Good Gifts for Pirates
If you're friends with a pirate from the high seas (or are mortal enemies and you need to get on his good side), it's a good idea to give a gift.
Pirates don't need the same traditional stuff as landlubbers, they don't celebrate paper anniversaries like we do on the mainland, so it's important to choose a gift that would meet a pirate's specific wants and needs.
Don't worry, pirates are actually really easy to buy for! Just use the following list as a guide for choosing the perfect gift for your pirate friend/enemy.
Parrots, the Perfect Low-Maintenance High Seas Pet
Jobs on pirate ships have high turnover rates. Even the first mate may quit over workplace drama. Because of this, pirates can get pretty lonely. If you know a lonely pirate, you may want to consider getting him a pet.
A pirate will need someone he can talk to on those long sea journeys, so a parrot is a great option. Parrots make the perfect pets as they have no need for treasure maps or rum.
Pirates especially love parrots that previously belonged to other pirates, since they may share some secrets in exchange for crackers.
Oranges, Vitamins in Disguise
Both landlubbers and pirates love to find oranges in their Christmas stockings. Oranges are a special treat for anyone who sails the high seas for long periods of time. They taste great, are decent cannonballs when in a bind, and they're especially helpful in preventing and treating scurvy.
Pirates don't often spend time on land, so they're susceptible to scurvy (caused by a deficiency in Vitamin C.) Since oranges are packed with Vitamin C and grow in areas pirates love to hang out, they're perennial pirate favorites!
Of course, you could give a pirate a bottle of vitamins, which take up significantly less space in cargo, but they make pretty worthless cannonballs.
Avast! Here's What Pirates Don't Want
There are tons of awesome gifts that pirates love, but there are a few things that pirates wouldn't use and some things they would even find offensive.
Boater's insurance - Pirates don't need boater's insurance. If their ship takes a great deal of damage, they'll just obtain a new one via other means. Easy peesy.
iTunes cards - Pirates don't use iTunes. They actually find these cards offensive.
Rum cake or fruit cake - Yarr! That be a waste of rum!
Rum is the official liquor of piracy and is a staple in the diet of any pirate. Pirates aren't picky, so any brand of rum will do. Of course, they're not opposed to the good stuff!
Hoop Earrings and Other Treasure
Hoop earrings are all the rage in pirate fashion! Any hoop earrings should, at the very least, be made from silver, but gold jewelry is definitely preferred.
Jewelry is perhaps the best thing to get a pirate if you're stumped on what to get him. If a particular piece doesn't suit his particular taste, he'll still find it a use for it -- he'll add it to his pile of treasure!
A Treasure Map
Pirates love treasure maps! It's arguably the best gift to give a pirate. If you have a treasure map, you're probably better off giving it as a gift. By keeping a treasure map in your possession, you're risking great danger. A pirate will end up with your treasure map anyway, so it's better they obtain it through more peaceful means.
If you're lucky, your pirate frienemy may let/force you to tag along on a treasure hunting adventure of a lifetime! What could be more awesome than that?!
Need a gift for a little pirate? This is one of the best video games I've ever played.
Medical Equipment: Eye Patches, Hooks, and Peg Legs
Pirates are always getting themselves in trouble. If you've fought a pirate and have injured him, you should give him the traditional gift of a prosthesis. This is so he can say, "Yar, Your_Name_Here gave me this hook/peg/patch."
Of course, he'll swear revenge, so it's really one of those gifts that keeps on giving.
Pirates: Fact, Fiction, and Fun!
We love to emulate pirates from the days of yore, but a great deal of the fun is actually based off myths. Learn what pirates were really like for a fun dose of history. Alternatively, you can bask in the myth (I do!) Yarr, pirate mythology be a blast!
What kind of gift would YOU give a pirate? Leave your comments below!
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