Bumble Town - New Zealand: First to See the Light: A Maori Legend Before Bumble Bees.

Bumble Town's Own God of Light - Bahh-Imamess-ok

Forever with us the remains of Bahh-Imamess-ok the Thothian Carrier of the Light Came to Bumble Town by Mistake and Stayed Forever.
Forever with us the remains of Bahh-Imamess-ok the Thothian Carrier of the Light Came to Bumble Town by Mistake and Stayed Forever.

A wee bit of NZ History.

Kia Ora - Welcome to New Zealand. Everything that you have heard about good old NZ is not all true. We do Not wear grass skirts!! Sure one or two Lumberjacks have made the news lately: But they were tourists and not the Real Kiwis of New Zealand or from A-o-te-a-rower (The Land of the Long White Crowd). I mean; Give us a Fair Go eh? NZ is a thriving wee place where legends have been created. Where a Bumble Bee Keeper who conquered his fear of heights, came from; Not to mention the All Blacks, Cynthia Longdrop, Charles Dorwon, Phar Lap, Itsour Pavlova, Sir Keith Park, Ernest Rutherford, Pearldiver, Peter Jackson, Sam Neil, Tim & Neil Finn, Jimi Hongidrix, Jandles, Bluff Oysters, Weetbix, Marmite, Watties Tomato Sauce, Charles Goldie, U3, Brooke Fraser, Dame Kiri, Gumboots, Black Singlets, Aunt Daisy, Edmond's Cookbook, Bahh-Imamess-ok of Bubble Town and of course Rachael Trumpet.

We have more on our census you know mate!. We have a population of approx. 44 million as per our latest census; We are bloody Huge by Stewart Island standards. 4,000,001 people including 1477 Bumble Town residents. We share our day to day lives with another mob of 39,999,999 others; that we affectionately refer to as Sheep. Most 'Kiwis' are known to control themselves socially when it comes to sheep. We identify that sheep are not really great conversationalists. However, out in the back country, well.. there are a few blokes who enjoy the company of them. As a tourist, you can usually tell those blokes, by checking out their landing gear; if they have on a pair of fleece lined Gumboots; avoid them!

Bumble Town's Newest Mayor.

Quoted Last WeeK: "Yeah..well what can I say; the town's growing, I'm 'short' on councillors, school is out for a smoke, our tourism is down; a bit of BS with the last one after the boys got excited, alot of buzz going on at busy body's place..... Ye
Quoted Last WeeK: "Yeah..well what can I say; the town's growing, I'm 'short' on councillors, school is out for a smoke, our tourism is down; a bit of BS with the last one after the boys got excited, alot of buzz going on at busy body's place..... Ye

Where is Bumble Town?

Yeah sorry, I digress, right, where is Bumble Town? That really would depend on which search engine you are using. For the uninitiated it is in the North Island of NZ, nestled on the side of the central dormant volcano Mt. Bumble aka the mountain running track. Below the town meanders Blackwater Stream; which triples as the town's water supply, public baths and where they grow medicinal herb.

The reason it is hard to explain how you find Bumble Town is because it is really hard to find. It is like stepping back in time. The town is completely surrounded by pine trees, 10,000 acres of them, which provide some locals with a habitat, deer, wild pigs (Achooo!) 'cuse me, possum, wabbit and the occasional moose. As the mayor is always happy to point out; "They don't want for much" and "Our kids have educational opportunities like nowhere else!"

The town boasts a modern Shopping Mall in the CBD containing: the Busy Body Gym, Arlo's Wine Shop, A Feral Meat Butchery, Lumberjack Training Centre, Barry the Barbarba, A Ladies Underwear Shop, Hardware Shop, A Hungi Shop, Teenage Pregnancy Centre, Social Welfare, Pub, Trading Post, Bank, Debit Union, Information Centre, Another Pub, Wino Shop, Coffee bar and a Knife Sharpening business called Dac 'n Nife. And, sorry a Pizza Shop, Police Box, Town Hall, Bumble Town Business Ass.,Tui Centre, Whitebait Filleting business and a Cloak n Dagger place where the celebrity 'movers and shakers' meet; to strategise what to do with those they don't like and/or feel threatened by.  Everyone here knows that business is 'not too good.'

Bumble Town's Blackwater Stream Provides the best entry to tourists, but not necessarily the best exit option.
Bumble Town's Blackwater Stream Provides the best entry to tourists, but not necessarily the best exit option.

Bumble Town was said to have been found and ered as a result of an ancient 'Light Traveller' called Bahh-Imamess-ok landing here mistakenly and getting his foot caught in a flax possum ginn-trap. Apparently the local Maori tribe heard him crying out in pain for over two years; but were scared that he might have been too big for their pot. I suspect it was just an early display of apathy. Legend has it that Bahh-Imamess-ok died as a result of neglect and his form then became that of a giant tree, twisted in pain and leafless. The natives of Bumble Town, were cursed with having the first rays of earth's sunlight each day and exiled to the forests.

Bumble Town has a lovely setting, if you approach the town from the east via the Blackwater Stream, by canoe or small tinny with an 8 hp outboard motor. However it must be noted that if the speed limit of 2 mph is exceeded your boat can be confiscated. They trick visitors all the time into giving up their boats, in the hope the (female) visitors stay. Entry to the enclave that is Bumble Town, can only be gained by boat, or by way of what the locals call the magic mushroom track, which starts on the outskirts of Hamilton and weaves through the volcanic central plateau and Bumble Town. It's a hell of a walk.

Best season to avoid Bumble Town is definitely the 'rutting' season, although Arlo's Bar tends to rock off it's foundations at this time; as lines of grubby foresters converge on poor old Arlo, for a ticket number that they stick on their foreheads, to ensure that no one 'jumps' the queue. I'm sure nothing like this happens anywhere else on earth. For anyone with self respect, Bumble Town activities may seem somewhat primate and yes that's exactly what makes the town unique. The Mayor as head honcho, states "I am under constant pressure to control the mounting ambitions of over 1000 folk, my 'short' councillor and my own; and not necessarily in that order!"

Strangely; most male tourists tend not to make the trip home. Many are found months later: wondering aimlessly and glassy eyed in the forests; declaring their love of those mushroom things. Completely deserted female tourists tend to be welcomed personally by our mayor; who seems to always have pressing business on his mind. He's not a bad bloke - silly as a butcher's partyhat, but who else would spend 50 years of their life directing traffic at Gossip Central, other than that dirty, dirty man Willy Gropyer(?) who works in the ladies undies shop and states he still hasn't sold a bra under size 44DD, in all of the 16 years he has offered personal fittings. Can they be helped I ask myself, is there any way that something more positive could occur here? The smart money is always on our resident Morepork (native owl).. he doesn't miss a beat and has promised to keep an eye on the goings on that are gong to go on when they find out that the world has discovered Bumble Town - NZ .

A Word From the Wise B T Owl

"Join us again soon ya hear? Have I Got some Gos to tell ya 'bout What really goes on in Bumble Town, especially whos hooting who at Busy Body's Gym! And... That's Not all ya hear?"
"Join us again soon ya hear? Have I Got some Gos to tell ya 'bout What really goes on in Bumble Town, especially whos hooting who at Busy Body's Gym! And... That's Not all ya hear?"

Bumble Town Wants You - Change your Life.

The people of Bumble Town make the place its most enjoyable. They are well practiced gossip mongers who are often found telling themselves the newest rumour. This sort of buzz keeps them believing that their lives are worthwhile. That's a positive, I guess. I will shortly be posting adoption advertisements, in the hope that somewhere Bumble Town will have a future; beyond the rutting season.

To demonstrate the frustrations that I have to suffer as a missionary: I asked a 46 year old man this question; "Tootz... If we have a Blue Moon here right at the moment .... What Colour will the Moon be on the Other Side of the World right now?" OMG.. Help Us Please... After a great deal of thought (like 20 mins) he replied; "RED." Are you Sure?? "Yep.. I Know it's Red!"

But to be fair there are alot of really good folk here who just love the mountain running track. They are out there running around the mountain in a Clockwise direction; day in, day out... for months. I couldn't help having a wee grin to myself, yesterday when I watched 30 plus Mountain runners walking up to the starting line. I thought: "OMG, with all these sheep in NZ, have these people learnt nothing from their woolly neighbours?"

They were all Limping up to the Start Line. Surely; everyone knows that if you only run around a slope clockwise direction, your Right Leg will become shorter than your Left Leg! I Kid You Not.

Thanks for visiting our Home - Bumble Town - New Zealand.  Kia Ora.
Thanks for visiting our Home - Bumble Town - New Zealand. Kia Ora.

Thank you for reading this. If you enjoyed it please let me know. Look forward to next weeks news from possibly New Zealand's most hard case place... All characters here are fictitious Maybe? For me (Until I'm Drawn and Quartered) this is Bumble Town - New Zealand ... Home.

And From the Kids of Bumble Town - whom we may give a positive future to : Kia Ora.

© Copyright 2009 Pearldiver nzpol with all rights reserved.

Thanks for reading the Pearldiver's serious account of life in a Blackwater town; where BS is a tradable commodity.
Thanks for reading the Pearldiver's serious account of life in a Blackwater town; where BS is a tradable commodity.

More by this Author


Comments 24 comments

Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Yes indeed.... Well said Penny... and thanks.. take care.. PD


pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

It is too sad that greed has been the motivating factor for the dirty deeds and swamp lusts you refer to. It is nice to know however that here truly are magnificent people still left in little towns like BT.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 4 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi pennyofheaven, thanks for taking the time to learn about Bumble Town and the uniqueness of this primitive, backwater society. Yes there is a lot of truth that has been written about in the series of reports on BT.. and a lot of disgruntled strange people have complained that such exposure could result in an increase of tourists and legal exposes, even though the town has shrunk in size.

So, I must bring the world up to date as there have been a lot of new scams that the mayor and his friends have been involved in... With a shortage of controllable new 'people' it seems providing backroom Immigration and 'Citizenship' deals for refugees and those who are able to pay for fast tracking.. has become more than popular with the crooked BT moovers and shakers! Plus a few legitimate businesses have been burnt out and destroyed to help the powers to be expand their interests! But hey... the BTBS was going on and spread around long before I stepped in it... and that was certainly a waste of a good pair of shoes!

Cheers for your compliment... with a bit of luck NZ will not be measured by the dirty deeds and swamp-lust of these Bumble Town 'celebrities!' Take care..


pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

Awesome town! I love your wit. I love Bumble town even though I have no idea where it is. Kinda reminds me of most little towns I have been too. You describe just about all of them to a greater or lesser degree. You are very talented thanks!


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi McHamlet, thanks for reading this wee story about a place that certainly is 'a different world' when compared to the rest of NZ. I'm sure BunbleTown would drive you crazy within a week mate! However, if you wish to visit here... you are welcome to stay at my place... I'll go home to Ireland lol. Unless you want to go fishing while you're here.. then I'd be obliged to show you where the real fish are. Take Care and thanks for your comments.


McHamlet profile image

McHamlet 6 years ago

Cool hub mate. My sister spent about a year working in New Zealand and she's determined to make it back there. She raves about it (actually she took a few amazing pictures just outside her place in wellington which I posted on one of my hubs). Now I want to go there too, and preferably to Bumbletown. Good stuff')


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Marie, thanks for reading this. Well I have to say Nice is not a word that I have previously heard best describe BumbleTown. Swap you one Sydney for one BumbleTown and a possum culling contract? I guess that the Finn brothers, a few Dragon boys, Steve Gilpin of Mysex, Sharon O'Neill and a few more kiwis helped show what Aussi music should be... But Sam Neil.. No Way.. he is included in the sale price of Kiwibank. Take care.


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Bumble Town sounds lovely, a bit quiet maybe, but still nice. Funny hub and by the way, aren't Sam Neill and Neil and Tim Finn Aussies? he he!


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi blue parrot, thanks for reading this work. You are quite right and it seems the same problem exists both here and in Spain. How do they survive in BumbleTown? Well I guess most don't.. and as a result, many are dying to get out of the place. Take care.


blue parrot profile image

blue parrot 6 years ago from Madrid, Spain

What does the town live on? Do the young people emigrate? I can't imagine such a lonely place and will have to read this again. In Spain there are villages that live way out in the middle of nowhere, but the young people leave and little by little the village is abandoned. In the end the post office and the local church also close, and I don't know what happens to very old people who simply stay on because they can't leave anymore.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Daniel, thanks for visitng BT. Probably not a good idea to physically visit.. tourists tend to get treated like aliens here; though they deny cannabalism exists (some big pots here). Perhaps the pots hold some clue why it is a sheep-free zone. Cheers for your comment.


Daniel Carter profile image

Daniel Carter 7 years ago from Western US

Finally broke down to educate myself about Bumble Town. So glad I did! Would love to make the visit someday. Reminds me a bit of the little town in Idaho where I own a home. 2700 people, most very religious with lots of gossip. Similar to the religion forums here at hp. Thankfully I live three hours away. LOL

I really enjoy your humor a lot. Sheep are a perennial subject in the western US as well. [he he]

Looking forward to reading lots more!


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

I'm so glad you finally realised the co-relationship there Dianacharles I have to admit I had to ponder how it could be said without offense. Thanks for reading.


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 7 years ago from India

The land of the Long White Clowd...sounds like a great place to visit. I have some friends who settled down there.

I did ponder for a while over that statement of yours-

We identify that sheep are not really great conversationalists. However, out in the back country, well.. there are a few blokes who enjoy the company of them.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

That is what I did.. lol I would be very happy to a 'Rescuer', but I have a feeling that as a Ripplemaker; you are pretty handy at that yourself.. lol. Thanks for taking time to take the time.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

I would be one of those who would wander around and get lost. Help! You have to come and tour me around. :-) It sounds like a beautiful place to be.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Cheers KStyle.. O Ok you must have been here just Before the Rutting Season!! In Bumble Town, we make a Poi a day in the weeks leading up to the Rut. Ummmmmm


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Thanks MandyMyBeau. Ummmm I Wonder...Nah, keep guessing.


KStyle 7 years ago

very nice hub. NZ is a great place. ps- I've made many a poi ball and studied the Maori dance.

Thanks for sharing


mandybeau profile image

mandybeau 7 years ago

Wicked Hub, Brilliant best I have seen for Eionks, but I am biased.

I looked at the Hub and the words first to see the light of Day and worked out where you were.

Mandy.... You would make a great Ambassador. Plus it looks better, than me showing you around the place I live in Ao Te Aroa. Its called Mr Laws Place yay Michael he is soooo cute Not.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

And one in Bumble Town Cindy!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Kapai! Now fill your puku with puha and kumara. lol Those parts of NZ were the best. have a friend who lives in Morrinsville


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Thank you EagleKIwi, Keep visualising a map... But you made the relevance of the size of the forest to the rutting season. Pleased you enjoyed this; that's the objective overall isn't it? Keep a watch for the next 'Bumble Town News' the location will become more obvious... You will know next time; I'm sure.


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania

Great read! ,like how you used humour to blend in with facts. The beauty of the characters living close to the land,who could think they possibly were  family. A fisherman and hunters paradise with  the forest unraped. Happy smiling faces of the little bumbleo's.

Kapai thumbs up!  ( tryin to visulise a map too) if I said Tologa Bay would I be close maybe?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working