Christmas 2012: The Best Gift For Her Is YOU . . . .

SEE THE SMILE ON THIS PRETTY GIRL'S FACE? YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE WILL DO THE SAME IF YOU FOLLOW THE ADVICE IN THIS STORY.

GUYS, GET READY TO PARTY WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE WHEN YOU FOLLOW MY ADVICE IN THIS STORY.
GUYS, GET READY TO PARTY WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE WHEN YOU FOLLOW MY ADVICE IN THIS STORY.
BUY HER SOME SAUNA SESSIONS.
BUY HER SOME SAUNA SESSIONS.
TUNE UP HER CAR YOURSELF.
TUNE UP HER CAR YOURSELF.
GIVE HER PET SOME STYLISH FASHIONS.
GIVE HER PET SOME STYLISH FASHIONS.
YOU DO HER FINGER AND TOENAILS FOR HER. TALK ABOUT POINTS. YOU WILL MAKE A MILLION OF THEM.
YOU DO HER FINGER AND TOENAILS FOR HER. TALK ABOUT POINTS. YOU WILL MAKE A MILLION OF THEM.
HIRE A MAID TO VACUUM HER HOUSE OR APARTMENT.
HIRE A MAID TO VACUUM HER HOUSE OR APARTMENT.
YOU DO ALL OF THE COOKING FOR HER AND HER FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS.
YOU DO ALL OF THE COOKING FOR HER AND HER FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS.
CHANGE THE OIL IN HER CAR YOURSELF.
CHANGE THE OIL IN HER CAR YOURSELF.
SPEND A DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS JUST SHOPPING ON OR OFFLINE WITH HER.
SPEND A DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS JUST SHOPPING ON OR OFFLINE WITH HER.
PUT WIND CHIMES IN THE TREES IN HER YARD. THIS IS A VERY CARING GESTURE.
PUT WIND CHIMES IN THE TREES IN HER YARD. THIS IS A VERY CARING GESTURE.

GET READY TO PARTY

guys, with your wife or girlfriend when you follow the advice in this story. There's just something about a guy doing things himself for his girlfriend or wife that turns her into a caring, loving, woman of his dreams. You think that this is a comedy story. Right? Wrong. I am completely serious. I challenge every guy reading this story to do all or maybe some of these things for your special someone this year at Christmas and see if I am not correct in my findings. I know. Ive tested these various 'gifts' out on my misses and buddies, do they work!

BUY HER SOME SAUNA SESSIONS

what woman in her right mind, especially our working ladies who endure stress, pressure and deadlines, wouldn't love to sit back and relax with the soothing steam of a few sauna sessions that you have given her. Better yet. Buy her a sauna of her own and install it yourself. Girls love to see guys in work clothes and tool belts.

A TUNE-UP

for her car, performed by you, would be not only practical, but will show her that you care about her automobile. She's with her car more than you, so you want that car to perform smoothly--just like you, so get your tools out and tune up her car for Christmas. She can watch while you sweat, grunt, and take care of automotive business for your special someone.

DO HER NAILS

and I mean finger and toenails, YOURSELF, guys. Don't take the easy way out and buy her a nail appointment. Do it yourself. And you can do this easily if you take your time, relax, and go online and research some 'Do It Yourself Nails' sites. But do not get confused. The sites you are looking for are finger and toenail sites, not roofing and carpenter nails.

HIRE A MAID

for a day before Christmas to clean and vacuum her apartment or house. That is if she isn't living with you or already married to her, but then again, show her that you care. Hire a professional maid to clean up the place for the holidays. Why? Well, guys, this is a two-fold gift. One, this eliminates you and your girl or wife having to do the work and two, this gives you and her more time (talking about your girl or wife, not the maid), to cuddle, talk, and spend some valuable quality time together for Christmas.

YOU DO ALL THE COOKING

for your girlfriend of wife. Yes, you, guys. What's wrong with getting out the chef's hat and the "Kiss The Cook," apron and do all the holiday cooking for the one you love? Nothing. At all. She, I guarantee it, will love you more for making such a noble effort as to cook while she relaxes with her girlfriends or just naps on the sofa. This, guys, is the kicker: Give up ALL of your bowl games for this one event, and see if sparks don't fly after you serve her or her and her family with a holiday dinner that you have cooked all by yourself.

OIL CHANGE

just like the tune-up for her car, this is a neat idea as well. Change the oil in her car yourself. Any bloke can take a car to the Super Lube and pay for it being done, but talk about a hot, romantic night. You will be devoured by your beloved when you do this job for her. And it will save her money too. More money for her to go shopping. Can you say score?

SHOPPING WITH HER

on or offline will thrill her to death. I promise. Most women love to shop at Christmas or anytime during the year, but she doesn't appreciate you taking long, impatient breaths, rolling your eyes, and sitting on a mall bench. She will literally love you to death if you just spend an entire day on the laptop or with her in the mall shopping. And I mean actually go in the stores with her and contribute your honest opinion on which dress looks the best on her. She will now have the man of her fantasies if you do this.

INSTALL WINDCHIMES

in her front or backyard. If she does have a front of backyard. This warm and peaceful gesture will bring up images of romance and speaking sweet nothings you two sit in your wicker chairs and listen to the wind chimes play those rousing songs of nature. And this gesture will prove to her that you do have a sensitive side. Girls love sensitive men.

WARNING: THIS GIFT HAS TO BE HANDLED WITH CARE

guys, just rent yourself a Santa suit, and if you look like the guy in this picture, well, needless to say, you and your special girl or wife will have a long, romantic night to remember. You can learn how to do seductive dances like the Chippendale Dancers. You can oil yourself down with oil that the body builders use in competition. Hey, it doesn't really matter if you do look like a Greek god, it's the heart felt gesture you have made for her. So have fun Christmas night, but please be careful.

SO YOU THOUGHT ALL THIS TIME

that I only dealt in humor. Comedy. Slap-stick routines that are engineered for laughs. Boy, were you way off base. I can be very caring. Sensitive. And noble. At the drop of a hat. And all of this story is not even for yours truly, but for some well-deserving guys in our readership that has, let us say, 'got in a rut,' when it comes to buying Christmas gifts for their girlfriend or wives.

This story is all about love. And how a man can generate more love and passion from his companion. Fact is, I am glad that I published this story. Not for fame. Glory. Or wealth. Just the sheer pleasure of knowing deep down inside that some poor guy who is dreading the trip to the mall this year to buy a gift that his girlfriend or wife will remember for years to come.

But guys, you have the choice. I am not strong-arming you at all.

You can go ahead, like all the guys in your town and spend your hard-earned dough on expensive rings, necklaces and bracelets. That is fine. And you might be more comfortable with that approach, but remember, these expensive things you are shelling out your money on are all perishable items. They will tarnish. Be covered in dust as time goes by.

But you can choose to one one, two, maybe all of the things I have presented in this story and create for you a romantic legacy that will be remembered by your wife or girlfriend as long as the two of you shall live.

You make the call.

WARNING: THIS GIFT IS NOT FOR THE WEAKLING. YOU CAN BE HER SANTA. AND IF YOU LOOK LIKE THIS, WOW, WHAT A NIGHT YOU TWO WILL HAVE.
WARNING: THIS GIFT IS NOT FOR THE WEAKLING. YOU CAN BE HER SANTA. AND IF YOU LOOK LIKE THIS, WOW, WHAT A NIGHT YOU TWO WILL HAVE.
GUYS, DO NOT BE AN IDIOT. THIS ANIMAL, ALTHOUGH HUMBLE, IS THE WORST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE TO ANY WOMAN.
GUYS, DO NOT BE AN IDIOT. THIS ANIMAL, ALTHOUGH HUMBLE, IS THE WORST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE TO ANY WOMAN.
"MY FRIEND, KENNETH, KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT IN THIS STORY, GUYS." TAKE IT FROM ME. WOULD I ENDORSE AN IDIOT WHO TELLS YOU TO GIVE OF YOURSELF AT CHRISTMAS?" "NO!"
"MY FRIEND, KENNETH, KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT IN THIS STORY, GUYS." TAKE IT FROM ME. WOULD I ENDORSE AN IDIOT WHO TELLS YOU TO GIVE OF YOURSELF AT CHRISTMAS?" "NO!"

GUYS, THIS IS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY

how much money have you spent over the years for the girl that you adore? Allow me to answer: A lot. And she appreciates those costly rings, necklaces and pearls. What woman wouldn't? But this year, Christmas 2012, do something completely out of the ordinary . . .

GIVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE YOURSELF AS HER GIFT!

I guarantee you that SHE WILL NOT only appreciate your warm and caring efforts, but will love you forever.

But do be careful with the advice in this story for it's like playing with dynamite. Need I say more?

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Comments 17 comments

mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

This is the best advice any man can get. Great Hub. I voted it UP, etc.etc. Everyone should give of themselves, don't just buy a store bought gift. All the ladies should give their men a copy of this one!


mandyf profile image

mandyf 5 years ago

husband doing my nails or cooking me dinner and taking me shopping and hiring a maid???? lol I would have polish up to my elbows while eating burnt mac and cheese wearing the $10 dollar outfit limit I got to choose off a homeless model while watching my children clean the house for a quarter each. lol I say just hand me the credit card after you drive me to the mall and simply do it with a smile and let me wreak havic. lol


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/30, Dear Mary, thank you kindly, for this humble comment. Fact is, the suggestions in this hub, REALLY work. This is not a comedy piece. I believe in giving of oneself also. Like you do when you comment on my hubs. I am very grateful to you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/30, Dear Mandy....LOL, I have to settle down and compose myself for YOUR comment WAS hilarious! More funny than anthing Ive written. I LOVE IT. And I am so GLAD that I have met you on Hubs and you are following me. Please visit me often. You are a priceleless talent. This was VERY FUNNY!


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

I'm with Mandy here Kenneth. My husband would be a fire hazard in the kitchen so I won't let him near the stove, though I would be happy for him to take me out to eat. We don't have a car so I will miss out on him in his sexy boilersuit but I have watched his clean the spokes on his bicycle (but I'll be honest, it wasn't very sexy). I will just take the credit card and spend, spend, spend...all on my own.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/1...Hi, Jools, THANK YOU, and I 'tried' to be of help to YOU and all deserving ladies this Christmas who do so much with so little and get so little thanks. That was my honest intention, but maybe at Christmas 2012, I can revise THIS hub to something like, "Things We Did For The Girls That We Wish We Hadn;t" and make it a laugh. Okay?


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well Sir Kenneth - must say that I had a lot of fun with this hub subject - and being a single man myself - perhaps I will walk away and learn something - love your world class wit and a writing style like no other - will post this most unique and appealing hub to my Facebook page with a direct link back here

lake erie time ontario canada 3:24pm

another great and funny writer like yourself is Gus the Redneck ......a hub buddy of mine that I would recommend


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

" . . .Thank YOU, kindly," epigramman! This is SUPER-NICE of you to say. I just go with what God gives me in my abnormal imagination. And I will check out Gus, he sounds like MY type of guy. I wish YOU and YOURS an Early Merry Christmas and a Peaceful 2012 and visit with me anytime.


The-BestMouseTrap profile image

The-BestMouseTrap 5 years ago from The heartland, USA

Can someone knock my hubby over the head with this!? He stays off the web, maybe I send it to his email at work!

Thanks, couldn't be better said.


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

Great suggestions. I am sure many of the guys and their girls too will be thanking you.

Voted up and awesome.

Have a good evening.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Wow, and THANKS, The-BestMouseTrap for this comment that made my morning complete! You are very nice to say these things about this hub. I haven't adequate words to appropriately thank you, but these: "Thank You Sincerely," and those are from my heart. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/2

Dearest Susan, awwww, that is so sweet to say to me. That would be fantastic--to have girls and guys write hubs to say thanks to me, and this sounds so self-centered of me to even say, but I would be quick to give the credit to God first for allowing me to even type and live...and to YOU, Susan, for this original idea. And dear friend, thanks too for your appreciated-vote. YOU have a great Friday!


RGNestle profile image

RGNestle 4 years ago from Seattle

Just looking at that first picture, you should should write a new Hub: The Best Gift For You Is Her!!!

Va-va-voom!

lol


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

RG, I would, but I might offend our feminist hubbers. Me must be diplomats as well as hubbers. The thought DID, in all honesty, cross my mind. Yeah. Va-va-va-voom. What a hot chick. Okay. Back to business. Thanks for the catchy comment. Appreciated it a LOT! And RG, no, I do not have this girl's phone number.

Kenneth


daskittlez69 profile image

daskittlez69 4 years ago from midwest

I don't know about the Santa suit ;) But I will definitely try some of the ideas on your Hub. Thanks Ken


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, Im not getting the Santa suit. For sure. Thanks, daskittle69. Hope they work for you. Honestly. Let me know what happens. Merry Christmas./////Kenneth


Cozy 4 years ago

It is so informative! great ideas. thanks!. i bought my mom a real red apple shaped TV at Amazon for her kitchen. it matches so well!! thought you might also like this gift idea!

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