You can see from your post that you've done the wisest thing you can - return to the very basics. Acknowledging what you cannot change means making room for the courage to come flowing in to change what you can. Be strong - lots of us will pull for you in any way we can!
If you remember nothing else in the midst of the chaos, a simple cry for help is often enough! Even if your higher power happens to be a group of other recovering folks - go to them and just say "Help!" Most are quick to oblige. Continuing to send all the best your way!
Oh Wendi, I am so sorry. I can so relate to where you are. Been there, only my son was a young teen when I had to get him help. It's a lot harder to deal with a child's addiction than our own. There are my of "us" here on HP and we are here to share our experience, strength and hope whenever you need it. You will get through this. AND you don't have to drink or use over it!! Hugs and serenity coming your way, MM
yes - f*ck em if they can't take a joke - it does get easier after especially when you finally just let it go - the world is going to be what it is - baby steps, pal, baby steps and lots of pats on the back!
remember to live as well as you can! Many of us here are struggling like you and believe in ourselves and you to be able to make life good and meaningful! You have the strength, so all you have to do is USE the strength!
Show a good example, show that you believe in him too, show support and patience, these things need time. Your son will need your support at least moral one for the rest of his or your life. I know how hard it is, but you do not have a choice, you are his mother.
Some really good advice here. It sounds counterintuitive, I know, but the best help you can be to your son right now is to NOT rush in to help him. This is the perfect time to want to regain control and direct the show. But we can't. Or we can, but you already know that the outcome will not be good until your son accepts his problem and ASKS for help. That's where we, as mothers, try to step in. WE see the problem and want to rescue. We know what's ahead and our maternal instinct is to not want our kids to go down as far as we know is possible.
Things that have helped me: 1. TURN IT OVER. I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him. God has a path for your son. It may not be the path you would choose. But trust in your God/HP and know that like He's got you covered, He's got your son covered, too. 2. You cannot change some parts of this, but you can change some things. Do the next right thing. What is that? I don't know, but if you think about it and ask for guidance (God, other people's) it will be revealed to you. 3. Is he a danger to himself or others? If so, that puts the situation into a whole different level of urgency. Or, is a family intervention appropriate (you say you have a lot of family members in recovery). 4. Although we, as the mothers, feel our children's pain most deeply, we may not be the right person to 12-step our kids. The reasons why are obvious. A wife is probably the last person who can make her husband stop drinking. But I bet there's a man in your sobriety circle who could get through to your son. Someone whose life experiences are similar or someone with similar interests (bodybuilding, music, cycling -- whatever it may be). I've known quite a few moms who have called in sober male reinforcements. And had good results.
Anyway, I could go on all day. I'm pretty passionate about this subject (and very grateful my son lived to see 18 -- I honestly didn't think he'd make it). Please feel free to contact me privately if you want to talk sister-to-sister.
Big hugs. And as my sponsor always tells me, "It's already alright." Sometimes I want to smack her. But she's right!
If you have children, you HAVE NO RIGHT to be weak, mean, thoughtless or drunk. You are his beacon in life, his example, his strength. You have to be clean and bright and clever and smart and beautiful - for him. He has to have faith in life through you. It took me 4 years to convince my son that I am here for him, when he finally understood, - he changed, changed for the better, changed in a way I despared even to hope he could. Life is full of miracles, but we have to work on them to happen.
All of us step into life's journey in our own way. As much as you have stepped your own path, your son will do the same. Do what you need to do to look after yourself but be there for him without trying to walk for him.