My upbeat attitude is beat down

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   Amie Warrenposted 13 years ago

   I am suddenly very depressed. All I want to do is eat and watch t.v.  I am struggling to make myself write anything, and haven't been writing much at all. I don't want to research anything, or look through adwords to get good keywords. I just want to hide.
   
   I have tried, through my whole divorce and starting over from nothing ordeal, to be upbeat and positive, but now I can't even force that. I was depressed and stressed for a year, then I decided to pick myself, dust myself off, and get over it.
   
   I thought I had, but evidently not. It's such a big change, from having lots of money and prestige to be a broke nobody. The prestige part doesn't bother me as much as the money, and I know that's bad, but try never having to look at price tags for most of your adult life and then suddenly being destitute living off the kindness of strangers and having to use food stamps.
   
   I wish I knew more people like me, who have gone through the same thing, but I don't. Maybe it would make me feel better. I grew up poor, and swore I would never be poor again, yet here I am. I need to find a group of "rags to riches to rags" people to hang out with.
   
   I know all this sounds stupid and selfish, and that depresses me even more. I don't want to be some stupid, selfish, spoiled brat. I wasn't raised that way. I just got so caught up in the lifestyle, and living behind people who I love, but who are still living that lifestyle, is like having to eat ground glass every day.
   
   I need to move, but I really need to pay off this $4,000 debt before I can. That will be spring of next year at least.
   
   How do I get out of this? I don't want to take drugs, and I have never taken mood-altering drugs (no, not even in college), but I may be forced to because I can't go on like this.

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      hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      God is listening.
      and willing to help you change everything, just ask him.
      Love is right behind you
      
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1G9mA693ao

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   paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

   For what it’s worth, there is an article link on my profile. You’ll know which one it is… For that matter, do a hub search for more of the same. There are lots.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'll look at it. Thanks.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Read and commented and rated. Thank you.

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         paradigmsearchposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you, Amie.
         
         I have responded in kind.

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   couturepopcafeposted 13 years ago

   Welcome to the world of overwork, underpaid and no way out.
   
   You sound depressed.  I've been seeing your posts over the past few weeks.
   
   First, make a plan.  Write down your expenses and whatever is left use it to pay down the $4000.  You can't move now.  If you can get a part time job delivering pizza, do it.  Forget about AdSense and keywords and all that.  You can't make enough money right now to meet your immediate need for cash.  The time invested in that doesn't pay off right now.
   
   P.S.  Get control of your eating.  The right foods will alter your mental state for good or for bad.  There's plenty of information on the subject and don't think this is inconsequential.  Food can make or break you.
   
   Once you pay down debt, make a plan to move.  You'll need money for that, too.  So this will take even longer.  Time is on your side as it really doesn't matter when you go, right?  Or do you have a deadline to move?
   
   I so, I don't know your age, but maybe you can move in with a relative, mom, or dad.  Pay your way there by chipping in with household work and tell them your plan.  Take in a reliable roommate and let them pay you 75% of the rent.  Notice I didn't say half.  This is so they are not responsible for utilities which will be turned off if they don't pay their share.  Utilities will go up a little but both of you are still getting a good deal.
   
   Don't think now that you have all this money, you can go crazy.  Put it all toward the bills and the $4000. and the saving account, not the checking account.
   
   Two years will go by very quickly and you will be in a better place.  Two years will go by anyway.  Take action and gain control of your life.  You can do this.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the advice. I live in a cottage for free right now, behind the house of my best friend. I don't have any family save a step-brother who is struggling too, and an aunt who is in a nursing home.
      
      I'm very frugal, and I use every extra penny to pay off my debt. I work for Demand Studios too, so I can make a decent amount, but I do have a part-time job (which pays my rent) watching my friend's kids in the afternoons after school. I write in the mornings, and at night, and I've paid down my debt from $12,000 to $4,000 in a year, so I'm doing o.k. with that.
      
      Two years more of this just sounds so depressing. I know it will get better, but I guess I have anger issues too. I can't help but be angry when he is living in the house that I picked out, decorated, and landscaped all on my own. I painted the entire inside by myself, and that took 1 year. It was a huge house that we got cheap and renovated.  That's MY house! I made it mine, and now everything I did, everything I carefully chose and placed in it is gone.  I don't miss him. I miss my house. I don't have kids. That house and yard were my babies. I know that sounds stupid...it's just a house, right?  I'm sorry for being so petty.

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         couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Honey, you haven't seen petty until you go over to the political forums.  LOL

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            Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Yeah, I know, I've been there. I live in a blue city in one of the reddest of red states, so don't tell me about petty politics! LOL

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         ADDHomeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Lady, I am absolutely in awe of you.  You are gonna be my hero/role model for a long time!
         
         I think of all of the advantages I/we have, but we are still struggling to pay down our debts.  By comparison, you should be wearing a cape and flying through the air, because you are certainly a super-hero.
         
         It may not be possible for you to continue at the same pace, but if you paid down $8000 in one year, then the $4000 would only take six months - way less than two years!
         
         You absolutely can do it, and here in HP you have a whole gang of cheerleaders who know you can and who will help with the encouragement.
         
         Do what everybody else says about keeping up your physcial health, and don't forget to get the right amount of sleep.  (Not enough or too much is a good recipe for depression.) Walking outside is also one of the very best mood lifters, and you came up with that yourself.
         
         You really are doing great, you know.  It may not feel like it's so great right now, but you will get through this; and you will be an inspiration to thousands, if not millions, of people in similar circumstances.

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            Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks so much. I needed that.

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         ryankettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         If you have reduced your debt from $12000 to $4000 in 1 year, then surely you are 6 months away from being debt free?
         
         What do you need to change? You live rent free and have 6 months left of doing what you are doing left?

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            Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I wish it was rent free. I do work taking care of the kids in the afternoon, which cuts way into writing time. It's like having kids myself. I sold a lot of stuff to pay down most of that debt, in fact, half of it was from selling almost everything I had. 
            
            6 months to pay off the rest of the debt, but that still leaves me here, dependent on someone else. I'm just impatient to be independent, I guess. I know I'm really a lot better of than a lot of people, thus the guilt about feeling this way.

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   paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

   There are also a lot of hubs on how to live poor (code word: frugal). You are not alone.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      LOL! I'm so tight with money that I'm miserly.

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   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   I'm just getting ready to write about relieving stress and getting unstuck. nothing changes overnight except your thoughts. if you can control your thought life, that's the first step. I'm convinced humans think too much. a lot of time we truly make our own misery.
   
   turn off the tv. go outside, take a walk, try to clear your mind by not dwelling on your situation. take one step at a time. I have a hub that might be helpful about practicing presence and what it means.
   
   right now, your life is about you, so decide to get in the game and do whatever it takes. if you need help, by all means, get help.  you're worth much more than any amount of dollar signs.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Awww...thanks. I'll follow you so I can find that hub when you write it.

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      couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      This is the best, soundest, and most true advice for life. 
      Also, you might consider you and your stepbrother sharing living arrangements for a while to help you both get ahead.

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         Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         My stepbrother doesn't live near me, and we really could never live together. I have a decent living arrangement now, it's just not my space, you know?

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   DoorMattnomoreposted 13 years ago

   Your not a spoiled brat. Its very hard to adjust to so much change. Like paradigmsearch said...search frugal living, a pretty good list of hubs pops up and each hub has related hubs...and I bet yo uwill find someone with a story similar to yours.
   
   My sister in law was raised poor, very poor. She married an even poorer man when she was 20. He joined the military, it seemed a good way to make some money. Well...after some long hard years he became an officer and he was making enough money that my sister in law was living the life she ahd always dreamed of...she was out of her mind happy wiht all teh clothes and eatignout boob job and all...untill they got a divorced due to his gambling addiction. She was a mess.
   
   My point is your not helping yoruself at all by beating yourself up for your feelings. You feel how you feel, and I would think its quite expected (and normal) to be depressed after such a major life change.
   
   Perhaps a visit to your doctor? Im not saying for drugs, but soem advice on where to go for support in your area? And also that is a good point on eating the right things that couturepopcaef made. I know danielcarter has some very good hubs on the subject.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I think going to the doctor is a good idea. I have a holistic Chinese doctor I love. He could give me herbs, I'm sure that would help me. There is a free mental health clinic down the road, but it's run by a woman who I used to volunteer with.  I hate to go there, because she will just take all my private business out and make fun of it. I'm going to ask my doctor to recommend some other place. He knows my situation, so he will be happy to.
      
      I've been thinking maybe Yoga instead of Therapy?

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   klarawieckposted 13 years ago

   Amie, I'm in your "rags to riches to rags" committee! Don't feel down over these things, girl. Money makes life easier but it won't bring you happiness. You need to put your life and priorities in perspective, it seems to me. I always struggled to pay the rent but I have so many other wonderful things to live for. Better days are on their way! Keep smiling!!!

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much. I know there a lot of "mes" out there. I just need to find the thankfulness again somewhere. I feel so stupid and vain and prideful sometimes.
      
      I'm going for a walk. It's so beautiful outside, and I live four blocks from one of the most beautiful parks in the country!

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         sofsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Amie.. .. that is a good decision, just don't be too harsh on your self..
         hope you will be feeling better by the time you come back!

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   Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

   Just remember there are millions of people who have it way worse, but are happy. Find what makes you happy/

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I do know that, thus the guilt and feeling selfish. I have given up on happy. I'm working on content.

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   katiem2posted 13 years ago

   I faced divorce from a man who shared a company with me.  It tanked once he realized it was the end of the road for us in the marriage.  I have two daughters and lived very nicely until I faced what your dealing with now.  It was a long hard road. 
   
   I know how you feel but keep reminding yourself it's better far far better to be FREE than to be married to someone who does not love you or you them.
   
   Force yourself to cram as much positive into your mind as possible.  Fight the sadness and depression, fight it and keep moving forward.
   
   I know you'll come out of this with a great life lesson for us all.  Looking forward to your rainbow moment that you share.
   
   Imagination is the preview to lifes coming attractions so IMAGINE BIG!   Peace

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I listened to the song "Unwritten" about 20 times yesterday, over and over, and by the last time around, I was up dancing and singing! LOL Looking for happy songs to listen to from now on.

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    WryLiltposted 13 years ago

    Hey Amie, I sent you an email. :-)

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    kaltopsydposted 13 years ago

    I understand how you feel. You're not a spoiled brat. When you world spins... out of control - for lack of a better word - you have a grip at first (the calm before the storm). With some support you should be okay. Keep striving to regain your positivity. You can do it! Be encouraged. I know I probably wasn't of too much help but I just want to tell you that you're not alone.

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       Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       It was a lot of help! Thanks so much.

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    sofsposted 13 years ago

    you sound much better! i am really glad!

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    CYBERSUPEposted 13 years ago

    Amie,
        I just finished reading all the posts here and you are so fortunate to have all these Hubbers who are willing to help you in any way they can. Amie remember this, when God closes the door on you, He usually opens a window. Look for it.  Amie, God still loves you!

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       Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you! I've been amazed at the warm welcome I've gotten here. It is a blessing.

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          DrMikeFitzpatrickposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          remember the light wave i sent you-most of the advice you have received is full of "charge", or one-sided views of events that have both sides equally-if you REALLY loved to be rich, you would be-period. money is a high value to you, most of us live a lifestyle we grew up with and are "attached" to that. example-there was a lady who recently passed, who worked for the NV public library-she NEVER made over $18,000 a year, but when she passed, left over 10 million to a fund for inner city kids-she lived her whole life poor, as that was how she grew up lifestyle wise, but money was her top value and she saved, invested, and managed wisely every cent she got.

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          DrMikeFitzpatrickposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          the other side? we had a lady client who made 1.2 million a year-but spent 1.3 million a year-she had high self-worth, (she was paid 100K a month and felt she was worth it) yet money was not her highest value as she spent it-you may think she could live comfortably on half a million and invest the rest. the secret to making and keeping money is anchoring it to your highest values-in no particular order, family, financial, physical, social, spiritual, mental, vocational are the seven areas of life-where you spend your time and money easily is a clue to what is your highest values. everything is present, NOTHING is missing, it is simply in a form you are not recognizing is all. Dr. Mike

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          mom101posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Amy, I too  am a divorcee, single, and broke. I own my own home, car only have the ordinary bills.
          The house I left was one we built together with my mom and dad helping hang wall paper in the nursery that we had intended to be a guest room UNTIL the very unexpected news of our baby due in 3 months. (Yep, didn't know for the first 6 months) too busy with running a business and building the house...but thats a different story.  Now he will turn 17 in a few days.
          I recently invited a friend to move in. She is disabled (so she connvinced the state to believe) but she worked circles around me. I like cooking but hate the clean up. She offered to pay 475 a month which included telephone, the best cable package, elec, water, food, household such as soap, tissue, deo, shampoo, etc.. She agreed to do the laundry if I would buy the powders/bleach/dryersheets etc, she agreed to wash the dishes if I did the cooking.
          My computer is in the living room. And when I agreed to let her move in, I gave her my bedroom. (I sleep on the couch now).
          Everything went ok for the first day or so, then, 3 am came around and I kept hearing clicking noises. She was online. I did not care for her using the computer, but I get up at 5 to cook breakfast for my better half to pick up on his way to work.
          Yesterday, she asked if I would do an errand, I did. and 5 minutes after I left, she left. Strangers came in my home without my knowing and moved her out in less  than 5 minutes.
          It is peaceful.
          My mom passed away in aug 03 and my dad in april 05. I am an only child.
          My ex and I were married from 82 til 04. Owned and operated a good business. Didn't want for much of anything. He didnt allow me to save, said it was evil.
          He didnt drink or do drugs, didnt even smoke. His problem was porn.
          Nonetheless, I can promise you, if you keep your head up, things will improve.
          Want to move to TN?  I have an empty room.

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Hi Amie, I've taken a look at your hubs and I'm surprised that you don't have any hubs writing about fixing up a house or decorating a house or landscaping.  I think that would be a great additional niche for you and might be fun for you to write as well since you enjoyed fixing and decorating your house so much.

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    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    this would also make a great hub. Many people are in debt. You have a great title and could simply outline the steps you took and continue to take to make this a priority. You wouldn't have to make it too personal, but it could help inspire others that it can be done.

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    LSKingposted 13 years ago

    Sorry you're going through this. The best way that I combat depression is by doing what you're doing here, talking about it. Carl Jung's teachings in this area are phenomenal.
    
    Being depressed because of a situation is one thing while being depressed because you have a chemical imbalance is another. Please see a doctor to assess your health.
    
    Things like not getting enough sleep, eating poorly, and not getting enough sunlight mimics symptoms of depression. If you're experiencing prolong depression you may need some form of medical or holistic intervention.
    
    Although you have made such great strides as far as your debt, it's a lot of pressure trying to get back to where you once were financially. You hit the nail on the head when you said that you need to surround yourself with people that have been there before. A rags to riches group may be extremely beneficial to motivating you in the future. Please keep us updated, I think that you'll be very successful at what ever you do based on what you told us so far.
    
    Best Wishes!
    LSKing

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    pisean282311posted 13 years ago

    @Amie Warren
    
    broke and no body??...well broke is temporary state and who said you are no body...dont attach value on yourself seeing your circumstances..i believe every human has ability to get into the self and generate ...you can bounce back...you might be in bad shape as far as finances are concerned, you might be in difficult period emotionally too...but you can bounce back..amie ,cheer up and look within ..re generate yourself...world is waiting for you...

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