A Sob-Story About Broken Resolutions

EXERCISE. GREAT FOR THE BODY, AND VERY ADDICTIVE. YOU HAVE TO 'KEEP AT IT' AND THEN YOU BECOME A SLAVE TO THE TREADMILL. IM NOT A SLAVE.
EXERCISE. GREAT FOR THE BODY, AND VERY ADDICTIVE. YOU HAVE TO 'KEEP AT IT' AND THEN YOU BECOME A SLAVE TO THE TREADMILL. IM NOT A SLAVE.

EXERCISING

by and large, is great for human bodies. Mine included. Sit-ups, push-ups, (I remember the ice cream push-ups) back-bends, and treadmill work. Exercise is good for some people, while for people like me, with a 'free spirit,' who cannot be tied-down to one, set regiment, is not that good. I started out good. Five push-ups. Five sit-ups. And a few minutes on the treadmill, and a few Klondyke Bars and exercising was, as I sadly found out, not for me.

My passionate-love affair with food made it tough to keep a New Year's resolution to lose a few pounds . . .

THIS IS NOT "ME," IN THE BATHTUB FILLED WITH DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI. WHAT A FANTASY. JUST SIT BACK, RELAX, AND SCARF-DOWN CHEF-BOY-AR-DEE SPAHETTTI WITH RAGU SAUCE ALL DAY LONG. SADLY, THIS IS JUST A FANTASY.
THIS IS NOT "ME," IN THE BATHTUB FILLED WITH DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI. WHAT A FANTASY. JUST SIT BACK, RELAX, AND SCARF-DOWN CHEF-BOY-AR-DEE SPAHETTTI WITH RAGU SAUCE ALL DAY LONG. SADLY, THIS IS JUST A FANTASY.

DIETING

for me was the toughest thing to do. It meant either cutting back, or cutting out, same difference, on my favorite foods which are all foods except grilled gopher rats they feed tourist in the Amazon. I'm a firm disciple of hot biscuits, gravy, sausage, gravy, bacon, pancakes, waffles (I NEED TO CATCH MY BREATH) thanks. Meat loaf, chili, tacos, burritos, pizza, fried chicken, cakes, pies, Bear Claws, Ding Dongs and Krispy Kreme chocolate-filled dough nuts. Do you seriously think that a man who has had a running love-affair with food for years, would suddenly 'break it off,' and eat rice cakes? Seriously. I kept this resolution for a record-time of three hours.

Smoking by me or anyone is DEADLY. And I am totally-serious. This resolution I tried to keep in 2001. But when a friend came by and lit up, it was over. I 'fell into the tobacco patch," and felt really bad.
Smoking by me or anyone is DEADLY. And I am totally-serious. This resolution I tried to keep in 2001. But when a friend came by and lit up, it was over. I 'fell into the tobacco patch," and felt really bad.

QUITTING SMOKING

was tough. Not as tough as giving up food. But all-in-all, tough. I think that I have 'quit' smoking about eight times since 1988 through 2001. But the last time I was serious about quitting smoking was in 2001. I went three days. No cigarettes. No cigars. I felt great. Nervous. On-edge, but great. Then a buddy came by for a visit, fired up a Marlboro, and there went my resolution. But today, in 2012, I am a totally-NON-SMOKER. NON-DIPPER. NON-CHEWER. I had to get serious. And 'want' to quit. With the grace of God, tough praying, and patience, I am FREE of nicotine.

The center of most living rooms in America is the television--the eyes, ears, and guardian of the news that make or break us as citizens.
The center of most living rooms in America is the television--the eyes, ears, and guardian of the news that make or break us as citizens.

FASTING TELEVISION

for me, was impossible. I know. I am a weak man. I used the word 'fasting,' not 'quitting,' for a reason. I knew going-in that I couldn't completely-quit watching television, so I used the Biblical approach, fasting, to keep my resolution, one year, I forget which one, to 'fast' television for a few hours each day. Long story short, if you are a "CNN Junkie," forget about it. The battle is lost before the first news bulletin is broadcast. To be honest. I tried. I went for an hour, maybe an hour and a half without my television even being turned on. I felt alone. Lonesome. Vulnerable. Why live in this suffering, I thought. It's not as bad as over-eating, I also thought. So on came the television. I was happy. But a little sad at not 'fasting' enough television to make me a truly-focused man. I can live with that.

Other New Year's resolutions I've broken

Couples, both single and married, 'fuss,' and sometimes, fight. This couple has just reached a point in their 'fuss,' that they cannot talk to each other. Did I keep my New Year's resolution to NOT 'fuss,' ever? What do you think? I'm not Clark Kent.
Couples, both single and married, 'fuss,' and sometimes, fight. This couple has just reached a point in their 'fuss,' that they cannot talk to each other. Did I keep my New Year's resolution to NOT 'fuss,' ever? What do you think? I'm not Clark Kent.
Some have said that I laugh too much. Even the Apostle Paul taught that "if my brother is offended at what "I" do, I shall not do that anymore," so I tried to make a New Year's resolution to cut-back on laughing. Didn't work thanks to Brian Regan.
Some have said that I laugh too much. Even the Apostle Paul taught that "if my brother is offended at what "I" do, I shall not do that anymore," so I tried to make a New Year's resolution to cut-back on laughing. Didn't work thanks to Brian Regan.
I hate growing angry. For any reason. Anger robs me of my peace of mind. Shakes my confidence. Make me feel lousy. I wanted to control my anger as a New Year's resolution and failed when a stray dog tried to ransack my carport.
I hate growing angry. For any reason. Anger robs me of my peace of mind. Shakes my confidence. Make me feel lousy. I wanted to control my anger as a New Year's resolution and failed when a stray dog tried to ransack my carport.

FUSSING AND FIGHTING

is one thing I hate. Even with my wife. I hate it. But one year I had reached my limit of fussing and fighting. I made a bold New Year's resolution to absolutely quit all of my part of the fussing and fighting, that after all, were mostly my fault anyway. So why not do the right thing. Devote time to listening. Not fussing. Or knit-picking. I kept this resolution for one week. One night I was late getting home from work. Wife: "Why do you PURPOSELY work late?" That one word, 'purposely' did it. I snapped. But didn't fuss. Or fight. I said, in shaking-voice, "to put food on our table," and walked off. I shouldn't have said anything. Just smiled. But I didn't.

STOPPING LAUGHING

for me, was a serious response from someone who said, "Ken, you laugh way too much. Life is not all a party," and they were right. In 1997, I recall putting a damper on my laughing, joking, and amateur, inner-office stand-up comedy. This was the hardest two hours of my life. I broke into pieces. I wasn't being the 'real me.' So I broke this stupid resolution. And would do it again.

ANGER CONTROL

is great. If you are a robot designed by Stephen Hawking, the world's smartest man. And I agree. Anger, or too much anger is rough. I made a personal New Year's resolution in 1998 to cut-back or try to control my anger. I did pretty well, to be honest. Until a stray dog in our neighborhood, made it his business to ransack my carport. I caught him in the act. 'Red pawed.' I snapped like an oak twig. I chased this varmint from my yard. And neighborhood. And spent the rest of that day putting order back to my carport. Anger is part of being flesh and blood. Some things we all will just have to live with or cope with, or both.

So there you have it. My bared soul that says, "I failed. Miserably," in keeping some New Year's resolutions. I'm sure that I'm not alone in this, but I am not a person to point the finger of blame to anyone--claming it was their fault that I failed. I failed. Myself. And the causes I was making resolutions to overcome. Or cut-back on.

What can I say, but, "Sorry, friends. I am not Clark Kent."

AND NO HARM WAS DONE TO THE STRAY DOG MENTIONED IN THIS STORY. THE DOG WHO TURNED MY CARPORT INTO A RURAL EXPRESSIVE ART MUSEUM LIKE THOSE YOU SEE IN NEW YORK CITY.

I

AM

HUMAN

too human for my own good. I am not one for boasting of myself, because there isn't anything to boast about. I am even more disgusted with myself for starting out with a good conviction of keeping a few stable New Year's resolutions, that would have made me a better man, but early-on, I caved-in due to my weak human flesh. And that ended my New Year's resolutions.


This is a hub about just a few of those noble New Year's resolutions I wanted to keep, but ended up in shame and defeat after giving up the fight. When the going got rough.


Enjoy. And please, no tears for me, please.


~~~ Kenneth

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Comments 23 comments

iva dragostinova profile image

iva dragostinova 4 years ago from Brighton, UK

Dear Kenneth, what a great hub. I'm with you on the smoking front. I have failed 3 times in 3 years, and will go for attempt number 4 soon...I'm ashamed. I even wrote a hub about quitting on one of my attempts when I felt that "this time" it was for good...oh well, onwards and upwards. i will keep trying. Another thing in common, I'm also trying to not fuss and fight and bicker with my partner, total waste of energy and puts a damper on any relationship. So I have been careful to not initiate or respond to such happenings (we'll see how that turns out..) I'm no lover of exercise either, the only way is to do something fun, that is not primarily about exercise...LOL Great hub, funny, useful and interesting. UP!


Eranofu profile image

Eranofu 4 years ago from Europe

Why would anyone stop laughing (except for few moments to get some breath or delicious spaghetti)? :)


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

Kenneth, whenever you feel like it, try again on all your old resolutions except the resolution to stop laughing! You said it yourself, "I wasn't being the 'real me.'" ; but you need to be. Enjoy your life one day at a time; nobody gets it perfect.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

"THANK YOU . . .iva!" Your comment was was, and is very-appreciated. And NEEDED. DO NOT try to "build Rome in a day," if it take 10 times...do not give up. YOU WILL succeed. And say this to yourself, I did, "today, I choose to NOT smoke. Tomorrow I may smoke a carton, but tomorrow is NOT here, so I will work with today," and that relieves any pressure that you may have put on yourself. And the bickering...honestly, for me, I dont have to say ANYTHING...it just hits me in the face...how do I deal with it? One of two ways...1. walk away. 2. agree and keep busy. It takes TWO to fight. Remember that, my New Friend, iva.

Talk to you later and thank you for the sweet words.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Eranofu...listen. Until you've lived where I live, then you cannot fathom the WEIRD customs and controlling traditions of some "religious"--ONLY people. I can find in God's Word where HE, God, laughed. Even Jesus, while on earth. Laughed. I guess some people in order to be holy, have to make others measure up to their standards. Ive stopped that altogether. Im happier now. Thank YOU kindly for your nice words.

Your Friend, KENNETH

PS would you pass the Parmesean cheese, please?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

MsDora, thank you. I will try. Today I am nicotine and alcohol-free. Im dieting. Feel good except for the Accelerated Fibromyalgia and Neurothopy...but those will always be with me. Thanks, dear friend, for the encourgement.

Kenneth


JoshuaDR profile image

JoshuaDR 4 years ago from Charleston, SC

I enjoyed your hub. I decided to lose a few lbs this year. I didn't get off to a great start though. On January 1 I decided before I could officially start eating healthy I would have to eat every thing in my house that was unhealthy that day. =) and the push up ice cream are still around and delicious!

voted up


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

I LOVE this comment, Joshua...terrific honesty. That sounds like what I would do. Matter of fact, I was told tonight, "you havent eaten all of your butter cookies," and I havent. A full-pack is still in my pantry. Temptation. Temptation. I confess. I wish I were more like Ghandy, master of willpower. Thanks, Joshua for the GREAT comment. Why don't YOU check out more of my hubs and FOLLOW me. I will in turn, follow YOU. Deal? Thanks,Kenneth


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

Loved this Hub. Why would you want to stop laughing???? This Hub just shows you haven't lost your sense of humor, thank goodness. Don't ever loose that, OK?


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Great and entertaining Hub, Kenneth -- in spite of making me again count and recognize the many New Year's Resolutions I've personally broken! My resolution this year was don't make any resolutions and so far I'm hangin' in there. Seriously, loved the Hub and certainly enjoy your writing style! Best & UP - Sis


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Kenneth, another funny and interesting Hub! Don't stop laughing...it's the only thing sometimes that gets us through the rough times. Glad you didn't hurt the dog. I think everyone's resolution should be to stop bad habits, but also to stop trying to change ourselves too much! Some of our bad habits probably aren't that bad for us and we all need to relax more. Thanks for the great hub.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Mary!

Thank YOU for the sweet, caring comment. Why would I stop laughing? Well, the thing is that there are people in this world who are constantly striving to be serious...all of the time. Their theory, I guess, is that the more-serious they are, the more holy they become. Hogwash! Our very Creator MADE laughter...along with everything and everyone. So Im still finding laughter anywhere I can--and even finding its okay to laugh at ME.

Take care, Mary.

Love, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

. . .THANK YOU

Angela for: your sweet comments, compliment, and sharing the wisdom that its better to NOT make a resolution, than to make one and break it. Im good at NOT making resolutions....these days. Happier too.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Evening, DEAR catgypsy!

Ive missed you. Thank you so much for the uplifting comment. It's late UP HERE in Marion County. Ive had a busy weekend. Have you? How about that rain? Even a thunderstorm? In January???!!!! Wow. Glad that I dont call the weather. Hope you have a safe, happy and fulfilling week, DEAR catgypsy!

Come back anytime and visit as long as you like.

Your Friend For Life,

Kenneth


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Kenneth love your hub..still laughing.. just have fun Kenneth... keep it up..love your hubs

Debbie


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Kenneth, that rain was something! It looks like we're in for it all week too! It's either feast or famine, huh? Have a good week and take care!


plinka profile image

plinka 4 years ago from Budapest, Hungary

Hi Kenneth, funny hub, but don't stop laughing, please. Fortunately, I managed to control my weight last year and I'm quite happy that I don't have to start strict dieting this year. I usually have new year's resolutions too. My dream is to become a terrific dancer and master German and Spanish.


plinka profile image

plinka 4 years ago from Budapest, Hungary

Anyway, voted up! :-)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Deborah . . ."Thank YOU so much, from my heart, for your sweet comments. I literally 'live,' on the comments from my GREAT followers--and you are very-much included!" "I havent had much, realistically speaking, to laugh about lately, but Im working on that. Thanks again and a happy Monday to you.////////////Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My DEAR catgypsy...I agree. And it's raining today. Again. Good day to stay inside. Drink black coffee. And read hubs, and comments. Take care my DEAR Montgomery writer friend. I will be thinking about you.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, plinka, and a warm thank you for the sweet comments, and votes. I appreciate YOU for these warm gestures. And Im proud of YOU for the weight victory. Im on a severe diet....been on it for now going on 3 weeks...NO sweets, breads, eating, snacking past 8 p.m. every night....just eat apples if I need a sugar fix and drink the 0 Calorie flavored water from Walmart and eat a sensible, NON-FAT/Carb meal. My plan is to diet strict from January to November...then, as a personal psychological reward, "pig out" from Thanksgiving through Christmas, then start over again....at least 10 months out of the year I can see my shoelaces and the floor. LOL! Thanks so much for your nice comment.

Your Friend,

Kenneth


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

I feel sheepish as I write this: The bible says to eat, drink and be merry.

If you give up all vices, then you will be Monk Kenneth.

All things in moderation. Live, Laugh, Love.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, ann, you are right. But the vices Im not chained to like smoking, abusing alcohol, and other mortal failings...Im thankful to be past those...but MY #1 Weakness, believe this or not, is not adulterous women...drugs...casinos...but CHOCOLATE CAKE. I could gorge on this stuff...and enjoy the sugar rush...Ive always LOVED chocolate cake. Now that Im on this sugar and bread-free diet...I have to be more self-disciplined...as you say, ann, in moderation.

And NO, my dear, Im far from a monk. I couldnt even pass the silence vows.

With highest regards to YOU my New Friend, Ann.

Kenneth

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