How do you deal with family member who say you don't have guts to do things?

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   starxposted 10 years ago

   How do you deal with family member who say you don't have guts to do things?
   
   My sister often treats me low by saying you don't have guts to do big things. That is something hurts me and it irritates me whenever she openly says something like that in front of strangers and her friends. I feel very offended but I can't do much because we are under the same roof for now. How would you deal with this?

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   Marie Brannonposted 10 years ago

   Hi, Starx.  Sorry you are having this problem.  I know it must cause you much hurt, embarrassment, and anger.  Most of us would feel that way, and it's hard not to take it personally.  For me, dealing with an 'emotional attack' like that would mean changing my response. 
   
   Since you can't change your sister, the only thing you can do is change the way you react.  We could spend a lifetime analyzing why she feels the need to do this, but that would be a waste of effort.  What you CAN do is to tell her she could be right about you.  Tell her you agree that you don't have the courage she thinks you ought to have.
   
   Tell her (and tell yourself) that people who are short on one trait are often excellent at another.  Blind people have extra-special hearing.  People who flunk math often have the best reading and writing skills.  People who don't do well at sports frequently succeed as scientists or engineers.  And so forth.
   
   Be careful that you don't attack her with hurtful words.  Don't say anything at all about her traits or skills.  Keep the focus on yourself.  And lastly, tell her something like this:  "when you say that, I feel hurt and embarrassed".  Then it's up to her to decide if she wants to keep on hurting you.
   
   Best of luck to you as you deal with this issue.
   Marie

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      starxposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Marie, felt much better.

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   lburmasterposted 10 years ago

   Honestly I ignore them. My cousin always has these sayings because he is a biology teacher and a die hard scientist, he feels more intelligent than most. He'll snatch your electronic device right out of your hand if your a friend or family member of his because he feels it's disrespectful. Guess what, communicating with co-workers is part of my job and yes, sometimes it's more important than talking to you, cuz. Talking with him doesn't help, so just ignore his pouting fits. He also makes strange comments such as "when you're 23, you'll be over 135 lbs". Really? And this matter's to you why? You just want to get rid of them. In a way you can by kicking them out of your mind and limiting how much you see them.

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