peeples.......Only every single day of my life......for just over 4 decades Real, palpable, PAIN. My heart gets heavy, tears STING my eyes, my respiration shifts and my environment becomes a dark cloud.
The Love of my Life & first husband/father of my 2 older sons (45 & 43) was killed in an auto accident, when they were barely 3yrs & 6 months. The constant, unrelenting, pain, has remained a viable part of me...and never wanes. I have long ago, accepted that I will simply ache for him, forever...& ever.......
My one and only sibling, my precious sister, Patricia, my very closest and dearest friend.....my life-line.......lost her battle with cancer, ten years ago. I was at her side, along with her children, when she peacefully passed. At that moment, I literally felt an explosion within, that left a huge gaping, dark and cold void, into the very core of my being. This void has remained unmoving.
For me.....it does not "get better." Rather, I have learned to cope...in any and every way imaginable. If I have any consolation or comfort at all, it is because I have accepted that just as human beings must suffer through severe & chronic pain of BODY, every day of their lives......I do much the same with nearly unbearable emotional pain. The aching and the void.....anger, sadness.....longing? It just IS. A permanent scar....with a pulse.
I wish I could give you something to cling to or hope for, peeples.....but as you can see, I have not been able to find the way.......I have realized there is no way.