7 Reasons Why Santa Cant Work In Daylight Hours . . .

THANKS, COCA COCA, FOR MAKING SANTA YOUR SPOKESMAN. THAT OTHER COLA COMPANY HAS TRIED TO TARNISH SANTA'S ASSOCIATION WITH COKE IN THEIR TV ADS. THATS WHY I AM A LOYAL COKE FAN.
THANKS, COCA COCA, FOR MAKING SANTA YOUR SPOKESMAN. THAT OTHER COLA COMPANY HAS TRIED TO TARNISH SANTA'S ASSOCIATION WITH COKE IN THEIR TV ADS. THATS WHY I AM A LOYAL COKE FAN.
SANTA IN ACTION. BUT HE COULD BE ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING WITH CLIMBING ON PEOPLE'S ROOFS.
SANTA IN ACTION. BUT HE COULD BE ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING WITH CLIMBING ON PEOPLE'S ROOFS.
SANTA IS A MASTER-TECHNICIAN AT PLACING THE RIGHT GIFT WITH THE RIGHT CHRISTMAS LETTER FROM A LITTLE GIRL OR BOY.
SANTA IS A MASTER-TECHNICIAN AT PLACING THE RIGHT GIFT WITH THE RIGHT CHRISTMAS LETTER FROM A LITTLE GIRL OR BOY.
SANTA IN 1881. YES, HE HAS BEEN AROUND A FEW YEARS. THAT'S A LOT OF HAPPINESS HE'S SPREAD. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?
SANTA IN 1881. YES, HE HAS BEEN AROUND A FEW YEARS. THAT'S A LOT OF HAPPINESS HE'S SPREAD. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?
A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ARTWORK OF SANTA IN HIS SLEIGH. OH HOW I WISH I COULD WORK FOR SANTA--FOR JUST ONE DAY.
A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ARTWORK OF SANTA IN HIS SLEIGH. OH HOW I WISH I COULD WORK FOR SANTA--FOR JUST ONE DAY.
WHO COULD CAUSE SANTA SO MUCH TROUBLE BUT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. UP TO NOW, THEY HAVEN'T ISSUED ANY REGULATIONS ON HIS JOB. YET.
WHO COULD CAUSE SANTA SO MUCH TROUBLE BUT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. UP TO NOW, THEY HAVEN'T ISSUED ANY REGULATIONS ON HIS JOB. YET.
SANTA MUST BE A CIRCUS PERFORMER FOR HOW HE BALANCES HIMSELF ON EVERY ROOF AND THEN DOWN THE CHIMNEY TO DELIVER HIS TOYS.
SANTA MUST BE A CIRCUS PERFORMER FOR HOW HE BALANCES HIMSELF ON EVERY ROOF AND THEN DOWN THE CHIMNEY TO DELIVER HIS TOYS.
THE TRADITIONAL SANTA CLAUS--LAUGHING TO LOUD AND GIVING SO MUCH TO THE CHILDREN, AND YES, ADULTS TOO.
THE TRADITIONAL SANTA CLAUS--LAUGHING TO LOUD AND GIVING SO MUCH TO THE CHILDREN, AND YES, ADULTS TOO.
ONE OF SANTA'S MAIN JOBS IS LISTENING TO CHILDREN TELL HIM WHAT THEY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS. IF HE ISN'T CAREFUL, HE MIGHT HAVE TO HAVE A THIRD PARTY TO OBSERVE ALL CONVERSATIONS.
ONE OF SANTA'S MAIN JOBS IS LISTENING TO CHILDREN TELL HIM WHAT THEY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS. IF HE ISN'T CAREFUL, HE MIGHT HAVE TO HAVE A THIRD PARTY TO OBSERVE ALL CONVERSATIONS.

#1 TRESPASSING

on private property. That is true. Has anyone stopped to think just how blessed Santa really is for not being arrested for trespassing with his eight reindeer pounding on someone's roof in the middle of the night. In some cities, Santa would be doing some serious time for his after-hours antics--zooming through the air with no FAA approval and honestly, disturbing the peace with his huge bag of gifts for girls and boys. Let's just hope that Santa has retained a great lawyer in case some rookie on some police force, to make points with his sergeant, tries to climb the house where Santa is hard at work to arrest him. It could happen.

#2 BREAKING AND ENTERING

yes, this is a major crime. Breaking and entering a private dwelling. But Santa has been doing this for eons of time without being as much as reprimanded. Now I am no expert at law, but I do realize that we have a set of laws in our country that protect us from burglary, thieves, and those who would do us harm, but no one seemingly has ever told Santa about these laws. You talk about clout. Santa has more clout that President Obama. Do I hear a big "amen"?

#3 CHANGING DISGUISES

from century to century. Amazing. No one in the United Postal Service, F.B.I. or even the Treasury Department has taken the time to look carefully at all of Santa's various and vintage disguises. I grew up with the Santa in the (BIG COKE PHOTO AT TOP) and that was Santa for me. And Santa was good for Coca-Cola too. So why does Santa change his looks so often? I can assume that Mrs. Claus, as Santa is getting ready to leave on his yearly trip around the world, looks him over and says what every wife says, "You gonna wear that in public?"

#4 NOT REGISTERING WITH HOMELAND SECURITY

not until last year did I realize that Santa Claus has been flying in and out. Here and there. World-wide without registering himself or his sleigh with the good folks at Homeland Security. Have the boys and girls at Homeland Security been asleep? Taken a bride of a gift made by one of Santa's trusted elves? Something is fishy about Santa going wide-open. Scot-free. Without filling out those tons of paperwork that makes him a legitimate entity and not on some list of suspected terrorists.

#5 DANGEROUS ROLE MODEL

for kids. Yes, parents. You had better tell your children to not try and do what Santa does every year--running over the roof carrying a big, heavy bag filled with pretty toys for little girls and boys. Santa's rogue antics might cause your children to want to play outside more. Be active instead of living their lives away with video games. Be tactful, mom and dad. Tell your kids that Santa is a highly-trained professional. And has the experience at roof walking. You might also teach them that his main 'dangerous' trait: GIVING, is one your kids might learn now and continue to do throughout their lives. Giving to others hasn't hurt Santa. At all.

#6 LAUGHING ALL THE TIME

might mean, to some psychologists, that Santa may be suffering some a deep-rooted illness called 'happiness.' Why haven't the higher of learning issued a warrant for Santa's arrest and subsequent observation for always laughing. Smiling. Having a positive attitude. When we are all frown's. Gloom. And looking at the tops of our shoes. Hey, Santa might be considered 'dangerous,' with that loud laughter of his. What if, and I don't mean to cause a national panic here, but what if his laugh is contagious?

#7 ALWAYS TALKING TO CHILDREN

in today's society, and I am serious now. It's a wise parent that teaches their children to not talk to strangers. Anytime. Anywhere. In 2011, there are such things as predators, low-lifes who abuse innocent children, and most escape our judicial system. I am no one's judge, but I would not like to be a child molester or predator when all accounts are settled in the after-life. But in all honesty, it is a wonder that Santa has not been accused of such harmful acts as he loves to talk to his fans, the little kids, each Christmas to hear what they want for Christmas. For me, the 'real' Santa is safe with kids. I stand on that statement without apology.

Do Not Be Alarmed . . .

I was only presenting this story to help our good and mutual pal, Santa. I say this to you in all sincerity: just look at what the Federal Government, being pressured by the A.C.L.U. or some other special-interest group, has taken from us as American's. Come on now. You have the unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And to be honest under the First Amendment that guarantees you and I the right to Free Speech.

You know I am telling the truth. The valued and storied icons are falling one by one. The manger scenes that, to some, were offensive, but what about the Christians? I guess 'we' do not have any rights. I missed that when the Congress passed that ignorance-laden law that forbids us Christians from having rights. Dumb me.

And what harm did the 10 Commandments do to our country? Can you give me an intelligent answer? And those, "individuals," who want 'In God We Trust,' taken from our currency, when does it end? I tell you when. When 'our' rights as Christians and the things we love are completely removed from sight. And the ones such as A.C.L.U. and the special interest groups all have their way. You call that equal rights? Equal? Not by a long shot.

All I can say, friends, is that we band together and start helping one of our last, valued icons, Santa Claus, now. Not when some president who has been pressured by a non-Santa interest group threatens to vote him out of office if he doesn't rid the country of Santa. Then it will be too late.

Like it was too late when God was removed from our country.

I LOVE SANTA

I really do. I've always loved Saint Nick, the Jolly Ol' Elf from the North Pole. And I always will. Santa, I got your back. Santa is probably the most-celebrated holiday icon in the world. That's right. The world. Thanks to Mr. Claus, merchants far and near and even those on the horkizon can profit from his generosity, selfless attitude, and down-right good heart.

I have no use for fake Santa's in huge department stores. Or small stores. Most of the fake Santa's do not have the right kind of heart for the job. Some do not even have a heart. They just want the easy money from 'acting' like Christmas' most-successful giver, Santa. Don't be envious, fake Santa's. You have a piece of coal coming in your sock.

As for me, I am very worried about the real Santa. So far, and for countless years, he has managed to outfox. Out-maneuver. And out run the Federal Government and their limitless (and sometimes useless) agencies. Thank God for the cloak of darkness. And reindeer who run at the speed of light.

Otherwise, many children in massive numbers would remember Christmas as the saddest day of their lives.

More by this Author


Comments 32 comments

ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Kenneth...

You went from the typical litany of suspicious Santa related activity to such a strong poignant message at the end.

The best way I can speak to the power of your message is to admit...I had a couple good (hopefully) humorous wise-ass cracks ready that simply fell by the wayside on reading your last sentence.

I will hit the appropriate Ups and leave quietly as I think about your message.

Thomas


KellyPittman profile image

KellyPittman 5 years ago from Walker, LA

I absoulutely loved it!!! Well written, indeed. I love how you kept the humor in it, but still held on to a powerful message.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/29

Hello, ThoughtSandwiches/Thomas, "My talented friend, and I mean that too, you are one CLASS act. You are indeed an asset to HubPages. What would our 'world' be without you? Boring." Thank YOU very MUCH for the comment. I will try harder in the future to 'live down' to your expectations. Such as a hub talking Abe Lincoln's fascination with stove pipe hats. Would that be okay. Or . . ."What Was Actually Wrong With Scrooge?" Wonder if I took his side, that 3 ghosts of hubs past, present and future would visit me? Hmmm.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, My Dear Kelly,

THANK YOU very MUCH for brightening up my day with your comment. Ive not felt that super today, but words DO have power. And yours made me feel great. Thanks again!


lisa.bom 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing. I will have to pass this on to my friends. Funny, a great pick me upper.


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

You have delivered a beautiful and heartfelt message.

We do need to band together before they try to ban Santa Claus.

No matter how hard the non-Santa interest groups try, they will never take the spirit of Santa out of the heart of his believers. The same goes for God.

Voted up, up and away!

Have a good evening my friend.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, lisa.bom--you are very welcome. I sincerely thank you for taking time to read, comment and visit for awhile. Have a great evening!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, DEAR Sueswan, THANKS so MUCH for your heartfelt comment. This means a lot to me. And so do YOU and ALL Of my Followers on HubPages!!! I wish for YOU and ALL who follow me, A Very Merry Christmas and a Peaceful 2012. And Thanks too for agreeing with the latter part of my hub. Fondly, Kenneth


RGNestle profile image

RGNestle 5 years ago from Seattle

You have forgotten the most glaring reason that Santa has to work at night: SANTA IS A VAMPIRE!!!

That's why he's still around after all of these centuries!

The real reason that everyone has to be in bed before Santa arrives is that he may not be placated by cookies and milk if he has a couple of jugulars to choose from.

Children BEWARE!!!

(But you are absolutely right about the reverse discrimination. It has been happening for decades though. Tell me why--as a heterosexual, healthy, Caucasian male--I should be disregarded when it comes to special considerations for business loans and job opportunities? My wife--1) a woman 2) a foreign minority--gets numerous scholarship offers and is always considered before me in jobs we've both applied for (even though my experience for many of those jobs is greater).

Why not keep expanding the reverse discrimination to the extreme? As soon as it reaches its peak, the majority will be the minority and we will get to have the upper hand! It'll only take about another 200 years right? That's how long it took to get to where we are now, If I'm not mistaken.

At least we know Santa will still be around.

Take care! Keep writing these great Hubs!)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, RG, first, A Sincere Thank YOU for your interesting comments and you made me laugh out loud on the Vampire Santa...I wish I had thought of that. Thanks for that. If Im alive in Dec. 2012, and think of doing another Santa hub, I WILL include the vampire angle..no wait! RG, YOU extend this hub...with my blessings...there is time. YOU put in the vampire idea...tha will be hilarious. And YOU make an interesting point about reverse discrimination which I am in agreement with you. YOU are 100 right, my friend. YOU and I are being slapped in the face by society that we helped to form, shape and defend. Talk about a Judas Civilization. And YOU write a hub just about that...for my mind cannot function as the high level yours does, RG. Honest. Thanks so much for giving me things to think about. Now I sound like Sesame Street. Peace to you. Kenneth


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

Kenneth you are one in a million!! You write a wonderfully funny hub that makes me laugh, but at the same time you are teaching us all a valuable lesson - not only that, but you are reminding us of just how ludicrous the governments of this whole world are. And how utterly dumb the 'Politically Correct' brigades are!!!

Voted up and awesome!! Keep the messages flowing!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/30/2011

Hello, My Dear Seeker7, I do THANK YOU for your sweet comments and compliments, but please, give God the thanks and credit. Did you know that I pray before each hub is written? I do because I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, cause trouble, or be labelled a troublemaker when there are enough of those to go around. Seeker, I can say the same things about YOU. You are very unique and a valued-follower. God bless you. And yes, Have a MERRRY CHRISTmas and a Healthy and Happy 2012. Sincerely, Kenneth


mandyf profile image

mandyf 5 years ago

Made me giggle and think real hard at the end loved it very well articulated!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/30....Dear Mandy, hello again! Thanks! I am so GLAD that you were made happy by this hub. I mean it. I was raised by parents who said, Never waste two things in life: Time and Words. So I havent wasted either. Merry Christmas to you from me and Mr. Santa, what? Oh, I am not supposed to reveal where you are hanging out...oops!


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Kenneth, I loved this - funny, but what a great message, you got it across so well.

A very Merry Christmas to you, best wishes MM


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thanks, Movie Master. Your comments are always sweet and much-appreciated. And wouldn't you know it? Even when I stood up for Santa, I heard through the "elf vine," that coal is earmarked for my stocking that will be hung near the central heat and air (vent)with great care. Go figure. Merry Christmas to you, Movie Master and a Very Peaceful 2012.


The-BestMouseTrap profile image

The-BestMouseTrap 5 years ago from The heartland, USA

Mu favorite hub of the day, hysterical. Well written and funny to the max. Although my dad doesnt use the web, I just sent it to his email because when I was a kid he used to joke that Santa got arrested for breaking and entering.

Thanks, it brought back memories.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/1

THANKS SO VERY MUCH The-BestMouse Trap for your sweet and encouraging commment. YOU cannot fathom how MUCH I appreciate YOUR comment. Merry Christmas, ahead of time, to you and yours and please keep in touch!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Kenneth, don't you know the reindeer weigh nothing? That's why nobody ever reports Santa for disturbing the peace on Christmas Eve - the reindeers' hooves don't make any sound! And Rudolph's red nose is invisible to humans! A good thing, since the scandal a bright red light on a rooftop could cause would keep the residents of the house in the spotlight for months, which would be really bad P.R. for Santa. ;D


RGNestle profile image

RGNestle 5 years ago from Seattle

But wait! The Christmas songs say that you CAN hear the sound of the hooves of eight tiny reindeer. Maybe people are just too nice to say anything about it?

I think it may be time for an intervention. Poor Santa just can't seem to stop breaking into peoples' houses and implicating his little elves and reindeer.

I think there's a Reality TV show in there somewhere. :^)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/2, DEAR Jama, where have you been? Ive missed your wonderful comments and presence. Thanks very much for the enlightment of the reindeers. You know. Me growing into adulthood probably erased these facts about Rudolph and his buddies. Thank YOU for stepping up to the plate and "womaning up," to give me the inside info. I appreciate it and YOU. An early Merry Christmas to you and yours! Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, RG...not only is there a reality show in this, but a HUB IDEA for YOU...go for it. There is plenty of time...I urge you to do the "First Invervention With Santa," hub. It will go like gang-busters. I promise.


Juliette Morgan profile image

Juliette Morgan 5 years ago

That entertained me and lifted my day! Thanks for sharing!


Xenonlit profile image

Xenonlit 5 years ago

This is great satire from the beginning to the end. It has teachings, important things to say, and an ending that floors the reader. I bow to your greatness! Voted up and awesome.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Juliette, Give God the thanks and praise, but I DO thank YOU for your sweet words. Take care and VISIT again. SOON. Merry Christmas.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/5

Xenonlit, THANKS for the super-comment. I am humbled by your remarks, and have no fitting words to express my thanks to you. And thanks for the votes too. And bow to God, certainly not a cracked piece of pottery such as I. And my friend, Please have The Best Merry Christmas EVER!


daskittlez69 profile image

daskittlez69 4 years ago from midwest

Always the model of a great sense of humor. Keep up the great job!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

"THANK YOU," daskittle69!!!! And YOU do the same. What would we do without YOU on hubs? I shudder to think. Have yourself a merry little. . . .ooops, sorry. I dont sing. I keep forgetting.

Kenneth


carolyn a. ridge profile image

carolyn a. ridge 4 years ago

Okay ... set me straight ... I thought there were 7 reindeers (like it really matters).

Yes, you hear a big "amen".

Yeah, " are you really gonna wear that in public? "

Predators do hide in Santa suits.

Yeah, I missed the "ignorance-laden law that forbids us Christians from having rights." Dumb us.

Now, you and I could "go all day", on your third paragraph, beneath the heading, " Do Not Be Alarmed."

Merry Christmas, King of Hub !!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/14 at 9:43 p.m., cst

DEAR Carolyn, thanks for your lively and uplifting comment. And the Christmas wish and King of Hub? That is so humbling that I do not know how to react. There are literally crowds of other hubbers who can beat me on their worst day--you included. But to respect you, my dear friend, THANK YOU. Glad that you stopped in for a visit. I loved it. Stay safe and stay cool. Oh, Merry CHRIST . . .mas.


geegee77 profile image

geegee77 4 years ago from The Lone Star State!!

I really enjoyed this hub, very interesting indeed voted up & awesome:) ge


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear geegee77 . . .awww, thats sweet of you to say. I mean it. I havent seen you in a few days. Ive missed you so much. Hope you have a wonderful New Year and I wish you and yours THE BEST of everything--life, hubs, love, money, success, and peace of mind!

Your fan, follower and friend....Kenneth//and thank you again for THIS and all of your sweet words.

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