Felling Alone after a Miscarriage
the day where I get asked if we are planning on having more kids. I was dreading this day. How can I hold it together I asked myself. It was hard. I simply explained what had happened in April and she continued to talk about babies. I know I shouldn't have the feeling of being angry with others for having babies, are pregnant or trying to have more. Right now, I just feel irritated. I have the hardest time wanting to be happy for people. Especially those that don't deserve to procreate. Why are the people who would love more or even just one, the ones having problems.
I held it together but it has been in my mind since. I fell angry with myself for not wanting to stand there and listen. Should I be able to walk away? Does loosing something so dear and more then welcome give me that right to up and walk? Right now, I am not sure if I want more. I would love one or even a few but honestly... I am not sure. My eyes swell with tears every time I think of someone having the feeling I should be having right now.
I am angry.
I am upset.
I am heartbroken.
I am depressed.
I need understanding.
I need compassion.
I need hope.
I need thoughts...