to look in the mirror. They simply fail to realize that they have the same potential, to be the sex goddess they always were, if they could only maintain a certain mindset. Positive re-enforcement from the spouse is the most beneficial in these instances. A pinch of her fat butt check, or a coupling of her curves, can really go a long way to helping her get, her sexiness swagger back on target.
Believe it or not, the act of touching can easily fix someone's low self-esteem. Just rubbing your spouse's big, fat, belly is enough to get them past feeling ugly. However, there are those times that no matter you do or say; it is not enough. I find most people are like this. They simply do not have the right state of mind.
Take the Initiative Against Fashion Designers
Women and men tend to let today's society standards, dictate to them the terms and conditions in which to live by. Being fat is an unacceptable standard in today's high fashion industry.
Well I for one, am tired of gay male fashion designers, dictating what women's bodies should look like. Whose with me? If women were meant to have no butts, flat tits and built straight up and down- well, evolution would have seen fit to make women that way. However, as it is they are not. The average size woman before the 1980s was a size 14. Today, with the heroin addict women looks of Calvin Klein, and the gaunt, haggard, straight up and down models dressing for fashion designers, employed by the House of Halston (died of AIDS, Gay), Valentino, Versace, and etc.- women are expected to be unhealthy, plastic, and superficial.
I am of the opinion that many top male designers have forgotten how to design for real women, and have in turned, designed their fashion apparel for their much younger male lovers. The female body is built completely different, than a male body. For one, women have lactating mammary glands in their breast for breast feeding babies and producing milk. Need I say any more...? It is time that male designers stop cramming their male sexual fantasy looks, down the throats of women everywhere, and calling it high fashion.
The Intimacy Exercise
Life creates uncomfortable circumstances. These fussy messes have a way of sneaking into the bedroom and disrupting intimacy. Naturally, gaining unwanted weight can be one of those disruptions. It is unrealistic to expect a spouse to feel comfortable with the way you look, when you are not comfortable in your own skin.
- Sensate Focus Exercise. This is an intimacy exercise, which was first designed for sexually traumatized people. What they discovered at Washington University in Saint Louis, Missouri, is that applying the tactics of communication and touch, helped spousal partners;
- Overcome many of their emotional restraints.
- Actually regain self confident and self esteem.
Applying many of the ideas and techniques of the Sensate Focus exercise will help a spouse, move past any insecurity, and steam forward to a renewed self. Couples helped by this exercise, have been able to see vast improvements in their marriages on a whole. This personal journey is a way that the two of you, can begin tearing down confinements, which kept the both of you content to slide backwards. Complacency in a marriage is a dangerous mindset.
Plus-size women are not always easily convinced that they are beautiful or sexy. It might be up to you to tell her that you want or need more erotica. If you love the way she looks, fat and all, show her by touching her. I highly suggest you give this exercise a try.
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