Good Gifts for Pirates

What kind of gift would HE want?
What kind of gift would HE want? | Source

If you're friends with a pirate from the high seas (or are mortal enemies and you need to get on his good side), it's a good idea to give a gift.

Pirates don't need the same traditional stuff as landlubbers, they don't celebrate paper anniversaries like we do on the mainland, so it's important to choose a gift that would meet a pirate's specific wants and needs.

Don't worry, pirates are actually really easy to buy for! Just use the following list as a guide for choosing the perfect gift for your pirate friend/enemy.

All the cool pirates have parrots.
All the cool pirates have parrots. | Source

Parrots, the Perfect Low-Maintenance High Seas Pet

Jobs on pirate ships have high turnover rates. Even the first mate may quit over workplace drama. Because of this, pirates can get pretty lonely. If you know a lonely pirate, you may want to consider getting him a pet.

A pirate will need someone he can talk to on those long sea journeys, so a parrot is a great option. Parrots make the perfect pets as they have no need for treasure maps or rum.

Pirates especially love parrots that previously belonged to other pirates, since they may share some secrets in exchange for crackers.

Oranges, Vitamins in Disguise

Both landlubbers and pirates love to find oranges in their Christmas stockings. Oranges are a special treat for anyone who sails the high seas for long periods of time. They taste great, are decent cannonballs when in a bind, and they're especially helpful in preventing and treating scurvy.

Pirates don't often spend time on land, so they're susceptible to scurvy (caused by a deficiency in Vitamin C.) Since oranges are packed with Vitamin C and grow in areas pirates love to hang out, they're perennial pirate favorites!

Of course, you could give a pirate a bottle of vitamins, which take up significantly less space in cargo, but they make pretty worthless cannonballs.

A bottle is nice, but barrels are better.
A bottle is nice, but barrels are better. | Source

Avast! Here's What Pirates Don't Want

There are tons of awesome gifts that pirates love, but there are a few things that pirates wouldn't use and some things they would even find offensive.

Boater's insurance - Pirates don't need boater's insurance. If their ship takes a great deal of damage, they'll just obtain a new one via other means. Easy peesy.

iTunes cards - Pirates don't use iTunes. They actually find these cards offensive.

Rum cake or fruit cake - Yarr! That be a waste of rum!


Rum is the official liquor of piracy and is a staple in the diet of any pirate. Pirates aren't picky, so any brand of rum will do. Of course, they're not opposed to the good stuff!

Hoop Earrings and Other Treasure

Hoop earrings are all the rage in pirate fashion! Any hoop earrings should, at the very least, be made from silver, but gold jewelry is definitely preferred.

Jewelry is perhaps the best thing to get a pirate if you're stumped on what to get him. If a particular piece doesn't suit his particular taste, he'll still find it a use for it -- he'll add it to his pile of treasure!

A Treasure Map

Pirates love treasure maps! It's arguably the best gift to give a pirate. If you have a treasure map, you're probably better off giving it as a gift. By keeping a treasure map in your possession, you're risking great danger. A pirate will end up with your treasure map anyway, so it's better they obtain it through more peaceful means.

If you're lucky, your pirate frienemy may let/force you to tag along on a treasure hunting adventure of a lifetime! What could be more awesome than that?!

Maps in pristine condition (as pictured) are preferred over maps that have been torn and are missing key sections.
Maps in pristine condition (as pictured) are preferred over maps that have been torn and are missing key sections. | Source
Sid Meier's Pirates! - PC
Sid Meier's Pirates! - PC

Need a gift for a little pirate? This is one of the best video games I've ever played.


Medical Equipment: Eye Patches, Hooks, and Peg Legs

Pirates are always getting themselves in trouble. If you've fought a pirate and have injured him, you should give him the traditional gift of a prosthesis. This is so he can say, "Yar, Your_Name_Here gave me this hook/peg/patch."

Of course, he'll swear revenge, so it's really one of those gifts that keeps on giving.

Pirates: Fact, Fiction, and Fun!

We love to emulate pirates from the days of yore, but a great deal of the fun is actually based off myths. Learn what pirates were really like for a fun dose of history. Alternatively, you can bask in the myth (I do!) Yarr, pirate mythology be a blast!

What kind of gift would YOU give a pirate? Leave your comments below!

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Comments 22 comments

paige 4 years ago

yarrr i think this idea is fantastic all your comments are the same idean as im thinking!!!!! thank u mateyxx

melbel profile image

melbel 4 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan Author

Yarr! I think it just be you!!

Man, a run cake sounds really good right now! Thanks for stopping by, matey.

Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 4 years ago from North America

Wonderfully entertaining Hub! Does that pirate up top look like Leonard Nimoy to anyone else, or do I need my spyglass adjusted?

I'll take a parrot and a keg of rum, but I'll be makin' a cake with the rum.

Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

This is hilarious and useful. Off to go shopping for my favorite pirate....

But first I might want to find that treasure on your map there!

mjkearn profile image

mjkearn 4 years ago

Hi Melbel,

thoroughly enjoyed reading this hub and what a great title and idea. Not so sure about the parrot but definitely want a hoop earring. Thanks for writing and sharing. Voting up and all the rest,


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

This is great. You're so funny! Now I know what to get for my next pirate friend. Excellent!

cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

Hehehe, I'm about to publish my pirate hub and funny, lots of things on this list are what I had to search for to make my crazy pirate video. My "beard" hid the gold rings, though. I didn't have a good sword, either. But, I'll have to plunder your hub and link to mine in my Blackbeard hub...soon to be published. :D

DeborahNeyens profile image

DeborahNeyens 4 years ago from Iowa

This is great! It's given me a really good idea for the Christmas grab bag gift exchange my friends and I do annually. They are all pirate lovers, too.

RunningDeer profile image

RunningDeer 4 years ago from Iowa

The pirates do love their rum. Good point they won't want iTunes gift cards. I'll have to remember that one come Christmas time.

handymanbill profile image

handymanbill 4 years ago from western pennsylvania

This is really inventive and funny. Great hub thanks, it gives me some good ideas for the pirate friends in my life.

ElvenaDracos profile image

ElvenaDracos 4 years ago from Far far away lol

If I ever befriend a pirate I'll know what get for them for Christmas through I doubt I'd get anything in return lol. Very funny and entertaining hub.

ChaplinSpeaks profile image

ChaplinSpeaks 4 years ago from Charleston, South Carolina

Glad to know I wasn't the only one who received oranges at the bottom of the Christmas stocking!

This hub is hilarious! Love it!

WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

I know about pirates. They will not turn down a flask of good gin (Dutch courage, they call it). Why do you think they put a lime in a gin and tonic? That's right, melbel . . . it helps prevent the scurvy!

alissaroberts profile image

alissaroberts 4 years ago from Normandy, TN

Love this! I have always wondered what to give a pirate and you have given me so many good ideas. I think rum is definitely the way to a pirate's heart (and mine too!) Thanks for the laughs - voted up and over!

greeneryday profile image

greeneryday 4 years ago from Some tropical country

Like this hub, so creative...

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Well Mel - this just might come in handy some day!

I went on a Pirate ship in Mexico (it was a mock cannon fight with the Black Pearl!). The pirates were all SO sweet! Now I'll know what to give them when I go back in 6 months!

Very clever and funny!!

phoenix2327 profile image

phoenix2327 4 years ago from United Kingdom

I have always been stuck at Christmas on what to get pirates. Thank you, melbel, for posting this. Now Christmas this year will be a snap. (snapping fingers)

kelleyward 4 years ago

My middle son loves pirates but this might be a little above his age level since he's 4 ha ha. I like this fun hub! Voted up! Kelley

cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

Awesome! I will make a treasure map as a gift for the pirate in my life. Hahah. I love how oranges could double as cannonballs. That's *awesome* :D You actually gave me a great idea for one of my next hubs. Voted up and more. This is great!

Spitfire07 profile image

Spitfire07 4 years ago from Calgary


Global-Chica profile image

Global-Chica 4 years ago from New York, NY

Hey Mel! I'm always short on ideas on what to give a good "pirate" friend. For his last birthday, I gave him a brass flask with a skull. Now you got me thinking what I should get him for his next birthday and I think I'll go with a nice bottle of rum. Thanks for the idea! Oh and thanks for the warning about not wasting rum on rum cake!

BRIAN SLATER profile image

BRIAN SLATER 4 years ago from Nottingham Uk

hi, well this is different and you got me hooked (ha-ha) by the title of this hub. I can see you with your patch on one eye looking down from the crows nest shouting Land Ahoy. Welcome to treasure Island hope you've got sun tan factor 30 with you. Voted up.

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