When your expected pregnancy turns unexpected. A miscarriage story that could only be told by a mother.

When you google the word "miscarriage", you're flooded with statistics and medical terms. If you're like me you're wondering where the stories are. I wanted real women telling me that it was ok to feel the way I was feeling. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Empty. Having said that, here is my story.

After being 2 weeks late with no period in sight, it was inevitable. I was pregnant. I didn't really need a positivie pregnancy test to tell me, but I decided to take one anyway. So I did. Not to my surprise, I saw two lines.

My husband was mowing the lawn when I went outside. My daughter was holding my hand oblivious to the fact that our lives were changing. With the test hidden behind my back I motioned for my husband to stop the lawnmower and come over. He hesitated, obviously thinking that nothing good could come from the two of us standing there with me hiding something. Later I found out he thought it was a squirtgun.

I handed the test to him and immediately his eyes gleamed. He was as excited as I was. I asked him if I could call and tell everyone and he insisted that we wait. That didn't last long. Within an hour, we were calling everyone. We sat our 3 year old daughter down and told her. She had this funny little look on her face then told us "no" and walked off as if we had just asked her if we could have one. It took her a few hours before she finally came around. She put two and two together and figured out that she was finally going to have a real baby around to feed bottles and put clothes on instead of her play babies. She was excited.

The doctor I had when I was pregnant with our daughter had moved 3 hours away so I had the task of finding a different one that I felt as comfortable with as him. I ended up having to settle for a doctor that was not exactly my first choice, but with my husband's insurance, I didn't have many to choose from. I immediately called and made an appointment for the following week. I was excited. Although I hated the thought of having to have all the blood drawn and the questions asked, I couldn't wait to "officially" have a due date.

My husband and I sat in the waiting room for a very short time before we were called back. After about ten minutes, we heard the footsteps of what sounded like a horse coming down the hall. We were surprised when this tiny woman in a white coat walked through the door. I remember us both looking at each other and grinning. We were thinking the same thing. Turns out she was not the doctor, but his assistant. She greeted us and asked all the usual prenatal questions. Then the moment I had been waiting for....the due date. January 2. I wasn't too far off, I had Dec 31. I was pleased.

After meeting her, in came the doctor. He talked really fast and my husband kept making faces that told me he didn't like him. After leaving the office, I tried to convince him that he obviously knew what he was doing because he had been in practice for many many years. It didn't do much good though.

The following week we had scheduled to have an ultrasound. This was new to me. With our daughter we didn't have one until week 16. Nonetheless, I was more than happy to take an early look at our little bean (and that's exactly what it looked like). We entered the doctor's office and, once again, were only there for a few minutes before being taken back. The tech led us to the ultrasound room. I remember it being so cold in there. After preparation, we were ready to see the baby. We had brought our daughter with us because we thought it would be a way for her to feel involved and get her even more excited about having a baby brother or sister.

The ultrasound began and she told us that it was showing the baby as being 5 weeks 6 days. Immediately, I was worried. I knew my cycle and I should have been exactly 7 weeks that day. She explained that sometimes implantation takes place later and that could be what had happened. I was somewhat at ease with that. She left and consulted the doctor who decided we should come back in two weeks and have another ultrasound.

The morning of the second one I was unusually nervous. I soaked in the bathtub knowing that once we went into the ultrasound room everything was going to change. I prayed.

I was right. Something was wrong. I knew it immediately when the tech asked me what due date she had given me the last time. When I asked her if something was wrong, she mumbled something and then left the room. I turned to my husband and told him something wasn't right. He knew it too. A few minutes later, the tech and doctor's assistant walked back in. I started crying uncontrollably because I knew what she was going to say. I had had a missed miscarriage. There were no symptoms other than a small soreness in my lower abdomen that I had decided was stretching like I had with our daughter. It only last a day though. I remember the assistant saying that it wasn't a viable pregnancy and to expect cramping and bleeding. I was then sent home. No answers. No expaination.

The next few days are a blur. My husband found himself calling the same people we had just called a few weeks earlier to tell them what we had just found out. We were both devastated. All I could do was cry. How could my baby have died and me not know it?

The doctor had decided to let me try to miscarry naturally so every week I went to the doctor with no change. I ended up carrying the baby for almost a month before I began cramping. A friend of mine was visiting when I began bleeding. My emotions were going everywhere. On one hand, I was relieved that I was no longer going to have to wake up every morning and wonder, "is today going to be the day?". On the other hand though, my maternal instinct was kicking in and I wanted to keep this baby inside me forever so I wouldn't have to say goodbye.

My miscarriage lasted for 8 hours. I had read that if you soak over one pad an hour to go to the emergency room. I didn't and ended up passing out three times before I could yell for help. After that episode though, it was over. My baby was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. The unexplainable sadness kicked in and every single feeling that I had pushed back in that month had come pouring to the surface.

I searched for ways to cope on the internet. Everyone has their own little ways. Some have a box that they put the ultrasound pictures in and anything they had bought for the baby. Some go ahead and name the baby. Then there was me. I had nothing but that one ultrasound picture. That's the worst aftermath of a miscarriage. There's no funeral. No flowers. No time set aside for others to mourn over a lost soul. I had a picture.

Now, over 5 months later, I still mourn for my child. Yes, I consider it a child. I didn't lose a fetus...I lost a baby. When someone asks me how many children I have, I tell them I have a beautiful little girl that I get to hold everyday and one that God holds everyday.

Comments 25 comments

waystoinducelabor 9 years ago

Your story touched me because I have been there...six times...each time I never thought I could live through another miscarriage but I wanted a baby so badly I couldn't give up. Dealing with miscarriage is so painful because it is not commonly talked about. And many people don't know what to say excpet the wrong thing like, "it wasn't really a baby" or "it wasn't meant to be" or other such thoughtless comments. I had 5 miscarriages before finally conceiving my daughter who is now almost 8 years old, then one more before conceiving my now 4.5 year old son. While the pain has defintely faded, I do still think about the babies I lost and they will always have a place in my heart.

itscool profile image

itscool 8 years ago from Online from Home!

this a real problem with many young women these days

im currently studying medicine at university and i do abit of research and theres one site that i find useful dont know if its any use to anyone is: http://www.miscarriageadvice.com

its updated alot i get most of my references from it from my assignments, by the way great report :)

CindyB1972 8 years ago from Carmichael CA

I can relate to so much of what you went through. Just over 4 months ago I miscarried at 16 weeks. Mine started with just some minor spotting, which I have had in past pregnancies, but somehow I knew this was different and went to the ER. I knew within seconds, by the look on the ultrasound techs face, that it was bad news. Then that interminable wait for the doctor to come in and say what I already knew. They sent me to wait it out too, but within 24 hours I was falling apart. How on earth do doctors expect you to go home, go about your life, with the knowledge that your baby is dead in your womb? It took several more days, and numerous hysterical trips to the doctor before they decided to do a D&C.

I still can't understand how doctors can be so cold and clinical in dealing with women who have miscarried. It's horrifying to a mother to hear them refer to the baby as a "product of conception", or other equally offensive terms.

The very worst part of it though was seconds after the D&C when I asked a nurse if she could tell me the sex of my baby and her reply was, "I'll try but a D&C pretty much rips them apart". I was so stunned that I literally could not speak.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how very painful it is. I hope, for both our sakes, that it gets easier with time.

leabie83 7 years ago

I miscarried 6 weeks ago and it still hurts when I think about it. I had a friend who told me 4 days after I miscarried that she was pregnant herself, it felt like I was being punished all over again. I miss my baby so much, I had insensitive comments like "you already have one child, you wouldn't have coped" and "it was only a bunch of cells at 8 weeks anyway" They made me feel worse. In the end I found myslef saying those things when I spoke to people before they could say them, almost like a defence mechanism. I'm currently having my first period after my, miscarraige I'm hoping to feel some form of closure soon.

Kristie Jones 7 years ago

I'm sorry that you both had to go through a miscarriage, but I hope you found some sort of comfort knowing that you're not alone. It has been over 2 years since I miscarried. It does get easier. The pain doesn't go away, but it does become bearable. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in March of this year. He does, to a point, fill some of the hole in my heart left by the miscarriage.

I still find myself wondering what the baby looked like, if it was a boy or girl and I imagine all the different milestones he/she would have had.

I don't spend every day crying like I used to, but I do still set aside special times to just sit and "talk" to him/her. That is something that I think only a mother who has lost a child could relate to. Most people talk to loved ones that they have lost, but talking to a baby taken by a miscarriage is completely different.

I hope time has healed at least part of your pain. Although I am better (in some sense) than I was when I originally wrote this, I am still that same mother who mourns her child.

ally 6 years ago

in a way i guess i was lucky when it came to my miscarriage because i was only 5 weeks pregnant but the way i see it a baby is a baby from the moment it is concieved that was almost 2 years ago and since then i have had a gorgeous baby boy who is now 5 months old. But i am writing in this forum because last night i got a message from my sister who is 16 weeks pregnant saying that she was experiencing heavy bleeding and was at the hospital. When i got there she was distraught and it was so hard to watch her go through that knowing full well what she was going through.The doctors haven't told her that she has miscarried because the machine that tests hcg levels at the hospital is broken but given the amount of blood that she has we can all see what they are going to say at the ultrasound today although we have all ours fingers crossed. I am still deeply saddened that i lost my baby and i will definatly there for my sister and her partner at this time. I know its hard but sometimes we just need to stay strong and remember the little beings that we were blessed with...

everyone 6 years ago

I was 9 weeks 2days pregnant. the day after my first prenatal visit at night i stated to dark brown discharge.

I gave a call to my doctor and he said without having a us cannot tell anything. Next day I have gone through the us.

It said my baby has stop growing at 6 weeks and 1 day. I'm having a baby girl. She is now 3years.we want this baby really bad.

this is my second miscarriage. Previous one at 6 weeks. I have gone through the suction evacuation (D&C). when i am at the theater to do this

there was a several new born babies.This is a rial heart-breakable I have ever had.Horrible.Terrible. I don't have words to tell how i feel this.

I don't know why this happens to me twice. Physical recovery is quick. But physiologically, it sucks every thing in my life. I don't know what to do now.

So scared this will happen again and again. I wanted to keep this baby inside me forever so I wouldn't have to say goodbye.The unexplainable sadness kicked in and every single feeling

Ladyk 6 years ago

Thank you so much for your stories - i had a missed miscarriage about 3 months ago and it's only now i feel ready to hear about the experiences of others.

I've got 2 healthy teenage daughters and conceived easily and had healthy pregnancies so miscarriage was the last thing on my mind.

I felt really sick the last two times and was slightly concerned i felt fine this time but the midwife reassured me that it can change with age or maybe i was having a boy. either way i felt like something wasn't quite right and just like you on the morning of the ultrasound i was really nervous and really scared.

as soon as the sonographer put the screen on i knew i wasn't pregnant anymore because the sac was almost empty. i t was a first baby for my husband and he didn't realise there was anything wrong. Hearing the words 'I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat' broke my world apart - i was devastated. the worst thing was having to walk out through the pre-natal dept with all the happy mums with their swollen bellies knowing that would never be me.

Having to go back a week later and take abortion tablets to 'pass the sac' was horrendous, my mum's catholic and she got cross with the Dr for calling it an abortion all the time - this baby was wanted. the staff were sympathetic but as time went by and nothing happened they just sent me home to deal with it alone - the pain was excruitating and i was distraught. I eventually lost the baby in my GP surgery.

we're trying again for another baby but i think as i'm still so upset about losing the baby it's not helping and we're having trouble conceiving this time.

Ashlee 6 years ago

I had a misscarriage in 16th week. It was utter medical negligence of my doctor. This was my first pregnancy and i spotted almost everyday after i conceived my doctor said its normal for some women to have spotting. Then just 2 weeks before when i called my doctor thinking i have UTA my nurse told me nothing to worry abt if the symptoms get worst call us. What kind of treatment and patient care they give to would be moms. Doctor is never available and always the person who answers your questions is NURSE. This is pathetic. Just after 2 weeks i started to have shooting pain and when i called again as usual my doctor was not available and they sent me to see a on call doctor who did my ultrasound and told me that everything looks perfect and baby is doing fine. When I told him that I am having a shooting pain in lower abdomen that i cant even walk he said this is round ligament pain. I requested him to check me as to why this pain is so severe that i cant even do anything. But as usual again doctor neglected me as if i am making just excuses. The same day i went to ER and within 24 hrs i lost my baby. And till date there is no follow up from my OBGYN....

yvette 6 years ago

I also went through a miscarriage in Dec. of 2009 and I still cannot seem to move on. The pain and the sadness seem to grow as the days pass. I can literally hear my heart screaming out in pain. I have had countless dreams of me being in the hospital giving birth to the baby I lost and sometimes I am awakened by a baby crying when there is no baby in the house. I don't know if I have gone crazy or if it is only normal to have these dreams.I can remember how cold the doctors were on the day of my miscarriage. The women nurses were extremely rude to me and seemed bothered to have to put up with a miscarriage at 1 in the morning. I remember hearing one of the nurses telling another nurse how I was just sitting on the hospital bed crying too much. She commented to me that it was only a fetus, I felt like punching her in the face. Even my immediate family made some rude comments perhaps its because they do not understand what it feels like to lose a baby. It does make me feel better knowing that many women have gone through this but I definitely feel something should be done to bring miscarriage awareness out in the open. Women deserve better treatment when it comes to miscarriages instead of being treated like we have some kind of contagious disease.

Amber  5 years ago

I would encourage you or any of your readers to hook up to my blog post. It gives much clarity to this situation. I had two miscarriages and finaly two successfiul pregnancies.

Amber 5 years ago

my apoligies, that link is http://oneaquariusmama.blogspot.com/

jennifer 5 years ago

I just had a miscariage 6 days ago. I have a 4.5 yr old boy and he's wonderful. Me and my husband were so happy when we knew we were going to have a baby we went to my first prenatal apt @ 7 weeks @ my third apt just 2 days before I was 16 weeks I didn't feel well I started spotting and my ob said it was normal but she would send blood cultures to the lab. She checked my babys heartbeat it was beating nice and strong. The next day I felt horrible I went back to my ob she said my fluids were low to get admitted to get fluids through iv or to go to er. I decided to go to the er and then everything happened so fast they did 2 ultrasounds when they finally told me my baby didn't have a heartbeat. It was so devestating. They had to take me to l&d and I delivered my baby they showed him to me he was a boy. Its the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I don't have any kind of medical problems I don't know what happened my ob said that sometimes this just happens. I don't know if this could have been prevented my son was so small yet so big for me to have lost him. I don't know how I will ever get over this. I just feel so lost so alone.... how could I have not been able to help my baby. Me and my husband are trying to cope as best as we can we really want to have a baby,but I don't know when we will be ready to try again. To those of you who have lost your child I am so sorry for your loss.

Kristie 5 years ago

Jennifer, I'm so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Nothing I can say will take away your pain, but just remember this -

Grieve. Talk. Cry. Love.

All of those things are very important in the healing process. Grieve the way you feel you need to. Talk to those who help you to be strong. Cry whenever you feel like it. Love this precious child who was taken so early, love those who share in your grief and most of all...Love God. Even when our lives are tragic and we have no answers to our questions, God will always help us find them. I am here if you need to talk. I hope my original blog helped in some way. kristie.jones@aosepc.com

Martins Fraulein profile image

Martins Fraulein 4 years ago

If this is kari's older sister then wow, im surprised i found you.

im belen .

Martins Fraulein profile image

Martins Fraulein 4 years ago

I'm sorry, it's not who i thought it was.

I'm 18, turning 19 this year, and became pregnant in march 2010.I went to my first doctor visit the next month, and my doctor told me everything was fine. i set up an appointment for an ultrasound, but when i went i didn't hear my baby's heartbeat. they told me everything was fine, and that it happens. of course when you hear that you think, uh oh, something is wrong. as always, something was wrong. My doctor called me 3 months later and told me that my baby died the month it was conceived. my world fell apart. i had so many thoughts running through my head. i couldn't go to college because i was so devastated and my boyfriend wasn't doing too good either. he was so excited, and in one sentence, his whole world shattered. what was worse, was that he called his boss to ask for the day off so he could comfort me, but of course his boss said no and said he needed him more than i needed him. it was the rudest thing i had ever heard. i'm wondering if its a good idea to sue the doctor because she called me four months after the results came in and waited that long to tell me my baby was already dead when she couldve told me that a week after she got the results. i need help :(

Kirsty 4 years ago

It was my first pregnancy and I was excited but scared. I bought two warm baby suits just to be sure I was really going to be a mom. So many plans. a day after my visit to the GP i started bleeding. Somehow I knew and didn't go to hospital for 2 days. I thought the bleedin would go away but it didn't and at 6 weeks I lost my baby. I was alone. My boyfriends lives in another town so I had to go the emergency rooms on my own and the next day to b formally told I had lost the baby. That's when I cried. i still feel terrible.

KATE 3 years ago

My name is Kate i want to share my testimonies to people in this forum When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn't have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when it was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband's job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found Dr Shiva at HINDU spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there my husband is back to me and also find a good job! This was really a miracle for us, thank you DR Shiva at HINDU SPELL TEMPLE you are the best from the bottom of my heart!CONTACT HINDU TEMPLE VIA THIS EMAIL:hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com...CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS Posted by. MISS KATE MOORE

carrie 2 years ago

I want to testify to everyone on how my husband and i got children after our 5years of marriage. we got married and we could not conceive a child we have been to several hospitals for checking and the doctors always say that we are okay that nothing is wrong with us, we have been hoping for a child, my husband was beginning to keep late night outside and pressure from the family for him to marry another wife and divorce me, i was always crying and weeping because i was loosing my marriage. so i visited my friend in Florida and she told me that she also have been through this same situation but she got her help of getting her own child from a great priest of fertility from Africa, so she told me that she will contact me to the priest and he will do some fertility spell for me to have my own child, i spent 4days with her in Florida and we both email the priest and he said i should bring all my information to him and he said in 2days after the spell will be completed. so i waited and i went back made love with my husband and i conceive. so i am very greatful to the priest for his help and miracle that help me save my marriage. please for same help, conatct him on fertilitytemple@yahoo.com

cassie 2 years ago

So i found out i was pregnant Oct 30,2013. My boyfriend and i were so excited.. only 2days later i lost my baby. Doctors told me out was a natural miscarriage so i just had to go home and rest. It's been 6months and i still mourn the loss of our child. I feel add if i let everyone down. I have 2sisters and one of them was 4months pregnant and the other one found out she we pregnant the same day i did. It has been hard keeping a smile on my face while my sisters enjoy their babies and I'm left with empty arms. I have a 7year old daughter who took the loss as hard as My boyfriend and i did.

If love was enough, or baby would have lived forever

The only memory we have is on YouTube where i told my boyfriend i was pregnant.. you can see it under

Cassie hernandez

Pregnacy surprise

happy 2 years ago

I was married for 4years with out any child,because of this my husband

start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending

time with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my

doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make

life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about

(okutemple@hotmail.com) from the Internet,how he has helped people

with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him

and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a miracle three days

later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me

he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i

got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with

ourselves. Thanks to (Dr.BABA) for saving my relationship and for

also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested

to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell

caster email address is (okutemple@hotmail.com)

Paula 2 years ago

I'm going through this now. 5 w 6d I miscarried. I knew something was wrong when I started spotting and didn't feel pregnant anymore. I called the doctor and was told spotting is normal but to be safe come in on Monday to be checked.

Monday came and so did the bad news I already knew to expect. None the less it hit me hard. I knew it was happening but just hearing it from the doctor made it real. We weren't ready for a second child but when that test came back positive we started picking names and started getting excited. It's been 5 days and I know it takes time to heal but idk how to cope, at random moments the sadness hits. I'm very thankful for our little girl that we do have but extremely sad that we lost our second. I know I can get through this it's just so tough. I feel like people don't understand unless they go through a miscarriage as well. Here's to a healthy pregnancy next time.

karen 14 months ago

Hello everyone, contact Dr Samura for a pregnancy spell he is specialized on that follow by bringing back lost lover and lot more and you can reach him via Email Samuratellerspell100@yahoo.com or call +2348103508204 he is powerful i promise you will not regret of contacting him Karen.

karen 14 months ago

Hello everyone, contact Dr Samura for a pregnancy spell he is specialized on that follow by bringing back lost lover and lot more and you can reach him via Email Samuratellerspell100@yahoo.com or call +2348103508204 he is powerful i promise you will not regret of contacting him Karen.

NATASHA 14 months ago

I am here to give testimony of how I got back my husband who left me over 3 months now, we got married for more than 7 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way I could not understand, I was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have I done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, I was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. I love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. So I decided to tell my co-worker and when I told her shell told me that there is a Psychic spell caster named Priest Wise that I should contact him that he can solve my problems. So she gave me his email and his website and I contacted Priest Wise and explained everything that has happen to him. And he only tell me not to worry that my husband was going to come back to me just as he left I thought it was a joke. But it was a surprise to me when it happen the way Priest Wise said it. Now I am a leaving testimony to what Priest Wise can do. So if you are passing through similar problem just as I was you can as well contact Priest Wise I know he will still solve your problem as well. Here is Priest Wise email peterwisespellcast@gmail.com or his website on You call also call his telephone number +2349051208634

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article