Happy Fourth of July!
Hey, why not punctuate your Independence Day celebration in grand fashion with our heroic first President, George Washingmissileton, the Father of Our Nation's Fireworks!? Nothing caps off a beer-and-brats-and-friends-and-family get-together quite like some sparkling red-white-and-blue tried-and-true Colonial General in full regalia!
Of course, if you are an animal lover, you could invite this Patriotic Peacock to come join your back yard cornhole tournament. He'll probably show up a bit dazed and glazed — not because of any early afternoon alcoholic beverages — but because every other year is an election year of one type or another, and this poor fowl regularly gets pushed and tugged to left and to right, and his feathers are just a wee bit frazzled.
For a real humdinger of a holiday, why not pitch your pipes into a rousing medley of Independence Day classics? I'm sure your guests would love your renditions of "Yankee Doodle Dandy', 'The Star-Spangled Banner', 'America', The Halls of Montezuma', and 'Grand Old Flag' (not to mentioned that little ditty you just happened to compose yourself just last year: 'Oh, the Glitzy Grandeur of the Evening's Fireworks Gleaming Off Me Poor Dad's Smooth Bald Pate').
If dusk should settle over the picked-over picnic table, the washtub ice melt around the few remaining domestic beers, the flies find those last few charred ribs congealing in blood and fat, and darkness fall like a deep velvet curtain behind the last few bottle rockets, never fear, your fun's not over. You can still have the joy of driving that bothersome biddy, Ol' Mrs. Berenthwaite, batty! Just crank up the boom box, drag that musty box of leftover M-80s from beneath the garage sink, and tell a few more off-color jokes really loudly right outside the widow's open window!
And, as the Fourth of July creeps up on becoming the Fifth of July, you can nestle in the cinder-flecked backyard grass with your best friend — icon to all that hungry grilling Americans hold dear on such indulgent summer holidays — your beloved leftover Whopper Spaniel (hold the mayo)!
- George Washingmissileton
George Washingmissileton Say hello to The Father of Our Country’s Fireworks, George Washingmissileton. As I’m sure you must have heard in your grade-school American History class, Good Ol’ George was...
- Patriotic Peacock
Patriotic Peacock, rickzimmerman 2010 “I tell ya, it’s enough to make even this all-American bird bird-brained! Tea-partyers and birthers, Foxes and Beckses, idiot’s that can’t count the costs of war, but sure add up all the pennies for...
- Al Cappella at Top Volume
Al Cappella at Top Volume, rickzimmerman 2010 Last Thursday evening’s planned performance of Mozart’s The Marriage of Figaro by Phil Harmonic and His Cherubic Chamber Fellows at the Sprattsburg Community...
- Bitter Old Lady
Bitter Old Lady Of course, I’m bitter! What the @#+*?% else do you expect, you whippersnapper! You try donning some frothy blue-white Bozo-wig to cover your disappearing iron-gray wisps and tell me how you...
- The Whopper Spaniel
Yummy little yapper! by rlz This meaty little creature is every American's favorite (and a particular hit with little boys everywhere)! Whether one prefers them plain, or with the works, it seems it's hard to resist the frisky antics of these...
- Designing Parking Lots
With virtual seas of asphalt seeming to stretch from horizon to horizon, some would say we have sacrificed far too much of our world to the automobile. But the effective design of parking lots is essential to the proper functioning of 21st Century...
- Winthrop House, Harvard University
Courtyard of Gore Hall, Winthrop House, Harvard University Formally known as John Winthrop House, this pair of five-story brick colonial-style structures constitutes one of Harvard University’s twelve undergraduate residences. With school-term...
- Create an Architectural Rendering
Come create this rendering along with me! Ever imagined yourself creating one of those 'artist's conceptions' of a new building, landmark or monument? Well, creating an architectural rendering may not be as difficult as you've imagined. Follow...
More by this Author
Here, from A to Z, are 26 things you just might want to keep in mind for the coming Yuletide Season. Feliz Navidad!
If you think you know just about all you need to about Ol' Kris Kringle, read on, my friend!
Make uniform patterns and repetitions readily and surprisingly easily.
No comments yet.