Suicide a Choice
Webster defines it as the act of taking ones life. Others have described it as rather not why but why not. Contemplating these thoughts lately I found myself asking this big question as if it were a giant white elephant standing in the corner demanding to be recognized. Why not? The answer is obvious. Not yet. Even though the last year and a half has been shit, I have lost everything and my health and my wife's health has gone south. I have been unemployed for one and one half years, and not by choice. Every time I have applied for a job ( I have been employed since the age of fourteen ) I have been met with denials. I know I have physical disabilities and combine that with my age and there you have it. in an employers market too much baggage. Coming to the realization now that I need to apply for disability Which I have done, and being turned done by the State of Indiana Disability as not employable because of my disabilities I am looking at a dim crossroad. Always before I knew I could get a job and get over any problems life threw at me. Now I don't. At the age of fifty eight I am starting with nothing with nothing to look forward to. A friend of mine told me when I lost my job that it isn't so bad he had read in the paper about a man who lost his young son in an accident. Of course it could be worse it seems I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop to get worse. The reason I wrote this blog was not to complain. The reason is to tell anyone who reads this that it could happen to you. Life has no guarantees. It has no reassurances. It is all black and white. I go out of my way to help people. We give money to the Salvation Army at Christmas I follow the golden rule do unto others, but what has it got me. Nothing. I stand at this crossroad without a doubt in my mind it will get worse. It is just a matter of time.