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Do we ever 'move on' or 'get over' the loss of a sibling..........

  1. Lupozee profile image61
    Lupozeeposted 4 years ago

    I am 27 years old and I lost my 21 year old brother on the 5th June 2012.. 6 weeks ago.  He had a motorbike accident and died instantly at the scene.  I am/was his older sister and currently being strong for my mother and younger sister who is 23.
    Our lives seem so empty and so pointless.... the only thing that is keeping me on the right track and not allowing me to lose it are my 2 children.  To be honest all I want to do is hide in a corner and just cry and pray that he walks through the door. 
    How can my sister and I grow older and build memories without my brother... The only thing we have left are our memories, photos and videos that we can only replay over and over just to hear his voice.

    How do we ever move on or get over something like this? Will we ever get back to some normality? Where has he gone?

    1. carol7777 profile image85
      carol7777posted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Be patient, it takes time.  Slowly you will feel better about this.  You will find in a few weeks you are not thinking of him non-stop.  My sister died almost two years ago and I shared lots with her.  It took months to feel a little better and today I am okay with it....Never really totally okay, but I don't grieve all the time.

      1. Lupozee profile image61
        Lupozeeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Hi carol7777 thanks for the kind words...I know its only been 40 days and I just cant seen to think into the future as to what it will be like in 2, 3, 4 years time not having my brother there to share memories with.  No birthday will be the same or christmas.  I have 2 young children so for me i will have to get on with life.

        1. IzzyM profile image86
          IzzyMposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          After only 40 days, not enough time has passed yet to help you overcome the grief. First comes the shock and disbelief, then comes the grief, and finally comes acceptance.

          Only the passage of time can help - the 1st Christmas without him, the first birthday you have missed, all those little anniversaries are first and foremost on your mind, and the days are poignant.

          But you know, when it becomes the 2nd Christmas, or the 2nd birthday, the pain is lessened a little.

          The same goes for the 3rd, 4th, 5th and ad infinitum,  but each time the pain lessens.

          I have lost both my brothers now and I still remember them on their birthdays, and on the date they died, and at any other time I think about them for whatever reason.

          Honestly, this pain is a terrible shock to you now, but it does get better. They say that only time can heal a broken heart, and this is so true.

          You are still grieving, and a long way away at this point of getting over what has probably been the biggest shock in your life to date.

          I am thinking of you, as I am sure everyone who reads this forum is, especially those of us who have endured this pain before and understand exactly what you are going through.

          1. Lupozee profile image61
            Lupozeeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            Thank you for your kind words.....and sorry for both of your brothers.
            It was just my mums birthday on the 25th and she decided to go away to italy..something different & its my brothers birthday on the 5th of september...i know that day will be hard but at least we will be together as a family celebrating his short yet wonderful life.

  2. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 4 years ago

    It takes time to heal all wounds.

    I lost my father at 17 years old and that's the only person I've lost in my immediate family. It wasn't easy to deal with that loss, school, his condition beforehand, my mother, my sister and keep my sanity. But, I managed to pull through because I know my father wouldn't want me wallowing in the loss and he told me as such while he was on his deathbed.

  3. mjboomer profile image83
    mjboomerposted 4 years ago

    I am sorry for you loss, I think Carol says it best, allow your self time to sort through your feelings. I have lost both parents and a child as well as an uncle some 45 years ago. I can still feel the pain of each loss, but also I know the happiness they each brought to my life.
    Your life will move on and you will cope with your loss.......God Bless

    1. carol7777 profile image85
      carol7777posted 4 years ago in reply to this

      It is about time..not to forget but lessen the pain.

    2. Lupozee profile image61
      Lupozeeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Sorry for your loss  and thank you for your post.