When both parents are gone. Alzheimers

1. 51

   Durrichposted 14 years ago

   I was a lucky person to have 2 wonderful people guide me through childhood and beyond. I lost my dad to Alzheimers 3 years ago and suddenly my mother to a massive coronary.  While we had a chance to say goodbye to the father I knew, and also goodbye to the physical Dad (the real one left us piece by piece for 5 years)- my mom's death was unexpected and no one had a chance to say goodbye.  I am now working through the incredible loss of them both. It's difficult to grasp at times that the phone won't ring, or her car just show up.... We were partners through my dad's illness, although she was the primary caregiver and kept him at home until he died.
   I'm writing here for all who've suffered the loss of both parents. Yes, I know we're adults, and this is the natural order of things --- but I'm reaching out to those who now find themselves surprisingly the 'head of the family' and those who are trying to define the path of their lives.

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2. 0

   Brenda Durhamposted 14 years ago

   Yes it's the natural order of things, as you said.
   No that doesn't make it any easier.
   I'm sorry for your losses!
   
   My father's gone.
   My mother's not, except parts of her memory are gone....
   
   When my father was terminally ill, my Mom was taking care of him, and I asked one of my brothers what we were gonna do when he died.  He said simply "Take care of Mom".  And that's what us children have done and are doing, trying to do.
   
   Later on, I asked Mom what we should do when she died.
   She said carry on the legacy.  She meant the legacy of belief in, and Loving, the Lord.
   That's what defines my life, and it's what will define it when Mom dies if I'm still alive.
   
   Love never dies.

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3. 82

   Maria Ceciliaposted 13 years ago

   My father died in 1997 and mother died in 2005, though I am an adult already, I still cried like a child when I dreamt of them and had a seconds of forgetfullness that they are gone. though I move on and continue living my life, I still don't visit the grave often only on NOvember 01 but sometimes I missed too... visiting their grave is like reminding me how sad life without them....Lucky are those who already have a family of their own and still have both parents with them, and parents see how successful thier children are...... that would be my dream that will never come true, my parents witnessing me enjoying my dreams, and how I can take care of them,,

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4. 0

   Home Girlposted 13 years ago

   I was never fair to my parents while they were alive.
   I left them and went to Canada after my husband.
   I never was close to them or understood them completely.
   I criticised them severely.
   I never had time or money to go and visit my ailing mother and my father who was ill with cancer.
   I lost them both. I did not have a chance to tell them that I loved them very much. I wish  I had. If yours are still alive - tell them how much you love them and appreciate their existence. Loss is a terrible thing - there is no medicine for that.

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5. 85

   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   it's always sad to lose our parents at any age, now you are living the dream they had for you.
   
   
   HG, those are powerful words. I think that works for parents also, telling your children you love them, often, at every age.

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   1. 82

      Maria Ceciliaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you rebekahelle

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