And I will always Love you - a Mother's Day Memory

There is a song that reminds me of my mother.

The song that usually makes me cry hopelessly, every time I hear it on the radio. I have it on my iTunes playlist and as I scroll past the song title, I hesitate to click , knowing very well I am going to be heavy with grief, choked with emotion and generally make a spectacle of myself.

Perhaps the intensity of my grief in lesser now, more on the inside and less outside. But the emotional response has not changed, like a heavy fist clamping down on my heart.

For it is not Dolly Parton’s voice that comes through the speakers, as it enters my ears and my soul, it is my mom’s.

If I should stay

Well, I would only be in your way...

Manchester Airport, 5 years ago

My mom stood looking up at me, pale, frail and shivering from the November cold even in the air-conditioned warmth of Manchester airport. My Dad was waiting farther ahead, the hand-luggage in his hand, pretending to look elsewhere. I could see his brow furrowed with worry. My wife stood behind me with a hand on my back.

“Amma, do you really think it is a good idea? It’s still not too late. We’ll cancel the flight and just go back to my place.”

Her breathing was somewhat laboured but she braved a smile. “I will be alright. You have enough in your hands with your work and children. I’ll only be an added burden. I promise I’ll go straight for a check up”

There were hundreds of people milling around, some looking like lost souls clutching baggages of various shapes and colours. There were some yearning looks, tears and last minute hugs and kisses. The airport goodbyes.

“It’s no trouble at all, Amma. It may be better if you get treated here in UK as I know the hospital and the Specialists. I know you feel better than you did few weeks ago . But I am not sure getting back to India now is so urgent. We can rearrange the flights from UK anytime”

She held my hand and smiled weakly. Her hands were ice cold and I held her wrist, surreptitiously checking her pulse. It was pounding from the effort of just walking a few steps to passport control.

My wife, whispered that the gate was about to close.

Thought I’ll try once more but my will was weakening.

“Please Amma. Think about it. The flight is nearly 12 hours. It will be too much. You’ve had pulmonary oedema and only just recovered. The cardiologist said you may be better getting your investigations down before you travel all the way back to India”

“No sweetheart. I‘d rather be home. Back to the lovely house you bought us.

The house I always wanted. I haven’t had chance to enjoy it what with all the hospital visits. I’d love to go home and relax. I promise I’ll go straight for a check up as soon as I get there”

And so I'll go, and yet I know

That I'll think of you each step of my way..

She settled on the wheelchair and grimaced. My father looked at me as if enquiring to go. He knew my efforts were in vain. My wife’s hand gripped my shoulders.

My mom gave me that smile I love. Despite all the pain and illness the radiance hadn’t dimmed. “I feel great after taking the medication you have given me and the specialists have done a great job in the hospital. I really would rather go. You know I don’t like troubling you especially with the lovely baby only being few months old. I’ll ring you. You will coming to visit me wont you, in January?”

I leaned forward and hugged her, kissed her forehead. “Of Course, I will. Please take care of yourself. Love you”

“Love you too, darling.” She gripped my hand tighter than usual, eyes misty behind those glasses. My Dad nodded curtly, still frowning, and wheeled her towards the gate. They got down the flight chute pretty quick and I stood looking at the empty corridor for a while. We walked back to the car and drove home. The Grey skies threatened to rain again.

“I feel really weird about this. I shouldn’t have let her go” I said as my wife drove.

”There’s nothing more you could’ve done“, she hushed me, “She is determined to go home. Ring your friend and make sure she goes to the hospital as soon as she gets there for a check-up.”

I leaned back on the passenger seat and watched the lamp posts blur by, the dull November weather swirling in mists of memory.

Bitter-sweet memories

That's all I have, and all I’m taking with me

Chennai Airport, 15 years ago

I remembered the younger, healthier face of my mom, smiling at me as I held her hand 15 years ago.

It was the smile of a mother who wants her son to do well, who wants him to go abroad and make a success of his education and career. It was also the strained smile of someone who is going to miss her eldest son terribly, the son who has perhaps been more a friend, a confidante, a defender and help.

I am the eldest of three brothers. I always tried to be her help, her support as much as I could. She was a voracious reader and read everything that came in her way- books, magazines and even newspaper used to wrap parcels. I got my precocious and voracious reading habit from my mum.

When I was only seven or eight I remember climbing up the loft looking for something to read and found a ruled notebook with plenty of writing. It was about a 17 year old girl who gets married. I realised it was my mum’s diary from when she got married, because I knew she was 18 when she gave birth to me.

I didn’t know whether I should or should’ve not, but I couldn’t resist reading it.

My father was a tough disciplinarian not afraid of using his belt on us. He was 10 years older than my mother. I suddenly realised what it must be like to a young girl to get married at that age, a girl who never knew her parents ever raise the voice. A girl who grew up in a city had finished her school with dreams of going to college, suddenly finding herself in an arranged marriage with someone who perhaps had no understanding of how to relate to a young girl.

It wasn’t pleasant reading. Of broken dreams and the sheer horror of a naïve young girl who had mixed feelings about getting married but didn’t have the courage to disobey her parents.

I decided to be my mum’s helper, her friend, and do the best I can to shield her from my father’s wrath. It worked sometimes, but not always. There were a few black eyes and bruised shins that we’ve both shared. I think it was when I was 15 and a lanky but strong boy that I remembered grabbing my Dad’s fist as it descended on to me and looking at him straight in the eye. Until then I had never defended or resisted his violence, just bunched myself into the smallest size possible like a turtle withdrawing into its shell.

His manic eyes had weakened with shock as I told him quietly that if he ever did that again, he will regret it badly.

After that he left me alone, instead directing his misdemeanours of parenting onto my poor brothers. I was going through medical school, trying to cope with all the learning and training while in the back of my mind I was constantly worried for my mom and my brothers.

Here I was in the airport, venturing out to a strange new country, to do my further education, to enhance the fortunes of myself and my poor family.

Good-bye, oh, please don't cry

Cause we both know that I’m not

What you need


“I will miss you” she said, eyes misting up through the smile. “Don’t worry about us. You have enough to worry about. Exams, training, finding a job. Please do well. I will write to you.”


 I nodded, not being able to speak, and hugged her and my brothers.


I moved to my Dad, who was brimming with pride that I was the first one in the entire clan to  not only get a degree but to actually go aboard for higher studies. I hugged him to, and whispered,”look after yourself. Look after them” in his ears.


I turned to my mum and mouthed I love you as I walked away towards the boarding gate towards my lifelong dream of achievements and academic highs.

I will always love you

I will always love you

And I hope life, will treat you kind

And I hope that you have all

That you ever dreamed of

Manchester Airport, 5 years ago

I was back at the airport within few weeks, frantic with worry. She had to get admitted to the hospital shortly after going back to India. Pulmonary oedema again and this time her kidneys were failing and her coronaries were blocked with advanced Diabetes. She was only 58, and her body had no business failing on her like that. She had always been one who spent more time looking after others than her and Diabetes is a relentless adversary if you don’t pay attention to it.

“We have to move fast, Mohan,” The cardiologist had said on the phone, “Her angiogram is pretty bad and I think a coronary bypass will help.”

“Do you think she is fit to proceed?”

“As fit as she will be. The dialysis has helped and she has picked up. If we do the bypass as soon as possible, she has a chance. I agree it is a risky proposition but she’s more at risk if we leave her as is...”

I was at the airport lounge when my brother rang me again. “She wants to speak to you. She is worried. The surgeons wants to take her to theatre as things are pretty bad.”

She asked the question every Doctor/Child dreads.

“Do you think it is safe for me to have the operation?”

“Amma, it’s hard for me to decide from here. According to what the Specialists are telling me it will certainly help if all goes well.”

“I am scared. Shall I wait till you come?”

“The specialist wants to plan surgery as soon as. I am at the airport, I will be there by the time you come out of the theatre. I would have liked to be there before but it seems if your lungs fill up again they will struggle to operate..”

“I am sorry for all the trouble.” Her voice quivered.

“Don’t be silly. I want to be there” I could feel my stomach knotting with fear and worry, despite all the medical advice I’ve dished out, all the risk conversations I’ve had, I knew the bypass is a very high risks proposition for her condition. But the cardiologist had pretty much held me at ransom with the talk of further risk if she didn’t have the surgery...

“I love you mom, take care. I won’t be long”

Oh, I do wish you joy

And I wish you happiness

But above all this

I wish you love

I love you, I will always love


The flight attendants were kind and put me on to business class seats as I was a frequent flyer. I was thankful for the privacy away from the hustle and bustle. I felt I couldn’t face conversations with strangers from either side. The shutters went down and the cabin was dark.

I didn’t realise I had just spoken my last words to my mother.

Heathrow Airport, 5 Years ago

It was all over. I was waiting in the lounge at Heathrow to connect back to Manchester and go back home to my wife and children. I was in the washroom, splashing water in my face and looked up in the mirror. I had large bags under my eyes that were bloodshot with spidery capillaries.

I kept getting flashbacks.

Arriving at Chennai and being met by my frightened brother. “She is still sleeping and has not come around after surgery, Mo, do you think she’ll be alright?”

Driving through the crazy Chennai traffic to the hospital and meeting my worried relatives outside the ward. They all wanted me to explain what was going on as the Doctors haven’t really been very forthcoming.

The curse of being the only Doctor in the family. Not being able to feel the emotions of a worried son but to flick my professional switch on and questioning the specialists, interpreting to my family. “Her Coronary bypass went ok but her BP dropped repeatedly due to the poor state of her lungs and kidneys. She needs assistance for breathing so she is on a ventilator”

Looking at my mom in the ICU, battered, intubated and a mere wisp of what she was once.

The clickety click and whoosh of the ventilator as it breathed for my mum.

Running behind the trolley as mum underwent a CT scan to check her brain status while still under the ventilator. Seeing multiple opacities bloom like little nuclear explosions in her brain where she had bled under the anaesthesia.

Her brain was dead.

She had always told me she didn’t want to be chained to machine forever if there is no hope of recovery.

The whole family asking me to make the decision about switching the ventilator off as they felt they didn’t know what the right thing to do was. The specialists were no help at all when I needed them most even though I was part of the medical community.

It made me think about the medicine they practiced and the dehumanised protocols and guidelines that have no heart in them. So much opposite to the medicine I practiced and the support I try to give my patients.

If I should stay

Well, I would only be in your way

And so I'll go, and yet I know

That I'll think of you each step of my way


I remember vividly standing near the machine as the nurse switched it off. There were the last few strained breaths from her lungs but her eyes were lost to this world and the pupils had long since stopped reacting. But the little flicker of hope like a lonely candle flame in a dark room, thinking she may just may...


She didn’t.

I, I will always, always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

My mom, and her beautiful smile. R.I.P
My mom, and her beautiful smile. R.I.P
Me, at my son's christening- as one life ends another beautiful one begins...
Me, at my son's christening- as one life ends another beautiful one begins...


In Hindu tradition the eldest son dissolved the ashes of the parent in the sea. I held my mom’s ashes in a bronze vessel , wearing the ceremonial sarong across my waist, bare-chested, walked into the sea.


The priest had asked me to turn around and face the shore halfway into the churning waves that were lashing about my chest wall as I stood.


I threw the ashes over my head into the sea.


The primordial sea. The sea that gives life to us all. The sea where life emerged from, eons ago. The sea that constantly blesses us with the weather, and sustains life. The sea we feel can take everything, we abuse with toxins and dump rubbish in but it always soaks it all up. The sea that bubbles and churns and bathes and calms yet can be turbulent and vicious when disturbed, just like motherhood.


The announcement came over the speakers for my connecting flight to Manchester.


Back to my home and my family.


As I walked to the flight desk I saw a little boy grab his mother’s index finger in complete and utter trust and follow her into the long corridor.

I, I will always, always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

Thank you for letting me share this memory with you.

It has been hard but strangely therapeutic.

For mothers everywhere.


Mohan Kumar

More by this Author


Comments 83 comments

Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

The pictures of your mom and family are so beautiful. I am sure your mum is smiling her glorious smile from her seat in Heaven as she sees your loving tribute. She and you were very lucky to have each other...that deep connection of sharing, caring and profound love.


Gypsy48 profile image

Gypsy48 5 years ago

So touching and beautiful. Your mum would be so proud of you.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman from a loving son.

I am in awe.


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

A very heartfelt tribute, and your mum does have a great smile, great hub


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 5 years ago from Northern, California

Wow. You have shared a deeply rich part of your life. I am sorry for your loss and that you had so much distance between you and your mother at the end. Your hub has moved me very much, thank you for sharing a very special mother with us today. You wrote beautifully.

Well done,

K9


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

This is a beautiful and touching tribute to your mother. I can feel the love coming through. She is smiling, I'm sure.

Bless you, Docmo.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

I do know how difficult it must have been for you to write these loving words about your beautiful mother, Docmo. Somewhere, somehow she knows how much you loved her, still do and always will.

You are now and will always be her beloved, eldest loving son.


cardelean profile image

cardelean 5 years ago from Michigan

This brought tears to my eyes. I could feel through your words that she was very proud of you. What a touching piece that you have written in honor of your beautiful mother. Thank you for sharing this.


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

You are a wonderful son, and I am sure you are a wonderful parent -- learning from your Mom. Her legacy lives on in you and your child.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

Dear all,

Thank you so much for letting me share this with you. As you can imagine, the eyes are blurred and the keystrokes laboured- this is no exaggeration. I am grateful and thankful for all you comments and support.

My mom is surely smiling and wishing us all the best.

Love,

Docmo


rmcrayne profile image

rmcrayne 5 years ago from San Antonio Texas

Absolutely beautiful tribute to your lovely mother. She was a gift you could not keep, except in your heart.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Your beautiful yet sad story has made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. My heart goes out to you.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@rmcrayne - thank you so much. She was a gift alright for all us three sons. My brothers have been her support throughout when the distance separated me from the family.

@Susan, thank you for your kind words...


Ashantina profile image

Ashantina 5 years ago

I feel you Docmo.. Thank you for sharing.

Stay Blessed.


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago

I am sure this was hard for you Mohan, but as a mom I am sure that you were such a solace to your mother...and what a tribute to her memory. You are a wonderful son! God bless you!


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 5 years ago from Canada

This is so beautifully written ... you told the story so compellingly, and have brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing. The love you two shared is beautiful.


jantamaya profile image

jantamaya 5 years ago from UK

Docmo, you have a gift. Your gift is to be able to make your readers speechless. Yes, temporarily unable to speak. I'm in the state now.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@ Ashantina, sofs, prairieprincess and jantamaya - you've all done me proud. Firstly for taking your time to read my memory and secondly to leave such endearing heartwarming comments. You make me weep with gratitude and this is not an exaggeration!


chspublish profile image

chspublish 5 years ago from Ireland

Oh my goodness Docmo, you really bring us into the essence of the beauty of the human interaction between child and parent. So beautiful, so moving and your song is so, so fitting. Speechless and in awe. May you be proud and may she rest in peace.


Sal 5 years ago

The memories of those last moments with my dad came flooding back - when I knew that I was saying "I love you" for the last time - it was really goodbye. Then going home to wait for the phone call. A brilliantly written, evocative story. Thanks for sharing it.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

You wrote an absolutely beautiful tribute to your loving mother. I am sorry for your loss. I know how proud she would be to read this wonderful article that is so special.


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 5 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

Oh Docmo, Your story is so very moving. I'm sad for the distance in the later years with your mum, but she loved you so much that she wouldn't have it any other way. The wonderful son she raised reflects her good character and giving soul. I am proud of you for sharing the story of your loving relationship with her for us all to remember to cherish our own mothers. God bless you and your mother's spirit. She is home now and lovingly watching over you and your family!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@chspublish, Sal, Pamela, Fossillady- thank you all for your kind and supportive words. I do miss her terribly but I know she is watching over me.. there was a time couple of years ago when the sea nearly took me.. I felt my mothers hands push me on to the shore. I was shaken and amazed....but know she is always there for me and the family.


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore

Sometimes life is inexplicably sad and unfair. 58 is too young to go.

This was just so beautifully done Docmo...a wonderful tribute.

Cheers


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

Thanks Jane, much appreciated!I was angry at the unfairness of it all at first.. but such is life.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

Dear Mohan-I'm speechless, and that doesn't happen very often. I feel so privelaged that you have shared this memory and heartache here. It is an honor to read it and hold it in my heart with you and the memory of your mother. Thank you for this trust. Take care.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

Dear Denise, it means a lot to share it with those who I trust and respect. You have a beautiful heart and so does you daughter. I am privileged to be read by you. Thanks.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well I was no doubt terribly moved by this landmark hub celebrating the life and memory of your dear mother - you see, my mum was my best friend in life (as well as my dad - I was an only child) and they both made me who I am today (although I don't know who is responsible for my alter ego - the epi-man - lol lol)

...everything you do here .... everything you write ..... everything you put together is absolute perfection - you are the ultimate hub magician - they really are works of art of a time , a place and its people!

And the best version of And I will always love you - hands down - is by Vince Gill - look for it on You Tube!


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

This has to be one of the most wonderful pieces of writing that I have read here on Hubpages. I struggled to hold back my tears as I read towards the end.

Your mother was indeed a most loving person and you have paid a wonderful tribute to her memory. So must be so proud of her loving eldest son.

It was so brave of you to have shared this with us and I for one have so appreciated your words. Thank you.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@Epi, thank you for your kind words, the love of parents has the power to heal ,inspire and energise... You are a sterling example of how that love shapes the adult. Generous, talented, loving - your parents will be proud! Btw I'll have to check out the Vince Gill version.thanks for the tip.

@acaetenna, I am humbled and warmed by your graceful comments. Appreciate your kindness

and generous spirit. Thank you so much!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

I sit here with tears running down my cheeks, knowing that this song has a new meaning for me. Thank you, Docmo, for sharing your memories of your mother--both loving her and losing her--with us. It's written beautifully, with the song lyrics interspersed with your prose, and is a loving tribute from a son to his mother's memory. JAYE


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

Dear, kind, Jaye- thank you so much for your words.... I value them and appreciate them. Mohan


pinkylee 5 years ago

This is such a wonderfully written tribute to your mama. I could not imagine how you felt though I came close to the same just months ago. I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I enjoyed reading about your mom and your memories. I know you loved her very much and she is watching over you and your family always.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@pinkylee- thank you very much - I am sorry to hear you came close to the same feeling- hope everything is fine now.. thanks for visiting and your nice comments.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Ohhhh...simply stunning, beautiful and moving, Doc. I'm at a loss of words to express how touching this is. Up and beautiful.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

Genna, thank you for your kind words. I am deeply moved and touched by everyone's reaction to this.


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Excellent hub that really expressed truly the best relationship between mother and child.thanks for sharing and is a must read to all mothers.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

Thank you crystolite, much appreciate your visit and comments.


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 5 years ago from London

I was weeping as i read this knowing how hard it is to be in another country far away from your mother.You should have your work published eventually as it would be good for morevpeople ro read it.Thinking of you.Strangely my own GP is called Dr Kumar too,but he is older than you.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@kathryn1000, thank you for your kind words, much appreciated. I hope I do get to publish my work eventually. Kumar is a common Indian surname 'cos it actually means 'son' as in Thomson, Johnson etc.


livingsimply profile image

livingsimply 5 years ago from Isle of Arran, Scotland

Wow! You have created an ever-lasting tribute to someone you lives on through you and well she might. Quite a family.


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 5 years ago from London

Oh,thank you for explaining Kumar.His son has just started to work as a doctor too.You do seem very gifted at writing especially when it is emotionally charged.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@livingsimply, I am grateful for your visit & comments. much appreciated.

@kathryn - thank you so much for appreciating my scribbles.


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 5 years ago from Canada

Docmo, I wanted to tell you that I have included your hub in my mother's day hub about those who don't have their mother on Mother's Day. Take care!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK Author

@Prairieprincess- aw thank you very much- Best wishes.


htodd profile image

htodd 5 years ago from United States

Thanks for this great Hub


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

The bond you had with your mum is one to be cherished. No other love can match.

Wonderful and sensitive writing.

Ann Davis


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

@ann, thank you very much. It was hard writing this one but I do feel better for getting the thoughts out of me and onto paper. Appreciate your vist!


Anjili profile image

Anjili 4 years ago from planet earth, a humanoid

A glowing tribute befitting a loving and caring mother. A wonderful show of love. Thanks for sharing your innermost feelings. Very well done. Keep up with it


sligobay profile image

sligobay 4 years ago from east of the equator

There are no words to adequately express condolences for your loss of your beloved mother. You have shared your emotions for all of us who have lost our loving mothers. Dolly Parton musically expresses the sentiment. Thank you for an excellent article which transcends your own personal experience.


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

I can feel your hands shiver as you would have written these moments of your life!

The experience you have woven in a way that me, the reader falls into an untraceable black hole of emotions from which it is impossible to come out!

It is difficult for such love to sustain in this modern world... and yours is a living example...

With Respect

Rahul


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

@ Anjili, sligobay and rahul- - thank you so much for your kind words.

It was a very difficult experience writing this but I felt it needed to be written. I am heartened that there are many who have similar experiences of love and loss. thank you for your visit and comments, much appreciated.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Mohan (Docmo),

I was shaking as I read this. I admire the strength you must have needed to write it.

What a beautiful tribute to your mother. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Daisy, thank you for reading this. I knew I was among friends who appreciate the effort it took to write this. Really appreciate your visit. x


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Cleansing tears or tears of empathy? I'm not sure but I shed them as I read your wonderful, beautiful hub. My Mom lived near me but was unable to speak her last few days. As I left her one night I told her I loved her and I would see her tomorrow. She died during the night. I have never forgiven myself for not staying.

Your mother was close to you and so proud of you (I know, I'm a mother too). You have written a very moving tribute to one who I am sure was a wonderful mother.

Voted up, awesome, and beautiful, and sharing with my followers.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Docmo, Thank you for sharing your personal journey with us. I could relate. Your pain was felt.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Thanks Mary and Linda, I am grateful for your visit and understanding. Much appreciated.


Kaili Bisson profile image

Kaili Bisson 4 years ago from Canada

Oh Docmo, Thank you for being able to work through all of your conflicting emotions and put this beautiful Hub together. This is such a wonderful, loving tribute to your Mother. I could not sleep, and went looking for something to read on HubPages. I am so glad I found this Hub. So well written, so moving. Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

You have my heart on this one. It reminds me of how much a mother means in life. Your mother seemed like a wonderful lady, and she passed on her love of life to you. Beautiful!


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Docmo, just beautiful but very sad also. This is a wonderful tribute to your mother. I don't think that I could listen to the song either though.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Mohan,

Tears have dripped on my screen and my eyes hurt. I am forever moved at our universality and the love we share for our Mothers.

I lost my best friend two years ago in May. I cannot tell you how much I relate to your story and understand you even more.

I think you are an incredible person, with a story of your Mother's love that is truly memorable. The weaving of one of my very favorite songs throughout about did me in...

Voted UP & ABI. Hugs, Maria


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Kaili- thank you so much for your kind and appreciative words. I'm deeply grateful to be able to share this here.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

teaches - really appreciate your visit and comments. Thanks!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Julie- thanks for your kind words and appreciation.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Mary- I too am moved my the universality of our love for motherhood. It was difficult but cathartic to share this here and am overwhelmed constantly by the reaction and support by the readers. Your words mean a lot to me and I do appreciate your visit and comments. Hugs right back.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Mohan (Docmo),

I came back to read this beautiful tribute again. I feel the same emotions I felt as the first time I read it.

You never cease to amaze me. Please don't ever stop writing and caring.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

I was driving back home after a very busy day at work and all I was thinking about was how I cant ever stop writing, reading and creating. I know that is my pleasure, my therapy, my reward and treat. Knowing what I write is being read, felt, appreciated and rewarded with such positive comments is the confirmation and affirmation of all I do here. Thank you Daisy, for caring and making me want to write more and more.

I really need that extra clone!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Your love for your mother and for your family shines out of every word--your mother smiles on you


Vellur profile image

Vellur 4 years ago from Dubai

Your mother will still be looking down upon you and blessing you and your family. She is still there with you and has left all her love behind. I still wish people would not die.I just cannot come to terms with it.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Audrey- thank you so much for your comforting words.


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 4 years ago from Somewhere in the West

Hi this was well written but very very sad am sorry your mother die. May GOD comfort your heart always as death is harsh but GOD knows best sometimes we are better off that way than suffering. Your mum was a beautiful lady.

Take care and remember God is in control no matter what.

Peace be unto you

~~~Shalom~~~


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK Author

Thank you, Ladyfiddler.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

I read and weep and relate. I feel that longing, not wanting your mother to leave you at the airport, the unease, the feeling that this isn't right but not being able to control what's happening. It's part of the journey and becomes one of many, many parts and though so heart breaking at the time, eventually it slides into place in the big beautiful picture book of memories. I am sorry for your loss, your mother is so beautiful and your love for her incredibly deep. Thank you for sharing these moments, your mother must be so proud of you and her love lives on always, in you and all your family. Sending my hugs and best wishes to you Docmo, from Annie.


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

There really isn't anything I could add in the way of words to your beautiful Hub about your Mother. My Mother has been dead for 30 years, and I still miss her, she was my very best friend!

I enjoy reading about customs in foreign lands such as India, like you tossing her ashes out to sea. I want that, too.

I voted this Hub UP, etc.etc.


DanaTeresa profile image

DanaTeresa 4 years ago from Ohio

A beautiful story told beautifully as only you could. the love of a mother and son pours ot of every word. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of you with us. You will always carry your mother's love and pride with you. It will forever be a part of you....

I am writing this through tears. For you and your family, and for me and mine. I am remined of my grandmother, a woman who was like a mother ot me. By the time she was diagnosed with cancer, after years of illness, she was given six months to live. She lasted about that long, spending a portion of it in a hostpital bed in our living room. It was hard on the whole family and we have never been the same since. My mother was not able to be there when her mom passed away because she and I were away for one of my college interviews. I never made the interview. I was violently ill the same day grandma passed away. The whole thing is still a blur most likely from the shock of it. My mother and I both lost our mom on that day. Not a day goes by that I don't miss having my grandma here on this earth. I am very sure to hold on to her love and to all of the wonderful things she taught me. She is very much a part of me and so she will be with me always.... as you mother is always with you.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 3 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Mohan (Docmo),

As Mothers Day approaches, I've returned to read...through tears...your family's story once again.

Thank you, my friend, for opening up your heart and sharing this with us.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Doc, I can relate to so much of this, as I read, the old emotions return , threatening to overwhelm me. However; it is good to remember, even when it brings tears.

A wonderful tribute to a very special mum, heart felt and profoundly beautiful. Where ever she is right now, your mum will be looking down with pride. thank you for sharing this. My very best to you.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

I couldn't find the words to write after reading this. All I know is that it made me cry, and it brought back memories about my mum and dad too when they went. it was beautifully written, and the bit about the sea set me off again, beautiful Mohan and so sad. Your mother was lucky to have a son such as you.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 3 years ago from Nepal

Mohan,

you share such a touching narrative. You left me in tears. I have been living away from my mother since I was a child. Of course we get together during festivals, but I have always been away from mother.

The visual elements enlighten your story.


livingsta profile image

livingsta 3 years ago from United Kingdom

Heart touching Mohan. I really don't know what to write! I can understand what it would have been like for you. Thank you for sharing this with us. God bless.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 2 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Mohan,

It's Mother's Day in the UK. I reread your article, shivering as I read your very moving tribute. I'm sharing your article with my HP followers, tweeting it, and posting the link on Google+.


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 2 years ago from Deep South, USA

I cried the first time I read this and tears rolled down my cheeks as I re-read it today. So beautiful, so touching, Docmo. Although the pain of your loss is probably not so acute in 2014, I know you still miss your mom as I still miss mine. I'm sorry you didn't have her with you longer than 58 years. I feel certain that she was very proud of you and your accomplishments. I also believe that our loved ones are always with us, in our hearts, in our memory. Bless you on Mother's Day in the UK.

Jaye


Docmo profile image

Docmo 2 years ago from UK Author

Thank you Daisy and Jaye for your kind words and appreciation. I do miss my mom so much and all the more so this weekend gone. Her smile, her blessing and her endearing spirit will always be with me and I am grateful for it...

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working