This is kind of an experiment and I hope others will want to participate.
Let's do an online meeting sharing our experience, strength and hope.
Today's topic: How's your now?
What is going well in your recovery?
What are you struggling with?
I'll start. I'm very much immersed in service right now. At times I feel it's taking over my "real" life but then I realize it IS my real life:-).
Being in the middle of the pack, having commitments and accountability to a group and to others keeps me from falling into my usual isolation -- a dangerous place because I spend too much time up in my head!
How about you? What's happening in your sobriety?
I am co-dependent to an alcoholic. Today I am strong. I am not fooled or manipulated. Today I realize that I am what I need. I realize that he can only help himself. I am strong knowing I care but do not care for.
I struggle knowing tomorrow I may feel differently....
I think I am too. But he drinks 6 beers a day--and doesn't seem to do off the wall things--thou he's difficult and doesn't understand what I say and then rants and yells for an hour --Is that an alcoholic?
Anyways,,,It's codependency.......I'm ready to leave but not you know what I mean?
Schoolgirlforreal: MightyMom is correct, but if I might, I would like to "expand" just a pinch. Yes, it does sound as though his 6 Beers a day might very well be a problem. Ask yourself a couple of questions.
1. Is he different prior to the six pack?
2. Does the ranting and raving affect you?
I would guess the answer to both is probably a "yes". The ranting and raving would by professionals probably be diagnosed as abuse. I would strongly recommend you seek a therapist in your area for a couple of visits. You can most probably get in free or for only a couple of dollars if you go through the County Mental Health Department in your area. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU DO THIS!
In closing, NOBODY deserves nor should they accept abuse as a normal form of life. God made you and God does not make junk! You deserve to be respected, cherished and loved. These do not usually incorperate alcohol in large amounts to achieve. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize that your life does deserve better. Go talk to someone! Best wishes and God Bless.
My now is a little bit hard to accept, but I will accept what I cannot change...regardless of the pain it is causing.
I lost my brother-in-law to alcoholism...he literally drank himself to death, and with all of the tools I have learned to use in the program, this has proven to be my biggest challenge as of yet.
I'll make it through this, as I've made it through everything else.
Thanks so much for sharing htat, PaulaHenry1. Being a codependent is a very difficult thing, isn't it? Especially since it is our nature to care (and by that I really mean care FOR). It takes so much strength not to be suckered in by the addict/alcoholic in our life.
And tomorrow you very well may feel differently. And probably will. As they say, whether you're having a shit day or a great day, "this, too, shall pass."
God bless! MM
How's your now? My now is frustrating because I've been waiting for you to publish your 100th hub so I can congratulate you.
My sober days are every day. I've had one beer in 4 years. And, that was just recently, because I felt like having a beer.
For years I was told I was an alcoholic, and for years I kept telling people they were wrong. I walked away from drinking without a hitch, because the whole time I was drinking I understood the main control factor was my own will.
What am I struggling with? Too many people who choose to be ignorant instead of learning.
Interesting thread MM.
Thanks, Cags. I thought it would be more popular than it has proved to be. Maybe even with the anonymity of a user name and avatar, people don't feel comfortable sharing their recovery in such a public space.
From what you describe of your waking away from drinking, I would have to agree with you. You may certainly have been a heavy drinker or even and abuser of alcohol. But to be able to walk away like that of your own volition. Well, I'd say that's pretty cool -- and non-alcoholic behavior!
As to my 100th hub, I could cheat and republish one that I've unpublished. But that would not be honest. So I'll get right on #100. Thanks for the gentle nudge!
I was just pulling your leg. Publish whenever you feel like it. I've just noticed you've been sitting at it awhile now. I wasn't sure, if you were just going to publish something extraordinary or just something simple. Some people like to make their 100th a special hub. So, I've patiently waited to see what direction you go.
Right now...I am struggling with living on very little sleep. I basically live off naps. I know it isn't healthy, and am working towards changing my work shift in order to get more sleep. My health is suffering because of it. I just got over a stomach bug and now have either a cold or I caught the early round of the flu that is going around. I don't normally get sick all that often. I am off to bed now, hopefully to get about 9 hours of sleep. One of the rare times when that much sleep is actually possible. I was going to work on another hub, but felt it could wait. Right now, sleep is way more important. So, to all my friends here, good night!!
Good night Anna Marie!
Good night John Boy
Good night Pa
Pood night Ma
Seriously, sleep tight (from one sock puppet monkey to another).
MM- anytime you want, need or desire an ear (or in this case a type) -conitnue to post. I'm in need of all the support I can get and I'm sure you are too....take care everyone!
I am getting back on track.I mentioned on another forum post that while I was working overseas I stopped taking my antibuse.I had convinced myself(in my alcoholic head)that after 13 months sober I would be able to have a few drinks then go back on my meds.How wrong could I have been.After a few lost days I finally sobered up and am now back on antabuse.
I have got to get it into my head that I am an alcoholic and can never drink again,but sometimes it can be hard to fight the poor me,s.
Hi just thought I would pop in and say hello to my friends.
Off to see my counsillor,feel good and ready to fight another day.
Have a full house today.My oldest son is over from Ireland to watch the football.
This reminds me of a story.When he was about 8years old we went to the football and as usaul I went for a beer.Well as you can guess one beer led to two etc.When we got to the game about 20 minutes late our team were winning 2-0 which was the final score.When we got home his mum asked him what the score was,he replied "We won 2-0 but I missed the goals daddy went to the pub"
I'm struggling with Manic Depression. My now is alright. Today I know why I need to be here, I feel of some value to my friends, husband and son, I did things, and I haven't cried at all. My struggle is actually going well. The past three months or so have been the best I've had in years. My medication was upped last week which was a little hard to deal with, but as proof that my 'now' is good, I understand why and am ok with it.
Thanks for asking the question. Sometimes it feels nice to talk.
Also, congratulations on your 100th hub.
I know your situation well. The right meds in the right dosage can make a world of difference, can't they?
What I have found so invaluable is being able to connect with others who actually "get it" how it feels to be inside a head that won't stand still in either direction.
It's neat to have this space on here where people can share their ups and downs (no bipolar pun intended there).
Glad you are here to add to the discussion.
So been here only 6 weeks and already published 16 hubs? You must be serious!!! You'll have me beat in a matter of days!
Hi there selrach,
I loved your story of missing the goals because your dad dragged you to the pub. Boy, does that one sound familiar!
If I may comment on your posts and offer some suggestions (based on my own experience, of course).
1. That urge to drink like normal people is so overwhelming, isn't it? And our minds can play tricks on us, telling us that we can drink (should drink) and it will be ok. Having that "defense against the first drink" is so crucial.
2. Antabuse -- gag me (literally). I know it is effective because of the horrible reaction you get when you drink while on it. Still, isn't it hard relying on a pill to keep you sober?
In my mind, that's still just willpower plus negative reinforcement.
3. Have you tried AA? I know it's not for everyone, but is very, very effective. Much stronger to have the craving removed than to be constantly fighting it.
4. This little mind trick really works. Don't think of yourself as never being able to drink again for the rest of your life. You only don't have to drink TODAY. Tomorrow you are free to make a different choice. But think about/worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Right now, you don't have to drink, even if you want to. That ability to "stay in the now" is a lifesaver for me sometimes!
Glad to have you here as a participant on HP Anonymous!! MM
Thanks for your reply.
I know I have to slow down.You know what I mean that 100mile an hour head trying to think out all your problems at once.
I know just taking antabuse isn,t the answer,I also have to change my thinking and as you said live in the day not tomorrow.
I remember a saying I heard once about living in the day.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrows a mystery.
I did attend AA meetings in the past.I will post about that next time I visit this thread.
Hi. My name is________________. I'm just kidding, sorry
I am doing ok. I am alone at my apt for the 3rd day and feeling good about being ALONE!!!
(This has NEVER happened before in my Life) So I would say that's pretty damn good!
So, I am on a new med which is making me feel GREAT! [So to all my "friends- you know my real ones" I say (if they never believed me) that I am doing better from my new med and when I told you all those years how shitty I felt and I couldn't do much about it [I was Not lying!]
But there's no time to be mad now My life is getting so much better.........................................
and I won't say too much
So Thankyou God-yes Thankyou
I'm struggling with keeping cool from stress
and just trying to make some more friends in my area
Thanks for asking! xxoo
The right meds certainly, are literally a world of difference. You couldn't be more right. The most important thing for me has been my 'sponsor'. We became friends 2 years ago, she is also bipolar. We are always there for each other, 24-7, no matter where we are. My husband, I married a saint I'm telling you, is the most supportive man I could ever have hoped to find. He is always there for me, carrying this terrible burden on his shoulders and living through it with me. Many times it's hard not to add 'for his weak, undeserving sad excuse for a wife', but the medication is really helping, and those thoughts are fewer than before. I'm really glad I found this place, and very happy to be sharing with you and others. It really does help.
hah. You're too kind
Congrats, Schoolgirlforreal, being happy in solidarity is not only a big deal for someone living with bipolar, it's a big deal for anyone as a person. A lot of people wouldn't have it in them.
My sponsor is bipolar, too!
Actually, the vast majority of bipolars also suffer from substance abuse. But taking the drugs/alcohol out of their system doesn't make them well and wonderful. Many still need professional care to keep their moods in check.
I went to a women's AA meeting a couple of weeks ago. It was a bookstudy and the reading was from As Bill Sees it. The topic was dealing with depression. I was blown away as we went around the room sharing at how many women (all but 2) identified themselvs as having depression or bipolar. And all of those "confessed" they were getting med support for it.
So yeah, it's wonderful to know a group of people who understand us!
A whole <i> group </i> ?? I'm so jealous. My sponsor takes medication as well, it's something that we help each other through. It's hard sometimes not to feel like you have to take it because you're weak. I also just moved away and am completely alone aside from my husband and son (14 months old. Great conversation. Poor comprehension) so having her to talk to every day helps a lot. We have each other on blackberry messenger so it's messaging (super convenient) and completely free no matter where we are.
Kudos on going to a meeting! That takes strength and courage. What a great opportunity, all of those people who share such important commonalities.
My gosh MM
I never did see this, so grateful I have now, and thank you very much as there are many here whom could use this type of support, speaking just for myself however, my now is not living in a solution,
While I have lived yet another 24 hours not shooting heroin or cocaine, not smoking crack or injecting this also, I have spent another Now free of any mood altering substances.
I have also spent my now free of using the simple tools of recovery, that I have known off and on for many years.
I am not, nor have ever had a problem with anonymity, as you know, from many hubs. I am a recovering heroin and cocaine daily IV drug addict of 24 years. Circling around rehabs etc and 12 step programs for as much time.
Addiction makes me a very sick person, and cam do so, even when I am drug free.Like my now.
I believe I get stuck in times like now because I know too much. In this is where I fool myself into old behaviours. The same behaviours that will quickly take me right back out again. I don''t want to go back out, and I also don't want to do the work.
This thread for me was no coincidence, whew,
My now has been asleep for 2 days, I checked out, old behaviours. I actually slept right through my birthday and today too.
Feeling terrible that messages and wishes I have yet to read is something I don't normally do. Mow at 130am Monday, I will try to respond to so many kind people and family. Of course having ket it become overwhelming.
This stands true to responding to comments, so important to me, and publishing my hubs
Bottom line MM, not sure where to start, but am sure people and simply interacting is critical for me.
I never have believed in coincidences, and this proves that girl.
Back into the solution I am headed and will remember I still didn't pick up today, and wish everyone a safe 24, ODAAT
MM thank you, you have been my spectacles more than a few times, and I care for you a great deal
omg girl, Celebrity rehab just came on the tube spotlighting H Fliess turning tube off to focus,
I need to say You have made a lot of self effort that have help you far.
There is a better way too to be free totaly.
If you may give it a trail it may be the solution you have been longing for since you wanted freedom.
Now take a little time off to read some pages of the the Holy Bible and look every senteces that talk about freedom.
For example John 8:36 'If the son therefore shall make free you shall be free indeed
I am not struggling. But I must admit that with budget cuts on education, and special areas getting the shortest end of the deal as usual, I am being squeezed at work. I have five hours of planning a week to plan, input grades, call parents, look for materials, make copies, etc. I teach at two schools and have over 350 students. It's a bit much! But it is a rewarding job and I don't know how, but I make it and if I have to stay an extra hour, I do it with love.
Interesting cross-section of folks appearing here on this thread.
Support for basic everyday things is so important, I feel. Doesn't matter, really, where the problem resides -- in our heads, in our bodies, in the economy. We all need to feel understood and that people can relate to us without judging.
Having said that, if anyone of the loudmouths from the Politics or Religion forums comes over here and starts spewing hate, they will not be supported
SGFR -- In response to something you said in an earlier post, I'm sorry you are struggling with your relationship. Sounds like you have to walk on eggshells around this man. I know how that feels.
You will leave if and when the time is right. Have faith in YOURSELF!
Klara-- How in the world do you find time to write on HP? Good Lord. I am exhausted just reading your schedule. My hat's off to you, lady!
Kim -- I am going over to write you a belated birthday forum post. You BETTER read it, do you hear me???!!! I am not joking.
Open your arms and feel the love, girlfriend!
How is my now?
At this moment in time shit.
As most alcoholics will agree,we are the masters of self pity.I am one of those moods where I just want to throw in the towel.I can,t be bothered with the daily fight.I am stressed about not working,finances,health problems,life in general.
I am getting ready to go to a wedding in 3 hours time,so maybe that will brighten my mood.
I know I just have to grasp the nettle and get on with life with a positive attitude,but hey as we all know saying and doing are miles apart.
I have a lot of positives in my life.I still have the love of my family which I could have lost.My daghter is going to make my a grandad for the first time anyday now.And most important today I have not had a drink.
Glad to have this platform to get my whinging out.I feel better already.
hey mom just putting this link in 1st Hub, so people can see the support here, largely thanks to you!
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