2015 Predictions and the Year of the Green Wood Sheep
Blue Wood Sheep New Year’s Predictions
1) A man with a computer and telephone embedded in his eye glasses will be caught cheating at cards in Las Vegas. The gambler will be blinded when a casino thug smashes the glasses into the gambler’s eyeballs. The gambler will sue and become a $6 million man. Subsequently all casinos will ban gambling glasses but they will not forcibly remove them. Instead they will jam the glasses with porn and videos of a slaughterhouse. They will also send hideous feedback noises though the phone in the glasses.
2) A combination of high frequency lights will be deployed in hospitals and bathrooms all across America. The purpose of the lights will be to disinfect. America will experience 40% fewer bouts of cold and flu. The disinfectant lights will then be deployed in all public spaces including buses and airplanes. Publicly transmitted illnesses will drop by 70%. Custodians will use the lights on all door knobs; communal kitchen sinks and any surface or object touched by the hand of man. Hypochondriacs will constantly disinfect work phones and the keyboards of their work computers.
3) A light handshake will arise. Germ phobic people will no longer fear to shake your hand. They will secretly disinfect your hand before touching it.
4) The first to develop the lesions will be the hypochondriacs. Then the hospital workers and custodians who constant use the “clean lights.” Rates of skin cancer will skyrocket. It will be discovered that the Chinese manufacturer of the lights skimped on both materials and craftsmanship and gave most America sunburns and skin cancer to thousands.
5) A world leader will be found to have cloned 13 children from his own cells.
6) Most trains will go totally robotic and have no human driver at all.
7) 20% of the nation’s buses will be driven by robots.
8) Accidents caused by robot drivers will be horrific. In most cases shoddy maintenance will be the culprit. In a few, terrorist sabotage will be implicated.
9) It will be discovered that all food poisoning, fires, diseases and disasters aboard luxury cruise ships were caused by cowardly eco-terrorists bent on punishing the rich.
10) A fad to surgically implant 3D lenses into the eyes of the idle rich so they can watch 3D television and movies without 3D glasses will be a smashing success for about 1 year. After that 40% will go irreversibly blind and the other 60% will lose a fraction of their vision.
11) The medical tricorder cell phone will become popular for hypochondriacs and paranoid daters. A small saliva sample from their date will contain enough material for the miniature lab in the phone to determine whether the testee has diseases, has taken drugs, or has the genetic predisposition toward certain diseases.
12) The tricoder cell phones or “date phones” will be banned in several western countries due to privacy concerns.
13) A popular candidate for president will be correctly diagnosed as having an incurable sexually transmitted disease after a damp handshake with a supposed constituent.
14) One man who got the 3D implant claimed to have enhanced 4D vision. He claimed he could see through time, and indeed, he was better than chance at predicting outcomes. Physicists will scramble to come up with a new theory on how quantum entanglement made this possible. Dozens will be blinded by a fake Mexican eye surgeon who was selling “second sight” on the cheap.
Comments 4 comments
- Predictions, Divinations and DoomCember Dreams for 2015
Predictions, Divinations and DoomCember Dreams for 2015
More by this Author
Happy New Moon New Year!
The Shape of Things to Come
Tips on how to avoid real estate disasters.