Having OCD Is Not Always Fun

It’s normal, on occasion, to go back and double-check that the iron is unplugged or your car is locked.

But in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) things can get pretty traumatic at times. Let me give you an example.

I was walking through IKEA; that Temple to which all OCD sufferers must travel on a regular basis. There, laid out before me in dazzling arrays, were my fixation; my great love; my lodestone: The IKEA 365 range. I stood beside a stand, a display of the 365 coffee mugs. Row upon row of pure white, unblemished china, every handle turned to the exact number of degrees as its neighbour. Beckoning me wickedly with their purity of line, their transparent naughtiness. Each called out to me to pick him up; to caress him; to put him in my trolley.

But as ever, when I had chosen one and put him safely in the trolley, his nearest neighbour looked deep into my eyes; his little heart worn on his pure, virginal white sleeve. “Why not me?” he seemed to cry plaintively, “You looked at me but chose my neighbour. What’s wrong with me?”

And so I picked him up too, and laid him carefully beside the other in my trolley; taking care not to have eye to eye contact with those that I had left on the display.

This is as it is, and this is as it always has been.

My friend Judi says that she has never known me to buy one of anything. She says that there is something strange going on in my psyche. Just because I find it difficult not to buy… no, impossible, not to buy anything singly. I am happiest when there is no option and I have to buy in complete sets. For example, six Dragon teaspoons or bread and butter knives. But then, I find it very difficult not to buy two sets. You never know when a dozen Dragon bread and butter knives will come in handy.

Judi understands me. Judi is my best friend. She isn’t exactly OCD, but she is the only person I know, and possibly the only person in the whole world, who can recognise and name every White on the Farrow and Ball Colour chart. At a glance she can recognise and name every one of the hundreds of Farrow and Ball Whites from Chalk, through Elephant’s Breath to Refectory Ceiling. Bone of course is a doddle, and so perhaps is Dover Chalk to the uninitiated, but she can understand the subtle nuances of Egyptian Cotton, a White, according to Judi which is “rich without being demanding” as opposed to the dramatic intensity of China Clay.

But Judi would never be described at being OCD. She is, as she and I would both agree, more focussed than OCD.

But she does understand me.

Getting back to IKEA (how comfortable), I mentioned earlier that I not only find it difficult to resist the 365 range, especially their white china. I also love the simplicity of their Dragon cutlery range, as you have already noticed. So my heart leapt in my chest, when, some years ago, IKEA brought out the “Complete” range of Dragon Cutlery (And when I say Cutlery, I mean Cutlery and Flatware, of course).

What they had on offer was gloriously simple:

· There were six table knives.

· There were six table forks.

· There were six pudding spoons (also useful for soup spoons).

· There were six bread and butter knives.

· There were six short teaspoons.

· There were six fish knives.

· There were six fish forks.

· There were six smaller pudding spoons.

· There were six smaller forks to be used with the smaller pudding spoons.

· There was a large serving spoon.

· There was a large serving fork.

· There was a butter knife.

· There was a cake slice.

· There was a large ladle.

· There was a smaller ladle.

They were lovely. They came in a long white, heavy duty cardboard box. Each piece was fixed perfectly in place with long, thin, plastic rods which kept them in place (and so prevented any less than tidy individual from rearranging and destroying their beautiful symmetry). On the box was written, in large black letters: “Dragon Cutlery … Sixty Pieces”.

I loved them. And of course I bought a box; and an IKEA plastic cutlery tidy thingy to go in the cutlery drawer. I took them home and washed them in the dishwasher (Just in case) and, when they were finished, and dry, laid them out neatly; I counted them; I arranged them in the plastic cutlery thingy, so they were all pointing the same way. The spoons played spoons. The forks played spoons. Even the fish knives played spoons. I was a happy man.

I was a happy man for at least a week. Then I started to think to myself that they looked lovely in the drawer, and I certainly liked opening that drawer and counting them, and I loved putting them back beside their companions when I had taken them out of the dishwasher and…

Another box wouldn’t go amiss. You never can have too much cutlery.

And so I returned to IKEA and bought another box of “Dragon Cutlery … Sixty Pieces” and took it home and set them out in the drawer. I now could open my drawer and see that :

· There were twelve (a dozen) table knives.

· There were twelve (a dozen) table forks.

· There were twelve (a dozen) pudding spoons (also useful for soup spoons).

· There were twelve (a dozen) bread and butter knives.

· There were twelve (a dozen) short teaspoons.

· There were twelve (a dozen) fish knives.

· There were twelve (a dozen) fish forks.

· There were twelve (a dozen) smaller pudding spoons.

· There were twelve (a dozen) smaller forks to be used with the smaller pudding spoons.

· There were two large serving spoons.

· There were two large serving forks.

· There were two butter knives.

· There were two cake slices.

· There were two large ladles.

· There were two smaller ladles.

I was so happy because I knew that every time I opened that cutlery drawer, I could make sure they were tidy, I could count them, and just appreciate them.

Being OCD is fun; don’t let anybody tell you otherwise; but it does take up quite a lot of time.

But it can have its terrors. One morning, just after breakfast, I opened the drawer and was about halfway through counting the cutlery, when the most awful truth dawned. One of the bread and butter knives had disappeared. I don’t know which one it was, but whereas there had been twelve (a dozen) when I had last counted them; now there were eleven. I counted and recounted; looked in the dishwasher; looked everywhere that a bread and butter knife may have been lost… There was the bitterest truth: One of the bread and butter knives was missing. I spent a whole week (I should imagine) searching and searching, but at the end, I had to admit that where formerly I had had my Dragon collection in even numbers, now I had only eleven bread and butter knives.… What could I do?

I could conceivably buy another… but IKEA only sell Dragon in sets of six, or lovely big boxes of “Dragon Cutlery … Sixty Pieces”.

I decided to lie!

That very day, I went to IKEA and blatantly lied. I approached an Assistant Manager; there was one to hand… and I lied. I told her that I had bought a box of Dragon cutlery (“Dragon Cutlery … Sixty Pieces”).and upon opening it, discovered that there was one bread and butter knife missing.

She believed me… I didn’t.

She knew as well as I about the long thin plastic rods which kept the cutlery in place. But she chose to believe me. I felt shame and inward humiliation, but that is the lot of the OCD person at times. But I also knew that at home, nestled comfortably in the cutlery draw, there were eleven bread and butter knives which, basically, looked wrong. I knew it; they knew it. Every other piece in those drawers were in groups of twelve (a dozen) or in pairs… the bread and butter knives were in a group of eleven; an odd number; a prime number.

The Assistant managed pressed a button beside a till. An employee in dark blue trousers and a yellow jacket appeared as if from nowhere (It’s like that at IKEA; they come and go, as if by magic).

“Denzel,” said the Assistant Manager, “The customer requires a small Dragon knife”.

I was about to correct her, and explain that it was a bread and butter knife that I wanted, but Denzel pre-empted me.

“What?” said Denzel.

“A Dragon dessert knife,” said the Assistant Manager. “Go and get the customer a dessert knife from the storeroom”.

Denzel went to get the customer a desert knife. She turned to me: “If you would like to sit there, Sir, he shouldn’t be long,” and she went to do some Assistant Manager busy stuff.

I sat.

And then I sat some more. Denzel had been gone a long while. The Assistant Manager whisked by, looking very busy: “He should be with you in a minute,” she reassured me, and whisked off.

I waited. Thoughts rushed through my mind. “I have told a lie, but for a worthy cause”. “Incomplete sets are an anathema to the OCD person in this world”. “IKEA can afford one bread and butter knife”. “Denzel has forgotten me. Or they’re on to me and have gone to inform the police”. “The Assistant Manager didn’t believe me, and they’re not going to do anything”.

Then when I had almost decided to give up and go away, Denzel reappeared.

He was smiling all over his beautiful face. I could have embraced him. In his hand he held a “dessert knife” (bread and butter knife, really).

He held it towards me. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. My set was complete. I could have kissed him.

“Thank you,” I said, “Thank you”.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Sir,” he said. “I had to search all over for it, but because you were so patient and kind, please accept this” and he winked at me. With that he thrust a second Dragon bread and butter knife into my outstretched hand.

“Take care!” he said, and I forced a smile of gratitude onto my face. Panic. I now had thirteen Dragon bread and butter knives; an odd number; a prime number; thirteen (a Baker’s Dozen). 

Having OCD is not always fun. 

Comments 64 comments

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Oh my God! This is incredible. How amazingly funny and deeply touching at the same time. I almost died when he handed you the additional dessert knife (a bread and butter knife, really) because you had set this story up so well. I was surprised, of course, but then, what else could have happened. It had to, as if ordained by (the Ikea) Gods. I seriously doubt anyone has ever written so lovingly, so perceptibly, of OCD before. A work of art, this.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 6 years ago from North America

Beautiful story and I've bookmarked it. Thank you. Rated Up and several more.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

Hahahhaha, now you're screwed for sure. 13. That's what you get for lying. Fate reached out and gave you the finger in the ironic guise of excellent service. Now what do you do? There is no amount of sets you can buy to correct this... you'll have to start scouring Ebay for someone's USED set... or else sell that extra one yourself to balance out the universe!

:D

Hey, for what it's worth, I like to think I don't have OCD, but I do that anthropomorphic thing sometimes too, you know, like the teacup thing. I'd give you some examples, but I don't want to embarrass myself.

Beyond that, this was just a damn fine read, and I thank Mr. Christoph Reilly up there for pointing me in your direction. I shall have to read your other ones too. Thumbs up, welcome to HP.


KKalmes profile image

KKalmes 6 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

Hello TL, brilliant, funny, and inspirational to all of us borderline OCD'ers who now know what lay ahead for us. I loved this... maybe I can stop counting stairs long enough to complete your other hubs.

Only you would understand the excruciating nausea of coming up one stair short or one stair long in a mandatory stair count.

thumbs up and awesomely funny...

thanx CR for recommending a great read...


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you Christoph. This one is actually drawn from life, but I am capable of laughing at myself. I, like you, see the world through more sparkly glasses than rose tinted. When I read your work, I can almost feel my mind running along beside you like a little dog, waiting for you to throw that stick. And that stick always goes in a direction I least expect... but God knows it hits the spot. Thank you for your faith in me. I hope I keep up with quality. I feel I owe it to you now.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Shadesbreath, thank you. Believe it or not there is a possible development of this one. It has all the depth, drama and scope of a Greek Tragedy. Only an OCDer would understand, or someone with a deeply sensitive and compassionate soul.

But please, don't expect too much of me... I love writing, but God knows I'm slow. I think the correct term is "lazy".


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 6 years ago

Went along for the ride on this one. Were you singing, "Six geese a laying, and twelve drummers drumming" or counting "Drummer Hoff Fired It Off?" In my mind's eye, each item was animated like a child's imaginary friend to keep you company.

Can one get off lightly for rationalizing a blatant lie? Give that 13th knife to Good Will and you shall have your Dirty Dozen. But, wait, what if you lose another knife? It is always good to have an extra one handy. Tuck it in the back of the drawer, or even roll it up in a bit of paper. That way you won't have to look at it or be reminded it is there, until the day when you need it!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Debby. Your message started to give me palpitations. But wait, there is a grisly addendum to this little tale, but I think it is too dark for the likes of Hubpages. I will have to look for a more Gothic site lest my mind and imagination go spinning out of control.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Patty, I thank you. And from my position as the "New Boy" on HP, let me thank you and all others, for your generous welcome.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Twilight: There is nothing too dark for HubPages. By all means, write your grisly addendum.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Christoph, with your permission, I shall.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Twilight Lawns.. I have to agree with Christoph.. incredible! My first thought was that the missing 'bread and butter knife' has escaped! I've heard utensils can be like that. Not to the same degree socks are. Heaven knows socks have an underlying desire to escape and venture out to the world. That's the reason you find so many who've gone as far as a street gutter, only to have 'freedom' snatched away, an untimely demise.. but utensils have to be more sneaky, more cleaver. Clearly they are toying with you. Good luck in keeping the rest of your collection sufficiently contained!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Candie, I've got my eye on them every one... well I thought I had, but I am afraid my little world turned upside down. But more of that later. I am sure that when the therapists have finished with me I'll be a new man and able to face this wicked world with a brave face; if not a whole drawer full of... I can't go on. Thank you for your understanding and compassion.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Always! We're in this together!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

KKalmes, dear sweet understanding Kkalmes. I am so new to HP, I didn't really respond adequately to your wonderful comments. You've pushed my mind (what's left of it) forward (or backward0 and with a little exdigitation, I'll be able to post a little article that shows that there is a better life out there; the sun shines randomly; clouds do not come in sets of five; cutlery doesn't need to be counted every day... Specific days can be set for those actions.


aut 5 years ago

Dude it ain't OCD with just the compulsion. Believe me OCD is no fun at all. Unless the obsessions proper haven't come yet.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

It all seems good clean fun to me. Thank you for taking the time to read the hub. I hope you enjoy the others as much.


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 5 years ago from Scotland

May your cutlery be straight and true and never ask Uri Geller to dinner. LOL

Thanks for the Hub TL, I agree it's good clean fun. We all have to laugh at life's tribulations.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks for your comments, Shinkicker. Did you notice that one or two thought I was making light of a serious situation? I thought it dealt with it with the gravity it deserved.

You are always welcome, my friend.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks for your comments, Shinkicker. Did you notice that one or two thought I was making light of a serious situation? I thought it dealt with it with the gravity it deserved.

You are always welcome, my friend.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Ah! I have OCD too. Mine is more of the cleaning and straightening nature. It pains me to see a picture hanging crooked or towels not folded straight.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks for reading this Pamela. if you have a few moments in between putting the world to rights, there are two more in this "series"... equally as serious; equally as introspective.

May your pictures always hang straight.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Hello Twilight,

Enjoyed it as much if not more than the 4th one..lol

Have a great Monday,

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Yeah! Great Monday. I've been to the doctor and been told I have another chest infection... I had pneumonia/pleurisy the year before last and they dragged me into hospital... back again at the beginning of last winter... Poor old bugger, but I think we have got the antibiotics in time this time.

Grr!


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

Oh my, what talent. Brilliant touching and funny all at the same time. Voted up, funny and awesome.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Fay. I appreciate those kind words, and hope that you manage to read the other sections of this very important treatise on a subject very close to me heart.

It is very heartening to know that a person of your great compassion and insight has looked into the matter; obviously drawn into looking at it on humanitarian grounds... or perhaps you had nothing better to do.

Ian


mcimicata profile image

mcimicata 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

This definitely opened my eyes to some aspects of OCD that I had no idea about before! Great hub


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, mcimicata. I am glad you found me. Please come again. You will always be welcome.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 5 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Hey :) I have OCD too, and it's of the numbers variety. So I feel your joy and your horror about the knives, Ian. I would have lied too. But 13! That's just awful.

I have recently, with a Herculean effort, managed to stop myself from counting the cutlery in my drawer, because I now know that each item is and always will be oddly numbered. I am convinced that my mum stole some of my beautiful little teaspoons (she has a teaspoon OCD, and has a large collection - some paid for and some not!!) - she may well pop in here and tell you that she didn't steal them, but I'm sure she did. I have to keep an eye on her when she goes in my kitchen.

I also have a volume number OCD, which means that I can't leave the volume on the TV on an odd number (unless it's a multiple of 5 - I can cope with that, just about) - I'm sure this one is very common. I used to have a sticky remote control and I would sometimes have to sit patiently for a good few seconds trying to get the volume onto 20, after watching it flick back and forth between 19 and 21, infuriatingly skipping over 20 many times. I have a much more sympathetic remote now :)

Yes, OCD is fun sometimes. I love it. But then I do have it in a very mild form - I wouldn't want it to be stronger than this.

Linda.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Linda, I loved your comment. There’s a hub in there, just waiting to spring out and entertain us. I am amazed, actually, how many people took my hub seriously, and if you were to look into the comments, someone has stated that “OCD is not something to be laughed at”… (Says who?)

Actually, my hub is semi-real inasmuch as I am quite obsessed. I thought I had cured myself by buying the extra set, and found I was resisting the daily numbering. For weeks I resisted it until the other day, just by chance, I happened to notice that one of the nineteen dinner knives (I can cope with nineteen; it’s a prime number) has IKEA STAINLESS MADE IN VIETNAM impressed on it.

I shouldn’t have looked, but I did and then… That’s right; I had to check out the others.

So I did and the result?

Nine (a square number) are impressed with: IKEA STAINLESS MADE IN VIETNAM

Four (a square number) are impressed with: IKEA FOOD Made in China

Six (and even number, Linda…Oh dear) have nothing impressed on them at all.

There has been a good knock-on effect. I was extremely good at maths and maths teaching, and have a diploma in the teaching of mathematics, apparently due to my obsession with numbers and relationships and counting everything all the time. How sad!

I’d be careful of your mother. Keep a lookout constantly. If she goes into the kitchen, and says, “Would you like a cup of tea dear? I’ll just put the kettle on,” distract her and tell her you’ve just had one, or make it yourself. You know what these old birds are like. Queen Mary was just the same. Apparently she collected jade carvings, and would turn up at country houses and the flats of the Good and the Great, pick up a jade from a mantelpiece and say, “This is lovely!”

Of course the owner would almost be obliged to say, “It is. Would you accept it as a gift, Ma’am (or Your Royal Highness or whatever)” and she’d “accept” it.

The antique shops in Windsor even had a code and a boy would run ahead of the old duck, so that by the time she arrived, there wouldn’t be a piece of expensive jade to be seen in the shop.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 5 years ago from Lancaster, UK

That's hilarious, jade carvings :D Love it. That's my mum to a T, with spoons you know. She has a similar thing for very tiny milk jugs. Her tastes, thankfully, do not run to expensive and exquisite stones (yet!) I don't know what she'd think about being compared to this type of old bird though, being only 52!!!

With the engravings on the cutlery: once you've had the thought, felt the urge to look, there's nothing at all that can make you resist is there? Imagine if you'd felt the impulse to have a look at the engravings of a second knife, but you'd resisted it! What if you'd closed the drawer and forced yourself to leave the kitchen (if you keep your cutlery in the kitchen - maybe the OCDs of some people allow them to keep their cutlery in a different room!)? You would have been able to resist for a while, but eventually you would have given in and taken a peek. That's the thing with an OCD as well, isn't it, that ability to remember the thing that's niggling you, that thing that you know you needed to check - eventually you will check it.

I'm terrible at maths, interestingly. I practice my mental arithmetic at every opportunity, and in the past few years I have become slightly faster, but I still have a mental maths age of... oh, I'd guess that it's similar to that of an 11-year-old. Nothing sticks.

Linda.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Don't tell your dear old sainted white haired... Oops! Don't tell your mum I even thought of her as an old bird... I'm seventy-one (71) on the outside, but I still feel 19 inside.

Linda, if you're terrible at maths it was your teachers' faults. Many of the kids in my classes used to complain when I wanted to end maths lessons... even stayed in class at play times because they were enjoying themselves so much. They were primary children, but that wouldn't have made any difference.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 5 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Won't tell my mum Ian, although she is a hubber, so she probably already knows! She's queenpoetica :)

I can tell that you feel young on the inside you know, because I thought you were about 34 (same age as me :) ) when we first started to chat on my icy window hub. But by 34, I really mean 19, because I also feel 19, so in a roundabout kind of way you also sound like a 34-year-old who thinks he is still 19. If you see what I mean... ?! Are you really 71, or are you having me on??

I did have very uninspiring maths teachers actually. No-one EVER spent time trying to teach me maths, or trying to find out what my problems with it were. I did have a tutor to get me through the 11+, but we couldn't afford her after that. She was great - I'd be a mathematical genius now if she'd taught me.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Yes. Seventy-one. How else do you think I have accumulated so many memories... unless they are all fabrication and whimsy. Maybe they are. No, I was born in 1939, in British India, as my profile will attest, and it was all downhill from then on. But my goodness, did I seem to be in the right time at the right place (like the difference?) and did I soak it all up.

Rhetorical questions abound there, but I think you'll forgive me.

Small hint. Do you want your boys to be mathematicians? Get them as much Lego and the smaller version as they wish... it's amazing for spacial concepts and conservations, etc..


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 5 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Wonderful memories :) I love reading about British India - my partner's grandad is writing his memoires, and he was born in India 89 years ago. He's supposed to be providing me with a copy to read through, but we've never quite managed to sort that out. I must press him for those pages again. I'll share my thoughts in a hub when I do get around to reading what he's put down so far.

I have a hub to write on Lego too! We have much, much, much Lego :) We have Hogwarts Castle in miniature, sitting on my coffee table, and they play with it almost every day; and every evening I put it all back together and do the repairs, ready for them to play again in the morning (I did buy it for them, really I did!). We have much in the way of Star Wars Lego, and the boys build their own spaceships and all kinds of things. And we have a big bucket and three huge tool boxes full of random coloured and sized bricks and windows and all kinds of interesting Lego accessories. Lego is their favourite thing to play with. My boys regularly amaze me with their creations :) I hadn't considered that it might be of any help with maths. Ta :)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Linda, gather up all the British India stories. This country still is having a love affair with the subContinent. I am presently reading 'The Far Pavilions' and I got all emotional when I read, within the first couple of dozen pages, a Nursery Rhyme that the main character, Ash, was taught by his Ayah when he was an infant. My Ayah taught me the self same Nursery Rhyme, in Urdu, when I was in her charge.

My parents took me away from her when they discovered that I wasn't speaking English or Welsh, but Urdu or Hindi and Barohi. They thought I would go native... Horrors!

I think I've said all this before, but it is one of my hobby horses.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 5 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Have you written hubs about India, Ian? I will read them if you have. I would love to read some of your memories. I've only read one book about British India, and that was Felicity Kendal's autobiography! It was lovely, but short :)

Talking about books and memories that need to be read makes me a little panicky about not having enough time to read everything I want to read before I die! There's not enough time :( Oh dear, I'm getting maudlin!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I have only written a little about India, mainly because it is very precious to me and I feel very protective of my memories. Does that sound strange?

Firstly a bit of prose:

http://hubpages.com/literature/Krishna_in_the_Morn

and a poem (not written by me, but very relevant):

http://hubpages.com/literature/Good_Bye_a_Poem_Con...

and another poem:

http://hubpages.com/literature/are_or_ah#img_url_4

I hope you like them. They are all very precious to me.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 5 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Read them. Commented :) Thank you so much for sharing these. I can see why they're so very precious.

Linda.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Linda. How glad I am that I also used an IKEA family card to clean the ice off my windshield (esoteric statement).

Ian


Mark Ewbie profile image

Mark Ewbie 5 years ago from Euroland

I like this a lot, not too much, and not in an OCD way of course. I like the description and the important attention to detail - and it is the first time I have ever enjoyed reading a list of what is basically... cutlery.

What niggles me slightly, in a non OCD way of course, is what happens if that 'missing' dessert knife turns up one day. Although I realise you have covered that with the 13 knifes, so perhaps 14 would not be so bad. At least the extra two would be a pair.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

This "series" goes on. It is sequential (of course) and all will be resolved in good time... more or less.

At least 13 is a baker's dozen (Bakers' dozen?) but that doesn't help much when the Ecuadorians and the Poles get involved.

By the way, I wrote a comment on some-one's hub a couple of weeks ago that outrageously a plagiarism of style à la Mark Ewbie, and it was completely ignored; dismissed; disregarded, overlooked; discounted...

I was mortified. That is the last time I try to emulate a style I admire.


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Mark Ewbie 5 years ago from Euroland

I hope it wasn't one of my hubs and I missed the joke. I bet it was. People think that because one has a sense of humour going outwards as it were, one also has a fine attena for everything coming inwards. So apologies if I did miss it, and if you could point me to it AND point out the humour then I'll pretend to have got it the first time.

On the other hand, if you are referring to someone else then I have just blown my humour cover.


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

When I find the hub, I will send it to you. I can't remember the hubber or the subject. I think it was something to do with being criticised for their hubs. Do I make sense? If I have, it will be the first time.


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Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

Great take on OCD--LOL I'm glad there is no IKEA around my neck of the woods!

I had a bf who was OCD. It was interesting watching him process things, writing lists, pondering, arranging and re-arranging, and adjusting things in his house oh so slightly, but necessary. It was quite a ballet to watch.


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I love you description "It was quite a ballet to watch".

Thanks for coming and having a read. There is more, if you need help with managing the bf, but as you said you "had a bf", then perhaps it doesn't matter any more.


SilverGenes 5 years ago

Very funny and entirely understandable! Like Mark, I found myself concerned about when the original knife turns up somehow, somewhere. An Ikea flagship store is being built in my city and I fully intend to spend as much time as possible in the mother ship.


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

If you do not buy at least one bag of tea lights, I will me amazed. Please let me know if and when you attend for that first visit.

Judi and I have a name for people who stand at the cashier with a bag of 100 tea lights (or more). We call that person an IKEA Virgin. Will you be able to resist the temptation?


SilverGenes 5 years ago

I lost my IKEA virginity years ago in another city and have the usual stories about such an event. I still have tea lights in a drawer safely tucked away in their original bag. ;)


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Yipes! I have more IKEA tea light candle holders than IKEA itself (No, that's sacrilegious) but I have a good selection.

But tucked away in a drawer? Horrors.

Actually, I thought I was completely cured of my OCD until a couple of weeks ago, but an occurrence, almost as awful as a Near Death Experience occurred (as occurrences are wont to do) and I think I'm back in full flow.


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DuchessDuCaffeine 5 years ago from United States of America

Not all appreciate and keep order in the universe. The world is a messy place. That is why some have a larger appreciation for order and numerical symmetry than others. It falls to the conniseurs of counterbalance to keep the scales from tipping one way or the other. Rock on, Twilight, rock on :)


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Duchess, I was convinced, when reading your comments on the second chapter of 'Josie goes to Twilight Lawns' that you were English. You certainly seem to have an English sense of humour.

Thank you for finding me... I must read you now and find out what makes you tick.


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snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Oh wow! This is crazy stuff Mr. Lawns, Ikea will never be the same for me now. Each box of 60 Dragon cutlery I pick up will be missing not one, but two bread and butter knives, this could go on forever! argh! Regards, snakeslane


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

snakeslane, I know I did this over a couple of weeks, but you are the only person to have read it sequentially. Thank you for the visit.

Being an IKEA devotee, you must realise how passionately I feel about the place.


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

snakeslane, I know I did this over a couple of weeks, but you are the only person to have read it sequentially. Thank you for the visit.

Being an IKEA devotee, you must realise how passionately I feel about the place.


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snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

I live too far away from Ikea to get hooked, and now don't even have a catalogue, sister borrowed that on last trip. I have a funny story about Ikea, must send you, but it is in email format.


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I'd love to read it. Send it to me, please.

And remember, my offer still goes if you want a contract taken out on your sister's life.

Does she like swimming?

Off deserted beaches?

Does she wear pink swimwear?


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snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Hi Mr. Lawns, it's all good, but thanks for that. Neighbour is a different story. I haven't got your email addy, or do I? Is the Twilight Lawns Plc private email?


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Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

At the top of this hub, just under my profile there's a little orange envelope with "contact Twilight Lawns" beside it. Send me any message through that... there are limitations as to what you can send or can't send; e-mail addresses and URLs, but I'll accept it and then when I reply it will have my e-mail address on it.


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snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

cool, will do. sl


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steve of ian fame 4 years ago from Essex

Real OCD is when you go to the fork drawer and find only five knives when there should be a set of six. You search the whole house frantically, clutching at your skip-a-beat heart, wondering if life will ever be the same again.


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Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

You obviously know me very well, Steve.

Thank you for your visit, and please read the other entries on OCD.

I and IKEA thank you warmly, and hope that we can return the pleasure in the very near future.


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nemanjaboskov 4 years ago from Serbia

I might have OCD, but we are not completely sure. Anyway, I could totally relate to this hub :) I didn't laugh out loud only because I have my dear girlfriend sound asleep next to me, but I am going to the next hub...to again not laugh out loud :)


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Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Ha ha!

That made me laugh. I feel you might have the same sense of humour as I.

I am, unfortunately or fortunately, quite OCD, but I know that I am doing, it, but it can cause some problems... especially in relation to coffee mugs, and very especially when I am at IKEA.

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    This is a series of four hubs dealing with OCD.

    1. You, I hope, have you read the first hub Having OCD Is Not Always Fun on this debilitating condition? Well, have you?

    It's up there.If you haven't, I suggest you go to it straight away. There's no point in starting half way... especially if you have OCD. You don't need to be told that, do you?

    Well, go on. Don't waste your time.

    2. Have you read the second hub Having OCD is Still Not Much Fun on this debilitating condition?

    Now you are almost finished, but there is no point in getting off your metaphorical horse mid-metaphorical-stream, now is there? You are almost cured… or you should be.

    Go on, read Having OCD is Still Not Much Fun. It won’t take long, and you won’t regret it.

    3. When you have read that, the next hub is very reassuring and it’s well worth a read. Have a good look at it and see what you think, at: OCD May be Debilitating But Is There a Cure?

    4. If you have got this far, you are almost finished. Are you sitting comfortably, or would you like to go and have a coffee and a sticky bun? And perhaps spend about ten minutes trying to decide which spoon to use and what cup to use, in case it feels as if it is being left out. I know how this feels. I start to make a coffee and when I open the cupboard door, there are eighteen identical coffee mugs looking at me; begging to be turned so that their handles are all 45 degrees to the left.

    When you get back here, have a look at OCD - A Case History – Self Help in Extreme Cases the fourth and final hub.

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