Her last thoughts on Christmas
Her last thoughts...Dec. 25, 2008
God...it is so cold by this window, but it's just as cold everywhere. My poor flowers have died. Two sweaters and three coats and I'm still so cold Lord.
I worked for 60 years and didn't have enough money for the gas bill. I've outlived both of my children and my sweet Joseph died when I was 33. Too young to be a widow.
There's nobody left but you Lord. I have a grandson, you know, Joey. Joey lives in Florida. He stole money from me for drugs but I love him Lord. I so love that boy. It's been three years since he got mad at me and left. I just wanted him to see that stealing was wrong.
I stopped giving money to the church and they stopped bringing me meals. I probably shouldn't have told them that I was leaving everything, what little I have, this old house and my 73 Impala to the children's home.
I'm hungry Lord but I hate getting the shivers when I get up from this old fat rocker.
Remember when I was a little girl and I fell out of that old Willow tree...I lost my breath and I so prayed for you to help me. I'm losing my warmth now but I don't know if I want you to help me Lord?
Silly me...crying like this. I am sorry Lord.
Oh my...one of my tears fell on my coat button. It is frozen there. I can see my breath but I didn't think it was that cold Lord?
You are going to let me die like this aren't you Lord?
Oh...there is John and his daughter Lila walking down the street carrying presents to the Jonas's house. Red Jonas got laid off in the spring. He's got three little ones and a sickly wife. Lord...I'm sure glad you heard me pray for them.
I remember my favorite Christmas. I bet you do too Lord. Joseph lit a fire in the old pot belly stove and heated water for hot chocolate. I was pregnant with the twins and Joseph wouldn't let me lift a finger. We cuddled in his green Army blanket and sang Christmas songs with Bing Crosby on the radio. Joseph carved me a wooden Angel.
You know Lord, I lost that Angel some years later and I cried like a baby. When I come to heaven, will you tell me where it is?
I can tell that I'm freezing to death Lord. My legs feel warm now. Haven't felt that in days.
Will you please send Joseph to hold my hand. I don't want my hand to be cold in his. Please make my hand die last Lord...that's all I ask.
I feel pretty sleepy Lord....oh...I'm sorry...Happy Birthday.
Goodnight sweet Lord. I love you.
And she passed in the night.
They didn't find her until spring.
The flower pot in her window had one little seedling growing.
She saw it and smiled.....holding a little wooden Angel
she returned to heaven.