Why Condoms Are Responsible For Spreading STDs Part I

It is an unquestioned fact of sexual life in our day and age. You don’t have sex without a condom.

That simple bit of information has been drilled into our heads for more than a decade now. It screams at us from billboards, pesters us on TV, and every time we turn around, it seems that some rock star or another is holding up a condom and testifying that he/she wouldn’t dream of encountering their next groupie without it. Condoms are no longer something that’s whispered about. They’re everywhere. You can’t walk into the most old-fashioned pharmacy in the most conservative little town without being confronted by a wall display stacked high with condoms.

One of my favorite TV commercials is one for a European brand of ice cream. We see the loving young couple strolling along a moonlit beach. She spots a condom machine over by a beach building, and gazes lovingly at him. He rushes over to the condom machine, and pulls out the only coin he has in his pocket. Then he looks over to the ice cream machine next to the condom vendor. He looks back at her. She looks over to him. He pops the coin into the ice cream machine. The commercial ends with the saying “there are some things you just gotta have.”

However, most people if given the choice of ice cream or having wild sex on a moonlit beach with a lovely young partner, they would likely choose the latter. As long as there is a condom involved!

Condoms are everywhere. There are specialty condom stores in our shopping centers. There are condom machines in virtually every public men’s room (and many ladies’ rooms). They are handed out at schools and at rock concerts. A recent British election featured half-clad young ladies handing out candidate leaflets along with condoms stating that it was the only choice to be truly safe.

Condoms are the ultimate ice-breaker. People who have trouble discussing sex in public will easily converse about condoms. All you need to do to loosen up the conversation is to mention condoms. Soon even the most prudish in the group will be happily chattering away about sexual topics.

Condoms have gone from a complete social taboo to a symbol of emancipated, thoughtful reason. Condoms are now firmly in the mainstream, and any dregs of unacceptability have been washed away by a media barrage unlike any other. Condoms are OK. They’re not just OK, they are good, healthy, fun, smart.

This newfound acceptance of prophylactics has ushered in profound changes in our society, leading to this wonderful line from an American comedian: “When I was a teenager I would go into the drugstore and announce in a loud voice that I wanted a pack of cigarettes, and then whisper that I also wanted a box of condoms. Today, I can announce in a loud voice that I want a box of condoms, but I have to whisper that I want a pack of cigarettes.”

Condoms are a multi-faceted symbol. In trendy British clubs, a woman spots a man on the dance floor she is interested in. Her friend approaches the man, hands him a condom and points to her friend. They then consummate their union without speaking or even exchanging names, let alone phone numbers. The ultimate in physical sex without any emotional entanglements. Orgasm without responsibility.

As another American comedian Andrew Dice Clay likes to say: “My idea of a perfect date. UUUGH! Now get out.”

Condoms. What a wonderful thing.

The efficiency of condoms has been so widely promoted that to deny it would be to deny motherhood and apple pie. The condom fairy godmother has blessed us all with condoms, and the ability to use them freely. And she has bestowed upon us this mantra: When used properly, condoms can virtually eliminate the risks of unwanted pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Oh, how many times have we heard that repeated, over and over again, until it no longer becomes medical advice but a tenet of 21st century faith: When used properly, condoms can virtually eliminate the risks of unwanted pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Repeat after me: When used properly, condoms can virtually eliminate the risks of unwanted pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Of course that makes sense. A latex condom is virtually impregnable to sperm, bacteria and viruses, therefore, engaging in penetrative intercourse while wearing a condom will keep all those nasties on one side of the latex sheath. The partner can rest assured that since no bodily fluids are being exchanged, then we have finally have Safe Sex. The ability to have Sex and be Safe.

How nice.

We say that almost by rote these days. Condoms work. Condoms are good. They are the cornerstone of Safe Sex. We now worship at the condom-shaped altar of Safe Sex.

Condoms have made our sexual freedom possible by making it Safe. They halt the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. If you have a brain at all, use them. Each time and every time.

Condoms are the icon of our times. They have become an indispensable factor in our perception of the world. We now live in a condom-centric age where we can blissfully dismiss any sexual precondition as long as there is a condom involved. Condoms couldn’t be more popular or more trusted or be perceived to be any more efficient if they were latex wetsuits that hermetically sealed the human body like a form-fitting ziplock bag.

OK...

Well, this may be the first time that you’ve heard this, and I don’t know if you’re prepared for it.

So you might want to sit comfortably, take a deep breath, and have a cold drink handy. If you suffer from fainting spells, you might want to have someone standing by with smelling salts. I don’t know how you’re going to handle the next sentence...

Condoms increase the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

I repeat.

Condoms increase the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

One more time.

Condoms increase the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Continued in Part II

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Comments 11 comments

quicksand profile image

quicksand 8 years ago

I hear that in some parts of the world they use balloons for that purpose. No wonder they make them stronger nowadays. You just inflate a ballon and try to cause it to burst ... it's difficult, you need the glowing end of a cigarette for that. (Hmmpff ... ha ha ha ha ...)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 8 years ago

Oops! Sorry, I did not mean to make fun of your essay. I made that remark before I read part 2 and 3. You really have a brilliant observation there.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

That's fine, quicksand. As you can see, I usually have my tongue firmly in cheek when I write. Condoms make fantastic water balloons too. They're really fun to throw off a balcony onto some unsuspecting pedestrian! :)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 8 years ago

LOL! You've really made good use of that great invention!!!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

If you are feeling particularly mean and there's someone around that is really cheesing you off, you can always put just a touch of colored dye in that water! :)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 7 years ago

If I could get back to my teenage days, I would do just that! Sigh! :):):)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I'd gladly give up the rest of my life if only I could live my 17th year over again... sigh... :(


quicksand profile image

quicksand 7 years ago

You should write a hub on your 17th year ... No! on second thoughts, No! ... I just realized they don't permit adult stuff here ... :)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Yes, my 17th year autobiography would most likely get me banned for eternity! But DANG was it fun! :)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 7 years ago

Then you should make a movie out of it!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Nah. It would be WAY BEYOND NC-17 or X or any other letter! :)

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