A Letter to My Dear Father
Just wanted to say Happy Father’s Day and also Happy Birthday, since yesterday was also your birthday. I always remember your birthday because of Father’s Day and because a couple days from now it will also be my birthday, something that we have always shared, a birthday month. Go figure.
I wanted to tell you some things that I probably never told you before. First of all I know you have always been the type of father that didn’t show lots of affection, and that’s okay, because I know the way that you were raised and so you were the type of father that felt it to be inappropriate to show too much affection to us girls. Kind of old school is what it’s called I guess. Although you were a little harder on your boys then you were your girls. You always kind of spoiled us girls. But we certainly didn’t mind it.
I know that I didn’t visit you as much as I should have and I didn’t call you either, and for this I am truly sorry. I should have spent more time with you and even just taken a walk with you now and then so we could have a good long talk. Although I did truly enjoy the talks that we did have. You are also one of those people that was always fun to be around and could always make me laugh. I enjoyed the time we had together and although I probably never told you before, but I do appreciate everything you ever did for me. I may have blamed you for my failures and maybe others did as well, but that was just adolescent bullshit that kids go through, it never was your fault and I should have never made you feel guilty.
Mom, my sister and I went to see you yesterday and spent sometime with you, it had been awhile since I had been out to see you and we couldn’t let your birthday and Father’s day go by without paying you a visit. We placed some flowers on your headstone and someone had left a flag on there as well. Probably one of my brothers, from their last visit. I just wanted you to know that it is always overwhelming to go out there and to think of you in the ground. I keep thinking about that February windy day back in ’92 when we laid you in the ground and how I just wanted to scream, “Don’t put my daddy in the ground, its dark down there”, that was a horrible feeling and it still overcomes me when I see your headstone, when I think of you in the ground, in the darkness and how lonely that must be.
My nephew, your grandson is buried right next to you dad and I’m glad that you didn’t live to see his death. He was only 18 when he died in a car accident and ironically, he has your name and he shared your birthday, so it was doubly sad out there yesterday as we stared at the headstones that was our family. His mama, your daughter almost went crazy when he died dad and it was horrific. But what made us feel better is that we know he is sharing a birthday up there in heaven with you.
I hope that you are at peace Daddy and that you are still smiling up in heaven as I always dream of you smiling, the way I remember you when you were alive. I’m glad that I dream of you smiling and laughing because I couldn’t bear it if I saw you any other way. Well I will close now dear dad and I shall see you again soon. Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s Day. I love you and always will. Oh yea, I miss the heck out of ya! Cheers.
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