Funny Spoof Christmas Gifts for Kids
Not sure what to get the child that seems to have anything and everything he/she has ever wanted? What about for the little one that created an eleven page (broken down and oh-so-specific) wish list for Santa, or the one that throws a tantrum every time you say "no" to a new toy while at the store? You are probably thinking to yourself, "That is NOT my child, but I do know a kid like that..." Regardless, be giving this holiday season, even to the most "rotten" of them all.
Coal just seems too boring and original. Try a few of the below, and the kid that thinks he needs every ridiculous toy (or slipper or cup or game or...) advertised will be grateful for the handmade pajamas from Grandma!
- Spinach. Heck, don't just give them spinach. That's not very nice! Give them a whole bag full of yummy veggies! Don't forget the brussel sprouts and asparagus.
- A Potato. A single, uncooked potato. It's the new potato head. (Disclaimer: Some kids may actually like this one. See the video above.)
- Something to be donated, like an old radio or silverware. Make sure you let them know that it is going to be donated in his/her name. "In giving we receive", right?
- A bar of soap wrapped in a small box, inside of a medium box, in an even bigger box, and -of course- wrapped with a big bow!
- A kitchen timer. That way, the kids can keep track of their own time out! They'll have a blast learning responsibility and time management.
- A string of ribbon. It can make a bow, be tied in a knot, and even used to secure and/or hang things! There are so many uses for ribbon! Guaranteed twenty minutes of entertainment!
- Socks and underwear. Make it even more fun by wrapping them all individually!
- A big, cardboard box. Oh the places a box can take you! There's no assembly required, just an imagination!
- Does your child want a cell phone? Well, those are expensive and just so darn small. Give them a retro land line, but make sure that it is has a spiraled cord and big buttons. Better yet, an old-fashioned phone with a spin dial is cooler and more interactive!
- Coupons. Getting more for your money is always a good thing!
- Since coal is so overrated, try a few plain Jane rocks instead. They can be painted, skipped, and even collected. Rocks are versatile, never expire, and are hard to break! Or, go all out this year, and get a bag of charcoal (make sure that it's not opened by the kids, or the joke will be on you!).
- An "IOU". Santa couldn't possibly forget a toy two years in a row... right?
- Great grandma's doily. Little Johnny will love the intricate design! (Make sure to get it back before the child throws a tantrum and possibly destroys it.)
- Can't afford the $300 remote control drone your 6-year-old wants? At least get the batteries. Don't just not get anything, mom and dad. Geesh! That would be rude!
- Mason jars. At least two - that way, if one breaks throughout the year, they have a back up. Great for canning, they're also useful for drinking and storing buttons!
- Opposite gender gifts (be careful with this one) like a "My Little Pony" figure or a dress for a boy or a hot wheel or a tool kit for a girl.
- Deodorant. No one likes smelly pits!
- Gardening gloves, seeds, and a kneeling pad. Being well-prepared for planting is always a good idea.
- Something for someone else. As in, a tie for dad or treats for the dog.
- A Christmas card... with nothing in it, except a "Merry Christmas. Love, Santa" message. Or, let Santa shine with character by writing "Santa went to the North Pole and all he got me was this lousy card."
- Daddy's old shoes, or mom's old socks. What kid doesn't like to dress up, especially like mommy or daddy?
- A baby rattle. 10 year old boys like to rock out these days. Help him along with his own musical instrument!
What little boy wouldn't love a sponge for Christmas? Umm...
Sarcasm does not typically get me far. So, I hope that you have taken these recommendations with a grain of salt (or the whole bottle). Make sure not to take it too seriously, and have an actual gift ready (if you decide to go forward with a terrible gift). There's no telling what kind of reaction you'll receive! Heck, if your child loves it, roll with it! Or, maybe, it will be a humbling experience for the child.
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