beyond sadness

who's got their claws on you my friend?

The hardest to deal with are the tears that won't fall. They stay gripping the heart, squeezing it tightly and never letting go. So after you have shed oceans of tears for mountains of reasons the soul is still weary like an old man stripped of all glory. The inside is empty and hollow. Like a gaze that penetrates but does not comprehend. I wonder if anyone else recognizes this texture of sadness when it shrouds their lives. This is worse than losing a loved one or getting your heart broken because at least there is the visceral pain that accompanies these kinds of sadness. Pain is something that everyone can relate to because its almost alive, almost tangible. This barren grief though cannot be described and cannot be named. Empty and hollow, it does not inspire suicide, no, that would have been too easy. This sadness drags you by the hair kicking and screaming to imprison you to a state of nothingness. It does not inspire anger, just resignation and it draws a bleak shade on everything that used to be happy and bright and it stays. Keeping watch, waiting to pounce again and again without warning.

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Comments 11 comments

Denny Lyon profile image

Denny Lyon 7 years ago from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA

This is a very accurate description of what a bi-polar depressed person experiences. I have a friend who is an incredible poet and the unexplained sadness has gripped her like this for decades - and she's on medication all the time yet still experiences it. It's a real struggle for her. Thanks for giving voice to what she often writes about.


buddygallagher profile image

buddygallagher 7 years ago from manila, philippines Author

this idea came to mind after reading 100 years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez, its hauntingly beautiful but really really sad


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

this is heavy stuff but so true! we've been there once, twice, God knows how many times. thanks for sharing :D


needful things profile image

needful things 7 years ago from Poland

Yep... the dark cloud still hovers over me...four years now... don't know how to blow it away. :)


buddygallagher profile image

buddygallagher 7 years ago from manila, philippines Author

As they say when you've reached the bottom, there's no other way but up my friend.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

And I must agree - though sometimes, staying at the bottom can take awhile, even a looong looong while! LOL


buddygallagher profile image

buddygallagher 7 years ago from manila, philippines Author

Yep and that's alright too especially if you are aware that you're there for the long haul, which means you're allowing it to happen and can drag yourself out anytime you wish. Saw you hit the 100 mark here on Hubpages Cris! Wow that's no small feat my friend!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Thanks! I even posted in Forums that I reached the pole position in both the Hot and Best Hubs! LOL I can't help it... might as well have fun while it lasts... :D


Joy56 profile image

Joy56 4 years ago

hi just read your comments about Cris..... THANKS FOR THE photos also, a sad loss for us all.


buddygallagher profile image

buddygallagher 4 years ago from manila, philippines Author

thanks joy. Really a sad affair for a lot of people. Having known him closely for more than a decade i kinda took it for granted that we'd grow old keeping close ties. Now whenever my mind wanders to the isea that he is gone it shuts down right away. Maybe Im just not ready to deal with it i dont know.


joy56 4 years ago

I know what you mean. I of course never the met the man. I cannot even begin to think what it is like for friends and family, that were in his circle of friends. There are thousands of hubbers, but he seemed to shine like a star. I was always excited when i saw him around, and somewhat sad that because my computer was playing up, i saw him around but had little active conversation, lately except a little on facebook. You hear all kinds of cliche's about only the good dying young, about Jesus being 33 when he died, lots of things. Now i have seen it first hand..... when i first read of his death,,,,,,, it was like WHY WHY WHY.... You just do not get many like him, and he should not be dead, he made us alive.... Thankfully he left a lot behind for us to read and enjoy. I am glad that i have now got to see what he looks like, put a face to the man....... He must have been so humble, if he was not then why would he even bother speaking to the likes of me....... Sad Sad Sad. The good thing is i have found your work, and i love it.... I think i must try to write a poem for Cris. He was waiting for one from me.... I dont know if now is the right time i will try later.....

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