Living Life Around My Disability

Beyond my Disability

Who am I? Where am I?

After I have had a seizure I try desperately to piece my confused life together. I have had Epilepsy for most of my life, having my first Tonic-cyclonic seizure at the age of sixteen after being struck down in a hit and run accident. I am now the ripe age of forty-seven having just recently found a career that I love and I can do even with my disability. It has been a long road with many bumps to get to this point of finally finding something that I might be able to make a living at.

Dragging Myself Out of the Doom and Gloom

There have been times when I have wondered what my life would have been like if I did not have my disability. I think of the wonderful perfect life I could have had; perhaps even sharing it with a husband and children. Having a perfect life is something everyone dreams of whether they have a disability or not. In reality most of us do not have perfect lives. I try not to think of the "What Ifs" as this tends to lead me into a state of depression. I try to think of the cup as half full instead of half empty which isn't always easy. It is easy to fall into a state of self-pity if we allow it to happen. Once there it is very difficult to drag ones self up and out of the doom and gloom.

Stress Equals Seizures

Speaking for myself it has or can be very difficult to always look on the bright side of things. Believe me I have chosen to look at the darker side of things at different times in my life. I recently went through a very emotionally draining break-up with my fiancee. This added excess stress in my life causing me to have more seizures than ever before. One of the main triggers for me that will or could lead to a seizure is if I get too stressed out. Well splitting up with my fiancee fell under that category.

Living Alone with Epilepsy

I ended up moving back to my parents house for a month. I then got my apartment and I am glad to say I am pretty much settled in. I share my apartment with my Red Devil Cichlid (Mr. Fish) he is a great roommate and companion. Most of my seizures I have had throughout my life I have been alone when they have happened. I have been blessed for the most part that I haven't suffered any serious injuries from them other than a few black-eyes and fat lips over the years. Many people are surprised when they learn that I live alone and take Grand Mal seizures. Many ask me the following question: "Aren't you afraid to live alone especially since you take seizures?" I explain that my Epilepsy is part of my life but it does not totally control or run my life. I obviously have many things I don't do because of my disability but I like to do as much as I can for myself not depending too much on others.

My Loved Ones Suffer

My disability has not only been stressful for me but also for my family and loved ones who have had the misfortune of seeing me in seizures. I myself have never seen someone in a seizure. Don't get me wrong I am not saying it is something I want to see. I know how helpless my loved ones feel when witnessing me thrashing and gasping on the floor. I know seeing this has caused them great grief and despair over the years. This awful part of the seizure I myself have no memory of which I think is a blessing as it is not something I would want to remember. On the other hand there is many memories I have lost largely due to my disability that I wish I could remember.

Working Around My Seizures

On a happier note I graduated on Nov 28/2011 from my Freelance Writing course; I was so happy when I accomplished this. I have always liked telling and writing stories since I was a small child. I felt so frustrated when it came to trying to find a career that was suitable for me as well as my disability. I had tried different jobs and careers most of which never lasted long largely due to my seizures. The thing I find frustrating is never knowing when the next seizure is going to occur. Freelance Writing is a career that can work around my seizures. I can work from home and be able to work on my own schedule! I still have much to learn in this field but I am enjoying learning as I continue my journey towards becoming a successful writer.

Life's Journey

I feel that my guardian angel came up with this great idea for a career or at least had something to do with putting it right in front of me. I can't tell you how my journey has finally led me to becoming a freelance writer but all I can say is I'm glad I am here today. This has given me hope that I can succeed while living with my disability. I know there is life and happiness beyond the seizures and I'm reaching out to grab a piece of it! If you are someone who suffers from a disability or are just feeling down try and find something that you are compassionate about and set some personal goals for yourself. Start with small goals that are within reach. Remember nothing worth while is ever easy to achieve so if there is some bumps in the road along the way no worries; this is all part of life's journey. Just keep moving forward towards your goal and eventually you will reach it.

Seizures

If someone went into a seizure in front of you do you know what to do?

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Comments 11 comments

skye2day profile image

skye2day 3 years ago from Rocky Mountains

Hello Pamela Thank you for being transparent sister. God has always had a plan for you dear girl. One day we can look forward to no pain no suffering, new bodies, no sin. WOW. You have a gift to write and the Lord has given you plenty to write about and help others. That is huge. You went through a writing course that is so awesome. Proud of YOU. You know maybe God did not want you with this guy for some reason or another. Maybe he has a better man chosen for you. In the time being you are HIS Bride. He is so awesome. He has saved you for a time as this Pamela.

Keep em coming girl. Love the way your write. Do come and visit me. Love, Skye


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

A great read and thanks for sharing,

Eddy.


Healthyannie profile image

Healthyannie 3 years ago from Spain

I love Mr Fish - I just read your hub about Mr Fish. I used to have an Oscar ( other tropical big fish) and he used to spit pebbles on the glass as soon as somebody came in the room where we kept his tank.


Pamela-anne profile image

Pamela-anne 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Yes there is many what if's but I am just trying to live with the here and now's in my life not unlike yourself; thanks for your support Rhonda. take care pam.


Rhonda D Johnson profile image

Rhonda D Johnson 4 years ago from Somewhere over the rainbow

What if you had never been struck by that car but instead had gone on to marry a man who beat the stuffing out of you and gave birth to sons who took after their father?

Hi Pam, my name is Rhonda and I am legally blind and hard of hearing. I will be 47 on July 2 and I've lived with some degree of vision and hearing impairment since I was very little. I guess we both know anything is possible if we really want to do it. Thumbs up to you.


Pamela-anne profile image

Pamela-anne 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks for the kind words my dear louise and your support what would I do without it? love pam p.s. I am already published right here at Hubpages.com!


Pamela-anne profile image

Pamela-anne 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks so much for the wonderful kind words Maria keep hubbing! Take care pam.


MariaTeresaM profile image

MariaTeresaM 4 years ago from Philippines

And I thought I had problems...

I've been reading some of your work and found them very heart-felt and genuine. I hope I get to read the rest soon. This article of your is a positive read.


Linda alisa "Louise" 4 years ago

My dear sweet Pam, I so proud of you!!!! You have come through so much and somehow you always manage to see the glass Half full and that life is free for the taking!!! May God Bless you on your journey to becoming a published writer which I am sure is right around the corner. I am truly blessed to have such a good friend with so much inspiration to give the world!! Love you Thelma xoxo


Pamela-anne profile image

Pamela-anne 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks so much "noturningback" I appreaciate you sharing your personal story with me glad to here your daughters seizures have stopped god bless and take care.


noturningback profile image

noturningback 4 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

Hello Pamela-anne. allow me to say I find your independence to be applauded and a hope for others who may happen across this hub.

I am familar with seizures, my daughter had them for several years and I thank God they have stopped. But if they had not or if they return, I shall do my best to not strangle her with an overbearing love.

Thanks again for your wonderful hub and good luck in your new career.

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