I have never been anarexic, but it's always in my mind. I have always been at 130lbs to 138lbs, just until 5 years ago that I got married. I am now 155lbs. For me that is obese. I look in the mirror constantly and I disgust myself. I cry myself to sleep because I hate being this way. I see my husband looking at other girls or woman that are thin and pretty and with big boobs. I don't care much of the boob part but I know that if I can be thinner I will be much prettier. I have taken diet pills twice for 3 months each but I stop after 3 months because I start have anxiety and getting panic attacks. My husband is more loving and caring when I am thinner. We have a baby who is almost going to be 2 years old and I don't want her growing up and noticing these thoughts of mine but I really want to be thin. I like noticing my neck bone showing because that is a sign of me being thinner. Please I need help. People around me, my family and mostly my husband don't take me seriously. They think of me as if I'm joking. My husband recently had been making fun of me on my panic attacks. He doesn't know that it hurts me and doesn't know that I am being so serious. His parents call me fat all the time. My brothers call me fat. They poke at my stomache and tell me I look all jiggaly and it traumatizes me. I just wish I can stop eating till I reach 130lbs again. I want to feel free. I want to run again and feel happy but I feel so lonely, sad and fat and just like nothing.
OK, first step? Calm down:-) I say that in all seriousness. As ntense as your thoughts and feelings are, know that they will not beat you.
Understand there is nothing wrong with your body. I don't know how tall you are, so I can't comment as to the health of your weight, but converting it into kg's, 58kg's does not sound unhealthy - even for a shorter person.
I think the problem lies with how you relate to your own thoughts about yourself. You have conflated your own identity with the way you think about yourself - which may not be the case. It's possible that "who you are" is entirely different to the negative thoughts you have about your body.
Can I recommend you read the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Amazon should have copies that cost virtually nothing. From what you describe, I think it's the best thing. The reason I recommend this book is that he adeptly illustrates the divide between "who we are" and the thoughts we have. It's a journey towards inner peace, and well worth the read.
But, I am an amateur. Although well menaing, I am untrained in situaitons like this - perhaps you would derive the most help from a professional counsellor?
It seems you define your value as a person by how you look, and what other people think. You are not a precious person because of your weight, or by what Aunt Tillie or your best friend thinks of you, You are a valuable person because you are God's creation. 155 is not obese. I weigh 170. I am not happy with my weight. I am not pleased with the way I look. It is something I need to work on, but I do not define my value by how I look, nor do my friends and family. Diet pills and fad diets are the worst way to lose weight because they are done in a hurry and it does not really change your metabolism for the longterm People who lose weight this way are guarenteed to gain it all back quickly. The idea is to change your lifestyle by how you eat, excercise, etc. I have to take my own advice, but I have seen it work for many people. You need to learn to love yourself for the person inside and because God loves you irregardless of how you look or think of yourself. He made you with love reverence and care. Perhaps you might think of getting into a support group for people who are struggling with self esteem issues. Until you love yourself, you will not be that successful. God bless and good wishes.
As for your family, there isn't much you can do to get away from them, but they are not safe people and you need to learn to stand up to them and set boundaries. Whether you are overweight or not, there is no excuse to treat someone that way. My guess is, that some of them have a problem in the looks department too. But what is really the crux of the matter is that they are cruel and insensitive people. There is a book out called Boundaries by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. I highly recommend it, but I would get the help of a counselor as well. Write back soon and let us know how you are doing.
I remember being 156 lbs and thinking I was the fattest girl in school. I used to dream of being 132 lbs. (the recommended weight for my height). That seems a million years and a million miles ago. What I wouldn't give to be that weight now! But....what I have learned is that you really have to learn to be happy with whatever weight you are while you're there. If you want to look different, you have to do things differently. For me, portion control has never been an issue. I don't eat very much. For me, it's poor selections. I gravitate to the worst stuff for me. LOL The key for me is to steer away from the fattier foods and just get up and do more.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Don't take comments from others to heart. They are being insensitive but probably don't realize it.
Can I be blunt? For a poet this is painful but I am a terribly rational fellow for all my faults. You have two choices and always two. You can live or you can die. To hate one's own self into health problems that are degenerative by nature is to die. The reverse of eating everything in sight amounts to the same thing. To live is to find out what your body needs for peak efficiency and do that. If you can't solve your problems on your own, a councilor would be best.
I rarely ever go into a forum and I don't even know why I clicked on this one. I am glad I did. You, my dear, are NOT FAT or OBESE. For one thing, you had a baby 2 years ago. You are supposed to be a little over weight. Baby weight is the hardest to lose in the stomach area. A new mother doesn't always have time to do the activities they used to do which kept them fit. New mothers stay at home with their babies and take care of them and worry about the babies well being first. You are being a good mother. How dare your husband look at thinner women and their boobs. He is totally disrespecting you period. He would do this anyway whether you were thin or fat. For him to make fun of your anxiety and panic attacks shows someone to me that is self centered and very uncaring. I am sorry to be so blunt, but mean people irritate me and I don't like it when they intentionally hurt a person that is suffering. Your inner beauty and personality is what will shine through to others. You will be treated the way you allow and send messeges to others to treat you. You have got to empower yourself mentally and emotionally. The weight is not what is causing the disrespect from your husband, family and friends. They see you as a weak doormat and are treating you as such. This will happen even if you got skinny. Start doing things for yourself that will build self confidence. Accomplish things that will build your self esteem. I don't mean with the weight issue either. When you become strong and stop being their victim along with tolerating their abuse, I promise you that they will see you in a whole new light and maybe have to start looking at their own issues instead of yours. If you don't love you and think you are wonderful, nobody else will either. Stop taking those diet pills. Eat regular meals. If you stop eating, your metabolism will slow down too much and make you fatter. Try eating 7 very small meals a day. Healthy foods. Lots of veggies, proteins, fruits. Everytime you eat, your metabolism speeds up. Small meals often is the key. You have to work out an excercise regime. I'm saying all of this for your health. I don't even think your fat by any stretch of the imagination. If you lose weight, do it for YOU. I don't like to talk about peoples husbands or family, but this guy seems very shallow. Give him a taste of his own medicine and start looking at other men that are full of muscles and talk about how sexy they look. See how that makes him feel. Let me tell you, Real men love a woman to have a little meat on their bones. Who would want a skeleton? Nothing appealing about that. I wish you the best and you remember by looking in the mirror everyday and by your accomplishments just how beautiful and special you are.
1. Learn to love who you are. You're not fat!
2. Men don't love skeletons, like lisadpreston said.
3. Just workout and eat 500 calories less a day to lose a 1 pound of week. But remember, you want to be FIT, not a skeleton. Some fat is healthy! (AND HOT lol!)
Having experienced anorexia as a teen your post worries me. What you say sounds to me like you could be at risk of developing this very serious condition. I would love to say all the right words and change your thinking and self view but I doubt that that is possible over a forum. My suggestion would be to find someone you can talk to about this matter, a therapist would be a good place to start as they will take this seriously and you need to be taken seriously. Feeling badly about yourself down to weight is a horrible place to be, you deserve better then that and I really hope you find someone who can help you get the good feelings about yourself that you deserve.
I went from 105 pounds to 170 pounds over the course of a few years and I don't have any children. Imagine how horrible I would feel if I defined who I am as a person by the way I look. I show my boyfriend pictures of me when I was thin and he says thank goodness he met me now because he thinks I looked sick when I was so skinny. I would like to lose 20 pounds and get down to 150 but in order to do that I have to change my eating habits and exercise more. Learn to love who you are no matter how thin or how big. I can relate to how you feel on the family comments because my mother jokes about my weight all the time. It doesn't make me feel good inside but I don't let it bother me either because I know who I am and I feel good about myself regardless.
by khmohsin5 years ago
If I eat nothing except salad during the week will I loose my wait?
by rlaha8 months ago
I had to have my thyroid removed due to cancer about 12 years ago. Since then, my doctors have had me on different dosages of synthroid. Since I changed my doctor to a thyrologist , I am now on Trinosint...
by Greg Sereda4 years ago
People were spreading rumors about me in my church, alleging that I was having an affair with a married woman. I confronted them about it, but they lied and said they weren't spreading them. They said they only heard...
by Jason C Jean3 years ago
I've often said, the issue of being afraid to come out of the closet, is because you don't want to lose a loved one, a family member who might stop loving you because you are gay. I've also said, WHO CARES! Happiness is...
by steffsings6 years ago
I was recently studying Mark 12:28-31 which calls us to Love God with our whole being, AND ALSO to love our fellow man "as ourself". How can someone who does NOT love themselves (low self esteem) treat others...
by Laurel Rogers4 years ago
I am the mother of an only child-a 23 year old son who lives less than a mile from my house. I am at a loss to express my disappointment with his behavior. He is a man full of incredible rage, particularly...
Copyright © 2017 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.
HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.