A politically correct greeting and wishes for this holiday season

This was my 2009 Christmas hub. You will find links to 2010 and 2011 at the end. Enjoy and best wishes for the holiday season. -- Lynda

Season's Greetings

See Santa facts below
See Santa facts below

To all my readers, hub-friends, hub-enemies (without prejudice) and visitors to my hubpages:

Free to all, without monetary consideration present or future,( footnote 1) are my best wishes for this holiday season; including Christmas, Chanukha, Winter Solstice, but not exclusive of any other titled fest normally associated with these calendar dates (or any other calendars in use by other societies). These wishes are offered by lmmartin (hereinafter referred to as wisher) with no obligations, implicit or implied by any section or clause herein, to recipient (hereinafter referred to as wishee. )

May all wishees enjoy a politically correct, environmentally conscious, gender neutral, socially responsible, religiously tolerant, non-substance abusive, racially and ethnically unbiased, low-stress, low-fat, trans-fat free, celebration of this holiday season in accordance with those traditions of the religious persuasion and secular practices of your choice, non exclusive of those who adhere to non-religious, commercially oriented beliefs.

Wisher also offers wishes to wishees for a fiscally responsible, spiritually fulfilling, personally expanding, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted commencement of the calendar year 2010, but not limited to those following Julian calendar but inclusive of those following the generally accepted calendar use of their societal environs.

All wishes are offered without guarantees (stated or unstated) to all wishees regardless of race, gender, religious faith, physical abilities, age, sexual orientation or ethnic origins, and with all due respect to those of all cultures whose contributions to society built this great nation (not restricted to the United States of America, nor implying that the U.S. is greater than any other country or is the only America in the western hemisphere. Wishes are also available in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Ireland, Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa except where prohibited by law.)

  • Acceptance of these wishes implies acceptance of all terms and conditions stated herein.
  • Wishes are subject to change, clarification or withdrawal by wisher without prior notice to wishees.
  • Wishes are freely transferable without license or permission provided no alteration is made to original wishes.
  • Wishes imply no promise or obligation by or of the wisher to implement said wishes.
  • Wishes are warranted by wisher within the usual application of said wishes for a period of one year (twelve consecutive months) or until the issuance of a subsequent wish, whichever comes first.
  • Warranty is limited to replacement of wish.

Footnote 1 (No remuneration of monies, future credit obligations, or return wishes required. However, wishees may click on ads found adjacent to these wishes in order to increase wisher’s $1.27 in adsense account. (Failure to perform said action does not impact nor negate wishes.)

In witness thereof, signature affixed,

Lynda M. Martin


Footnote 2(Due credit for inspiration given to ‘Humor Matters” website. Not plagiarized.)

A greeting for Charleton Heston

Nice one, Harry. Now how are you going to explain this to the kids?
Nice one, Harry. Now how are you going to explain this to the kids?

Real wishes for your happiness and joy

May you all enjoy the best of times over the holiday season. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate this religious holidays, and may God Bless you All.

Here is my gift of a smile and a chuckle: a few quotes from the net:

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know… the birth of Santa."—Bart Simpson

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit." -- Anonymous

"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?" -- Arlo Guthrie

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included." --
Bernard Manning.

"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... " -- Berke Breathed

"I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed."Charlie Brown

A few Santa facts:

Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby
for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.

Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton ssleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph.

To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to
make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times
the speed of sound.

At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame
instantaneously.

Christmas at my house in Florida

Outside on the lanai. Merry Christmas everyone.
Outside on the lanai. Merry Christmas everyone.

More by this Author


Comments 39 comments

itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

This wishee accepts most graciously all kind wishes expressed herein by wisher, and reciprocates said wishes upon wisher, thus, rendering said wisher hereinafter the wishee of said sentiments, and the wishee of same said sentiments hereinafter the wisher, of same sentiments.

However,the wisher must draw attention to the wishee re., the clear discrimination with respect to the specific nationality of wisher.

In view of the spirit of the season,the wisher shall overlook the non-compliance with correct P C.

Genius hub.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Did wisher imply discrimination with respect to said wisher's nationality (Canadian)? I barely mentioned it. (Ha! you thought I was American. Happened to me all the time in the U.K. -- "Oh, obviously you're an American." I gave up correcting because so many people said "What's the difference?" (If they only knew.) However, seeing as I'm in the U.S., I'm writing to their point of view -- which I thought was very P.C. Oh -- now I get it -- I said Europe as inclusive of the U.K. -- which all Britons deny. Sorry -- that was a lapse. I'll go fix it. But, so long as you're willing to overlook the lapse -- I feel better.


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

Ha Ha!-Hereinafter refer to said wisher as Irish-ha!

Brilliant and hilarious hub-thoroughly enjoyed(and was joking -honest)


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Oh Itakins -- now doubly sorry. You're Irish and in Dublin -- definitely not a part of the U.K. Now that was a serious lapse. Oh gosh, I'd better go edit again.


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

This is brilliant -the wisher loves to cause total mayhem-!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

I fixed it.


NATIONALGUARD1 profile image

NATIONALGUARD1 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

Great hub Nick


kartika damon profile image

kartika damon 6 years ago from Fairfield, Iowa

You covered your bases here, lmmartin! I think I'm included here, so back atcha! I have done a bit of decorating myself (and considering I may have portrayed myself to be a bit of a ba humberg person, this may be a surprise) and I actually love putting out my beeswax candles (socially conscious choice, I must add), and some tasteful vintage bulbs in an antique wooden bowl (note: did not purchase anything new, but simply used what I have - more environmentally sound choices, I might add), and am getting geared up to give thanks to the Universal Mother for my blessings - who by the way is, as far as I know, compatible with all world religions (especially Paganism)- thus is deemed a politically correct object of universal devotion by many.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Kartika, if anyone feels excluded, then they must not be part of the human race. This was such fun. I knew those contracts courses back in my university days would come in handy.

Your preparations sound lovely. I too did not purchase anything beyond plants which will end up in my garden, a token the Universal Mother adores.

Oh, I'm feeling so self-righteous I'll need to fix myself a nog -- made with soy milk, free-range hen's eggs, natural vanilla and Jamaican rum (thus ensuring employment in that impoverished island.) Then I'll put on my organic cotton pyjamas and read something printed on recycled paper.


papajack 6 years ago

Great hub lmmartin. I hereby wish you a White Christmas! It's the same wish I wish for Florida every year. :-)


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Don't make me put a hex on you, papajack. I've had enough White Christmases, not to mention White Halloweens and White Easters to last me a lifetime. And I know where you live -- Oklahoma.

Seriously, papajack, thanks. Now I'm off to read your latest work.


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 6 years ago from UK

Happy Christmas lmmartin. We've snow forecast here for tomorrow. It's a rare event for us, and the children are (almost) more excited about the prospect of a few days fun in the white stuff than they are about Christmas. I know white Christmases are old hat to you, but this wishee must hide any disdain in the Bah Humbug cupboard under the stairs, and search out the Wellington Boots for the sake of my cohabiting junior wishees! Happy holidays!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Enjoy the snow, and I understand how wonderful it is when you don't live in it seven months out of the year. I hope your little wishees a terrific romp and a Happy Christmas.


pgrundy 6 years ago

LOL! And same to you and yours Immartin! (You could work for a bank or an insurance company...but why would you want to????)


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

I wouldn't, pgrundy. How are things in Michigan? White? Wishing you and yours the best, and may Bill recover his strength with the New Year.


Bieberella profile image

Bieberella 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

Merry Christmas, and may all your readers celebrate the real Christmas: Jesus' birthday! There should be no shame or offense in that!

Wishing you the best.

Dana


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Certainly no shame or offense, nor would I imply so. But I would never suggest that all my readers celebrate Christmas, or the birthdate of Jesus, because Christmas is not the only holiday celebrated at this time. Nor are all my readers Christians. Nor do I think everyone should believe what I do.

Which is the whole point of this hub, really.

Thanks for dropping by, Dana and I wish you all the best.


martyjay 6 years ago

I accept your christmas wishes on behalf of all unaligned individuals.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA

Lmmartin - I wish that I could write with such good humor that also combined with some nicely serious thoughts. And, by the way, I really enjoyed your opening cartoon, Santa lamenting his flat reindeer.

Gus


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Thank you Gus. And a Merry Christmas to you and Mrs. Redneck.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Loved your greetings (too funny) and wonderful picture of your lanai. Makes me wish for my home state. Spent many Christmases in 80 degree weather, (mmmm) when I was wishing for the cold weather which I live in now. Go figure. Hoping your holidays are well enjoyed! Kind regards and Merry Christmas! peg


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Hi Peg, Merry Christmas and may your family be well for the New Year. I will never wax nostalgic for cold weather and snow, not after spending every Christmas of my life in it. The weather here is perfect, not too hot, not too humid, cool at night. Ahh -- yes, now this is the way to enjoy Christmas.

Thanks for your comment.


Felicia Hinton  6 years ago

Hello, very good humor. ./. Have a happy holiday season. I will be sure to read your work more in debt. Great opener!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Why thank you, Felicia, and it's a pleasure to meet you. Have a wonderful holiday.


Rod Marsden 6 years ago

Well, you got away with it...Not many people can squirm and wiggle there way to being totally politically correct about anything. Congratulations!

Merry Christmas!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Hi Rod Marsden -- took a lot of squirming -- you're right, and lots of weasel words, too. Thanks for you comment. Merry Christmas to you, too.


rsmallory profile image

rsmallory 6 years ago from Central Texas

Hilarious Im! LOL. Thanks for making me smile on an otherwise cold and drearily depressing day! Great Hub!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Thank you rsmallory, happy to cheer you up however briefly. Have a good holday.


kartika damon profile image

kartika damon 6 years ago from Fairfield, Iowa

Congrats lmmartin! Hugpages gave this article an honorable mention - well-deserved!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Oh, did they? I haven't opened that email yet. Guess I should. I've tried to avoid distraction for the past two days, to get this edit done. Thanks for the congrats.


robertsloan2 profile image

robertsloan2 6 years ago from San Francisco, CA

LOL -- nothing like greetings from Generica!


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Interesting way to put it, robertsloan2. Thanks for leaving a comment, and best of the season to you.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

An announcement from the author. I'd like to thank hubpages for listing this article as recommended for the season, this week. Thanks, and glad everyone enjoyed this hub. Nothing like a good giggle to set things right.


susie wilder 6 years ago

Lynda, I enjoy your writing sooo much. You really put your all into it. A very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours. Everything that you write gets right to the core. Christmas is a major celebration in our home, and always looking forward to the New Year. I'll be keeping tabs on your hub pages. susie


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

Lovely to hear from you susie wilder, and you do wonders for my ego with your well accepted compliments. A Merry Christmas to you and yours and may you all enjoy the spirit of the season.


6inchboot 6 years ago

I like it!Thank you for sharing!http://www.6inchboot.com


Susie Writes profile image

Susie Writes 6 years ago from Northern California

This is a gem, lmmartin! I'll definitely be passing this link on. I choose to celebrate without the currently accepted cultural mythology and just enjoy the return of the "SUN". ;-) Can't wait for spring to plant the new garden! "Here comes the sun, (do-do-do-do, do)Here comes the sun, and I say, its alright!" LOL!


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Great blog! Made Mr. Happy smile lol - thanks.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida Author

6inchboot -- Thanks

Susie -- May the sun shine on you soon.

Hi Mr.Happy -- glad to give a you smile.

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