A Dad's Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Mr Santa Claus

Dear Mr Kringle, Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus or whichever name you like to use,

I write this letter in the run up to Christmas knowing that it is a very busy time of year for you. Making toys, checking your naughty and nice list, which I am led to believe that you do twice over. Then you have all of the letters to read from children all over the world with their requests for toys and games that they would like you to deliver for the big day.

I apologize for the timing of my letter and I thank you for taking a few minutes out of your busy schedule to read it.

Chimney Fire

Health and safety tip when posting letters up the chimney to Santa Claus, wait until the fire is nearly dead or you could set your chimney ablaze.
Health and safety tip when posting letters up the chimney to Santa Claus, wait until the fire is nearly dead or you could set your chimney ablaze. | Source

Childrens Letters to Santa

My four children all wrote letters to you last night and posted them into the fire and up the chimney as is tradition and prayed that you managed to get them before Christmas eve when you start your journey around the world.

The problem I have with this is that the letters caught fire and I had to call out the fire service who were great and although they did a fantastic job I had to spend all of today cleaning soot from all around the house, it gets everywhere you know, but I think that I have managed to get it all. At least the chimney is all nice and clean now which should make it easier for you to come down on Christmas.

Anyway the chimney fire is not the real reason that I write to you, The reason I write is about the letters that my children sent to you last night.

Letters To Santa Clause

Next year to be safer I will try to persuade my children to use a postbox.
Next year to be safer I will try to persuade my children to use a postbox. | Source

Letters To Santa Claus

I don't actually know if you have read my children's letters yet but here is a brief summary of what they asked you for.

  • My oldest son Robert, who is 15 years old, asked for a PlayStation 3 and some games for it he then included a long list of other things that he would like this year such as a gaming chair, a cell phone and a whole list of Brand name clothes and shoes.
  • My daughter Jennifer, who is 14 years old, asked for a new Laptop computer, an iPhone, some perfume and make up and about 30 pairs of shoes. Oh! and don't forget the iTunes vouchers.
  • My son Bryan, who is 11 years old, asked you for a PS Vita and some games for it, a lot of toys, again his list was as long as my arm, and it included enough candy and chocolates to sink a cargo ship.
  • Jason my youngest son who is 2, doesn't really know what is going on just yet, sent you a letter full of colorful squiggles and dots, which he really enjoyed doing by the way, especially when he got to throw it into the fire. He laughed as the pretty dancing flames started to eat it up and sent it blazing up into the chimney starting the earlier mentioned fire.

Maybe next year I will encourage them to use one of those new fangled post box thingies to save the fire service a call out.

Santa's Sleigh

Why not just leave your sleigh and sacks of toys under the tree this year Santa, and have an easy night of it this Christmas?
Why not just leave your sleigh and sacks of toys under the tree this year Santa, and have an easy night of it this Christmas? | Source

Christmas Presents

You see Mr Claus my children are a little greedy when it comes to Christmas time and if it was possible they would rather you just came to our house first and drop off your whole sack of toys just for them.

They think it would make life easier for you too, you just deliver the toys to them then go back home to the North Pole and relax until next Christmas.

But of course there are millions of children around the world who are far more deserving of your kindness, generosity and hard work than my children are.

In the run up to Christmas the television bombards us with advertisements for this toy and that toy, this computer, that game station, these cool shoes and so on. Every time these ads come on I can count down from three to when at least one of my children will say "I want that" it has become their Mantra, "I want this, I want that, I want this, I want that" They seem to think that if they say it often enough they will get it.

Childrens Letters to Santa

If Santa saw the behaviour of my children at home, he would surely leave them a gift of coal.
If Santa saw the behaviour of my children at home, he would surely leave them a gift of coal. | Source

Santa's Naughty and Nice List

For some strange reason every year my children make it on to your nice list, I know you do check it twice but I am sure that you are missing something somewhere along the line.

I think that maybe you are watching them at the wrong times because year in year out when I expect them to run down stairs excitedly only to be devastated when they see the piece of coal that you have left for them instead of presents.

I am sure that you must be watching my children when they are with other people outside of the house when my wife and I are not there, because when they are not with us, they seem to be perfect little angels.

We have had many reports from neighbors, family and friends and even teachers at their schools all praising up our children, saying how polite and well behaved that they are.

Mr Claus you should watch my children when they are at home or out somewhere with us, I am sure that if you did, you would realise that you have them on the wrong list.

Jekyll and Hyde have nothing on my children, out with others they are sweet and innocent, at home they transform into untidy, cheeky, lazy, ill mannered and almost uncontrollable monsters.

Next time you are checking through your list please be sure to watch my children when they are at home with us, especially the teenage ones.

A Perfect Gift For Mum And Dad

If you insist on delivering my children's wishes again this year even after you have read my letter I would also like to add one more gift to the list for my darling wife and myself.

It may be a little bit too much to ask for but since we are still paying you back for last Christmas my wife and I would really appreciate it when you leave our children's gifts under the tree and stockings hanging on the fire this year, that you forget about the bill and pay for them yourself.

Thank you for reading

Yours sincerely

A dad of four.

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Comments 11 comments

Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

Jimmy, I loved this and too damn funny for words!! Great job and today I am feeling especially scrooge-like since my in-laws are already driving me batty for a holiday over 2 months out. Thanks for adding a bit of laughter to my day and brightening it up some :)


wilderness profile image

wilderness 4 years ago from Boise, Idaho

LOL Very good - I thoroughly enjoyed it. Especially the last request to Santa from Mom and Dad - I agree with that one!

Short tale from the past - one year I put foam rubber granite "rocks" in the stockings, leaving them showing at the top. The children were absolutely devastated and refused to even go near the stockings, let alone empty them. I finally had to take the "rocks" out and throw them at the kids before they recovered. Never again - it nearly ruined the day for the youngsters. Funny now, but it wasn't then.


GoodLady profile image

GoodLady 4 years ago from Rome, Italy

Yup! Get Saint Nick to pay for it all. What a nightmare it's become. Gone are the good old days of tangerines and nuts. Nice one. Happy Christmas to you all.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

This is great! So funny! Enjoyed it immensely. I love your way with words. Many votes!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

:) This was a great Santa letter and so darn funny!


holyjeans30 profile image

holyjeans30 4 years ago from Mostly in My Own Little World

Saw this in my email and had to read it. Thank you for the laugh, it's funny to read other peoples experiences with their children and realize they are just like my own lol Love it!


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC

Dear jimmythejock,

What a wonderful way of asking for some relief while at the same time identifying yourself as a really great Dad! I have no children of my own, but if I did I would hope I would be as imaginative with them as you were here! You just made my day!

Thank you!

Voted up across the board!


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 4 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Did you write this for the kids to read, Jimmy?

If so, brownie points for being clever and trying to teach them something about themselves.


Ruby H Rose profile image

Ruby H Rose 4 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

Saw this on twitter, laughing my socks off, wonderfully encouraging!


Mellonyy profile image

Mellonyy 4 years ago

A letter from Santa .....oh, memories. Voted up!


Kwoodhouse89 profile image

Kwoodhouse89 4 years ago

I wish I could write like this! This kept me laughing the whole time if I could vote twice you'd get two thumbs up!

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